We’re all a bit curious to see how things shake out down Bourbon Street way, aren’t we? Stupid thoughts to follow…
TO THE GAME!
Eagles/Browns:
Is wr Reagor the next rook to break big? The last 2 weeks his target share has been 23% and 20% and the Browns have given up huge days to eight different wr’s so far this year. Of course, that’s dependant on competent qb play and you’re likely to see none of that here-Mayfield ranks 27th in passing grade, just ahead of Wentz at 28th.
Falcons/Saints:
It’s not really going to be Taysom is it? Football gossipists have spread the news that he was running with the 1st team during the week. How much though? Can he even read opposing defenses? He’s a gadget, one read guy that is 30 years old and has never started a game. Kudos to coach Payton for playing his qb’s so close to his chest but when I thinkify about it, it should be Winston out there. If the latter is out there he should go to Thomas long-he’s thought of as a chain-mover but his catch rate on deep passes last year was an insane 87.5%.
Bengals/Team:
One reason Burrow has been successful so far this year is that after fellow rook Higgins found his feet he’s now tied for 1st in passes caught over 15 yards and is third in contested passes caught with 13. The good news? Cincy has been fantastic at defending the run. The bad? That’s because it’s so easy to pass on them that other teams don’t bother with the ground game that much.
Lions/Panthers:
Who has been sitting on rb Swift all season waiting for him to break out? Moi, that’s who. That Wednesday news that he was suddenly on the injury list was kinda deflating, much like my chances of winning anything in fantasy this year. He’s joined on the bench by Golladay and Amendola and Stafford is banged up as well but will go.
Steelers/Jags:
As someone who is still in Hippo’s survivor money league, I can’t help but think that Pitt is overdue for a stunning, blowout loss. But it can’t happen this week vs the Jags and their wet behind the ears rook qb, can it? But then that would be the definition of stunning, wouldn’t it?
Titans/Ravens:
One of the reasons Baltimore’s passing game is struggling so badly is that the receiver that has the highest target share is frickin’ journeyman Willie Snead. You’ve got te Andrews and Marquise Brown to throw to and you opt for Snead the majority of the time? You brought this on yourself, Lamar. Maybe washed up Dez Bryant is the answer to those woes. [snorts]
Pats/Texans:
Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was Cam’s struggles in the passing game, maybe Bill just likes to run it? Whatever the reason, the Pats went to the ground option a whopping 67% of the time last week. And the Texans rank dead last in yards allowed per run play at 5.2. Speaking of lousy run D you may want to fire up Duke Johnson again despite the egg he laid last week-New England has over the last 4 weeks given up a half first down on every run play.
Do your thing. And I think there’s a inter-site Derby game this morning. Apologies for not getting this up earlier.
Guess I’m not getting Burrow to Higgins scores in the second half
Time for the Bengals to tank for Trevor
And the tanking begins!
Ryan Finley of North Carolina Muthafuckin’ State University – one of three best backup QBs in the League (others being Brissett and Glennon, obvs)
Y’all have an epic poem you’d like to relate to us, Homer?
No replays yet. That’s not a good sign.
Looked like they did the “field” ACL tear test, and it looked borked.
Scousers up 2 at Anfield.
You mean “them redshite cunts” – Scousers eked one out at the Cottage this am
Whelp that thing we knew was going to happen happened
Mike Brown furiously checking to see if he can cut him and recoup the signing bonus
The rolling helmet forshadowed it
A certain North American democratic union of states finally collapsed?
Burrow is dead.
It’s a good thing you’ve given up all hope already, eh?
Of course it’s Washington that does the deed.
On FedEx “turf” again, or is fixture in Ohio?
Washington is home. So yes.
I do too many drugs to keep up with home field on RedZone viewing
It’s usually their own QB, but maybe there’s some sort of immunity conferred over time
Yeah, you don’t breathe like that if you aren’t in a lot of pain
Hey, the Andrews rec also worked!
