Your “I Don’t Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumours” Monday Night Football Open Thread

But yeah, something’s got a sick sense of humour. Everything was lining up so well for Dak. He was gonna get some big money no matter how things shook out. Now? Maybe a one year ‘prove it’ deal. That ain’t right, that ain’t right at all. I read a word fart about Dak being “the future” but the Cowboys’ actions speak volumes.

Fallout:

-Speaking of ‘goners’, look for A.J. Green to be traded or released. One catch for three yards and a pathetic attempt at 1) batting down a potential interception and 2) making a tackle on said intercept. Redshirt probably doesn’t want to hear this but Cincy was smart as hell going after Tee Higgins. Sometimes a plan comes together…

-I laughed out loud hearing that Dan Quinn was replaced by DC Raheem Norris, the guy who was at the center of, oh, 70-75% of the Falcons problems. He’ll bring all the wisdom gained during his 17-31 run with Tampa to bear on the team. I’m not ruling out a one or two game bump though.

-Chase Claypool-his hometown is Abbotsford, British Columbia, as CBC was so proud to point out this morning-had himself a day for the ages. Did I mention something about rook wr’s getting up to speed recently? I love being right because it makes up for the 90% of times when I’m wrong.

-Daniel Jones is looking like David Carr these days. Remember that guy who never had a chance to develop (despite having skills) because his O-line caused him to be beaten to a pulp?

TO THE GAME!

Chargers/Saints:

-Mikey Thomas was ruled out yesterday(?). The reason being that he got into a fracas (this word is not used enough) with safety C.J. who care about his last name?

-Justin Herbert is the new ‘fuck it, I’m going long’ guy. Last week he had two scores of 72 and 53 yards. He’s tied for 2nd in TD’s over 20 yards (that’s throws over 20 yards, not a dink pass for 5 that ended up as a long score) despite being 25th in pass attempts.

-Now starring in the Halloween special, “The RB That Just Won’t Go Away” is Kalen Ballage, who was just signed to the Chargers practice squad. Folks complain about shitty coaches being recycled all the time-what about K.B.? And yes, I have no idea why I’m following his career so closely.

-Hunter Henry might just do something tonight (my fantasy brain hopes). When the Saints lost to the Raiders they gave up 15 catches, 142 yards and a score to that spot.

Let’s do this!

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litre_cola

I have a feeling these Frikos Fuegos Balls sent me are going to be an adventure tomorrow morning. Jesus Hubert Christ they are deliciously spicy.

ballsofsteelandfury

You enjoy them twice!

jjfozz

When. you’re the youngest, shit like this happens. No worries. He’s fine.
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litre_cola

The bubbles will stop the bruising!

LemonJello

Clearly, he’s got head protection.

Doktor Zymm

Where are you shipping him?

jjfozz

My parents are moving and he came tear assing out of the living last night with this wrapped around his head. Fucking child is raising himself. Completely feral.

Gumbygirl

I love you Jake, but I’m pretty sure this is a Kartrashian-free zone.

King Hippo

All this fast food breakfast crap just reminds me I should be going to Biscuitville more often. Fuck, their sausage biscuits are good.

Recovery Whiskey

Never even knew of this place .. and their founder just died last month.

The Maestro

God damn, now I’m hungry for a sausage biscuit.

Doktor Zymm

American biscuits >> English biscuits, aka dry cookies for dipping in tea

Sharkbait

Most English food is inferior. They just took everyone else’s food and re-exported it..

Doktor Zymm

They can do quality dairy, ale, and short-crust pastry. That’s about it

King Hippo

Baker Has Tiny Hands

Doktor Zymm

He could successfully play patty-cake with the orange one!

jjfozz

Dude Where’s My Wide Receiver? Staring Justin Herbert.

jjfozz

Update, my new most hated team is the Browns. Mayfield is a jizz filled douchebag an OBLOWJ eats it raw. Fuck ’em.

Doktor Zymm

Congrats to the Browns for being good enough to be hateable!

jjfozz

I’m going to alert them about this honor and invite them to the awards dinner. Then lock the doors and napalm the fucks.

Recovery Whiskey

A real Brown Wedding.

The Maestro

The problem with Cleveland is that if you napalm the city, it’s actually an upgrade.

