Let’s jump right in.
Fallout:
-Jalen Hurts has been announced as the Eagles starter next week. Funny how a bit of mobility upends a D that had a playbook predicated on blitzing the hell out of Wentz. Carson was the most sacked qb in the league when he was pulled. Hurts wasn’t sacked once and averaged 11 yards per scramble. He missed a few wide-open guys but Wentz was doing that anyway. At least this rook brings ‘watchability’ back to the position again. Any Eagles fans that screamed bloody murder when he was drafted care to backpedal?
-Guenther gone. The Raiders Defensive Coordinator (in name only) was in charge of a unit that had surrendered 29 more points than the 4-9 Chargers, including an average of 32.5 over the last four (1-3) games.
-Team is now fronting the most entertaining, fascinating and incompetent division in the NFL. It’s going to go down to the wire in the same way that “The Upper Class Twit of the Year” race did.
-Thank You For Being A Friend, is what I hoped Hassan Reddick tweeted to Danny Dimes after the former finished with 5 sacks and 3 fumble recoveries.
-[grumbles under breath] Stupid rook rb’s are finally getting their shit together after languishing on various benches. (in the league and fantasy) Jonathan Taylor and Cam Akers had themselves games yesterday and I’m sure Dobbins will bring the thunder tonight. [“sons a bitches”]
TO THE GAME!
Ravens/Browns:
-This won’t settle anything in the division but if the Ravens win they can muddy the picture a bit and if the Browns get the W they’re but one game behind the faltering, run game-less Steelers.
-Ravens will bring the heat because that’s what they do and because Mayfield struggles mightily in that scenario. Of the 32 qb’s with the most playing time Mayfield is ranked 31st and he’s had a 21-39 for 189 (1-1) line vs the Ravens and a 10-18, 119 (1-2) line vs the Steelers.
-Kareem Hunt is slowly being phased out of both the run and pass game as the season progresses. The under on his prop bet 46.5 rushing total looks tasty.
-If Marquise Brown is in your lineup things are looking good. He’s scored in 2 straight games and had the most receiving yards this year vs the Browns
-The Ravens Brandon Williams is back and he is essential to the Ravens run D. With him playing no team has gained more than 150 yards. When he’s been out the D has given up 194, 173 and 173.
-Also keep an eye on te Andrews if he’s a go. The Browns have given up 10(!) TD’s to opposing tight ends.
Make with the wheezing sounds and the jibber jabber, why don’t ya.
What’s dumber, me riding a stationary bike of watching this game?
Coulda stopped at “me” tbh
You should watch the game, you don’t want to get a paper cut in that area.
That’s dumb as hell, you clever bastard.
Doing both at the same time?
Peloton?
Oh hell naw
Dammit, if Chubb keeps overperforming, I could lose.
(This is unusual. I’ve never had a Chubb overperform before.)
It won’t happen. You’re too far ahead but makes for an interesting night
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER TO SEND YOU BOOZE!
I don’t need to be sent booze. Just donate it to the local orphans.
So send it to the Trump cages?
Did LAMAR! only bring one pair of shoes to the game?
I see that there are non-cardboard fans in the stands there. I wonder if the concession stands are open.
Just saw a scuffle on Twitter between a Ravens fan and a Browns fan in the stands.
What. The. Fuck.
You don’t remember Opossum Onight at The Cleve?
No, and also that’s gonna be one pissed off opossum he’s gonna be trying to shove into that box!
Them possums lived in the stadium for a spell.
https://imgur.com/6ZUMUKj
I thank you for your service
Mirror images of the same team.
Not sure nose diaper is gonna cut it
If you don’t cover both holes, it’s analogous to putting a condom on your nutsack when you make love.
Yeah, much better to just stuff it in your butt.
This is why our country can’t have nice things
ChubbDOWN!!!
/swear this has NEVAR happen to me before
Sure, Mr. Kraft, sure.
So it looks like in the TWBS Freezer Vodka league , PortAmigoRicardo, Senor Weaselo, Spam, and probably Don T will advance. Who will get the most ghetto vodka I can find? We shall see!
But is is ghost pepper vodka?
In all honesty, I think it will be “Reserve” Vodka from a First Nation distillery that is known for value above quality. TWBS would like that.
