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So Much #NuAIDS, So Little Game Time Open Thread

King Hippo

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So…not sure that the JV world is looking so hot right now.  Almost as many fixtures being 86’d this week as are being played.  And that doesn’t even begin to touch on the hardwood shitshow.

Good thing all Commentists in Good Standing have converted to the sweet siren song of Lesser Footy, eh?

Villa away to Wolves (7:30, Peacock) is pretty solid fare, for the early bird slot.  Come for the Portugeuse Hobo manager, stay for me and Litre screaming about how much of a cunt Jack Grealish is!

Barcodes and Brummies are up next (10:00, Peacock), and Hippo humbly suggests a nap.  Man, a multi-nap day is just proper good Plague Year livin!

Spotlight Dance lives up to its name this week, with the Manchester Derby (12:30, NBC).  A bit of extra spice added by how badly each beleagured manager could use a signature win.  Phrases like “signature win” are poison to British ears, but methinks am safe here.

Let’s try not to linger on Everton’s fixture with noted Tory Cunt Frank Lampard (3:00, Peacock).  All the “yeeehaw, lookit Chelski’ Murrikan player” certainly will make my mood that much darker.  But I will let the “action” on the pitch carry most of the rage freight.  Jeebus, being on piss poor form is ass-flvoUred ass.

Georgia (-14) at Missouri (Noon, SECN)

Do not adjust your non-dials, Mizzou IS actually ranked!  I suspect they either win, or get their asses handed to them.  FOAR reasons.

Utah (+2.5) at Colorado (Noon, Fox)

This here match is being held at 10am local time.  It’s actually NINE by Team Secular Big Love’s body clocks, but one expects they are likely MOAR effective morning persons than Boulder’s midnight tokers.

Navy (+7.5) v. Army (3:00, CBS)

No stand-alone time slot, wonder if they even bother reporting the TV ratings?  At least they didn’t fuck the Military Industrial Complex off to CBSSN.

Wisconsin (-2) at Iowa (3:30, FS1)

Hey, y’all?  Ah see fat ppl!

Cal (-1.5) at Washington State (4:00, Fox)

Yes, this is just an excuse to post their cheerleaders again.  I’m not made of stone!!

USC (-3.5) at UCLA (7:30, ABC)

You know it’s FITBAW in Los Angeles, because nobody gives a tin shit.  Fat Chip seems to have saved his Westwood Klavern bacon, which is most unfortunate.

Stanford (-3) at Oregon State (10:00, ESPNU)

How can fucking Trees be favoUred against a pack of Beavers?  It makes no fucking sense.

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King Hippo

I think Dread Pirate Mike Leach’s Cowbells got more yards in the opener at LSU than they have had in every other game. COMBINED.

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King Hippo

But I already hate myself plenty as a Gentile?

/this makes “sense” below blax’ post

Last edited 5 years ago by King Hippo
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blaxabbath

I’ve got no idea how this movie works. There’s no drama. I have no idea how these people know each other. Boy Meets World is teaching this chick how to be a Jew and I’m just like “WHHHHAAAAAAA—?”

1
SonOfSpam

Sounds like the worst porn ever.

2
Unsurprised

Getting ribs at the store was so much better than my original plan to order pizza.

1
WCS

comment image

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Unsurprised

I actually had that same thought as I was setting them down to eat,

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SonOfSpam

Bruins up 21-10 at halftime. Feelin’ fine.
comment image

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King Hippo

Well spank Balls until it hurts, Westwood Klavern is BACK, baby!

1
herodotus450

LSU has decided that today is the one game of the year they’ll show up for. I approve if it means Florida loses.

0
blaxabbath

Anyone else enjoying A Very Jewish Christmas on Hallmark Channel?

1
JimU

No , but I did have latkes with dinner.

3
SonOfSpam

Thought Andy Kaufman was dead.

3
Redshirt

I’m a half-German recovering Republican, so I may not be welcome on that channel.

1
SonOfSpam

Prefer to watch White Kwanzaa on CMT.

2
litre_cola

I prefer Festivus on OANN

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Redshirt

Speaking of, watching Trump twitter after his three SCOTUS pick turned on him has been beautiful. Just imagine if Cobra Commander had a twitter account.

4
SonOfSpam

Oh it’s been just the best.

1
litre_cola

That Parler follow you recommended Spam is awesome.

3
Brick Meathook

I like this post because it makes absolutely no sense.

2
litre_cola

I aim to confuse.

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Brick Meathook

I’m watching “A Very Muslim Christmas” over on Al Jazeera

3
Redshirt

I’m watching “Rudolph II: Yukon’s Revenge” on Fox.