Gumbygirl

Can you do that to Republican Senators? I’ll chip in for the napalm!

Horatio Cornblower

Starting Justin Herbert looks like a real Gary Kubiak of genius on my part.

/goes directly to hell, does not collect $200

LemonJello

+1 drooping facial features

King Hippo

He is without doubt much better and less stupid than I thought.

But he is still just frightfully visually unpleasant.

King Hippo

Is this game flow good for those of us fading Kamala?

No, Other Hippo. It sure ain’t!

Horatio Cornblower

Whoever needed Keenan Allen to score twice down below can’t be too happy after that sideline shot.

Sharkbait

That would be me, and no. The one helps, need Diggs to perform tomorrow.

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
Recovery Whiskey

NFL table play was on someone’s bingo card.

hippofant

“So hitting the plant leg is roughing the kicker, but what if you put your hands under his butt and just bridal carry him before slamming him to the ground and yelling ‘WHOOOOO?!!”

Last edited 4 years ago by hippofant
Horatio Cornblower

You become the NWA heavyweight champion, of course.
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Gratliff

But that’s from when he became WWF champion with a tear in his eye

WCS

PRAISE BLEERGH

LemonJello

FROM WHOM ALL PENALTIES FLOW!

rockingdog

found a funny:

the supreme court is just a regular court with tomato and sour cream

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m going to have to save some of these for a future Sexy Friday. Damn good work!

Sharkbait

And you do it well.

King Hippo

At least Dak! Is high. As. Fuck.

rockingdog

he gettin those “Special” Coach Pills

Horatio Cornblower

Dak Prescott is absolutely whacked out of his mind in that picture his brother posted.

Sharkbait

Oh yeah he is. When I snapped my leg in half, I got a morphine, codeine & Demerol cocktail

Horatio Cornblower

Oh sure, but you won’t post that recipe!

Sharkbait

That week of my life is gone. Zero recollection.

King Hippo

Stop, I am drooling enough already.

The Maestro

Hippo is already planning a midnight raid into DAK!’s hospital room, just after the nightly dosage shows up for injection.

ballsofsteelandfury

I liked how their boobs touch but the paint doesn’t smudge.

Horatio Cornblower

Take Your Daughter To Work Day at Capt. Humpy’s Shitty Strip Bar?

litre_cola

Anyone elses Yahoo game channel have the system saying folk have more guys playing than reality. For instance I am playing Sharkbait and it says he has 3 players left and I have 2. This is not the case. It is like that for every matchup. Very odd.

Recovery Whiskey

Most melting down fanbase this week may be the Niners.

rockingdog

I’ve always been secretly jealous of my friends powder blue Drew Brees Chargers jersey

King Hippo

But he will NEVAR know the simple joy of…

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!

Recovery Whiskey

Greeting Kommentarians. Why is a shot of OMD being used with a Depeche Mode song quote?

King Hippo

It’s a SEEEEEECRET!

The Maestro

I still don’t understand the fascination with Taysom Hill. His existence, much like the over-abundance of Catholics on the Supreme Court, seems to be just to excite white people enough to forget that their “team” will never amount to anything in the long run.

litre_cola

Chris Streveler in Arizona is better at that position if he was given the chance.

The Maestro

Go BoUmbers!

litre_cola

Free Strevy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

rockingdog

Holds his dog’s paw when cars/other dogs pass by I’m –
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litre_cola

That’s a good old dog.

Recovery Whiskey

Black Lab lives matter

Mother Puncher

Mom?

Petronel

We both have that T-shirt; they get far less use in meetings than we’d like them to.

Mother Puncher

She looks like my ex and I don’t mean that as a compliment

Mother Puncher

Whatever happened to that ‘”fuck da eagles” girl?

ballsofsteelandfury

Some lucky man married that girl…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe in the foliage in the background.

JimU

I’m thinking that the Chargers doctor stabbed Tyrod Taylor on purpose.

clint greasewood

The things people do to win at fantasy football.

Doktor Zymm

What, like those nurses that ‘mercy kill’ their patients?

Doktor Zymm

Busy work day today, so I’m finishing up some data-sciencing (mostly running previously written queries and R code then copying the results to a pretty spreadsheet) while watching the game. I should probably still grab a glass of wine though, this is not work that requires thinky-thinky

Sharkbait

I second the wine idea.

litre_cola

Go wine go!

