Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Do I seem like a guy that scored 60-ish points in fantasy in two separate leagues yesterday? Because I sure do feel like one. The Matt’s (Stafford and Ryan) can all go to hell! I’m slowly becoming resigned to my inadequacy just like my family did several years back.

Fallout:

-Gus Edward owners rejoice! Or maybe that should be Justice Hill owners? Ravens Ingram and Dobbins got the Covid and I just heard that Theilen did as well. I Want Tuesday Night Football!

-It’s Infrastructure Week for Joe Burrows given that he blew out both his CL’s and had some other things go wrong down there as well.

-Shitty qb play has been a feature of the NFC East for much of the year as the Cowboys have gone thru 4, Team has gone thru three and Dimes has ever so slightly moved the needle towards ‘kinda not’. There’s only one qb that has brought the suck every single week and that’s Wentz. His comp. % is at 58.4 and he’s been sacked 40 times already along with his 14 intercepts.

TO THE GAME!

Rams/Bucs:

-With Donald busting thru the center of the line expect Brady to have a bit of trouble. When he’s under pressure his average pass attempt goes all of 4.4 yards. That tells me that Godwin will get all kinds of targets tonight vs Troy Hill.

-Everyone yaks about Jalen Ramsey so no doubt the other outside cb will get picked on. Not so fast-Darious Williams, a dude who walked on at UAB and was an UDFA for the Ravens is that other guy. He’s been targeted 37 times,(despite dropping back into coverage more than 300 times) has given up 1 TD and has 4 intercepts.

-As the above might hint at, the Rams have given up the 2nd least fantasy points to opposing qb’s.

-Over on the Bucs side, their front seven has 25 sacks already. But it seems like the way to attack them is to go to the tight end. They’ve given up scores to six different fellas that play that spot. So maybe look at Everett and Higbee to find the end zone.

Enjoy the game.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

So I see that tonight’s officiating crew is the first time an All-Black crew has worked a game. My question is, what the fuck do the Kiwi National Rugby side know about calling an NFL game?
Also, head ref Jerome Boger looks twenty years older with the beard.

Senor Weaselo

The penalty calls are all hakas? Actually can they do that for real, that would be cool.

Viva La Tabula Raza

One of my favorites. I’m sure every one’s already seen it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_WEP9ZkpS4

litre_cola

We haz a good game apparently.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

All relative

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll take ‘An Alabama Wedding’ for $800, Alex.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Better than that 38-3 shitshow we had a couple weeks ago, anyway.

Fronkenshteen

Just ate four (4) egg rolls and a whole order of fried dumplings with my disgusting fingers out front of the house. I’m not proud.

litre_cola

Was it private no Fronk-lings to annoy you?

Fronkenshteen

In the car. No family members. Listening to “We Got The Beat” by the Go Go’s on a loop. I’m fat.

LemonJello

Cooper Cupp Runneth Over?

Recovery Whiskey

That Tampa vs Pittsburgh superbowl would break records for PI calls.

King Hippo

The OKC Bomber always looked like a very intense serial killer, it seems.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Boooo that’s not RoJo

King Hippo

Nor was it ScarJo

Gumbygirl

Mojo Jojo

LemonJello

General Tojo?

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King Hippo

Don’t get Hank Hill’s father started!

Senor Weaselo

Toju, the militant black guy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uTP1fdFu0c

Horatio Cornblower

Jalen Ramsey is gonna have some extremely questionable financial advise for any referees who call in next week.

King Hippo

Answer that Zambian prince’s e-mails already!

Recovery Whiskey

And here I was worried Brady wouldnt still get PI calls.

WCS

Fuck Tom Brady with a rusty pitchfork. but, that was attempted homicide.

Horatio Cornblower

How do you abandon these uniforms?
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litre_cola

Agreed! Think of the parties on the beach with all the bros in Gronk Creamsicle jerseys.

SonOfSpam

John McKay, the only cool USC guy. Ok, other than OJ.

Horatio Cornblower

You have to say that, because OJ will fucking kill you if you don’t.

Last edited 4 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
LemonJello

Allegedly.