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Brick Meathook

I’m here in Los Angeles and watching this USC-UCLA game makes me want to go cough on somebody. But it also makes me want to have someone cough on me. Instead, I’ll just zap a Hungry Man TV dinner and go for a drive in my Ferrari.

2
WCS

Oh boy, coming up at halftime, Preseason NBA highlights!
comment image

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Redshirt

Grease Sing-a-long Edition. I don’t think knowing the lyrics to those songs is a good idea.

9-year old girl: “Mommy? What does ‘The Chicks’ll cream’ mean?”

Last edited 5 years ago by Redshirt
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herodotus450

“Mommy, what’s Summer Lovin? Is it more tender than Winter Lovin?”

2
Dunstan

It means that car is a real pussy wagon, honey.

Another example: “Sloppy seconds ain’t my style.”

Fun fact: Stan Lee appeared to be unaware of the exact meaning of that expression, which is why you can find it used in some of the early Marvel Comics. I can only assume that the Comics Code Authority folks didn’t catch it either.

1
WCS

2nd 34? JV NFL BLITZ!

1
Brick Meathook

USC TOUCHDOWN!

He’ll get an “A” in English class this week.

Last edited 5 years ago by Brick Meathook
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Mr. Ayo

USC INTERCEPTION!

Another “A”!

2
WCS

That’s some high quality tackling from the Fightin’ Chips.

1
Unsurprised

Hey

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litre_cola

comment image

Hmmm, he was supposed to wave. I am dumb.

Last edited 5 years ago by litre_cola
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Mr. Ayo

*doffs cap*

1
WCS

I completely forgot Chip Kelly coached the Niners.

I imagine CB doesn’t..

Last edited 5 years ago by WCS
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JimU

He really lost that title of “offensive genius” really quickly, didn’t he?

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herodotus450

Will offensive lineman be able to keep up with Chip Kelly’s High Tempo Offense!?!?!!

1
litre_cola

offensive racist works.

1
blaxabbath

Every offense has a spot for about his prime DJax….except Chip, the man who put Nick Foles in the HOF (he had like a six TD game, I think).

0
Brick Meathook

I don’t want to sound judgmental, but in the banner picture above the mascot is the best looking one.

2
herodotus450

Trump performs coin toss at Army-Navy for the final time…

Does yahoo! sprots have a hit out on him before 2024 or something?

1
Redshirt

Achievement Unlocked: BANANACAKES

Western Michigan vs Ball State INSANE Ending | 2020 College Football – YouTube

1
WCS

THE BENCH IS OUT ON THE FIELD!!

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Redshirt

And they cut it off! We were one yard away from a Palpably Unfair Act!

1
herodotus450

“This is a problem…”

1
Unsurprised

They should’ve won it on grit. Never give up. Never surrender.

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Redshirt

My family shared. I tested positive for COVID-19.

1
WCS

That was nice of them to share.

Seriously, hope you’re alright.

2
Redshirt

So far its just minor stuff. I had allergies worst than this. (knock on wood)

2
litre_cola

Well now you and Hippo can hang out.

3
herodotus450

“No no, I have the umm… Covid-Super, it’s even worse and even more contagious. Still no human contact allowed…”
-Hippo

4
Redshirt

Hippo was exposed to COVID-19. COVID-19 now has to quarantine for two weeks.

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Damn man. I hope its a mind case

1
Redshirt

Family only had minor symptoms. Hopefully I’m same.

2
Mr. Ayo

Hopefully you handle this better than the Bungles do football.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oof. Take care of yourself and get healthy ASAP.

1
Horatio Cornblower

God, I think I have to root for UCLA in this game, and now I feel like I need a shower just for typing that.

Fuck Chip Kelly.

1
SonOfSpam

UCLA is good and pure regardless of coach.

1
herodotus450

Max Johnson, the name you mustn’t touch.

1
herodotus450

Gator Doinkerception!?

0
Mr. Ayo

Set, bump, TIGERCEPTION!

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herodotus450

Correction: Hilarious, Double Doinkerception.

0
SonOfSpam

USC PICKERCEPTION HA HA FUCK YOU TROJAN ASSHOLES!!!

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ArmedandHammered

On this statue of Achilles, please indicate where the Trojans inappropriately touched you.

1
ArmedandHammered

Also why name your team after an army that lost, causing the complete and utter destruction of the city?

Last edited 5 years ago by ArmedandHammered
1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they are just named after a condom.

3
ArmedandHammered

Ah, an advertising deal.

1
SonOfSpam

And officially:

FUCK USC I FUCKING HATE YOU DIE DIE DIE DIE

We have kickoff.

1
litre_cola

Ulysses S Crant?

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SonOfSpam

Famous Union ceneral.

