Another football week (the bulk of it, anyway) has come and gone. Swears were voiced, opinions advanced and many fantasy teams didn’t. So let’s wrap it all up in a nice oblong ball tonight. But first-
Fallout:
-CE-H apparently has a high ankle sprain and xrays show nothing else. He’ll likely have a nice little break to get healthy and rejoin the Chiefs as they march towards the AFC Championship Game-can’t see ’em losing before then.
-BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Like yesterday’s unlikely final that now puts the Jags in the catbird’s seat with respect to getting Mr. Lawrence. The mathifiers say they’ve got 75% dibs on The Wavy-Haired Wunderkind.
-Somebody won a power struggle. Matt Rhule has been angling to be in charge of most things football in the Panther universe and he got his wish. The scuttlebutt during talks with the Giants was that in addition to the monster salary he wanted control over the draft, trades, the whole shebang. A certain GM Gettleman naturally pushed back hard.
-Congrats to the Fins (and Tua) for their win over the Pats. The times are a changing in AFC East Land and now Miami, by virtue of that W, owns their own destiny as far as the playoffs are concerned.
TO THE GAME!
Steelers/Bengalis:
-All Signs Point To No: One can likely forget about that upset magic happening again here tonight. Pitt has won 11 in a row and Finley has been asked to take them down.
Finley has a 52.6% completion rate and a 0-2 TD/INT number. I can see a ton of dumpoffs to the rb’s in his near future if he doesn’t want to get crushed by the blitz-forward Steelers D. If things go completely south there’s something called Kevin Hogan waiting on the sideline.
-The Cracks Are Showing: Big Ben is getting a bit of flack for the way Pitt is playing but his rb’s and wr’s are playing oopsy with the ball. They’ve had 14(!) dropped passes in just 3 weeks.
-Part Two: That running game. Guh. They’re averaging 89 yards per tilt, the line can’t run block and Conner is always hurt. If it takes 45 passes from Ben to win this game, just pencil them in for a second-round loss.
-Hell, as of this afternoon Draft Kings didn’t have a rushing prop for either Connors or Snell. That’s brutal.
Enjoy what’s on offer this evening.
Steelers fans always have jerseys from people who haven’t played in years! I have a Hines Ward. Gumby has way too many, but his favorite is Jack Lambert.
So who’s the backup Bengals QB for the 4th quarter tonight?
Kevin Hogan
Went to Stanford, so he’s got smart going for him.
Like Brandon Allen before him, another Donks reject
Browns legend
Kevin Greene.
Mike Brown couldn’t resist the low salary.
Akili Smith?
Finley to Boyd and Steeler wide receivers are my ticket to happiness tonight.
Lead would be insurmountable if they were playing the Bengals instead of being the Bengals.
One side effect of The Covid?
I’ll watch parts of these silly, contrived MCU universe movies here and there but I don’t seek them out. I see this new Wonder Woman thingy and there’s this expectation of, “You Will Consume/Pay For This” but there’s sweaty desperation behind it all. Guh!
UM EXCUSE ME, WONDER WOMAN IS DC NOT MARVEL, PLEASE SIR.
Give it time. Marvel may buy DC at this rate.
Disney might. But they’re currently owned by Warner Brothers, so Disney would probably have to buy them.
In which case I nominate that Scorpion is a Disney princess. (Because WB owns NetherRealm Studios now, I think. Since they do all the WB IP with Injustice/Morta Kombat.)
This is the sort of factional right/wrong thinking that is tearing the United States apart.
If only there were a viable third “motherfucker, I’m the one with the GUN” party!
The Muppets fucking rule
Ryan Finley is the only QB who thinks a sack is a natural end to any play.
I love that he literally tried to run away from the bad guys
/ said a funny
Family: “The clouds are parting. How do you which star is the Christmas Star?”
Me: “If you find a baby in a manger under the star, you found the right one.”
Ryan Finley looks like the Kennedy brother that couldn’t get away with killing a mistress
How will the Benglals bengals this possession up?
If you had “Finley Hard Counts His Own WR Into A False Start” on your card, please report to the Cash Window and collect your winnings.
What if I had “run backwards and lose 20 yards on a sack?”
The Bengals will mess up the Field Goal attempt and punt by mistake?
Self-safety
When a three and out is just too good for you.
Bengals do a good?
More like Steelers did a shit, but close enough
Unfortunately they have the ball now
They could just save three downs and kick the FG now!
4 possessions in five minutes, quality product.
Five, FIVE possessions, mwahahahahaha!
The Count and Oscar the Grouch were the best Sesame St characters. I will die on this hill!
Aw, why did they throw the ball?!
Evenin. How the fuck are we all doing. Nice to see that SupernuAIDS is coming out of the UK.
Supposedly the vaccine is still effective against it though
That is definitely a good thing
Yes, because the US Gov’t would never lie to us.
