Your “The Pickens are Mighty Skinny” Sunday NFL Football Early Slate Open Thread

Well, it’s looks as though all my whining and carrying on has been heard by the powers that be and we’ll get a half-decent number of games on the late end. But I never thought things all the way through. We’ve got ourselves a real mixed bag here. Shall we put our metaphorical hand in and root around to see what’s there?

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Browns:

When will Cleveland understand what they have in Rashard Higgins? The guy catches everything thrown his way, (12 grabs on 15 targets) he moves the chains and when he was actually thrown to 6 times he scored 2 TD’s. Perhaps they should look across the field and see what Houston has done since Billy Bob O’Brien was axed. Wr’s Cooks and Fuller have gone bananas to the tune of 7 TD’s and 688 yards receiving combined. They need all that and more because their D is a joke. Opposing #1 wr’s usually get 100+ yards and a score (or 2).

Team/Lions:

Do you think Wash’s qb Alex Smith is (perhaps understandably) jumpy/gun shy? He throws to his first read more often than anyone aside from Cam and Josh. It’s worked out so far because that look tends to be McLaurin, who has the most yards after the catch than anyone not named Kamara. The secondary beneficiary is the suddenly fantasy-relevant J.D. McKissic.

Jags/Pack:

Not that it’ll be an issue this week but Green Bay only generates pressure on opposing qb’s 25% of the time, down from a figure of 39% last year. Rodgers should be padding his MVP CV here and wr Adams will likely go for 150+ and a score or two. [wipes hands]

Eagles/Giants:

You’d think that of the qb’s on offer here that the one that has the most turnover-worthy plays (off-target throws, passes into tight coverage) would be Dimes. Incorrectamundo! The honour goes to Wentz. Still, the guy has 30+ fantasy points in two of his last three games. You might want to sit Slayton here because since Shepard has returned he’s averaged 9 targets per game. Last week The Darius had just the one.

Bucs/Panthers:

For a 3-6 team Carolina is doing okay on D, giving up an average of 23 points per game over their last seven. Had they been able to score one more TD their record would be closer to 6-2-1. Brady needs to do the rebound thingy after getting hounded by the Saints D and ending up TD-less but them Panthers have three highly-rated cb’s in their secondary, including the league’s most prominent Mennonite, Corn Elder.

Do your blurst.

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Gatoraids

Weather channel needs a red zone for severe weather

TheRevanchist

Bridgewater: Getting it done

King Hippo

y’all is hilariously playoff-bound

blaxabbath

I picked up NYG defense last week for my bye cover but of course I had to leave them on vsPHI, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Made some very gringo chilaquiles this am. Good stuff.

Redshirt

Houston/Cleveland weather delay (artist’s conception)
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blaxabbath

Rudy gonna get the SC to overturn reality.

blaxabbath

9-1-1 to be followed up by 9-1-1:Lone Star.

How long until Marguerite Taylor Greene introduces legislation to [insert whatever fictional event happens on 9-1-1]]?

blaxabbath

McCaffrey wearing his mask below his nose. That dude truly is a Carolina Christian.

blaxabbath

What’s his rate?

blaxabbath

He ain’t gotta worry about Biden’s tax plan.

Redshirt

Bengals won’t have their LB coach, Secondary coach, and Sr. Defense Assistant for COVID reason. Any other team this would be disastrous, but I think taking the coaches away from the players may have the opponent effect for the Bengals.

blaxabbath

PUNT RUSH ALL DAY!!!

Redshirt

This latest trend of ballcarriers hurdling tacklers is going to end with a barcarrier getting hit in midair and spinning in midair like a pinwheel until they crash into the turf like a lawndart.

blaxabbath

They don’t even get many yards.

Redshirt

Yeah, they lose all momentum and tire themselves from the jump so they can’t get back to top speed. A simple juke would work better.

blaxabbath

I get it for a TD or first but the hurdle-turned-awkward-crash-out-of-bounds seems ill advised.

LemonJello

El Tractoricito scoffs at trying to avoid defenders.

Redshirt

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Spur

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Spur

These morning games kinda of blow. Why is the NFL bowing to he Masters?

King Hippo

Yeah, but the 4p window will be good for a change.

/is not so much whole NFL, rather it’s CBS not wanting any early fixtures.

blaxabbath

At least they don’t bow to JEW Masters, like Biden.

blaxabbath

Injury TO.

DRINK!

King Hippo

Hey, youse is 2-0 AGAINST HIPPO

LemonJello

Who is the announcing team for Fitbawl Team V Cuck Liouns?

Mr. Ayo

Aqib Talib!

King Hippo

Two of the Good Ones is broadcasting? HUZZAH!

LemonJello

Hide your chains!

Spur

the house next to my parents house is going up for sell. Really thinking of putting in an offer. Being very close to help should they need any help with the benefit of being in a separate house is tempting.

