Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Another football week (the bulk of it, anyway) has come and gone. Swears were voiced, opinions advanced and many fantasy teams didn’t. So let’s wrap it all up in a nice oblong ball tonight. But first-

Fallout:

-CE-H apparently has a high ankle sprain and xrays show nothing else. He’ll likely have a nice little break to get healthy and rejoin the Chiefs as they march towards the AFC Championship Game-can’t see ’em losing before then.

-BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Like yesterday’s unlikely final that now puts the Jags in the catbird’s seat with respect to getting Mr. Lawrence. The mathifiers say they’ve got 75% dibs on The Wavy-Haired Wunderkind.

-Somebody won a power struggle. Matt Rhule has been angling to be in charge of most things football in the Panther universe and he got his wish. The scuttlebutt during talks with the Giants was that in addition to the monster salary he wanted control over the draft, trades, the whole shebang. A certain GM Gettleman naturally pushed back hard.

-Congrats to the Fins (and Tua) for their win over the Pats. The times are a changing in AFC East Land and now Miami, by virtue of that W, owns their own destiny as far as the playoffs are concerned.

TO THE GAME!

Steelers/Bengalis:

-All Signs Point To No: One can likely forget about that upset magic happening again here tonight. Pitt has won 11 in a row and Finley has been asked to take them down.

Finley has a 52.6% completion rate and a 0-2 TD/INT number. I can see a ton of dumpoffs to the rb’s in his near future if he doesn’t want to get crushed by the blitz-forward Steelers D. If things go completely south there’s something called Kevin Hogan waiting on the sideline.

-The Cracks Are Showing: Big Ben is getting a bit of flack for the way Pitt is playing but his rb’s and wr’s are playing oopsy with the ball. They’ve had 14(!) dropped passes in just 3 weeks.

-Part Two: That running game. Guh. They’re averaging 89 yards per tilt, the line can’t run block and Conner is always hurt. If it takes 45 passes from Ben to win this game, just pencil them in for a second-round loss.

-Hell, as of this afternoon Draft Kings didn’t have a rushing prop for either Connors or Snell. That’s brutal.

Enjoy what’s on offer this evening.

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Gumbygirl

Steelers fans always have jerseys from people who haven’t played in years! I have a Hines Ward. Gumby has way too many, but his favorite is Jack Lambert.

Mother Puncher

So who’s the backup Bengals QB for the 4th quarter tonight?

Redshirt

Kevin Hogan

Gumbygirl

Went to Stanford, so he’s got smart going for him.

King Hippo

Like Brandon Allen before him, another Donks reject

Mother Puncher

Browns legend

Horatio Cornblower

Kevin Greene.

Mike Brown couldn’t resist the low salary.

litre_cola

Akili Smith?

Fronkenshteen

Finley to Boyd and Steeler wide receivers are my ticket to happiness tonight.

King Hippo

Lead would be insurmountable if they were playing the Bengals instead of being the Bengals.

hippofant

UM EXCUSE ME, WONDER WOMAN IS DC NOT MARVEL, PLEASE SIR.

Redshirt

Give it time. Marvel may buy DC at this rate.

Senor Weaselo

Disney might. But they’re currently owned by Warner Brothers, so Disney would probably have to buy them.

In which case I nominate that Scorpion is a Disney princess. (Because WB owns NetherRealm Studios now, I think. Since they do all the WB IP with Injustice/Morta Kombat.)

King Hippo

If only there were a viable third “motherfucker, I’m the one with the GUN” party!

Mother Puncher

The Muppets fucking rule

Redshirt

Ryan Finley is the only QB who thinks a sack is a natural end to any play.

Mother Puncher

I love that he literally tried to run away from the bad guys

Redshirt

/ said a funny

Family: “The clouds are parting. How do you which star is the Christmas Star?”
Me: “If you find a baby in a manger under the star, you found the right one.”

Mother Puncher

Ryan Finley looks like the Kennedy brother that couldn’t get away with killing a mistress

Sharkbait

How will the Benglals bengals this possession up?

Horatio Cornblower

If you had “Finley Hard Counts His Own WR Into A False Start” on your card, please report to the Cash Window and collect your winnings.

hippofant

What if I had “run backwards and lose 20 yards on a sack?”

Redshirt

The Bengals will mess up the Field Goal attempt and punt by mistake?

WCS

Self-safety

TheRevanchist

When a three and out is just too good for you.

Redshirt

Bengals do a good?

Sharkbait

More like Steelers did a shit, but close enough

Mother Puncher

Unfortunately they have the ball now

hippofant

They could just save three downs and kick the FG now!

Fronkenshteen

4 possessions in five minutes, quality product.

hippofant

Five, FIVE possessions, mwahahahahaha!

Horatio Cornblower

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Gumbygirl

The Count and Oscar the Grouch were the best Sesame St characters. I will die on this hill!