This game? It is to puke!
Thank god it isn’t the Carol of the Bells challenge or else we’d all be dead.
It just sorta occurred to me-Jeff Blake, Jeff George and Derek Anderson are all the rarest kinds of qb’s in that their best pass was the 20+ yard bomb. They all had no touch whatsoever but hung around the league because they could hook up with wr’s that could get free while going long.
Don’t forget Rex Grossman!
Dump-offs are for [horrific slur]s.
-Alex Smith, forgetting the name of his Team
Jeff Blake’s passes were beautiful. It was described like a bomber dropping an artillery shell. Having Carl Pickens and Darnay Scott was perfect for Blake.
TE Drew Sample vs DE T.J. Watt
God, I hate Bengals coaches!
“Don’t worry-it’s a small sample.” [covers her mouth while laughing]
-Drew’s Ex-Girlfriend
“I knew I should’ve gotten a larger Sample Size.”
-Newly minted Mrs. Sample on her wedding night
TJ Watt takes a knee to the helmet and goes down like he was shot, but there’s no reason to invoke the concussion protocol, ya big pussy.
More networks need “sad injury music” like Fox has.
I add the YES Network rain delay music to that. Which is sad weather music so close enough.
Because I am an insensitive dickhead, my brain immediately cut to the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme instead.
Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been ‘Yakkity-Sax’
Can we go one PIT-CIN MNF without a Steeler trying to kill himself?!
Mrs. Sharkbait gets angry every time a holiday themed commercial comes on showing people together. This should make for an interesting evening.
Just give her a BIG HUG each time and say, “At least we have each other!”
I, for one, remain hating the Steelers more than any other team. I genuinely hope that Ben trips on a key first down and ends up tearing both quads as he falls into a pit of hungry vipers.
It would’ve been a Sarlacc pit but the last guy who fell in there survived, somehow.
One minute of game time and we already have a murderball. The only surprising thing is no Vontaze Burfict involved.
Everybody relax! That wasn’t a drop! Ben’s just thrown two terrible ducks a minute into the game!
40 points from Tyler Boyd and I’m right back in the play-offs*!
*For 3rd or 4th place
….and there’s a homicide.
Technically a suicide.
Quack.
Can Statler and Waldorf commentate this game?
You DON’T want to watch the commentators twist themselves in knots to fluff up the Bengals as somewhat competitive in this game?
Every Christmas carol by Beaker, Animal, and the Swedish Chef.
Every. Single. One.
I will absolutely co-sign for this.
Fact.
WVU is playing Army in the Liberty Bowl. If the Cousinfuckers win, does that mean I HAET TEH TROOPZ?
I like that Heineken is using F1 drivers to promote their zero alcohol beer. I’m still not gonna drink it, but it’s a nice touch.
Its a good thing the Bengals are 2-10-1, so I can sit back and embrace the suckitude. If they were 10-2-1 and had to have Ryan Finley to clinch the regular season, I may not survive that.
Having a QB already also means you don’t have to cheer for/worry about losing for the 1st pick. LOLJEST.
To be fair, right now they have about 1/2 a QB
Little Richard’s Rip It Up should be the only song they play before NFL games.
Aw, God. Why are you wasting the Orange Jerseys on this ass-whoppin’?
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is lots of money, popularity, fame, bigger junk, and for my fantasy team to pull out a win. I hope I am not asking too much by asking for the fame.
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/steven-martins-holiday-wish/n9507
https://wset.com/news/offbeat/man-dressed-as-santa-rescued-from-power-lines-in-california
Asked for comment, The Power Station broke out in a tune…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw1t7OCESUw&ab_channel=DuranDuranVEVO
I hoping the kid finds success…but I swear to god I get Todd Marinovich vibes from Trevor Lawrence.
Not the off the field shit. Unless I am blind, I haven’t heard any stories. I mean…I think we are really due for a proper bust.
I love the Jets fans that somehow believe that just changing the QB position and literally nothing else, somehow they are better.
Prison Girlfriend has an amazing arm, but we will see if he has the mentality to be somewhere that sucks. I do think he’s somewhat overrated (ie, not a “generational” type), but he’s miles ahead of Fields.
I’d be happy to be Cincy sitting at #3, with a generational OT sitting there.
Have you seen anything the Bungles have done from ca. Their Birth-Today?
The AFC north, minus the Steelers because Big Ben eventually has to retire, all have QB for the future.
Baring an injury or something.
And The Ben is surviving this season on volume alone. Be interesting to see if they go after a “bridge” type like Mariota.
Whatever they did to Roethlisberger’s elbow was amazing. That’s why he’s doing this. He’s playing like an 8 year veteran with 16 year’s of experience.
Fucking Cray-cray idea…
Sam Darnold.
1) you can get him dirt cheap.