Dunstan

I smell sitcom!

Redshirt

I smell an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

blaxabbath

.

Last edited 4 years ago by blaxabbath
blaxabbath

I smell….

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Redshirt

Cleveland is delayed by storms. How in the hell is it thunderstorming in Cleveland in mid-November?!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s 2020, that’s how.

Gratliff

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Don T

/checks early slate
Ok. See ya’ll at 5 PM Atlantic

//shakes off work papers humping my leg

Redshirt

Channel guide says 500s/Pauls, broadcast shows GOATtanneers/BPanthers.

Not sure if this is better or worse.

Viva La Tabula Raza

As a casual HOU fan, this pisses me off. But now I see that the game is in a weather delay.

TheRevanchist

Browns got delayed. Probably from bad weather or getting Mayfield away from the petting zoo.

ArmedandHammered

Bad weather, lightning storms in the area. Even the gods do not want this game to happen.

Gratliff

Gonna be a bad day for QBs in the meadowlands

Redshirt

Amazon FireTV Stick doesn’t want to connect to the network to watch today’s games. That’s a good omen to start today.

LemonJello

Self preservation as a sign of the coming computer uprising?

Redshirt

If that’s the case, we need to get Skynet hooked on the Bengals. After a few years, it’ll override protocols and self-terminate and then Humanity wins!

LemonJello

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bk109

Or just have it explains The Jets’ drafting prowess 😀

Redshirt

10 Draft Bad Players for Better Draft Position Next Draft
20 Lose Games for Better Draft Position Next Draft
30 GOTO 10

bk109

No, that’s WHAT happened. The trick is to explain why has that gone for so long with neither repercussions nor actual success 😀

Gratliff

Now to go to redzone, throw on WIP, and pseudo-watch the Eagles struggle to come from behind to beat a woefully inept Gints

Spur

Net lose of 5 pounds this week.
Am very hunger, sore and haven’t had anything good to eat for 2 weeks.
Am about as happy as a Trump supporter at a gay wedding.

LemonJello

So its a deep seated self loathing happiness?

Gratliff

Is there any other kind?

Redshirt

I’m waiting for the New Years before I start my diet. My plan is to binge on ice cream and cookies until I either get sick of them or I have a massive heart attack and die. Either way, I won’t have anymore craving for ice cream and cookies next year.

Spur

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Redshirt

Someone call Mr. Owl, because I want to know how many licks it takes to get to the center of that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

RoJo, mckissic, or mckinnon?

rockingdog

JD Mckissic seems like he gonna keep Rockin

Spur

Morning Folks

LemonJello

Hey there!
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Unsurprised

!Hola!

Fronkenshteen

Ladies!

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bk109

Wait… that’s Sofia Vergara? Jesus, she used to look good…

Redshirt

Agreed. Whoever convinced these perfect women that they needed plastic surgery needs to be shot.

Unsurprised

Used to?

bk109

Good evenin’ to you too

rockingdog

Im a nervous dog playing BOTH Chase Claypool and Diontae Johnson as my 2 WR’s in fantasy footbaw.
Bow wow gotta risk it!

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t wait!
/gets framed for 22 hobo murders
Well, shit.

Unsurprised

It’s not like you could outrun Scotchy

bk109

Oy, Hippo, I have a question for ya – do you know if museums and the like are open in Colorado nowadays, or I’m COVID outta luck?

King Hippo

I do not live there, but one kid and the ex-wife does. They said Gov. Polis was gonna start locking down harder.

bk109

Well, shit.. In that case I’m gonna refuel in Dayton call in some favours to see if I can roam around in the USAF musem to stretch my legs before sodding off to the Bay area..

LemonJello

Hells yeah I’m putting my Chubb in the lineup.

Fronkenshteen

That penis had a mole on it!

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ArmedandHammered

“Can we PLEASE call it a tallywhacker” – still one of the funniest scenes I have ever seen. No matter how many times I have seen it, I still crack up.

Fronkenshteen

Beautiful golazo off a set piece by Burundi!

Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! Another one! This is a well coached squadoo.

King Hippo

Actual Summer wasn’t too bad in North Cakalaky, but this has been the longest Casino Not Slurpee Summer in memory. I think there have been only like 2-3 days that my air conditioning hasn’t clicked on (at least periodically).

yeah right

If I’m not mistaken the lovely lady featured in the banner image was a former LA Thunderbird and roller derby queen.

yeah right

We watched every Sunday night. Dick Lane on channel 5. My dad actual skated in the minors. True story.

Fronkenshteen

What has two thumbs, loaded up on Fuller V in DFS, and THEN found out it’s a wind game?

King Hippo

I am agonizing over leaving in Too Many Cooks. But the alternative is Antonio Brown, who I am also starting in my other league.

Fronkenshteen

Welp, there’s THAT song in my head all day. ?

