Political talk has died down so WE ARE BACK to recapping the best comments of the week!
As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
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DFO Comments O’ The Week!
So much bad football. I can’t wait to watch again next Sunday.
monty this seems strange to me
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At Clemson, a degree in Classical Greek is sleeping with Coeds from all the sororities and partying at all the fraternities. And able to say the Greek alphabet.
ArmedandHammered
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I’ve got the news on and just heard someone say “the question is when does a needle go into someone’s arm” and somewhere Todd Marinovich’s ears are burning.
/gets sued by RTD for copyright infringement
Horatio
“Arm?”
-Jose Canseco
monty this seems strange to me
Right? My understanding is that all pricks go in the butt.
Balls
[shakes her head in exasperation] – Balls’ high school sex education teacher
RTD
Pictured: Balls staying after school for extra credit.
Horatio
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Hobo lust, the forbidden lust.
Litre_cola
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I still get credit for longest Banner tenure, right? Like how Sylvester McCoy and Paul McGann were still considered The Doctor even though the series got cancelled and the FOX TV movie didn’t picked up as a series?
Redshirt
Nobody gets that reference, virgin.
SonOfSpam
NERRRRRDDDDDD!!!!!
Dunstan
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UM WHO ELSE HERE DOES NOT TRUST THE FOOTBALL TEAM’S MEDICAL STAFF WITH ALEX’S SMITH REMAINING GOOD LEG?
hippofant
I wouldn’t trust them with a reasonably fresh corpse, much less any part of an actual, living person
Doktor Zymm
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The Virginia Military Institute took down their statue of Stonewall Jackson today, marking the second time Jackson was taken down by southern military.
Horatio
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He coached youth sports for 3 years and kills hobos for fun. That’s not a coincidence.
Horatio
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Some people are calling me a super genius for benching Antonio Gibson this week, but frankly, I’m just your average down home every day normal genius, thank you very much.
herodotus450
The voices in my head think that the voices in your head are full of shit.
scotchnaut
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I HAVEN’T SEEN A TRAP GAME CALLED THAT CORRECTLY SINCE VIVA LA TABULA RASA TOLD US ABOUT THAT PORT VISIT IN THAILAND
LemonJello
HER LAST NAME WAS DONG. HOW DID I MISS THAT?
scotchnaut
I would like to open a stripper/rub and tug called Thigh-land. Great fried chicken out back too.
Litre_cola
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“Polish Fullback” sounds like an option at Litre’s Thigh-Land rub-n-tug joint.
LemonJello
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I had a massive dose of D, too. Turns out, I’m not gay, though. Just slutty.
TheRevanchist
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This is the kind of professionalism holding the backend of this place together.
blaxabbath
backend
Just throw up the Balls signal, whydontcha?
LemonJello
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JONATHAN: I wanna eat Derek’s brain.
That would make for the saddest zombie since The Cranberries’ tribute concert.
SonOfSpam
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found a funny:
Just give people the COVID vaccine in a hotdog and I promise you no one will ask what it contains.
rockingdog
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You can tell Lamar is playing like shit cause he just tossed a floater.
tundrajim
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I’m familiar with Shank’alor and Gamblor. Are there more DFO deities that I should be aware of? and is Lord Lazerface considered a fertility god?
clint greasewood
There’s DOINK, god of hit goalposts.
LemonJello
Orlovskor, God of safeties.
Mr. Ayo
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Sweet! I can see who my friends are!
And fill out the enemy list.
Mr. Ayo
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The Cowboys last possession ended on Downs, which is usually why all of Sam Darnold’s possessions end.
Horatio
Ah, the old 3rd-on-21 situation.
The Maestro
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My office Xmas party is over Zoom on Friday. We can spend $70 on food and apparently one drink, and get comped.
Gonna buy two hot dogs and a $65 bottle of bourbon.
Horatio
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It’s dead at work. My people got the talk today, anyone asks “you’re very busy” but “can fit in some time” to help anyone. Told them that and dont use the company laptop to web browse the next 6 weeks. bring in a tablet or own laptop.
Spur
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Nailed It!
– B. Walsh
Mr. Ayo
Do you have that in a document and just cut and paste as needed?
ArmedandHammered
The sharp eyed of you will notice there are very subtle differences.
Otherwise WordPress gives me a duplicate message error.
I am a dedicated, experienced, and professional commenter.
Mr. Ayo
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At this point I’m just watching to see if Fozz shows up naked and painted purple and sprints across the field.
Horatio
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Thurl Ravenscroft sang the original Grinch song AND voiced Tony the Tiger.
In conclusion, Bethlehem is a land of contrasts.
SonOfSpam
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Best Christmas song is Father Christmas by the Kinks and if you deny that, well you are worse than a flat earther.