Horatio Cornblower

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Redshirt

Aw, why did they throw the ball?!

litre_cola

Evenin. How the fuck are we all doing. Nice to see that SupernuAIDS is coming out of the UK.

Sharkbait

Supposedly the vaccine is still effective against it though

litre_cola

That is definitely a good thing

Redshirt

Yes, because the US Gov’t would never lie to us.

Fronkenshteen

This game? It is to puke!

Senor Weaselo

Thank god it isn’t the Carol of the Bells challenge or else we’d all be dead.

Senor Weaselo

Don’t forget Rex Grossman!

The Maestro

Dump-offs are for [horrific slur]s.

Senor Weaselo

-Alex Smith, forgetting the name of his Team

Sharkbait

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Redshirt

Jeff Blake’s passes were beautiful. It was described like a bomber dropping an artillery shell. Having Carl Pickens and Darnay Scott was perfect for Blake.

Horatio Cornblower

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Redshirt

TE Drew Sample vs DE T.J. Watt

God, I hate Bengals coaches!

herodotus450

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herodotus450

“I knew I should’ve gotten a larger Sample Size.”
-Newly minted Mrs. Sample on her wedding night

Horatio Cornblower

TJ Watt takes a knee to the helmet and goes down like he was shot, but there’s no reason to invoke the concussion protocol, ya big pussy.

Sharkbait

More networks need “sad injury music” like Fox has.

Senor Weaselo

I add the YES Network rain delay music to that. Which is sad weather music so close enough.

The Maestro

Because I am an insensitive dickhead, my brain immediately cut to the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme instead.

Horatio Cornblower

Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been ‘Yakkity-Sax’

Redshirt

Can we go one PIT-CIN MNF without a Steeler trying to kill himself?!

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Sharkbait

Mrs. Sharkbait gets angry every time a holiday themed commercial comes on showing people together. This should make for an interesting evening.

hippofant

Just give her a BIG HUG each time and say, “At least we have each other!”

The Maestro

I, for one, remain hating the Steelers more than any other team. I genuinely hope that Ben trips on a key first down and ends up tearing both quads as he falls into a pit of hungry vipers.

Senor Weaselo

It would’ve been a Sarlacc pit but the last guy who fell in there survived, somehow.

Horatio Cornblower

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Senor Weaselo

One minute of game time and we already have a murderball. The only surprising thing is no Vontaze Burfict involved.

hippofant

Everybody relax! That wasn’t a drop! Ben’s just thrown two terrible ducks a minute into the game!

Horatio Cornblower

40 points from Tyler Boyd and I’m right back in the play-offs*!

*For 3rd or 4th place

WCS

….and there’s a homicide.

hippofant

Technically a suicide.

hippofant

Quack.

Redshirt

Can Statler and Waldorf commentate this game?

hippofant

You DON’T want to watch the commentators twist themselves in knots to fluff up the Bengals as somewhat competitive in this game?

Senor Weaselo

Every Christmas carol by Beaker, Animal, and the Swedish Chef.

Every. Single. One.

Horatio Cornblower

I will absolutely co-sign for this.

Sharkbait

Fact.

WCS

WVU is playing Army in the Liberty Bowl. If the Cousinfuckers win, does that mean I HAET TEH TROOPZ?

Senor Weaselo

I like that Heineken is using F1 drivers to promote their zero alcohol beer. I’m still not gonna drink it, but it’s a nice touch.

Redshirt

Its a good thing the Bengals are 2-10-1, so I can sit back and embrace the suckitude. If they were 10-2-1 and had to have Ryan Finley to clinch the regular season, I may not survive that.

hippofant

Having a QB already also means you don’t have to cheer for/worry about losing for the 1st pick. LOLJEST.

Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, right now they have about 1/2 a QB

Gumbygirl

Little Richard’s Rip It Up should be the only song they play before NFL games.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
Redshirt

Aw, God. Why are you wasting the Orange Jerseys on this ass-whoppin’?

TheRevanchist

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is lots of money, popularity, fame, bigger junk, and for my fantasy team to pull out a win. I hope I am not asking too much by asking for the fame.

JustStopDude

I hoping the kid finds success…but I swear to god I get Todd Marinovich vibes from Trevor Lawrence.

Not the off the field shit. Unless I am blind, I haven’t heard any stories. I mean…I think we are really due for a proper bust.

I love the Jets fans that somehow believe that just changing the QB position and literally nothing else, somehow they are better.

King Hippo

Prison Girlfriend has an amazing arm, but we will see if he has the mentality to be somewhere that sucks. I do think he’s somewhat overrated (ie, not a “generational” type), but he’s miles ahead of Fields.

I’d be happy to be Cincy sitting at #3, with a generational OT sitting there.

herodotus450

I’d be happy to be Cincy

Have you seen anything the Bungles have done from ca. Their Birth-Today?

JustStopDude

The AFC north, minus the Steelers because Big Ben eventually has to retire, all have QB for the future.

