Good morning, fellow degenerates. Or should I say “bad morning” – given they’s no Lesser Footy to be had. Good thing Hippo still has his Footy Manager career, chuh chuh!
You’ve also seen 13 of this week’s fixtures – including LSU/Bama – called off for #NuAIDS reasons. Needless to say, this seems like a harbinger of doom for the playoffs. Yes, even at the Varsity level.
Here’s the thought that trikes me – playoff “bubbles” make some sense, especially with 7 teams making el torneo from each conference. You could have Wild Card, Bitches! weekend as usual. Then, skip a week to get everyone checked into the Conference bubble – hosted by the #1 seeds.
From there, if you don’t have a second NFL-calibre stadium near-ish by, you could perhaps stagger the fixtures a bit (to allow for field maintenance). Maybe even one each on Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues. Then, skip another week (so as not to disadvantage Tuesday’s winner) until Conference Title weekend. I mean, is that really so hard?
You could also delay the JV playoffs for those off weeks in the revised NFL schedule. Anyway, to me, that makes too much sense to actually happen. Oh well.
Indiana (-7) at Michigan State (Noon, ABC)
2020 in a nutshell? Hoosiers going into East Lansing as a full touched down favourite. They have looked legit when I have seen them play, unlike Sparty.
Vanderbilt (+17) at Kentucky (Noon, SECN)
Almost no MEANS MOAR games remain on the schedule, yet this one is still too sad to move to CBS. Or even ESPN2.
Southern Cal (+14) at Arizona (3:30, Fox)
Welcome to the Coalition for the Enlightenment, Arizonans! Still, Bear Down FOAR Midterms is likely in for a Troi Boiz hiding. Don’t that sound sexy??
Colorado (+7) at Stanford (3:30, ESPN)
I don’t get this line at all. The Buffs looked at least like a competent (on offense, anyway), the Trees still look like ded, stacked lumber.
Northwestern (-2.5) at Purdue (5:00, BTN)
Both these squadrons are unbeaten. I have nothing else to say.
Oregon (-10) at Washington State (7:00, Fox)
Might this fixture be trickier than expected for Quack Attack? Dread Pirate Mike Leach might not have left the cupboard completely empty, after all. I mean, gotta watch somethin.’
Florida State (+10.5) at NC State (7:30, ACCN)
Oooooh, looky. Bonus game, with Purdue moving earlier in the day! Read all about Hippo’s hatred of Florida here.
Cal (+4) at Arizona State (10:30, ESPN)
Golden Shower Bears finally kick their season off. Who knows how shitty they’ll be? But Tempe without coeds to perv upon. So sad.
UPDATE – CANCELLED! Just two much #NuAIDS.
Oregon State (+13.5) at Washington (11:00, FS1)
This late enough for y’all, tweakers???
So apparently the term “Oxford comma” is trending on twitter…
Those librul elites and their so called “punctuation” smdpgh
Well, I think we have the epitaph for Rudy’s headstone:
“A Healthcare Disaster and a Dildo Collector”
#IGivesAFuck
Aw, Lily, it’s good to see you again.
I see that RO is not very effective.
It’s a nice feeling that both me and my spouse are doing nothing right now other than waiting for a shipment of wine to arrive.
Later, at the RTD compound…
Good news: Rutgers is back to being Rutgers.
Yup. JV Schiano-men lost to the woeful Illini.
“Bunker? I barely even know her. And plus, that’s the kind of thing that can get you sent home early from Camp Winnetanka.” – Eli Manning
More like Fatrick Reed, amirite?
What’s the over/under on how many hush puppies Patrick Reed eats every night before bed? Six? Eight?
Those little southern apps, or the shoes?
The only person I know of who could eat six shoes in a night is Jim Tomsula. Gotta give him a few hours head start to boil the leather, though.
Topeka Slim had a way of making those taste like honest-to-God strip steaks.
To be clear, we’re talking about the Las Vegas strip, not New York.
“Las Vegas Strip Steak” is a euphemism for when a thong doesn’t quite fit a day-shift dancer at the Spearmint Rhino.
… Or maybe, just maybe he war referring to the Mk22 Hush puppy?
ND down 7-3 early. Their sudden but inevitable collapse happening this week would be perfect
I’m always MOAR pro-Jesuit in these here Papacy battles anyway (smh)
Franciscans or fuck off.
(I have no idea which is which, other than always make sure you use the buddy system when your altar boy shift is done. “No thanks Father, we’re gonna go instead of your generous offer of candy and strange-tasting punch at the rectory.” I should probably go to therapy instead of making bullets out of rosary beads.)
Sports Update:
Girlchester United and Girlchester City tied 1-1.
A real brother kisser
“Eh, that’s not that bad.”
-sisters on the vast majority of porn sites
“The Clemson game wasn’t easy [last week for ND]”
Wow football talking guys, how do you do it?