2) despite getting utterly zero protection, no targets to throw to, and a head coach actively trying to get him killed and tank, he is still trying.
3) I don’t think anyone can fairly determine his ability in the league based on the Jets organization.
He has survived the NY sports media. The kid has ice in his veins. I would honestly give him a shot over a lot of current backups.
But I am also drunk because of Covid and nothing else to do on vacation.
Yeah, that actually makes sense to me, too. He could thrive in a stable environment like Yinzburgh.
Pittsburgh actually does pretty well with average QBs.
Gumby and I are fine with this. Mason Rudolph is NOT the answer, and I think Darnold has the size and skills that could work in their game, he just needs good coaching and a good team around him.
He deserves nice things, he seems like a decent enough individual!
I didn’t win the Zoom meeting btw.
Saw someone earlier this season throw out a Haskins trade from Team.
Wait, I made the final in the DFOBall memorial tWBS league? Wait, against Spam, who’s knocked out the 1 and 2 seeds?
Well I’ll be damned.
Good luck
Beh
Man, I am gonna be literally RB-zero against Hobo Killa in money league last place game this coming weekend!
Shitballs! Haven’t checked that site in two weeks. Given my record I think The Fixx is in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOiZP8FS5Ww&ab_channel=TheFixxVEVO
Loser of the Terlet Bowl has to buy a couple of pitchers at the next auction. It’s in the by-laws you plebians du Canadia refuse to read!
Due to the light pollution and clouds I can’t see the Christmas Star. Well, guess I have to live another 800 years or so.
Same here.
Just clouds here. 2020 can’t end soon enough.
We have something called Tule fog here. In California, it’s the leading cause of weather-related accidents. Last night, probably around 8, the visibility was at zero. I won’t be able to see the neighbor’s house, much less the damn sky.
They said next chance is 2080. I’ll be 120, so there’s a chance!
Wait…is Deshaun Watson going to the Pro-Bowl?
4-10 but I guess his passer rating is up there.
Seriously, has their been a pro bowl QB with a worse win loss percentage?
Holy shit…Kordell Stewart when to a Pro-bowl…as a QB?!?! Vince Young went twice…FUCKING Elvis Grbac made it?!?!
Oh my god…I completely suppressed Derrick Anderson. He went for us Browns once.
Fuck it…Deshaun Watson more than well deserves a slot.
Jeff Blake made the Pro Bowl as a Bengal. Defense rests.
Shake ‘n’ Blake was to those hapless Bingle teams about the TheShaun is to 500s
Dude…if you watched RedZone this season, that motherfucker carried them on his back, to an extent that even Russell Wilson would wince at.
I am cheap. I do not have red zone. Looking at the stats, I am clearly clueless. Not only his is attempts near the top, but his completion percentage is up there with a great QB rating.
And i have zero fucking clue who he is throwing to.
My god Bill O’Brien has to be the first GM/Coach/combo to ever have a franchise fucking QB and ruin it so poorly.
They don’t have a first round draft pick until 2031 right?
only because they wouldn’t let Buttchinski trade any farther into the future!! 😀
Carson Palmer
Joe Burrow
I’ll even throw in David Klingler, because NCAA Klingler was amazing before Cincinnati got to him.
As far as coach/qb pairings are concerned Klinger and Dingleberry has to be way up there.
He’s the reason why they have 4 wins. He’s Sisyphus re-imagined as a qb in the NFL.
It’s pretty neat that this coincides with the convergence of Jupiter and Saturn.
It’s a classic Ken episode because these next two weeks are showing Trebek’s voyages around the world.
It’s already over by the first commercial.
Shoutout to Appalachian State’s Camerun Peoples who ran for 319 yards on just 22 carries today.
Wait…that was a live bowl? I thought it was a replay.
Did he run for 319 yards in some other game?
Would that be Camerunover Peoples?
I think it’s pretty awesome that Appalachian State has multiple people named Camerun. Even MORE impressive to hear that they all put up such huge numbers.
For those of you who have been avoiding the Bengals this year (I salute and enny you), here is a quick 2020 Cincinnati Bengals Season in Review to get you all up to speed:
sig-4816059.288715__UNOPT__safe_twilight-sparkle_animated_filly_reaction-image_caption_the-cutie-mark-chronicles.gif (640×360) (mlpforums.com)
LOL:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw1lpAaRIJA
found a funny:
Taking an adderall so I can text my friends back
Sorry to be the bearer of shitty news but Kevin Greene passed away at the age of 58 today. I admired his enthusiasm and his commitment to the game that he so very obviously loved. I was a bit surprised initially that he turned to coaching but what else was the guy gonna do? Pouring one out tonight…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAoQS-RG_e4&ab_channel=NFLFilms
Another great player gone way too soon.
Very sad. He was a stone cold killer with the Steelers, so much fun to watch!