Baring an injury or something.

King Hippo

And The Ben is surviving this season on volume alone. Be interesting to see if they go after a “bridge” type like Mariota.

Redshirt

Whatever they did to Roethlisberger’s elbow was amazing. That’s why he’s doing this. He’s playing like an 8 year veteran with 16 year’s of experience.

JustStopDude

Fucking Cray-cray idea…

Sam Darnold.

1) you can get him dirt cheap.

2) despite getting utterly zero protection, no targets to throw to, and a head coach actively trying to get him killed and tank, he is still trying.

3) I don’t think anyone can fairly determine his ability in the league based on the Jets organization.

He has survived the NY sports media. The kid has ice in his veins. I would honestly give him a shot over a lot of current backups.

But I am also drunk because of Covid and nothing else to do on vacation.

King Hippo

Yeah, that actually makes sense to me, too. He could thrive in a stable environment like Yinzburgh.

Redshirt

Pittsburgh actually does pretty well with average QBs.

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I are fine with this. Mason Rudolph is NOT the answer, and I think Darnold has the size and skills that could work in their game, he just needs good coaching and a good team around him.

Senor Weaselo

He deserves nice things, he seems like a decent enough individual!

I didn’t win the Zoom meeting btw.

herodotus450

Saw someone earlier this season throw out a Haskins trade from Team.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, I made the final in the DFOBall memorial tWBS league? Wait, against Spam, who’s knocked out the 1 and 2 seeds?

Well I’ll be damned.

Game Time Decision

Good luck

Don T

Beh
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King Hippo

Man, I am gonna be literally RB-zero against Hobo Killa in money league last place game this coming weekend!

King Hippo

Loser of the Terlet Bowl has to buy a couple of pitchers at the next auction. It’s in the by-laws you plebians du Canadia refuse to read!

Senor Weaselo

Due to the light pollution and clouds I can’t see the Christmas Star. Well, guess I have to live another 800 years or so.

Sharkbait

Same here.

Redshirt

Just clouds here. 2020 can’t end soon enough.

TheRevanchist

We have something called Tule fog here. In California, it’s the leading cause of weather-related accidents. Last night, probably around 8, the visibility was at zero. I won’t be able to see the neighbor’s house, much less the damn sky.

Gumbygirl

They said next chance is 2080. I’ll be 120, so there’s a chance!

JustStopDude

Wait…is Deshaun Watson going to the Pro-Bowl?

4-10 but I guess his passer rating is up there.

Seriously, has their been a pro bowl QB with a worse win loss percentage?

JustStopDude

Holy shit…Kordell Stewart when to a Pro-bowl…as a QB?!?! Vince Young went twice…FUCKING  Elvis Grbac made it?!?!

Oh my god…I completely suppressed Derrick Anderson. He went for us Browns once.

Fuck it…Deshaun Watson more than well deserves a slot.

Redshirt

Jeff Blake made the Pro Bowl as a Bengal. Defense rests.

King Hippo

Shake ‘n’ Blake was to those hapless Bingle teams about the TheShaun is to 500s

King Hippo

Dude…if you watched RedZone this season, that motherfucker carried them on his back, to an extent that even Russell Wilson would wince at.

JustStopDude

I am cheap. I do not have red zone. Looking at the stats, I am clearly clueless. Not only his is attempts near the top, but his completion percentage is up there with a great QB rating.

And i have zero fucking clue who he is throwing to.

My god Bill O’Brien has to be the first GM/Coach/combo to ever have a franchise fucking QB and ruin it so poorly.

They don’t have a first round draft pick until 2031 right?

King Hippo

only because they wouldn’t let Buttchinski trade any farther into the future!! 😀

Redshirt

Carson Palmer
Joe Burrow

I’ll even throw in David Klingler, because NCAA Klingler was amazing before Cincinnati got to him.

Sharkbait

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s pretty neat that this coincides with the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn.

Senor Weaselo

It’s a classic Ken episode because these next two weeks are showing Trebek’s voyages around the world.

It’s already over by the first commercial.

Last edited 3 years ago by Senor Weaselo
Redshirt

Wait…that was a live bowl? I thought it was a replay.

Senor Weaselo

Would that be Camerunover Peoples?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s pretty awesome that Appalachian State has multiple people named Camerun. Even MORE impressive to hear that they all put up such huge numbers.

Redshirt

For those of you who have been avoiding the Bengals this year (I salute and enny you), here is a quick 2020 Cincinnati Bengals Season in Review to get you all up to speed:

sig-4816059.288715__UNOPT__safe_twilight-sparkle_animated_filly_reaction-image_caption_the-cutie-mark-chronicles.gif (640×360) (mlpforums.com)

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:

Taking an adderall so I can text my friends back

Redshirt

Another great player gone way too soon.

Gumbygirl

Very sad. He was a stone cold killer with the Steelers, so much fun to watch!

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