ArmedandHammered
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Jeez, another DFO Sausage Fest — I can’t watch.
— O. von Bismarck (maybe)
Downfield Matriculator
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Little bags of mystery are also what I call my testicles
BFC
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Every time I watch the Grubhub gymnastics commercial, I get an sudden urge to punch the bearded guy in the face very hard. Is that normal, or is my dormant Republican tendencies picking something up?
Redshirt
“Punch the hippie douche” is maybe the last thing that all across the political spectrum can agree on.
King Hippo
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I’m pitching The Masked Penis to Fox. So far, things are looking good.
jjfozz
Are you going for a soft pitch or are you going balls out?
Redshirt
Shaft, head, balls, pubes, the whole deal
jjfozz
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Dear Bold Clues Quarterly Forum:
“It’s such a cliche but here goes. I never thought it would happen to me but just last Sunday I was raking my lawn, stuffing all the leaves into bags when a scruffy 50-something gentleman with a stick/bindle over his shoulder appeared out of nowhere. He asked me if I wanted a helping hand. I giggled to myself, not believing my incredible luck and said, “Sure, I would love a hand, as well as a foot and maybe an ear.” He cocked his head to the side and started on his way but I said, “Could you use fifty bucks?”. He turned around and said, “Sure can”. Long story short-I’m positive the perennials in the flower bed in the backyard are going to be awesome next year and for many years to come.”
scotchnaut
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In my personal head-canon, I assume that Aaron Rodgers really does hang around with his State Farm agent because he thinks it gets him a discount, while Mahomes just does it because he’s a nice friendly guy.
Dunstan
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I may need to make a personal resume on Wednesday. I tend to be very quiet about me.
I think you should put “Posts Females in Various States is Of Undress on a Football Dick Joke Blog” on it.
JimU
References: A Bunch Of Invisible Friends On A Dick Joke & Football Blog, One Of Whom May Be A Serial Killer.
Horatio
Prep for the interview. When they ask you “What’s your passion?”, answer “Following orders”. “Biggest weakness?” “Spandex cheetah print”.
Don T
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Found a funny:
Him: Did you adopt your dog?
Me: No, he’s my biological dog.
Mr. Ayo
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[yawns, leisurely scratches crotch]
“Mornin’, folks”
scotchnaut
No, Scotchy, your *own* crotch.
monty this seems strange to me
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I once dated a 6’3″ waitress for awhile and my nickname for her was “Skybox”.
/never shared that with her, believe it or not
scotchnaut
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Have a wonderful week, everyone! Thanks for the funny and stay safe!
We need more Hannukah songs. “Dreidel” and that Adam Sandler song get tiresome after a while.
You can use this as a placeholder until someone writes something moar bettAR (and actually on topic) 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yDarQW7UZc
I dated a Jewish girl for 15 years. She thought this song was hysterical. She didn’t have a pre-moistened dumper, though.
And I learned about that song from a rabbi that lives on my street in Dublin – he also loved that song and tried to convince me that it’s the best song from Sheik Yerbouti (after recovering from his shock that there are still millenials with actual taste in music :D), when we all know that the real gem in that album is “I have been in you” 😉
Edit; In case you’re wondering – I never heard ‘Princess’ ’cause the bootleg copy of Sheik Yerbouti Dad got had only the one disc (and without the track listings for side 3 and 4)… the joys of getting niche music across the iron curtain, lol (well, that and not realizing that cassettes can actually sound quite decent)
We will write our own!
Oy, Holy Night
Grandma got run over by the rabbi
O Little Town of Scarsdale
Jingle Babkes
God rest ye, merry gefilte fish
https://youtu.be/8ivIrk7Lk-o
I love this Christmas song. Hi, my name is Brak!
Holy shit, I posted a video!
Hooray!
They said it couldn’t be done!
Eh, I think they said that it shouldn’t be done, because against it’s the laws of Gods and (wo)men… That, or the comment plugin was borked last time you tried 😀
Worst Christmas songs, ranked:
1) Feed the world
2) Dominic the Donkey
3) Christmas Shoes*
* Even though it’s in the top 3, it gave us this Patton Oswalt gem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq10bz3PxyY
I think it was one of the Gawker sites back in the day that did a 64-song Worst Christmas Song bracket. I can’t remember if Christmas Shoes or Wonderful Christmastime came out the winner.
Patton absolutely slayed that hideous thing.
I saw Patton Oswalt in the bar of Providence, a very fancy restaurant here in LA. It’s a cozy bar – seats 10 tops – and I was tempted to send him a drink out of gratitude for this bit.
For those Lesser inclined, Chelski lost at the death, and Comintern FC up early!
Yeah, it’s a crying shame that Chelski lost that one, but not as much of a shame as me putting only a 100 on the Wolves to win this thing down 0-1 😀
On a related note -Fuck you, dear Frankie L, ya fucking twat!
