Newsy Notes:
-That Hurts! Turns out that Lions center Frank Ragnow has been diagnosed with a, um, “Fractured Throat”. I have no idea what that entails but he finished out the game with it. He’s gonna be on the front page of Pain Tolerance Weekly, that’s for sure.
-Der Covid has hit both James Bradberry and Jason Garrett upside the nostrils and other affected areas. Freddie Kitchens will handle the play-calling duties, bringing some of that sweet Browns magic to the game.
-Sitters Can’t Be Winners-Stafford, Dimes, Gesicki and many others are out of commission. RoJo has pins in his fingers and bells on his toes, and has been asking the whereabouts of Sweet Gypsy Rose.
-Former Ravens rb Lorenzo Taliaferre has passed away at the age of 28 due to a heart attack. He played in the league from 2014-16. Damn that’s young.
TO THE GAME!
Chargers/Raiders:
-The odds folks have estimated that if the 7-6 Raiders win tonight their chances of making the playoffs are 29%. If they lose it drops all the way down to 5%.
-Qb Herbert’s (of the two tossers playing tonight, he likes Bauhaus the 2nd-most) passing TD prop this evening is 1.5. He’s thrown 2 or more in 8 of 12 games that he’s started. The Raiders have the 27th ranked pass D. Do the math.
-Quietly coming on these last few weeks is Nelson Agholor-over the last month he’s been WR16 fantasy-wise. With Ruggs on the Reserve-Covid list he should see the most targets after Waller. During that same time he’s led all wr’s in red zone targets inside the 10 yard line.
-What To Do With Jacobs? Coming off an injury and a pranking of fantasy players he had a lousy game and a worrying 42% snap share. I guess ya gotta play him if ya have him because Booker can’t read running lanes.
-Speaking of rb’s, Ekeler was out for quite some time but since his return he’s RB4. The last time the Chargers played the Raiders they ran for 160 yards and 2 TD’s.
Play ’em if you’ve got them down below.
How do the chargers always have a good qb yet like always suck?
Have to give one thing to #27 on Vegas – he’s not subtle about his BLEERGH worship.
Evangelical Heathen
I miss Monday’s game
Raiders are playing like the Raiders play when the playoffs are on the line.
Jon Gruden is challenging a fucking 2 yard gain.
Hey, we got a Blazing Saddles reference from Joe. I’ll allow it
I find it hard to believe he wants to know where the white women at.
Good evening gentlemen. Have you any recommendations for my first beverage this evening? Seeing as we are watching these fine squadrons that have represented the city of Los Angeles at one point or another, Tiger Blood seemed like an appropriate choice.
Single malt. Barely legal
Brent Musberger was Biting Back Better before it was cool.
I was shocked by how old he looks. I guess I haven’t seen him in awhile. But he’s 81, so he’s allowed to look his age. I do!
Mussberger and Jimmy the Greek was some amazing television
Does it involve feet?
-R. Ryan
Needed that JACOBDOWN! so bad. WOOT!
Is it a hand one?
better have two if the AMA guy downstream is involved (smgdh)
I sure am glad that I won’t have to kill of Hunter Renfrow’s character.
laugh track intensifies
/checks latest Q Drop
John Roberts did this!!!
Why are they moving around Renfrow like that??? He’s clearly unconscious!
He’s only mostly dead.
That is not a happy looking neck angle
Gritty players don’t get the ‘plegia.
Then the pick up to let his neck go back to normal!
reminds me of Carlin’s BEST fitbaw idea – leave the injured ON the field!
If it’s such a war out there on the field, let the Red Cross pick these assholes up!
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Another good football game – UC Irvine is leading Loyola Marymount 21-17 at halftime.
(puts hand to earpiece)
I’m being told this is actually a shitty basketball game.
NC State was in cruise control most of the way, then got their shit pushed in by the JV Hardwood #BFIB.
That’s Rikki’s Raiders! are making a mockery of Kornacki’s playoff maths.
If Justin Herbert has a kid and names it Hebert, but pronounced like Bobby Hebert, that would be pretty cool.
“Yes. YES!”
-V. Nabokov
“Evgeni” doesn’t start with a “V,” you silly pants!
So, is that like a 45-yard combined BLEERGH?
Ah, nothing like a photoshoot performed at a La Quinta. Classy!
I’m thinkin…Red Roof?
Gotta be a HJ…
Those striped pillows are all Super 8.
She’s probably given an HJ quite recently.
Could be a Hampton Inn, too.
I’m thinkin’ I may have slept in that bed.
Pour one out for JoJo Starbuck-she could have had a very successful career in porn but she married Terry Bradshaw instead.
She shoulda married Roger Staubach then hyphenated her last name.
That may be the first time those two choices were reversed.
Why do they let Bradshaw talk? That’s elder abuse!
I’m very excited to see how Anthony Lynn blows this!
Between him and Grudn Grindr we really could get Most Glorious Draw!
Oh yes. This!
But…but that would mean I gotta suffer 116.7% of this game!
You noe what u did! – GOD
Carr should have paid extra for the special protective undercarriage coating
I am confused. Does Joe Buck think this is the 2nd half already?
He probably saw the Raiders give up the lead in the final two minutes and just assumed that it was.
Does Joe Buck think?
Does Joe Buck?
Does Joe?
Does?
?
Should we start again?
Chargers win out bringing Anthony Lynn’s record and Chargers HC to 32-32 and saving his job.
