Your “To Taysom Or Not To Taysom? That is the Question.” Sunday Afternoon Football Open Thread

We’re all a bit curious to see how things shake  out down Bourbon Street way, aren’t we? Stupid thoughts to follow…

TO THE GAME!

Eagles/Browns:

Is wr Reagor the next rook to break big? The last 2 weeks his target share has been 23% and 20% and the Browns have given up huge days to eight different wr’s so far this year. Of course, that’s dependant on competent qb play and you’re likely to see none of that here-Mayfield ranks 27th in passing grade, just ahead of Wentz at 28th.

Falcons/Saints:

It’s not really going to be Taysom is it? Football gossipists have spread the news that he was running with the 1st team during the week. How much though? Can he even read opposing defenses? He’s a gadget, one read guy that is 30 years old and has never started a game. Kudos to coach Payton for playing his qb’s so close to his chest but when I thinkify about it, it should be Winston out there. If the latter is out there he should go to Thomas long-he’s thought of as a chain-mover but his catch rate on deep passes last year was an insane 87.5%.

Bengals/Team:

One reason Burrow has been successful so far this year is that after fellow rook Higgins found his feet he’s now tied for 1st in passes caught over 15 yards and is third in contested passes caught with 13. The good news? Cincy has been fantastic at defending the run. The bad? That’s because it’s so easy to pass on them that other teams don’t bother with the ground game that much.

Lions/Panthers:

Who has been sitting on rb Swift all season waiting for him to break out? Moi, that’s who. That Wednesday news that he was suddenly on the injury list was kinda deflating, much like my chances of winning anything in fantasy this year. He’s joined on the bench by Golladay and Amendola and Stafford is banged up as well but will go.

Steelers/Jags:

As someone who is still in Hippo’s survivor money league, I can’t help but think that Pitt is overdue for a stunning, blowout loss. But it can’t happen this week vs the Jags and their wet behind the ears rook qb, can it? But then that would be the definition of stunning, wouldn’t it?

Titans/Ravens:

One of the reasons Baltimore’s passing game is struggling so badly is that the receiver that has the highest target share is frickin’ journeyman Willie Snead. You’ve got te Andrews and Marquise Brown to throw to and you opt for Snead the majority of the time? You brought this on yourself, Lamar. Maybe washed up Dez Bryant is the answer to those woes. [snorts]

Pats/Texans:

Maybe it was the weather, maybe it was Cam’s struggles in the passing game, maybe Bill just likes to run it? Whatever the reason, the Pats went to the ground option a whopping 67% of the time last week. And the Texans rank dead last in yards allowed per run play at 5.2. Speaking of lousy run D you may want to fire up Duke Johnson again despite the egg he laid last week-New England has over the last 4 weeks given up a half first down on every run play.

Do your thing. And I think there’s a inter-site Derby game this morning. Apologies for not getting this up earlier.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Guess I’m not getting Burrow to Higgins scores in the second half

Mother Puncher

Time for the Bengals to tank for Trevor

Mother Puncher

And the tanking begins!

King Hippo

Ryan Finley of North Carolina Muthafuckin’ State University – one of three best backup QBs in the League (others being Brissett and Glennon, obvs)

Redshirt

No replays yet. That’s not a good sign.

King Hippo

Looked like they did the “field” ACL tear test, and it looked borked.

clint greasewood

Scousers up 2 at Anfield.

King Hippo

You mean “them redshite cunts” – Scousers eked one out at the Cottage this am

Mother Puncher

Whelp that thing we knew was going to happen happened

King Hippo

Mike Brown furiously checking to see if he can cut him and recoup the signing bonus

Recovery Whiskey

The rolling helmet forshadowed it

Redshirt

Burrow is dead.

King Hippo

It’s a good thing you’ve given up all hope already, eh?

Spur

Of course it’s Washington that does the deed.

King Hippo

On FedEx “turf” again, or is fixture in Ohio?

Recovery Whiskey

Washington is home. So yes.