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herodotus450

… the fourth Army-Navy game since 2016…

Some stunning investigative journalism by yahho! sprots.

5
Redshirt

In their defense, if you watched the entirety of that game, your IQ would’ve dropped down a couple of percentiles, too.

2
SonOfSpam

Starting QB for LSU is Brad Johnson’s kid.

I wonder if he’ll be kinda effective, but bland and forgettable.

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blaxabbath

Kevin Sumlin fired from Arizona.

Many of you may remember Kevin from his appearance on [DFO]’s Serial where he discussed Johnny Manziel.

Last edited 5 years ago by blaxabbath
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litre_cola

Forks Up!

0
SonOfSpam

“Way ahead of you”

-A. Reid

4
Redshirt

How do you hold a fork with a flipper?

1
Redshirt

In support for the self-imposed one year bowl ban by LSU (3-5), I am taking a self-imposed ban from sexual intercourse for the remainder of the year and most likely well into the current decade.

3
litre_cola 
Anyone else betting on Brazilian futbol?
Last edited 5 years ago by litre_cola
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litre_cola

I have no idea what I have done. I probably broke Classic editor in the process. Fucking wordpress.

4
Redshirt

DFO’s site mainframe:

Commodore 64 – Wikipedia

1
Redshirt

Army and Navy fighting at the end of the Army-Navy game is exactly how 2020 should end.

2
Redshirt

Wow. Unnecessary Roughness and Taunting on the same play by the same player right in front of the referee.

Both missed.

1
Redshirt

I couldn’t find a bugle call for “Safety Dance” so here’s a close alternative.

Robin Williams as troops “Retreat” at Camp Arifjan, Kuwait – YouTube

0
yeah right

Confession time: when I was younger I had issues with the homeless, especially in my backyard. Guilty as charged. Age changes perspective though and now their situation breaks my heart.

There are so many recent homeless folks out there that it’s horrifying.

Here in San Pedro there was a very large encampment that was just cleared out. Long Beach did another one yesterday. These poor bastards are setting up their tent cities near places that serve them meals, near places where they can get their mail and take a shower and use a computer or charge their phones. Now they’re getting booted out in the middle of a raging pandemic and given no direction on where to go nor given any options for housing.

Fucking hell.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“There but for the grace of God go I” is a saying that has gained a lot of traction with me despite the fact that I’ve gotten less and less religious as I’ve aged.

5
yeah right

No doubt. Faced down with a major calamity and it could happen to anyone.

3
blaxabbath

Why not just force people from Huntington Beach out of their homes and give them to the hobos who poop on the sidewalk the best?

I mean, that’s what they told me Biden was gonna do and I’ll be GOT DAMNED if you’re gonna make liars out of these FINE PATRIOTS.

6
SonOfSpam

Could we put the Huntington Beach residents in camps? Camps seem like a good solution for them.

5
WCS

My bad, sir.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Sarah Fuller has kicked a PAT for Vanderbilt, making her the first woman to score points in an SEC football game.

The most shocking thing about it, of course, being that Vanderbilt scored a TD to put Fuller in position to kick a PAT.

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SonOfSpam

I’d like her to kick my ball between some goalposts, if you know what I mean.

Or maybe she can onside my, um, field goal?

Dammit, I’m bad at this.

2
Horatio Cornblower

No, no, you’re great at this. Let’s put a pin in a couple of these and see what we can’t workshop later.
/Sorry, Dunstan mentioned Silicon Valley and I went all techspeak there.

2
litre_cola

Yeah put that in the parking lot and we can touch base offline.

Last edited 5 years ago by litre_cola
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King Hippo

It’s a Grand Old Team to root for
It’s a Grand Old Team to supporrrrt

2
Horatio Cornblower

As always, fuck Chelsea.

2
litre_cola

You know I can get behind this!

0
Horatio Cornblower

UConn men’s hockey is up 3-0 on #2 BC, then one of the UConn kids put a shot through the plexiglass behind the net, (the replay is glorious), and now there’s a delay while they replace the plexiglass and my question is…Why replace it? There are no fans behind the net, or anywhere else! Just clean it up and let’s fucking go.

Last edited 5 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
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litre_cola

That nap was glorious. I think anglosaxon countries really missed the boat with the whole siesta thing.

4
Dunstan

Traditional Anglosphere corporations: “Grr, that’s terrible! Sleep when you’re dead! We built this country on the Protestant work ethic!”

Silicon Valley companies: “Oh, we provide napping stations for our employees, complete with 2000-thread count sheets, pillows of every level of softness or firmness, and milk and cookies. We believe there’s nothing like a 30-minute catnap to refresh our workers in between 32-hour work sessions.”

