Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Newsy Notes:

-That Hurts! Turns out that Lions center Frank Ragnow has been diagnosed with a, um, “Fractured Throat”. I have no idea what that entails but he finished out the game with it. He’s gonna be on the front page of Pain Tolerance Weekly, that’s for sure.

-Der Covid has hit both James Bradberry and Jason Garrett upside the nostrils and other affected areas. Freddie Kitchens will handle the play-calling duties, bringing some of that sweet Browns magic to the game.

-Sitters Can’t Be Winners-Stafford, Dimes, Gesicki and many others are out of commission. RoJo has pins in his fingers and bells on his toes, and has been asking the whereabouts of Sweet Gypsy Rose.

-Former Ravens rb Lorenzo Taliaferre has passed away at the age of 28 due to a heart attack. He played in the league from 2014-16. Damn that’s young.

TO THE GAME!

Chargers/Raiders:

-The odds folks have estimated that if the 7-6 Raiders win tonight their chances of making the playoffs are 29%. If they lose it drops all the way down to 5%.

-Qb Herbert’s (of the two tossers playing tonight, he likes Bauhaus the 2nd-most) passing TD prop this evening is 1.5. He’s thrown 2 or more in 8 of 12 games that he’s started. The Raiders have the 27th ranked pass D. Do the math.

-Quietly coming on these last few weeks is Nelson Agholor-over the last month he’s been WR16 fantasy-wise. With Ruggs on the Reserve-Covid list he should see the most targets after Waller. During that same time he’s led all wr’s in red zone targets inside the 10 yard line.

-What To Do With Jacobs? Coming off an injury and a pranking of fantasy players he had a lousy game and a worrying 42% snap share. I guess ya gotta play him if ya have him because Booker can’t read running lanes.

-Speaking of rb’s, Ekeler was out for quite some time but since his return he’s RB4. The last time the Chargers played the Raiders they ran for 160 yards and 2 TD’s.

Play ’em if you’ve got them down below.

 

 

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blaxabbath

How do the chargers always have a good qb yet like always suck?

King Hippo

Have to give one thing to #27 on Vegas – he’s not subtle about his BLEERGH worship.

blaxabbath

Evangelical Heathen

Doktor Zymm

I miss Monday’s game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Raiders are playing like the Raiders play when the playoffs are on the line.

King Hippo

Jon Gruden is challenging a fucking 2 yard gain.

Sharkbait

Hey, we got a Blazing Saddles reference from Joe. I’ll allow it

King Hippo

I find it hard to believe he wants to know where the white women at.

Cecil Rhodes

Good evening gentlemen. Have you any recommendations for my first beverage this evening? Seeing as we are watching these fine squadrons that have represented the city of Los Angeles at one point or another, Tiger Blood seemed like an appropriate choice.

Sharkbait

Single malt. Barely legal

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brent Musberger was Biting Back Better before it was cool.

Gumbygirl

I was shocked by how old he looks. I guess I haven’t seen him in awhile. But he’s 81, so he’s allowed to look his age. I do!

Recovery Whiskey

Mussberger and Jimmy the Greek was some amazing television

LemonJello

Does it involve feet?
-R. Ryan

litre_cola

Is it a hand one?

King Hippo

better have two if the AMA guy downstream is involved (smgdh)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I sure am glad that I won’t have to kill of Hunter Renfrow’s character.

King Hippo

laugh track intensifies

SonOfSpam

/checks latest Q Drop

John Roberts did this!!!

Sharkbait

Why are they moving around Renfrow like that??? He’s clearly unconscious!

LemonJello

He’s only mostly dead.

Doktor Zymm

That is not a happy looking neck angle

SonOfSpam

Gritty players don’t get the ‘plegia.

Sharkbait

Then the pick up to let his neck go back to normal!

King Hippo

reminds me of Carlin’s BEST fitbaw idea – leave the injured ON the field!

LemonJello

If it’s such a war out there on the field, let the Red Cross pick these assholes up!

herodotus450

comment image?itemid=9735790

SonOfSpam

Another good football game – UC Irvine is leading Loyola Marymount 21-17 at halftime.

(puts hand to earpiece)

I’m being told this is actually a shitty basketball game.