Concerned about Liverpool tomorrow. Hoping for a W, realistically hoping a draw.
Really don’t feel good about rooting for Mourinho. But the alternative is just so dire.
You can always hope that a small asteroid hits their next head to head matchup..
Since we don’t want too many innocents to be impacted, you can calibrate your asteroid prayers for a 10m lump of iron at ~17m/s hitting at 45+ degrees (90 is best, but those hardly ever happen in real life).
Also, it’d appear that no one actually verified the assault gun’s actually got no combat history, lol (I’ve got a buddy of mine checking the archives, but it’d appear that it be a ’44, not a late ’46 or early ’47 as initially told) and it has something that just may be battle scarring.. Fingers crossed that’s an ex- 3rd Guards or preferably from an unit from the 3rd Ukrainian Front (I had great-granddads in both that served on that SPATG .)
Also, FUCK YOU SHITTY (I played that as draw or win for Best Brom) , MWAHAHAHA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XS3KzviAmU
f u geolock
There’s an entire subgenre of comedic Canadian versions of this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ok7u-nbJY0w
More classic Christmas tunes:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mVIi7bL3EM
We usually listen to the 3 Tenors singing traditional tunes on Christmas Eve. Give Pavarotti singing “O Holy Night” or “Ave Maria” a go.
Maybe I should do an edition of Request Line that isn’t Christmas music, but features songs that can be *connected* to other songs that ARE Christmas music. Example: Silver Bells gets us…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0aLpnSD_DI
Fun fact: this was the version that was used in the X-Files episode that featured Jack Black and Giovani Ribisi!
This is as good as I’ve heard anyone live:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRyYk0FBOXU
Grandson Noodles Edmond D***s seems to not care for The White Stripes. But I love him anyway, and lowered the volume.
Perhaps my favoUrite bit of trivia is that Jack White wanted to be a priest, but they wouldn’t let him keep his guitars.
Show him the drummer’s tits.
She’s deffo a bunny boiler, but I’d be all over that!
Ha! You say “bunny boiler” like it were a negative thang
I do not care for Christmas music. The religious ones were spoon-fed to me as a child and the “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” shit is like the musical Special Olympics. WTF? “In the new, old-fashioned way?” That doesn’t even follow basic principles of logic or cause-and-effect. Screw that. There aren’t any Thanksgiving carols and if it wasn’t for John Philip Sousa, there wouldn’t be any 4th of July carols either. (Lee Greenwood would still get rolled out to do his one trailer-park ode to the Republic, but that’s an outlier, because MAGA.) It’s time for the Little Drummer Boy to grow the fuck up.
In my opinion.
That said, “Fairytale of New York” always makes me a little misty. I think I would have liked to have a drink with Kirsty MacColl. Shane MacGowan always scared me a bit, and he would just drink the whole bottle himself anyway. But still – fookin’ great song.
I like only the traditional mix (done super well) by Sufjan Stevens, or Weird Al’s “Christmas at Ground Zero”
I generally don’t like Christmas music either, though there are probably enough exceptions that I could put together a playlist I liked if I was so inclined. But I never have been, no doubt in large part because I usually get so inundated with holiday music this time of year that I rarely find myself wanting to hear more of it, even “good” ones.
I generally have an hour or two on 23 or 24 December when I feel almost festive. Usually because #FirstPill hit just right.
Ha, yes, eggnog is usually to blame for me.
This year will be a little different — not spending much time outside of home, so not getting the usual overdose of holiday music. On the other hand, it also doesn’t “feel” much like Christmas, either.
Like I am prone to say to clients when they praise my working weekends, late nights, etc. – hey, everyday is just one that ends in “y” now
I agree on most of the pop stuff(whatever generation).
But…
Silent Night and Oh Holy Night, etc on Christmas Eve, in a big old church with THOSE acoustics and at least a decent choir…
Doesn’t make me believe in God, but does make me glad that there are some people who do. Like listening to some of the religious music from the greats.
Also, nice to feel that brother/sisterhood effect with my fellow people once a year.
Edit to add.
If I’m feeling really sappy and lonely, Bing’s White Christmas finds one of those weird places called feelings in my heart.
I will not sit idly by and let Alice’s Restaurant be slandered in this manner
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM
Kelly Clarkson’s Wrapped in Red album is how you XMas.
Hot damn, am I happy to be able to torture my imaginary friends with my hipster doofus music again!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNidfSk-5Jw
Saw them live at a festival. They were great and I was the perfect level of drunk.
My guess – drunk enough to think you can dance, but not so drunk you pulled your cock out?
Who just came through with the first half goal Hippo needed??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU3mc0yvRNk
as always, y’all bring the funny every time. Even when i don’t get the references.