King Hippo

I do too many drugs to keep up with home field on RedZone viewing

Doktor Zymm

It’s usually their own QB, but maybe there’s some sort of immunity conferred over time

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, you don’t breathe like that if you aren’t in a lot of pain

King Hippo

Hey, the Andrews rec also worked!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wooooooo

Sharkbait

Burkhead is down. White guys from New England should really avoid Texas on November 22nd.

Doktor Zymm

Skinny John Goodman splitting a salad with skinny Rex Ryan would be the saddest dinner party ever

Recovery Whiskey

Like if Jackie Gleason ever got skinny or quit drinking. Just not the same.

Doktor Zymm

Ok Eagles, you don’t want to leave the Cleveland D with 22 points now do you?

Doktor Zymm

So nice when they listen!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Um, is Charles Woodson wearing an ascot?

litre_cola

Ex Calgary Stampeder Alex Singleton!

Recovery Whiskey

Really putting his stamp on this game.

//Sorry

Spur

oh thank God. Byrn Forbes signed with the Bucks. Just need to unload Patty, LMA and Demur and Spurs are set.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m not even sure which sport this is. Basquetbol?

Recovery Whiskey

I thought the Prem for a second but the plural Bucks along with Spurs was the tell. NBA.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Matt Ryan’s biggest job there is to stay in field goal range.

He must miss Kyle Shanahan so much.

Recovery Whiskey

Blake utilizing a strategic hair pull to break up that INT.

Horatio Cornblower

Eagles looking to establish the run to take pressure off of Wentz by running Wentz is a pretty good metaphor for the NFC East.

rockingdog

Gahhhhh
I feel like my face is melting
rooting for Julio jones and Mike thomas to get pts

just THROW them the ball

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Right there with you, pal.” – Rudy Poo-liani
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WCS

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Sharkbait

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clint greasewood

Julio apparently has turf toe and is sitting on the sideline.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Games with many field goals and zero touchdowns are at least interesting as a curiosity. Games with many field goals and a single touchdown are just plain lame.

ArmedandHammered

The Day of the Doinks.

Recovery Whiskey

Happy Blair Walsh Day

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cody Parkey day, actually, but love the sentiment.

WCS

“Day of the Doinks” is the next great, shitty zombie movie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe the zombies can only be killed by bonking them on the head with a rubber mallet?

ArmedandHammered

Have a football kicked into them, either a punt style or free kick.

Doktor Zymm

I’m kinda amazed the NFL didn’t still try to do a London game this year, even if it just involved making teams play in the middle of the night to broadcast on GMT

Recovery Whiskey

Probably something to do with the USA being on most countries’ must-quarantine list

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey Redshirt, i need some second half Burrow to Higgins TDs, can you make that happen?

Doktor Zymm

Ended up with a fairly international brunch. Irish French Toast, blueberries (grown in the US), and a mini Kielbasa, with a Cremant de Limoux to drink

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dok is her own UN

Gumbygirl

What makes it Irish? Whisky in the custard?

Doktor Zymm

Irish cream, so yup

Redshirt

So let me get this straight, Taysom Hill is worse than Jameis Winston?

King Hippo

Different flavoUrs of the same suck

ArmedandHammered

Surf or Turf.

litre_cola

Seems so.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s 3/5 the QB Winston is.

But Gayle Benson thinks it’s the other way around.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not according to sean payton

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are we pretending Taysom Hill intentionally underthrew that when he gave it literally everything he had?

King Hippo

It was a #GoldenPlateMoment

King Hippo

/trumpets sound for Taysom arm punt

Redshirt

So taping hands is pass interference but spooning a receiver isn’t pass interference.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The reversal on this Saints fumble is going to rival that Seahawks safety in terms of complexity of the play-by-play.

Don T

Best pass for the Tits in the 2nd QRT has been thrown by the punter. SUBSTITUTE punter.
/pours Coke Zero for The Weapon.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The fuck was that play? Did the Atlanta DB run the wrong way?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, just a horrific duck of a throw by Taysom Hill that the receiver tracked properly.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah on the review it was clear the DB’s momentum kept him running into the end zone but it felt like Sanders came back to the ball and the DB kept running deep.

King Hippo

Younghoe doing all of the Falcons scoring. Indeed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

SAINTS! FALCONS! HIGH POWERED OFFENSES ONLY SCORING FIELD GOALS! AS EXCITING AS WATCHING VIRGINIA MCCASKEY’S VAGINA DRY!