Does it come with full Indigenous Cultural Appropriation?
I believe it is call Alberta Premium.
Try to beat Nadja: $6 for 750 ml bottle. Cheaper and more effective than Liquid Plumr
It was a challenging campaign in the Cape Colony today. Just settled down with a nice gin and tonic. Why aren’t these men of Baltimore oppressing these uncivilized Browns yet?
“RIGHT?” – King. Leopold II, Belgium
You son of a bitch! You got there before me.
“What is ‘something King Leopold never said to non-white people’? I’ll take Colonialism for $800, Alex.”
Sweet Jesus I just saw the Lynda Carter video for the Georgia senate race. She looks fucking amazing.
Yes, she can still Rock the Vote.
She looks great, and if she’s had any work done it was worth every dime.
+1 Lasso of Truth
If you put the fullback in there, have the back follow the fucking fullback! What do you need, a map?
Other than the Ravens logo, there is nothing even slightly Baltimore related in that photo
The one in the middle has a face like Jim Carrey
Is Baltimore not a center of silicone production?
The Browns Higgy has been given way too many opportunities this year to seize the No.1 wr role and has fumbled it away. Cleveland needs to bring someone else in to replace him but they won’t.
The Browns punter is Scottish? Thats bad ass
My colleague said the same about his Scottish ex-girlfriend.
found a funny:
respect to the guy who wrote “jingle bell rock” for talking a really big game with that title and then delivering the absolute softest shit on earth
Chubb shoot his wad already?
Egg and Hammer
I’m a dumb.
Congratulations to Litre’s Wine Drinkin SZN and The Herodotus Fantasy FC for advancing to the Semi-Finals of the Fronkenshteen’s Horseshit Inferior Fantasy Football League For Dopes.
It ain’t over yet.
I hope Diggs pulls his groin in practice and KC wins with Hill only pulling in half his targets.
Better Nickname: Scottish Hammer or Hebrew Hammer?
Emcee Hammer
I find the lack of Landry disturbing
I feel that if a qb intentionally one-hops a throw to a wr it should count as a completed pass. Change My Mind.
Sounds legit to me
One of them got in rapey trouble, but I think there might be one left in the INLAND EMPIRE! Sorry, I mean in Dirthell.
I meant one of the brothers is rapey, not the restaurants.
Gotta go somewhere else for Roofie-ritas?
Lamar seems to have confused his cleats with his bowling shoes
Fuck it Dude, let’s roll.
That creep can roll, man.
Wheelie Shoes FTW!
I would be impressed if he fully committed to a roller disco QB style
I wonder what the casting requirements are for “Insurance agent to NFL QBs”?
This is weird. Its passed week 5 and my Browns are still in the mix.
Is this what not having crippling depression and self loathing feels like?
The higher the ladder the more hilarious the fall, as the saying goes…
The 1-15 season, followed by the 0-16 season, seems to go against that saying…
A A Ron noticed.
We know Covid messes with sense of taste, but based on the kicking this year maybe it also fucks up depth perception and hand-eye coordination?
Parkey will try out for Minnesota next week.
— B. Walsh
Parkey gon’ Parkey
BLEERGH is feasting tonight
inshallah!
Are we shit-talking Cleveland?
I went to look at CIM (Cleveland Institute of Music) in between Carnegie Mellon and Oberlin. We made good time so we had a few hours before the tour. We didn’t make the tour because after about 10 minutes I told my dad “This place is just depressing, let’s get out of here.” And then we drove to Oberlin.
I once kidnapped my friend and took him to Oberlin, I even got him to drive most of the way which is unusual in a kidnapee!
Hope you hid the body well.
I have an irrational hatred of Cleveland. My sister and I had tickets to see the Stones in Cleveland in 72, and my dad wouldn’t let us go because “Cleveland was dangerous.” Like Pittsburgh wasn’t, lol.
So anyhoo, that’s why I want Baltimore (also dangerous) to win.
Cincinnati has more dangerous concerts than Cleveland, at least that one time. “I’d walk over you to see The Who!!”
The champion death count until Great White at The Station in Rhode Island.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Station_nightclub_fire
Great White annihilated that record.
Festival seating was a terrible idea.