Gratliff

I accidentally unplugged my cable box, which, as you know, is the single least impressive piece of technology in the 21st century, so I’m currently parked on FOX while I wait for the rest of the channels to start working. It is just as bad as it was 5 years ago when I last saw it. However, Mike Tomlin sure as fuck doesn’t look like Omar Epps anymore. Fat Poor Man’s Omar Epps, maybe.

Gratliff

You can run Doom on a new refrigerator, but the feed freezes every time you scroll on demand on a cable box. They have to be a practical joke.

LemonJello

“No mere kitchen appliance can contain the power of DOOM!”

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Unsurprised

Morning

yeah right

Hola!

LemonJello

How you doing?

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Unsurprised

Eh

rockingdog

Bow wow

King Hippo

Hey, Heisenberg? Has Hippo been playing Footy Manager all morning?

You’re Goddamned Right!

Gratliff

Jimmy Johnson has looked 50 for the last 30 years. I wonder how much botox he has in his face at this point.

Gratliff

Jesus, he’s almost 80. Which has more old fucks that needs to be put out to pasture: NFL commentary panels or Congress?

King Hippo

YES

Gratliff

US Congress: Where the future is controlled entirely by octogenarians and the science committees are packed with young earth creationists.

Unsurprised

Ironically, they’re old enough to say “Yeah, that’s not true.”

Gratliff

Of course, Johnson is 3 years younger than the youngest member of the Dem House Leadership, so maybe this isn’t as close as I thought.

ArmedandHammered

We really need mandatory retirement ages for Congress.

King Hippo

I hear tell that Pelosi just won’t retire because Steny Hoyer won’t (and she hates him like the plague, which is the correct assessment).

Gratliff

It’ll be 40 years in the House next year, and he got it by replacing a woman who won while in a coma she never recovered from.

Unsurprised

Maybe they should elect Barbara Lee, who ran against her last time. Oh, wait. She only has the good judgment to have been the only member of Congress to vote against the Forever War AUMF, which automatically disqualifies her because endless war is personally profitable to this scum.

Unsurprised

The fucking Republicans got rid of the seniority system, but the Dems, a party that is obscenely and hilariously antidemocratic, just can’t fucking care to do it.

Gratliff

I was going to point out how terrifying the young blood of the congressional GOP is, but then I just started thinking about how funny it would be if McConnell stroked out while on TV, and now it’s all I care to see.

LemonJello

Looks like Tedy Bruschi borrowed Mel Kiper Jr’s hairpiece.

Gratliff

So begins the quest to eat my body weight in pulled pork

Game Time Decision

You can dew it

LemonJello

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King Hippo

I have never has MOAR RESPEK for a fellow Commentist.

ArmedandHammered

Amateur- Orson Wells and Marlon Brando in between bites.

Last edited 4 years ago by ArmedandHammered
Unsurprised

This is a praiseworthy goal. Even if you fail you win.

Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
rockingdog

found a funny:

Pacifist? No, I think all oceans are beautiful

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’ll show you a Pacifist” – Pac-Man, donning a set of brass knuckles

LemonJello

“The Pacifist? That’s not gonna sell.”
-Stan Lee

yeah right

Here’s a local success story: Guy starts his own business making homemade chorizo. Artisanal shit from scratch. He starts selling it to local businesses here in LA. After several years of making it at home and driving all over the city he finally saves enough money to open his own brick and mortar store. It’s called The Chori Man and he’s now been featured in the Best of LA like 7 times.

I’m ordering from there today. I’ll give a full review later.

ArmedandHammered

How far do they ship, or is it just local orders.

ArmedandHammered

Nvm, found it. Local only. Even though I just ate that menu made me hungry again.

Last edited 4 years ago by ArmedandHammered
yeah right

He’s local. But what’s really cool is they’re about 5 blocks from the new dojo.

rockingdog

ADULT Swim Festival on youtube has been pretty good
would recommend!

King Hippo

Is Carl back? I miss Stone Cold Lock of the Century (of da week)

rockingdog

I wish. I think he died from the Diebetus

Horatio Cornblower

Fantasy update; Zeke, Cooper & Lamb on a bye. Mecole Hardman has a bye AND Covid! Chris Carson has been upgraded to ‘Out’. Robert Tonyan has been downgraded to ‘Questionable’, which pretty much describes his production since that one game several weeks ago.

I’d change my team name to ‘Waiver Wire All-Stars’ but I don’t think Yahoo allows that many characters.

Game Time Decision

In another league my team name is “Schrodinger’s waiver wire” and I usually end up starting random players when the injuries and bye weeks hit

LemonJello

Hannah Storm is up there with the Matron Saint.

LemonJello

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“Is it alright if I bring T-Boz in with me?”

Game Time Decision

Nudge nudge
What kind of meat?
Nudge nudge

LemonJello

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Game Time Decision

Sounds good to me

Insert pic of bugs bunny in the giant pot about to be cooked

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