Recovery Whiskey

Oddly specific analogy

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My simile game is centered on octogenarian sex organs.

Horatio Cornblower

As it should be

Sharkbait

I bet Ryan to go over 285.5 yards.

King Hippo

holy cats, you mean it can get even drier??

ArmedandHammered

She mistakenly used Summer’s Eve – Arizona edition.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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King Hippo

bet she cud suck the chrome off a trailer hitch smh

Redshirt

3

King Hippo

ruh roh, Redshirt may have had a Kubiak

ArmedandHammered

He’s just keeping track of the times the announcers use the old Washington name.

Redshirt

Yes. 5 (they hit a double in one sentence)

Horatio Cornblower

Senators?

ArmedandHammered

That would be defaming the *Redacteds

Sharkbait

Where can I subscribe to Hippo bets?

King Hippo

My squadrons be 2-8 and 4-6. Caveat emptor.

King Hippo

Dakota Jeebus in a nutshell – doing a “pylon stretch” on 3rd and 7.

/he had scrambled for maybe ONE YARD at the time

Recovery Whiskey

Gotta fight for every yard

Redshirt

1st AJ Green Touchdown in two years!

Mother Puncher

In a very non AJ Green route. He’s an old flat route man now

Redshirt

He won’t beat players in a sharp route or get double coverage, but he’s still a good WR.

Mother Puncher

Oh yea AJ Green plays for the Bengals now

Redshirt

Oh, good. Burrow’s head wasn’t in the thrown helmet. That’s a relief.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They’re still going to get him killed eventually

Mother Puncher

That slow motion video of the helmet rolling was ominous. Like it’s foreshadowing something

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lutz’s doink was made better by the exasperated body language of the douche in the crowd

Last edited 3 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Redshirt

Earlier contender for Play-by-Play Play of the Year:

4th & Goal at WSH 3(12:09 – 2nd) (Shotgun) J.Burrow scrambles right end to WAS 1 for 2 yards (C.Young). FUMBLES (C.Young), RECOVERED by WAS-K.Curl at WAS -1. K.Curl to WAS 1 for 2 yards (Q.Spain). FUMBLES (Q.Spain), recovered by WAS-R.Darby at WAS -1. R.Darby tackled in End Zone, SAFETY NULLIFIED by Penalty. PENALTY on CIN-Q.Spain, Offensive Holding, 10 yards, enforced at WAS 3 – No Play. The Replay Official reviewed the loose ball recovery ruling, and the play was REVERSED. (Shotgun) J.Burrow scrambles right end to WAS 1 for 2 yards (C.Young). FUMBLES (C.Young), RECOVERED by WAS-R.Darby at WAS -1. Touchback. Penalty on CIN-Q.Spain, Offensive Holding, declined

Recovery Whiskey

Doink. Announcer jinx confirmed

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DOINK!

TheRevanchist

Indeed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Taysom Hill not complying with my hopes he sucks out loud enough for my Jameis waiver pick up to have been worth it

Sharkbait

Death, Taxes, & Taysom Hill fucking fantasy owners everywhere

Doktor Zymm

Think I’m gonna make French-Irish Toast. Wish I had some of those little breakfast sausages

Recovery Whiskey

The NFL needs to give out an award for most obtuse referee explanation. Call it the Ed Hochuli Award

Game Time Decision

“Giving him the business” award

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Spur

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Redshirt

No safety overturned. Touchback Seahawks!

Mother Puncher

Have to admire Washington’s commitment to getting a scorigami

Doktor Zymm

Wait…so what was the final outcome of that play?

Redshirt

Touchback. There was no clear recovery on the second recovery.

litre_cola

I hope today is the day that everything turns around in the afternoon.

King Hippo

Remember the now-disgraced Louis CK – “Optimistic” is really just a fancy word for “stupid.”

litre_cola

My spirit was crushed at 6 am this morning Hippo. You know that.

King Hippo

seems inevitable in retrospect, an outcome that left both fanbases feeling a bit shit

blaxabbath

-September 11, 2001