Its just the CTE* talking.
*for those that played before moving to the booth, for the others? Penis envy?
Sparty currently has Penix envy.
The kewl aspect of NFL #NuAIDS contract tracing? Helps confirm sideline gossip of who’s fucking who.
this PORTGAL vs FRA game is kind of good
You know who else loves PORTGAL? Sailors on leave.
Brandy
You’re a fine girl
What a good wife
You would be…
As opposed to their game vs IRA, which bombed.
I just discovered that the back East channels I pay for to avoid Sunday Ticket are all showing The fucking Masters tomorrow instead of football. BOOO!!!
More like Masturbators
Damn straight. Fuzzy Zoeller can choke on his chicken.
Or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve.
(Sidles up to SexonthebeachBroBob in the bathroom)
(taps “I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a way to watch them” in morse code with my foot on the floor)
(a penis slides through the hole)
Dammit not again.
You’re lucky they closed the gyms.
Sweet dreams.
“Are made of Corgi’s. Who am I to disagree?”
-Annie Lennox/Dave Stewart
By the way, a quick IT PSA to all of yus ahead of the Christmas shopping season:
If you’re buying yourself or someone close to you a non-gaming machine – buy a business grade machine (ie Dell Latitude or a Thinkpad T-series) – those (unlike mass market units) are still built tough enough to survive long past their warranty period and tend to be actually properly cooled, so they run cooler and quieter as well…
As for gaming machines go with a Clevo reseller, because you get good bang for your buck and you can upgrade those fuckers down the line and you’re not paying the Razer/Alienware idiot tax 😉
This. Spend the money to make it last longer than a few weeks
Or longer, lol – my dad’s daily driver’s a T420 which is pushing 10 years old, but with a couple of cheap updates (more RAM and SSDs) it’s still as fast for normal use as midrange new -U chips (and still have almost 10 hours of battery)… Unlike the 2 newer laptops he chose for himself without my input, which died quick and painful deaths as my dad (to put it really midly) REALLY hammers those keyboard.
Fantasy Football Quest:
Saw a note that RB Joe Mixon is doubtful for tomorrow.
So it a good idea to play Giovonni Bernard as an RB2 or Flex rite?
He’s had a score in the last 4 games, right? Am I mistaken?*
*heard this on a fantasy podcast
Yes. I dropped him on the bye week and now had to waiver the Duke of Johnson. ugggh
I like Duke this week, which is the 100% kiss of death
Best purple outfit-
1) 1970’s Vikings
2) Northwestern unis
3) Prince
4) Janay Rice’s eyes, a week later
12) Donny Osmond’s “Captain Purple”.
Just pulled a muscle in my back. Kill me now.
Just drink it / smoke it off ya <bleeeeep>y! 😀
Edit: Seriously, though, if you can take a hot bath or shower (and I mean hot), it helps a lot. I’d recommend the bath, though, because you can enjoy a drank or two with some medicinal herbs as well 😀
Was supposed to have a big wine dinner tonight with our bubble.
/ am stoned
Get stoned-er, then. Btw, a sauna helps a lot, though I doubt you have one handy (also, piece of advice – Macbooks and those don’t mix, to the utter shock of my brother in law)
If Nokia made laptops tgey would be indestructible
Business-grade DELLs and Lenovos fit that bill, lol. But in that particular case I was with a not-too-recent Clevo, but at least it could survive without throttling too much in those temps (even when playing the NFS:HP remake)
As for (almost) indestructible laptops – Toughbook! Those fuckers are water, dust and occasionally rifle-caliber bullet proof… Basically great for DFO’ing in a pool, lol
Must obtain muscle relaxers – Skelaxin (sp?) isn’t even drowsy/narcotic, eh?
“Have you thought about pulling a mussel from a shell? New Wave Bands from the 80’s LOVE this remedy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WngGeI9lnA&ab_channel=MisterBouncyBounce
+1 Nail in My Heart
For some reason I just want to say that before you revealed it, I had figured out that you grew up in The Canada because you posted songs from Barney Bentall and maybe Martha and the Muffins/Katrina and the Waves (?)*
*NO ONE IN AMERICA WOULD DO THAT!**
G’evenin’ gents, how’re y’all this fine-arse evening?
“Evening? There’s plenty of light here in the afternoon. Are you a time traveler?”
-graduate of The University of Alabama
I am not at all a Time Traveler (for all you know!) , I just have inside knowledge by being closer to a Pole (we’re already down to 7:45 hours of “daylight” already and shedding 4 minutes a day more), the GMT and Poland than yus, lol
Keep working those poles…
Upper-case Pole is something different, for the other poles you should ask yer mum…
Edit: I’m sorry, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t go for that looooooooooooooow hanging fruit of a joke setup :p
Making fun of women in their mid 70’s just trying to get by? Wow.