Wooooooo
Burkhead is down. White guys from New England should really avoid Texas on November 22nd.
Eagles D bit so hard on that play-action fake you’d think they were a Civil War soldier getting their leg sawed off.
Not a fan of skinny John Goodman. There’s something missing…
Skinny John Goodman splitting a salad with skinny Rex Ryan would be the saddest dinner party ever
“This!”
-Barton Fink
Like if Jackie Gleason ever got skinny or quit drinking. Just not the same.
Ok Eagles, you don’t want to leave the Cleveland D with 22 points now do you?
So nice when they listen!
Um, is Charles Woodson wearing an ascot?
Ex Calgary Stampeder Alex Singleton!
Really putting his stamp on this game.
//Sorry
oh thank God. Byrn Forbes signed with the Bucks. Just need to unload Patty, LMA and Demur and Spurs are set.
I’m not even sure which sport this is. Basquetbol?
I thought the Prem for a second but the plural Bucks along with Spurs was the tell. NBA.
Matt Ryan’s biggest job there is to stay in field goal range.
He must miss Kyle Shanahan so much.
Blake utilizing a strategic hair pull to break up that INT.
Eagles looking to establish the run to take pressure off of Wentz by running Wentz is a pretty good metaphor for the NFC East.
Gahhhhh
I feel like my face is melting
rooting for Julio jones and Mike thomas to get pts
just THROW them the ball
“Right there with you, pal.” – Rudy Poo-liani
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Julio apparently has turf toe and is sitting on the sideline.
If I could give any sort of solid advice it would be this-draft Ridley in your leagues next year, everyone is so obsessed about what Julio might do, they’re blind to what Ridley actually does. He never gets double-teamed, ever, and ends up with more TD’s.
Games with many field goals and zero touchdowns are at least interesting as a curiosity. Games with many field goals and a single touchdown are just plain lame.
Texans way up on the Pats. [makes Michael Jackson’s “hee-hee” laugh, dangles penis over balcony railing]
The Day of the Doinks.
Happy Blair Walsh Day
Cody Parkey day, actually, but love the sentiment.
“Day of the Doinks” is the next great, shitty zombie movie.
Maybe the zombies can only be killed by bonking them on the head with a rubber mallet?
Have a football kicked into them, either a punt style or free kick.
I’m kinda amazed the NFL didn’t still try to do a London game this year, even if it just involved making teams play in the middle of the night to broadcast on GMT
Probably something to do with the USA being on most countries’ must-quarantine list
Hey Redshirt, i need some second half Burrow to Higgins TDs, can you make that happen?
Jet Sweep: A run play or Belichick’s interdivision-related masturbatory thoughts?
Ended up with a fairly international brunch. Irish French Toast, blueberries (grown in the US), and a mini Kielbasa, with a Cremant de Limoux to drink
Dok is her own UN
What makes it Irish? Whisky in the custard?
Irish cream, so yup
So let me get this straight, Taysom Hill is worse than Jameis Winston?
Different flavoUrs of the same suck
Surf or Turf.
Seems so.
He’s 3/5 the QB Winston is.
But Gayle Benson thinks it’s the other way around.
Not according to sean payton
Are we pretending Taysom Hill intentionally underthrew that when he gave it literally everything he had?
It was a #GoldenPlateMoment
/trumpets sound for Taysom arm punt
So taping hands is pass interference but spooning a receiver isn’t pass interference.
The reversal on this Saints fumble is going to rival that Seahawks safety in terms of complexity of the play-by-play.
Best pass for the Tits in the 2nd QRT has been thrown by the punter. SUBSTITUTE punter.
/pours Coke Zero for The Weapon.
The fuck was that play? Did the Atlanta DB run the wrong way?
No, just a horrific duck of a throw by Taysom Hill that the receiver tracked properly.