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King Hippo

TRUE HIPPO STORY! The day of (or after?) the acquittal, I struck the Heisman pose upon entering my first law school lecture of the day.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Law school? Did any of your fellow students even “get” it?

King Hippo

I mean, one of my buddies laughed. Everyone else mostly ignored me, as was the custom.

Horatio Cornblower

One of the greatest lines ever.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m more inclined to “Well, we couldn’t run, we couldn’t pass, so we made up for it by not tackling.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Come on, i only need like 60 RoJo points to win

SonOfSpam

Henry Ellard has aged gracefully.

SonOfSpam

Ok, so I know what the “T&T” in AT&T means…
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

DYNOMITE!

Col. Duke LaCross

‘Sup Lil?

LemonJello

Evening, Colonel.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll never forget that time she tried to make out with me in an elevator, and I was like “no, sorry, I’m married.”

Horatio Cornblower

One time a stripper wanted me to pay her $100 to jerk me off and I said I was married and she laughed and came back with “everyone in here is married!” and I said “OK, I’m also cheap” and we laughed and laughed.

Viva La Tabula Raza

High school bud of mine, never finished HS, started a fencing company that remains wildly successful 40 years later and made him a millionaire.
He and his wife had two daughters, one named Crystal and one named Amber. I thought was a little bit on the nose as far as foreshadowing a pole-dancing career, but they both have their PhDs in science/engineering fields from TX A&M and are very successful in their fields. So ya just never know…

Horatio Cornblower

All the cool uniforms these teams have and we get pewter and yard sale white.

SonOfSpam

All the excitement of Brad Johnson and Mike Alstott!

LemonJello

Another entry in the ledger titled “Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace”

Gumbygirl

It’s not just the dinginess, it’s those cheap plastic peel and stick numbers that I really hate.

Horatio Cornblower

Mike Evans is a goddamn man.

rockingdog

cool twitter thread with

songs for the

Ratatouille Musical

ROCKIN’

https://twitter.com/missbreton/status/1330012430802448384

SonOfSpam

“Great touchdown pass!”

-Tom Brady’s thought bubble

WCS

Wifey found a cat up for adoption named Seamus about 30 minutes from here.
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SonOfSpam

Likes Meow Mix and freezer vodka?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh this is gonna end well.

“It drank all my liquor and keeps getting involved with slutty alley cats!”

SonOfSpam

“Your cat said I could stay til Christmas”

-the Wendy’s cashier half-asleep on your couch

litre_cola

It’s nickname will be Mark I assume.

Sharkbait

Keep it away from nazi cats

LemonJello

“I’ve never seen a cat react like that when Green Day comes on the radio!”

Horatio Cornblower

Dude

Gumbygirl

He will bring joy to us all, just like tWBS did. A few more furballs, but that’s a small price to pay.

SonOfSpam

Probably about the same tbh

Recovery Whiskey

First almost nothing PI.

Horatio Cornblower

Honestly I think I might have had him.

LemonJello

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LemonJello

Are these those “super spreaders” that Recovery Whiskey mentioned earlier?

Recovery Whiskey

Donald’s being doubled and the pocket still collapsed

SonOfSpam

You can’t see his wedding ring because it’s halfway the blonde’s esophagus.

SonOfSpam

TIGER WOODS!

litre_cola

Spam I assume you are one of those Rams fans on the screens there. Please be the Elvis one.

SonOfSpam

If it’s Elvis circa August ’77, then yes.

litre_cola

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SonOfSpam

I got poorly-managed facial hair, but otherwise twinsies.

litre_cola

Can you croon?????

SonOfSpam

Gimme some bourbon and a peanut butter and banana sandwich and you’ll find out.

Recovery Whiskey

I’m half the distance to the ‘go’ right now.

SonOfSpam

KOOP KIPPER

Horatio Cornblower

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SonOfSpam

CUPPER COUP

LemonJello

Copper Coupe

Recovery Whiskey

A bunch of super spreaders in the audience.

Horatio Cornblower

Fucking Florida, man.

Horatio Cornblower

Jared Goff has 39 wins because Aaron Donald is the MVP of the league during that time.

SonOfSpam

Aaron Donald is the baddest of men.

SonOfSpam

RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

How the fuck ya doin, etc?

rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

I need the Rams D to get 19 points or less tonight to hold on to my lead.