5
Horatio Cornblower

One of the great things about working from home is nap time.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Quiet, you’re disrupting nap time!

5
King Hippo

Chelski out of gaol. FACK

0
Horatio Cornblower

Pleased to announce that UConn WBB managed to squeak by noted powerhouse UMass-Lowell 79-23.

0
herodotus450

I’ve seen better production value for high school tennis matches than this Chandeliers-Trojans game.

1
clint greasewood

Taking the under in the Army-Navy game is the easiest bet of the year. O/U:38

2
SonOfSpam

On the other hand, this is gay good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxjPtb4qPdU

1
Horatio Cornblower

Watching UConn play #2 BC in hockey. Game is at the on-campus arena 3 miles from my house, but I can’t go because a bunch of fucking red necks won’t wear their masks while ordering cheesy fries at Applebees.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This might be the worst part of 2020 other than everything the GOP did: https://twitter.com/MrPeanut/status/1335979374542262274?s=19

1
Horatio Cornblower

This has New Coke written all over it

0
Dunstan

Donald Trump Jr. just got very very excited at the prospect of new coke.

6
Dunstan

I’m surprised they didn’t go with the full “Ha, oh please, ‘Mr. Peanut’ is my father. Call me Bart!”

0
WCS

My peanut is also named Bort.

2
SonOfSpam

So…the best player in basketball SEC collapsed on the court and is in “critical but stable” condition.

Recently had COVID.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???

5
bk109

In the words of a Hitler – “It’s just a coincidence that so many people turn out to be allergic to the shower gel in Auschwits”

6
BrettFavresColonoscopy

A. Hitler or a Hitler?

1
WCS

Jimmy Hitler, born 1978

3
bk109

a Hitler… but not that Hitler.. He was in the US Navy like a boss.

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
2
Horatio Cornblower

Man, if these Army-Navy kids think that the government doesn’t give a shit about them by playing this game during a pandemic, wait’ll they become veterans and have to deal with the VA.

7
King Hippo

But random strangers say “thank you” in the airport so suck it libtard!!!111

7
herodotus450

Member when Karl Rove and Co. convinced 49% of the country that “supporting the troops” involved “supporting” deploying them to a foreign country to be shot at and blowed up? I member.

2
bk109

In all fairness, most US deployments over the ages were to kill or be killed in service of corporate interests…. Hell, you lads wage wars or rather “police actions” every time a president gets caught with his pants down or doing business with the wrong despots 😀

1
herodotus450

Hey Panama was like that when we got there, OK!?

3
bk109

I was thinking more along the lines of the US bombing Serbia(and occasionally Bulgaria including my grandma’s neighbours, ’cause missile guidance is hard) in ’99

2
Horatio Cornblower

“All those countries look the same from the air”
-Some US General, probably

2
Dunstan

“Especially after we’re done with them!”

5
herodotus450

“Those neighbors were probably guilty of something.”

3
bk109

Well, one of their grandkids stole my Alessandro Del Piero collectible card, but it’s a bit of an overkill to bomb someone for a duplicate card 😀

2
Dunstan

If I had to come up with something good about Trump’s political rise, it would be that he gave permission for Republicans to acknowledge that there is such a thing as a bad military deployment and that you can bring the troops home without being a cheese-eating French surrendermonkey who hates the troops.

Of course, Trump Republicans now like to pretend that their party invented the idea that bringing troops home is a good thing. Nothing Trump does is 100% good.

2
bk109

VA? Mate, wait until they get their first deployment and discover that they have to ask friends to send them batteries, socks, better gun lube and fucking Kevlar…. all the while the DoD wastes more cash on the nth project to replace Y-piece of kit (ie the latest-est-est attempt to move on from the M4/M16 to someting that fires the same ammo from the same barrel length… but must somehow be TOTALLY new and 1000000% moar better) than it’d take to outfit everyone with decent ballistic protection

4
bk109

Btw, the best gift (outside of AA and AAA batteries, socks, gun lube or SAPI plates is a pron drive ( the bigger the better). TV/Movies work too, but porn is apparently worth its weight in gold 😀

1
SonOfSpam

Nah, I want my troops blue-balled and ready to KILL FOR MY FREEDOM.

6
bk109

They’re already deployed to dry countries, damn it… Deny them pron and you might as well execute them yerself!

1
King Hippo

Jeebus, it is so obviously coming. The equalizer, the winner, and the coffin nail.

0
King Hippo

Pickford is absolutely saving us.

0
King Hippo

Oh Christ, Siggy taking the pen

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Meanwhile, in Madrid, the white team is beating the red and white team.

0
Unsurprised

I lived with a Real Madrid family, but I think I made the wrong choice listening to them.

Last edited 5 years ago by Unsurprised
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