King Hippo

NC State was in cruise control most of the way, then got their shit pushed in by the JV Hardwood #BFIB.

King Hippo

That’s Rikki’s Raiders! are making a mockery of Kornacki’s playoff maths.

herodotus450

If Justin Herbert has a kid and names it Hebert, but pronounced like Bobby Hebert, that would be pretty cool.

SonOfSpam

“Yes. YES!”

-V. Nabokov

herodotus450

“Evgeni” doesn’t start with a “V,” you silly pants!

King Hippo

So, is that like a 45-yard combined BLEERGH?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, nothing like a photoshoot performed at a La Quinta. Classy!

SonOfSpam

I’m thinkin…Red Roof?

ballsofsteelandfury

Gotta be a HJ…

litre_cola

Those striped pillows are all Super 8.

SonOfSpam

She’s probably given an HJ quite recently.

herodotus450

Could be a Hampton Inn, too.

Redshirt

I’m thinkin’ I may have slept in that bed.

SonOfSpam

She shoulda married Roger Staubach then hyphenated her last name.

Redshirt

That may be the first time those two choices were reversed.

LemonJello

Why do they let Bradshaw talk? That’s elder abuse!

JimU

I’m very excited to see how Anthony Lynn blows this!

King Hippo

Between him and Grudn Grindr we really could get Most Glorious Draw!

Sharkbait

Oh yes. This!

Redshirt

But…but that would mean I gotta suffer 116.7% of this game!

King Hippo

You noe what u did! – GOD

Doktor Zymm

Carr should have paid extra for the special protective undercarriage coating

hippofant

I am confused. Does Joe Buck think this is the 2nd half already?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He probably saw the Raiders give up the lead in the final two minutes and just assumed that it was.

Gumbygirl

Does Joe Buck think?

Doktor Zymm

Does Joe Buck?

LemonJello

Does Joe?

Redshirt

Does?

BugEyedBoo

?

Gumbygirl

Should we start again?

clint greasewood

Chargers win out bringing Anthony Lynn’s record and Chargers HC to 32-32 and saving his job.

LemonJello

Ah, the Jeff Fisher Effect.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Give up 10 points in the last 2 minutes of the half?

That’s My Raiders!

Redshirt

Gruden: “So give me an update on Carr’s status.”
Trainer: “He pulled his groin.”
Gruden: “That’s a personal issue between David and God. I don’t need to know that! What did he hurt?”
Trainer: “One of his testicles is red and sore.”
Gruden: “What did I just tell you?!”

Fronkenshteen

With as much rain as they have to play in, I am always amazed more Premier League players aren’t constantly nursing sore groins.

King Hippo

Professional footballers really are incredible athletes.

Doktor Zymm

Oh hey, I’m just in time for the half and to make shit jokes about the cost of Carr insurance in Las Vegas

Doktor Zymm

I suspect it depends on whether the policy covers cosmetic damage

Game Time Decision

And damage to the undercarriage

Redshirt

Don’t you hate it when a testicular goes into business for itself?

hippofant

Left groin? As opposed to his right groin?

King Hippo

No wonder he’s so Emo, he has TWO WEINERS!

Redshirt

For a guy with four balls, he’s not really that fearless.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
LemonJello

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The Maestro

Well now I’m just thinking of that infamous Reddit post from a few years ago. (NOTE: THIS IS THE MOST NSFW THING THAT HAS EVER BEEN UPLOADED TO THE INTERNET)

https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/1u75hh/i_am_the_guy_with_two_penises_ama/

Redshirt

Okay. Who’s gonna take one for the team to confirm the pics?

Mr. Ayo

They’re real, and they’re spectacular.

Gumbygirl

I’ve seen that guy. He has two dicks. Weird.

King Hippo

So…is one dick straight, and the other one gay?

Doktor Zymm

So, why exactly would he have any career other than porn?

litre_cola

Or a ring toss board at a local fair.

Redshirt

Actually that’s an excellent point.

Fronkenshteen

Ekeler or Henry please.

Sharkbait

No Ekeler

Fronkenshteen

Yeah, looks like he just got his cracks at it. I suspect Keenan Allen gets the target here.

hippofant

FRONKENSHTEEN IS A PROPHET

King Hippo

inshallah!