Get yer mind outta the gutter, I was insinuating that your mom was man enough to work for your local electrical utility, yeesh
#backtracking
#YouCantProveNutin
but seriously, the … let’s be generous and call it “joke” was to suggest poles and then Ryan Johnson yer expectations and point out that I was talking utility poles. Inititially I was going to go with “your mom’s so old, she ‘members when phone and power lines were on poles”, but then I discarded that, ’cause underground utilities are only really NOW becoming the norm.
Also, I don’t make stripper pole jokes, because I have a distaste for that sort of establishment (ditto massage parlours and shit like that)
Good Luvin’, we’re just doing jokes here.
Wake Forest pushing back against higher ranked U*NC? I’m gonna post a vid now. It’s Salt-N-Pepa btw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=PL2rM4upvguuPaL9igrg-lCD-Qs48bPLqj&v=vCadcBR95oU&ab_channel=SaltNPepaVEVO
Bernard Gilkey’s 2072-3 Pretend Man City side have finished with a recoUrd 103 points. Time to sweep those Cups now!
FM 2021 has the CPL!
wait, is it out already??
“All 4 inches? Yes.”
-Anon, Mississippi
I am not 100% about its release day.
It got released back before the start of the footy season, hell at least in Europe it’s even on sale on steam atm
Edit: Nope, I am wrong as fuck about this, FM21 is coming out on the 24th of this month.
Either way, CM was way better and with some mods it’s still fun :p
a 239 pound battering ram was a phrase used on the ESPN halftime show and a guy I saw that one time I got lost on Pornhub.
We-Are-Mar-SHALL
We-Take-The-BUS!
Not recommended!
— Humboldt
“I can’t even see this joke because it’s too dark.”
-Vince Li
/thought of a joke
Me: “One, two, three.. GO!” [makes paper gesture]
Simon & Garfunkel: “I am a rock… God Damnit! Why do we always lose this game?”
Bart Simpson: No shit.
?b64lines=ICBBTFdBWVMgVEFLRVMgUk9DSy4gIEdPT0QKIE9MRCBST0NLLiAgTk9USElORyBCRUFUUwogVEhBVC4=
There it is!
Who’s in charge of the longitudinal study of long term health impacts of COVIDiocy on NCAA athletes?
MSU is very good… at giving the ball away.
Hippo, do you watch Everton in the Super League?
What does that mean??
The women’s team.
edit/ I think I found the answer
oh. Then the answer is no. I read recaps on Royal Blue Mersey when the games is significant.
Indiana trickery!
deep inside FASWL
Is that code for screwing women at retirement homes? If so, thank you for your service. [salutes]
Female Anglo White Saxon Lesbians, I think.
u mean womyn ,, smgdh
Nice to see CFB trying out some crazy experimental rules in this shortened season: ejected players don’t have to immediately walk back to the locker room, they can stay on the sideline.
Big Ben is a go for Sunday.
Josh Norman isn’t, though!
Fat Stafford missed practice all last week due to proximity to Nu-Aids, played, and didn’t even finish the game he was so ineffective. Start HARF at your peril!
Hey herodotus, you should use your magical powers to convince the Red Wings to sign Anthony Duclair. He’ll give you a solid 15 games of production which should help with your team’s multi-year tank.
At least he’s not a Domi or Tckanhuk, so he’s got that going for him.
Miami football relevant again? What is this, the 80s?
/Switches games
Indiana football relevant again? What is this, the 1880s?
“Our quartered back will not play this week because his arm got caught in a thresher. He will return for our next game though.”
-Indiana coach Puffy Ledbetter
Notre Dame being number 2 in the country is quite apt.
Fuck Notre Dame
Every week my… friend… goes to the official Fox streaming site to watch a game, and it doesn’t work. So he goes to a third party/pirate/dubiously legal streaming site and watches instead.
I do like rooting for a team that sorta comes out of nowhere like Boise way back when or Minnesota last year but cheering for Indiana is harder than Mongolian algebra.
Congratulations North and South Dakota!
Add the two of you together and you equal a third world country!
Maybe they’ll send in a foreign aid group to assist you. Hopefully from Ethiopia or Sudan.
I think it’s one of those states that only has one escalator? Or as they call it there, “Black Magic Demon Stairs”.
Think that’s Wyoming. Or “Why”-oming as I like to call it, get it!?
North Dakota has oil, so the U.S. Army will be providing “aid” shortly.
I hope everyone in “Fansville” dies. Except the bi-curious Black lady, she seems kewl
JV Humps and Sparty. Jeebus wept
Ever since that one time on Pornhub I’ve become a huge fan of that Penix kid.
Searching “Penix Jr” might get the po-po involved, tho
You might be able to find Penix Jr’s nudes on the Dark Web.