Yeah on the review it was clear the DB’s momentum kept him running into the end zone but it felt like Sanders came back to the ball and the DB kept running deep.
Younghoe doing all of the Falcons scoring. Indeed.
SAINTS! FALCONS! HIGH POWERED OFFENSES ONLY SCORING FIELD GOALS! AS EXCITING AS WATCHING VIRGINIA MCCASKEY’S VAGINA DRY!
Oddly specific analogy
My simile game is centered on octogenarian sex organs.
As it should be
I bet Ryan to go over 285.5 yards.
holy cats, you mean it can get even drier??
She mistakenly used Summer’s Eve – Arizona edition.
bet she cud suck the chrome off a trailer hitch smh
3
ruh roh, Redshirt may have had a Kubiak
He’s just keeping track of the times the announcers use the old Washington name.
Yes. 5 (they hit a double in one sentence)
Senators?
That would be defaming the *Redacteds
Hippo’s Claypool rec pays dividends.
Where can I subscribe to Hippo bets?
At your local pharmacy.
My squadrons be 2-8 and 4-6. Caveat emptor.
Dakota Jeebus in a nutshell – doing a “pylon stretch” on 3rd and 7.
/he had scrambled for maybe ONE YARD at the time
Gotta fight for every yard
1st AJ Green Touchdown in two years!
He was due!
In a very non AJ Green route. He’s an old flat route man now
He won’t beat players in a sharp route or get double coverage, but he’s still a good WR.
Oh yea AJ Green plays for the Bengals now
Oh, good. Burrow’s head wasn’t in the thrown helmet. That’s a relief.
They’re still going to get him killed eventually
That slow motion video of the helmet rolling was ominous. Like it’s foreshadowing something
Lutz’s doink was made better by the exasperated body language of the douche in the crowd
Earlier contender for Play-by-Play Play of the Year:
4th & Goal at WSH 3(12:09 – 2nd) (Shotgun) J.Burrow scrambles right end to WAS 1 for 2 yards (C.Young). FUMBLES (C.Young), RECOVERED by WAS-K.Curl at WAS -1. K.Curl to WAS 1 for 2 yards (Q.Spain). FUMBLES (Q.Spain), recovered by WAS-R.Darby at WAS -1. R.Darby tackled in End Zone, SAFETY NULLIFIED by Penalty. PENALTY on CIN-Q.Spain, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at WAS 3 – No Play. The Replay Official reviewed the loose ball recovery ruling, and the play was REVERSED. (Shotgun) J.Burrow scrambles right end to WAS 1 for 2 yards (C.Young). FUMBLES (C.Young), RECOVERED by WAS-R.Darby at WAS -1. Touchback. Penalty on CIN-Q.Spain, Offensive Holding, declined
Doink. Announcer jinx confirmed
DOINK!
Indeed.
Taysom Hill not complying with my hopes he sucks out loud enough for my Jameis waiver pick up to have been worth it
Co-signed.
Death, Taxes, & Taysom Hill fucking fantasy owners everywhere
Think I’m gonna make French-Irish Toast. Wish I had some of those little breakfast sausages
The NFL needs to give out an award for most obtuse referee explanation. Call it the Ed Hochuli Award
“Giving him the business” award
No safety overturned. Touchback Seahawks!
Have to admire Washington’s commitment to getting a scorigami
Wait…so what was the final outcome of that play?
Touchback. There was no clear recovery on the second recovery.
I hope today is the day that everything turns around in the afternoon.
Remember the now-disgraced Louis CK – “Optimistic” is really just a fancy word for “stupid.”
My spirit was crushed at 6 am this morning Hippo. You know that.
seems inevitable in retrospect, an outcome that left both fanbases feeling a bit shit
From your lips to The Byrds mouths.
Oh, C’mon! The Byrds sang, “Turn, Turn, Turn” and baby birds are fed mouth to mouth. there’s a lot to unpack here!
/might be drunk…
-September 11, 2001