Sharkbait

You were correct. I would like an Allendown tonight. No Ekelerdowns at all.

Sharkbait

Does Christie Brinkley live there?

litre_cola

She is more of an Uptown Girl.

LemonJello

She’s an uptown girl.

hippofant

TELL US OH ALL-SEEING FRONKENSHTEEN, HOW WILL THE CHARGERS BLOW THIS GAME IN THE 4TH?

Fronkenshteen

Badgely doink!

Game Time Decision

Been watching Christmas movies with the kids,,so wondering why Tim Allen is in so many of these movies. He’s not funny and always plays the same character

SonOfSpam

A coked up snitch?

Game Time Decision

Lol. Forgot about that.

hippofant

I mean, the honest answer is that Home Improvement was a real fucking popular family-friendly sitcom.

Unsurprised

And then he was Buzz Lightyear

LemonJello

With “real fucking popular family” as a part of the search, were the first 3 pages all porn?

King Hippo

The Aristocrats!

Redshirt

Hippo, the Bengals don’t play until Monday.

Fronkenshteen

/Raises hand meekly

Galaxy Quest was good?

Redshirt

Galaxy Quest, Buzz Lightyear and the first Santa Clause was good.

The 2nd Santa Clause was just okay, but Tim Allen at least acted like he was trying to do something magical.

In the 3rd Santa Clause, Tim Allen acted like he wanted a paycheck.

JustStopDude

I feel bad for Carr. He will never match the success he had early in his career on “Breaking Bad”.
comment image

Now we got the start of a QB controversy.

SonOfSpam

I AM POINTING AT THE SADDEST YOUNG MAN IN THE WORLD

herodotus450

Marcus… Mariota?
Quack. Quack. Quack.

clint greasewood

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SonOfSpam

Kinda looked more like Kellen Winslow in a Target parking lot.

hippofant

I just saw a commercial for Fox News that LED with a clip of them going on about Hunter Biden’s laptop and a Chinese spy and some shit and I desperately need to find an… alternate way to watch this game.

Something something GET YER POLITICS OUT OF MY SPORTSBALL

SonOfSpam

Yes, that was jarring. Especially the part about “AMERICA’S MOST TRUSTED NEWS SOURCE” because nah

Viva La Tabula Raza

Streaming on Amazon Prime?

hippofant

I would watch on Twitch, but the commercials/commercial music IS SO LOUD.

King Hippo

ah, you Clippers du Merde – gotta be you

rockingdog

WALLER!!!! TD CATCH!!!!

that WAS ROCKING!!!!!

LemonJello

Touched-down….Raiders?!?

Unsurprised

This Carr crash has decapitated the Raiders like they were Jayne Mansfield.

Sharkbait

“That’s to far”

–D. Spencer Paris, France

rockingdog

that was a ROCKIN catch by 87

King Hippo

Damn it, we wanted J Peterman!

Sharkbait

comment image?itemid=15503209

JustStopDude

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SonOfSpam

Buncha dudes, gettin hard together, fuck yeah Amurrica.

litre_cola

Bathroom breaks are one at a time fellas, and no merch either.

Viva La Tabula Raza

5 PM is the afternoon, not the “night.” Idiots.

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Gumbygirl

Mom makes them go to bed at 8.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only way the Raiders defense gets a stop is due to an egregiously dropped pass.

Sharkbait

The Raiders playoff hopes. I call them Paul Walker because they’re going up in flames because of a Carr crash

SonOfSpam

+1 homoerotic car racing sequel

JustStopDude
SonOfSpam

Pain
Up against the wall
I’m cryin hard
Cuz I hurt my balls

JustStopDude

comment image

SonOfSpam

Playing against handsome Puerto Rican Don_T in the DFO Seamus Memorial FFL semis this weekend, and I have Herbert & Waller, and he has Agholor.

IT IS ON.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think you can both count on getting next to nothing out of your Raider receivers.

Gumbygirl

You are in trouble, ma dude. Don T has mojo. Mojo Criolla!

Last edited 4 years ago by Gumbygirl
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow, that first quarter was over in barely more than a half hour.

SonOfSpam

Let’s get some holding penalties and replays, stretch this thing out a little.

Unlike Carr’s groin, which won’t stretch for several weeks.