Ah, the Jeff Fisher Effect.
Give up 10 points in the last 2 minutes of the half?
That’s My Raiders!
Gruden: “So give me an update on Carr’s status.”
Trainer: “He pulled his groin.”
Gruden: “That’s a personal issue between David and God. I don’t need to know that! What did he hurt?”
Trainer: “One of his testicles is red and sore.”
Gruden: “What did I just tell you?!”
With as much rain as they have to play in, I am always amazed more Premier League players aren’t constantly nursing sore groins.
Professional footballers really are incredible athletes.
Oh hey, I’m just in time for the half and to make shit jokes about the cost of Carr insurance in Las Vegas
I’m curious about the eyeliner deductible.
I suspect it depends on whether the policy covers cosmetic damage
And damage to the undercarriage
Don’t you hate it when a testicular goes into business for itself?
Left groin? As opposed to his right groin?
No wonder he’s so Emo, he has TWO WEINERS!
For a guy with four balls, he’s not really that fearless.
Well now I’m just thinking of that infamous Reddit post from a few years ago. (NOTE: THIS IS THE MOST NSFW THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN UPLOADED TO THE INTERNET)
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1u75hh/i_am_the_guy_with_two_penises_ama/
Okay. Who’s gonna take one for the team to confirm the pics?
They’re real, and they’re spectacular.
I’ve seen that guy. He has two dicks. Weird.
So…is one dick straight, and the other one gay?
So, why exactly would he have any career other than porn?
Or a ring toss board at a local fair.
Actually that’s an excellent point.
Ekeler or Henry please.
No Ekeler
Yeah, looks like he just got his cracks at it. I suspect Keenan Allen gets the target here.
FRONKENSHTEEN IS A PROPHET
inshallah!
You were correct. I would like an Allendown tonight. No Ekelerdowns at all.
You know who else is living in Allendown?
Billy Joel
Does Christie Brinkley live there?
She is more of an Uptown Girl.
She’s an uptown girl.
I’m not sure. It’s rumoured that she’s an uptown girl.
TELL US OH ALL-SEEING FRONKENSHTEEN, HOW WILL THE CHARGERS BLOW THIS GAME IN THE 4TH?
Badgely doink!
Been watching Christmas movies with the kids,,so wondering why Tim Allen is in so many of these movies. He’s not funny and always plays the same character
A coked up snitch?
Lol. Forgot about that.
I mean, the honest answer is that Home Improvement was a real fucking popular family-friendly sitcom.
And then he was Buzz Lightyear
When I Google a real fucking popular family-friendly sitcom, Home Improvement shows up on the 4th page.
With “real fucking popular family” as a part of the search, were the first 3 pages all porn?
The Aristocrats!
Hippo, the Bengals don’t play until Monday.
/Raises hand meekly
Galaxy Quest was good?
Galaxy Quest, Buzz Lightyear and the first Santa Clause was good.
The 2nd Santa Clause was just okay, but Tim Allen at least acted like he was trying to do something magical.
In the 3rd Santa Clause, Tim Allen acted like he wanted a paycheck.
I feel bad for Carr. He will never match the success he had early in his career on “Breaking Bad”.
Now we got the start of a QB controversy.
I AM POINTING AT THE SADDEST YOUNG MAN IN THE WORLD
Marcus… Mariota?
Quack. Quack. Quack.
Ah, “The Darrius Heyward-Bey Salute”. Missed that…
Kinda looked more like Kellen Winslow in a Target parking lot.
I just saw a commercial for Fox News that LED with a clip of them going on about Hunter Biden’s laptop and a Chinese spy and some shit and I desperately need to find an… alternate way to watch this game.
Something something GET YER POLITICS OUT OF MY SPORTSBALL
Yes, that was jarring. Especially the part about “AMERICA’S MOST TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE” because nah
Streaming on Amazon Prime?
I would watch on Twitch, but the commercials/commercial music IS SO LOUD.
ah, you Clippers du Merde – gotta be you
WALLER!!!! TD CATCH!!!!
that WAS ROCKING!!!!!
Touched-down….Raiders?!?
This Carr crash has decapitated the Raiders like they were Jayne Mansfield.
“That’s to far”
–D. Spencer Paris, France
that was a ROCKIN catch by 87
Damn it, we wanted J Peterman!
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Buncha dudes, gettin hard together, fuck yeah Amurrica.
Bathroom breaks are one at a time fellas, and no merch either.
5 PM is the afternoon, not the “night.” Idiots.
Mom makes them go to bed at 8.
The only way the Raiders defense gets a stop is due to an egregiously dropped pass.
The Raiders playoff hopes. I call them Paul Walker because they’re going up in flames because of a Carr crash
+1 homoerotic car racing sequel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=umU_uMfi_yo
Carr dealing with The Killing Groin.
Pain
Up against the wall
I’m cryin hard
Cuz I hurt my balls
Playing against handsome Puerto Rican Don_T in the DFO Seamus Memorial FFL semis this weekend, and I have Herbert & Waller, and he has Agholor.
IT IS ON.
I think you can both count on getting next to nothing out of your Raider receivers.
You are in trouble, ma dude. Don T has mojo. Mojo Criolla!
Wow, that first quarter was over in barely more than a half hour.
Let’s get some holding penalties and replays, stretch this thing out a little.
Unlike Carr’s groin, which won’t stretch for several weeks.