Woohoo! I’m now slightly closer to the 70ish fantasy points I need from Lamar and Mark Andrews!
Wait, I’m playing you in DFOball playoffs? I was wondering who that was.
Yeah, my team is having an historically bad week, so you’re welcome for the bye 😛
My 70ish fantasies include Agnetha Faltskog, Charo, Barbi Benton and Cheryl Ladd, among others.
I second this listing.
Mature or Aged if you are so inclined. Bet those are still on Pornhub.
LAMAR! may want to change out his Air Banana Peels for some actual fucking cleats.
Xvideos is #1 overall. sxyprn for full-length videos, and then I guess xhamster if spankbang is being slow.
What about CLE dirt FITBAW going with…
#TheBasePauls!
I don’t see that anybody has suggested the obvious Cleveland River Fires. I’m disappointed.
The Flaming Cuyahogas!
What’s the opposite of the Ol’ Razzle Dazzle, because that play was that.
Whoa. How often do you see 3 tight end sets these days?
I’ll ask you not to disclose my search history to the entire clubhouse, sir.
We’re all imaginary friends here.
/BALLS FLIES IN
The old razzle dazzle!
Urology pays the bills.
My nephew’s fiance’s dad is a urologist in Syracuse NY. He’s fucking loaded.
She’s gonna get a letter from Roger about these uniform violations.
Finally, the world can heal and Major League 3 can get made!
I need a monster Chubb night.
Oh, and also for the Browns RB to have a good game.
Same. Need like 30 points from him to beat SonOfSpam. Ain’t gonna happen but I can dream
Same for me to beat Litre.
He got his 1 td, that I bet on. I also bet on over 93.5 yards. Do with that what you will.
That’s like a triple reverse jinx.
As always, I’ll be rooting for scorigami
Watching the Quantum Leap episode “A Little Miracle” and watching Charles Rocket crying over an image of his grave going “I don’t want it to end like that. Hated, forgotten, alone.” is very uncomfortable knowing what happened to him, may he rest in peace.
Remember how disgusted Howard The Duck was to be in Cleve-land? Howard was right.
I can concur. Every time I drive in Ohio and the control city on the signs for I-71, I-77 and the Ohio Turnpike change to Cleveland, my engine starts to shudder like its going “I don’t want to go there!”
I mean, this is not outside my realm of lustful gaze.
Honest to God, I don’t know who to root for. I hate both teams equally.
Go with the default Meteor
Mayfield to break a leg, Myles G to get bashed by his own helmet, and for the game to end in a 3-3 tie.
Agreed. This game isn’t worthy of a 2-2 tie or 4-4 tie.
I put a lot of thought into it. I don’t want either D to be that good.
To me, hating the Browns seems like hating an abused child for getting bad grades. Can’t you see he’s got shit going on, man?
Yeah! Beat those kids! You got the spirit now, RTD!
“They had it coming.”
—Adrian P
Jim Harbaugh: “I’m committed to Michigan.”
Michigan: (awkward mumbling)
Cleveland ATS, Chubb over 83.5, Chubb TD. Let’s get Chubby!!!!!
Theres your chubbdown
8-1 1st td and it hit. That has never happened to me.
Cleveland has a lot of cool chicks, so they could probably name their team the Cleveland Indie Annes.
Took me 3 times reading that to get it. The other version of this was either here or Twitter last night, which basically said it should pay homage to Harrison Ford and be called The Indy/Hans. Your joke made me think more of Anne of Green Gables.
I was looking to see if the Cleveland Clowns was taken for a possible new name for the Indians but all google results refer to Cleveland Browns.
Also the Cleveland Blues lasted from the 1879-1884 before being folded into the Brooklyn Grays with would be later named to the Dodgers. So a in state rivalry between the Blues and Reds would be so on par for battleground??? state Ohio.
Brooklyn Gray? She’s awesome.
I think Spiders is a fucking marketers wet dream. It is just perfect.
Don’t most people hate spiders?
Love , love, love me some Graham Chapman, but he has always been on my list of stars I’d never want to meet. Also on the list: Jim Morrison, Mitch Hedberg, Terri Garr, Sean Penn, Penis McGillicuddy…
Michael Palin is the Python I’d most like to meet.