After that last drive I would say my confidence is as shaky as Hippo waiting in line at the pharmacy.

litre_cola

I need 3 pts from something called a Gerald Everett tonight.

litre_cola

It’s in Hippo’s waiver confusing league.

Don T

This one’s foar Scotchee
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litre_cola

It seems the Eagles need to tank now for a qb. Dakota Jesus is just confused and seeing ghosts now.

rockingdog

LOL all the experts picked Fins over horses on sunday

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Fronkenshteen

Went heavy on the premise that Ramsey shuts down Evans tonight . Adjust your wagers accordingly.

-mush-

Fronkenshteen

In forty nine minutes? The liquor stores close in Virginia. Plan ahead.

LemonJello

Seriously? I need more warning than that!

(glad I picked up a back-up bottle of Makers 46 yesterday)

Fronkenshteen

Penis.

LemonJello

Sir, this is an Arby’s…

Fronkenshteen

Sorry. Do you “have the penis?”

rockingdog

excited for xmas decorations
to start showing up

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TheRevanchist

I feel like there is a He-Man action figure missing. Is there anyone who has read the book that can verify?

ballsofsteelandfury

Where’s Naked Barbie?

LemonJello

How many antibiotic resistant strains of STDs are coursing through Gronk’s veins?

Game Time Decision

Yes

Redshirt

If all the STDs fight each other, they can’t fight Gronk!

rockingdog

found a funny:

Pretty wild how “decadent” used to mean “empire in decline” and now means “chocolatey”

Redshirt

Welp, I found out I’ve been exposed to COVID-19.

Yesterday, the football gods killed my soul.
Today, COVID-19 goes in for whatever’s left.

herodotus450

That’s what you get for building Cinergy Field on top of an old ligament graveyard smh

Redshirt

Nah, I think Riverfront Stadium was built over a bunch of poor people’s homes and their factories where they worked…and now I get why Cincinnati is cursed.

Game Time Decision

Hope you test negative

Redshirt

I’m recovering from a cold, but I had no fever or aches. Only a slight sore throat, a bit of congestion and a slight cough from the sore throat.

If that was COVID, I need to be studied because I have a partial immunity to it or something. Either that or prehypertension and a BMI hovering around 30 is the cure.

LemonJello

“I love the Cure!”
-D. Carr, from behind his locked bedroom door

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Game Time Decision

If its the 30 BMI, my quaren-fifteen is going to come in handy

Still don’t want any of my imaginary Internet friends to get it

King Hippo

Feeling good re my VERY amateUr doctoring, as I called “all 3 ligaments borked” for Burrow, based on the gross RedZone replay.

Seems a stand-up dude, too. Hate it for him, but have no doubt he will come back.

Recovery Whiskey

>stand up dude

Not right now though…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS COMMENT I CALL IT SCORING IN THE LAST TWO MINUTES AGAINST PAUL GUENTHER DEFENSE BECAUSE IT WAS JUST TOO DAMNED EASY.

Redshirt

The outer sides of his thigh and calf touched. Even my C- in High School Human A&P says those two body parts aren’t supposed to do that.

BaldingSpiritually

Taking my doggo to NC State tomorrow to run tests to determine how serious his cancer is. Hoping it’s at a treatable stage

herodotus450

“So we’ll just get your dog some pain pills–huh, could’ve sworn they were in this drawer. That’s where we usually keep them”
/Tires squeal from the parking lot, followed by faint Hippo laughing

Sharkbait

Fingers crossed for you.

King Hippo

Hey, man! I had no idea you were another North Cakalakian!

NC State’s vet hospital is amazing, in both the level and compassionate-ness of the care. Kruger’s brother cat (JT) underwent a clinical trial for his blood clot thingy a couple years ago. Ultimately, he did pass, but they bought him/us 3 extra good months – and more importantly, allowed us to know we did everything within our power for the little guy.

All the good thoughts for your pup.

ArmedandHammered

They really are great, our rabbit’s cancer was treated there and they even found grants to help cover the costs. The rabbit died, because you know, cancer. But the docs and staff were wonderful.

Sharkbait

Happy Max Headroom day.

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