Can’t find Rembrandt or Vermeer anywhere on the Dutch Master’s leaderboard. Were they penalized a few strokes?
“Heh, imagine using too many strokes!”
-Claude M.
“No kidding!” — R. Kraft
“Right?” – K. Winslow
Watching a preview of tonight’s boxing match, which features Terence Crawford, perhaps the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world, against a guy who’s 39-2 but has had both of his orbital bones broken.
Now, if I were a betting man…
The cheerleader you should hit on at a bar really stands out in the banner picture, doesn’t she?
Yes, especially if you’re a Furry.
She’ll probably hit on you.
I’m breaking down the scenario like an NFL coach in the film room.
Going from left to right (and excluding the mascot):
You or your wingman needs to approach #1 or #5 first. They’re the friendliest and least likely to shoot you down.
#3 is the designated driver. If nobody pays her enough attention, she’s going to start jingling her car keys and suggesting to her friends that this bar sucks and it’s time to go. If you’ve got a friend who’s not trying to pick up (either because he has a girlfriend or just doesn’t give a shit), he needs to engage her in conversation.
#4 is definitely down to fuck, but there’s a good chance that she’ll either be going home with the bartender or getting waaaay too drunk, so in the end #2 is your best chance.
Yes, I spent way too much time thinking about this. And during my bar-hopping days, my record was closer to Adam Gase than Bill Belichek. (Though really, I usually played the role of the guy who kept #3 busy. And usually, the #3s are about 50 pounds heavier and much surlier than this one.)
This analysis is spot on.
Spent the morning at the ER after my knee blasted me out of bed with increasing pain. Red, swollen, (hey, it’s a pornhub search term!), couldn’t bend it enough to put my pants on like a normal person.
Turns out its bursitis, and my somewhat unofficial welcome to Middle Age.
Anyway, at least for the next couple of days I’ll have an excuse to keep my ass as lazy as possible.
Git. Sum. PILLZ!!!!
Motrin and Keflex, the latter just in case it’s cellulitis. Nothing good, I’m afraid.
Awww that sucks. Hope its better soon
Given your line of work, I’m surprised the other knee isn’t hurting as well.
/POW! ZINGO! ZONK!
“couldn’t bend it enough to put my pants on like a normal person”
I can relate.
Hopefully the keflex helps with the infection. The good news is you shouldn’t require surgery unless the bursa sack burst. RICE is your friend.
No bursting, just a lot of fluid. Had my first ultrasound, so I told my wife that between that and the pain I know what childbirth feels like and she told me to fuck off.
Did they at least have the decency to drain some of it?
That happened to Gumby’s elbow. It was…not good.
I’m sorry for laughing at the idea of a guy called Gumby suffering from a joint-related injury.
Ha, that never occurred to me! Our last name is basically Gumby with an extra syllable at the end, hence the nickname. He has damaged pretty much every joint, knees need replacement, arthritis in his fingers, you name it. The man is a red hot mess!
I had this happen to me when I was in my late 20s (hooray for being fat as fuck my entire life) and holy fuck that hurts, especially trying to walk on it. I hope you feel better soon.
And it’s a damn shame about the lack of painkillers. Where’s Dr. Feelgood or even Dr. Nick when you need them?
found a funny:
Pornhub’s Insights team shares the top searches in each state during election week!
“Among Us” from Kentucky
“Trump” from Florida
“Tickling” From Jawrja.
Also, Mississippi using a misspelling and Nevada just searching for “Vegas” seems to line up with my preconceived notions about those places.
Fortnite. WTF, New Mexico?
Single White Anal Girl?
South Carolinians are freaks.
Rhode Island and New Jersey are woke.
I assume Arkansas uses that as a euphemism for hairy and they ended up with a surprise.
Colorado and Texas search by brands.
Alaska is living up to being 90% men.
Louisiana is hungry and horny.
I am curious what comes up for “Succubus.”
Maryland being historically Catholic clearly relies on the pullout method.
Jesus, the one pushing her tits into the mascot. Do NAWT leave her alone with your man, ladies!
I mean, the ass on her too ,, amirite??
/and I ain’t even no ass man
England v Georgia rugby now. Go Bulldogs!
All these heavy-set men breathing hard during a scrum reminds of that one time I got lost when I was on Pornhub.
“Lost”
“Pornhub”
vibin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hh1WeQxfCX0
Italy and Scotland are playing rugby for some reason.
I am watching a replay of State of Origin II, I hate rugby league but every year I will watch the shit out of this. So violent.
+1 Cauliflower Ear
no Pulisic no problem
Chelsea still gets the W
No, unless you beat one of the bottom five NAWT from the same neighboUrhood.
The Big 10 uncancelling this season reminds me of one of those pictures of a cat in a leash just getting dragged along the ground.