Mother Puncher

She’s like a sexy Justin Herbert

King Hippo

Don’t think I’ve ever drafted/purchased Mr. Allen, because what the fuck kind of name is “Keenan?”

LemonJello

“They got names when you buy them?”
-J Richardson, Hellmouth NC

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
Mother Puncher

They had to put Black Lives Matter on the back of their helmets so that Joey Bosa wouldn’t be able to see it

Sharkbait

Mr. Herbert, If you could toss a couple scores to Mr. Allen, that would be appreciated.

litre_cola

There you go.

King Hippo

Dear Coach PayPay – please get mad at Bitchin’ Kamara, and bench him too. Just for tonite should suffice.

Gumbygirl

Nobody needed to see those Fat Elvii.

LemonJello

“It feels like three days and three nights, doesn’t it?”
-J.H. Christ

The Maestro
JimU

Holy?

Sharkbait

Holy because son of god? Or holy because of the couple extra in the palms?

BugEyedBoo

Hieronymous

Gumbygirl

Hootin’. And/or Hollerin’.

LemonJello

Herschel. Family name.

Mr. Ayo

Hank

King Hippo

yew got that rite ,, our Lord and SavioUr ain’t having no pussy queer middle name smG-dh

ballsofsteelandfury

God Bless You!

– Fellow 12 year old

The Maestro

The marking NEVER. FUCKING. ENDS. I want to set myself on fire. And this was the easy part of my class schedule this year. On Thursday I jump from doing one class at a time to two. Fucking Christ.

And since we’re all digital in assignment formats this year, I can’t just do the old “throw the stack of paper down the stairs and whichever lands the furthest away gets an A” trick. Even worse.

Sharkbait

That sounds like a problem a few router reboots will solve.

JimU

I think that the positive covid tests are a false flag so CBS can show an NFL game on a Tuesday instead of a NCIS rerun.

litre_cola

HAI! ME TOO! ME TOO!

/does not know many things but wine.

ballsofsteelandfury

Mr. Delhomme, you are doing The Lord’s Work.

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe Mr. Herbert is the new “Fuck it, I’ve got the length, so I’m going DEEP!”

Sharkbait

Sex Cannon 2: electric Boogaloo

litre_cola

AJ Green to P*ts in days.

Redshirt

Is Hue Jackson still coaching? He’s been known to overpay for disgruntled Bengals.

Sharkbait

Pretty sure they tried that whole “disgruntled Bengals receiver” thing and it didn’t work out so well.

Redshirt

I love Chad Johnson, but Ochocinco on his best day isn’t worthy enough to lace AJ Green’s cleats on his worst.

Ochocinco quit practicing in 2005 when he starting to believe his own shit. Green practices like crazy, trying to better himself.

If AJ Green gets healthy, he’s going to go on a “F— You” Tour that I cannot fathom.

litre_cola

I think Grumblelord realizes that too.

ballsofsteelandfury

That man is not stupid.

Gratliff

The state of emergency in Michigan is forcibly lifted as the weekly average cases hits early April levels, and the death cult is licking its chops. It sometimes feels like the courts exist solely to strip hope from our day to day lives.

Last edited 4 years ago by Gratliff
Redshirt

RIP Joe Morgan. The engine of the Big Red Machine. If the Reds don’t get him, they don’t have a dynasty in the 1970s.

TheRevanchist

Remember that guy who never had a chance to develop (despite having skills) because his O-line caused him to be beaten to a pulp?”

This is the most true evaluation of David’s career. He was meat behind that O-line. Later in his career, 2008 & 2009, when he was playing backup for the Giants, he had a much better success rate when put in games because he had some protection in front of him. After that, he pretty much rode the bench until retirement from the league.

Beerguyrob

He won a ring behind Eli, so there’s that.

Redshirt

I knew they should’ve redshirtted Burrow.

Redshirt

All good, Scotchnaut. After a lineman it was the next logical pick. Their passing game suffered the year before and it showed.

If AJ doesn’t go back to normal, you have a replacement ready to go.

If AJ returns to being AJ, you got three great WRs that will wreck havoc on secondaries for years to come.

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