Happy Scottish New Year Open Thread!

As this post goes live, the New Year will be starting in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Portugal, Senegal, Liberia, Sierra Leone, THE Gambia, Guinea-Bissau, Guinea, Mauritania, Côte D’Ivoire, Togo, Ghana, and Burkina Faso.

That also means that the UK is officially OUT of the European Union. Many in Scotland are drinking their IrnBru and pondering how they can get back in either through independence from the UK or other means. Depending on how badly things go across the Irish Sea, North Ireland may be choosing an alternate path away from the UK as well.

Let no one tell you the New Year doesn’t bring new things!

One of the traditions I have is to wish certain things for my friends in the new year. They are different from resolutions in that I am basically coming up with good things to happen to them instead of them coming up with goals for themselves.

As an example, I previously wished for one of my buddies to finally break up with his girlfriend because they were obviously wrong for each other. Two kids and years of marriage later, I stand by my assessment.

In that spirit, please see below the New Year’s wishes I have for a selected group of you:

King Hippo

I wish that a pharmaceutical truck breaks down in front of your house and the sexy bare-shouldered female driver knocks on your door looking for assistance

Redshirt

I wish that you could find another team to root for as the Bengals are not deserving of your fandom. Just don’t pick the Jets.

Just Stop Dude

I wish that the Browns would stop Browning every time they have a chance to not Brown.

Yeah Right

I wish that the Fremantle Dockers would make the Eight so that you wouldn’t have to rely on the Vikings to have a team in the playoffs. I also wish for you to have safe walks east of Gaffey.

Rikki Tikki Deadly

Te deseo lo mejor en el nuevo año y espero que sigas aprendiendo el español para que podamos platicar en español uno de estos días .

Don T

I wish that you would meet a sexy passionate single Latina that is also san… I’m sorry I can’t even finish that sentence. Talk about wishing for impossible things…

I wish that you find a fulfilling and satisfying job in your field and that you continue to perform well in your side gig here at DFO providing us with quality pics of scantily-clad females with either daddy issues or drug problems.

Horatio

I wish that you can take some butchering classes so that your neighbor’s wandering cows can “disappear” and we can all enjoy Horatio steaks by mail order.

Scotchnaut

I wish that the authorities be always one step behind our favourite Northern Ontario hobo enthusiast. I’d add the Horatio butchering classes, but I have a feeling you don’t need them.

Gumbygirl

I wish you and Gumby a safe and fun time in the next few weeks as you watch the stupid valley-dwellers park their cars in the ditches trying to maneuver around the mountain roads.

Doktor Zymm

I wish you a happy return to your travels and secret agent activities. May the wines be sparkling, the cheeses soft, and the missions successful and uneventful.

BeerGuyRob

I wish you a speedy and healthy recovery from your shoulder surgery. Just take it easy on the penis when you are able to get the full range of motion, ok?

Litre_cola

I wish that the Puebla jersey I sent you that ended up in Sydney would actually make its way back to either you or me.

BFC

I wish that you didn’t have to work so hard that you ended up becoming the new Thread Ender after Moose left.

Moose

I wish that you are doing well and enjoying the many Wonder Woman gifs and pics.

bk109

I wish that Santa got you a new tank or tank accessory for Christmas. It’s really a shame your team is Arsenal…

Brick Meathook

I wish your gigantic cock wouldn’t get in the way of shooting a new Freeways of LA video. Video idea: Freeways of LA with Porn Stars. Think about it. Have your people call my people.

rockingdog

I wish for you to find many funnies in the new year and that you continue to share them with us. I love those.

Dunstan

I wish that the neighborhood walks with open containers do not stop for you once the pandemic is under control.

SonOfSpam

I wish I was one quarter of the funny that you are. The best to you and your family!

DTZM

I wish that WordPress would stop doing automatic stupid updates that break the site and that you then have to fix. Thank you for all your hard work!

Sharkbait

I wish that your new house has enough room for a bar and that it’s always well-stocked.

JJFozz

I wish that everyone in your former place of employment catches AIDS/COVID/and syphillis.

The rest of the Canada contingent: GameTime Decision, Wakezilla, and probably more that have not identified themselves as Canadian for fear of being hit up by filthy Americans for places to live

I wish I could live in your beautiful peaceful country, eat ketchup chips, donuts, and poutine all day, and not freeze my Mexican ass off. Seriously, thank you to Canada for making this site as great as it is. Your contributions to the site are not unnoticed.

Portland contingent: Unsurprised, Big Black Richard, Old School Zero, etc

I wish that the smell of patchouli does not stick to your clothes like the tear gas thrown around in your downtown area. Stay strong and clean and safe!

Musical contingent: The Maestro and Senor Weaselo

I wish that your works are discovered by the right people and you are given the opportunities you rightly deserve. Oh, and I wish that the government would make undestructible material out of whatever is inside Weaselo’s asshole.

The occasional commentists: LemonJello, JerBear, monty this seems strange, Mr. Ayo, JimU, theRevanchist, and others I can’t remember right now.

I wish that your schedules would give you more time to comment. Y’all bring the funny and it’s always a pleasure to see your comments.

The lurkers

I wish that you would take the leap and comment on the site. We don’t bite and we welcome new voices!

Finally, I couldn’t close out the year without one wish for tWBS:

I wish that you are finding hot service industry workers that will treat you right wherever you may be. You’re gone, but not forgotten.

I apologize if I missed anyone, but I’m scrambling to write this before it’s time to post. A raise of the glass and a tip of the hat to all of you in the DFO family.

Thank you very much for being here. I wish for all of us to have a happy and fulfilling 2021!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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TheRevanchist

I have been drinking and flipping channels. It’s been a good night, with the exception of these people and their stupid fireworks upsetting my pretty little doggie.

Happy new year, mother fuckers! I love all you bastards.

Doktor Zymm

Let’s start the year with a low bar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yl-y6rLj58Q

Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

At least we’ve already met the “Not a Nazi” bar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNceJQXlxlk

Unsurprised

I’m not drinking anymore. I’m too fat to stay drunk long enough for it to be useful.

Maybe I can figure out the same thing applies to food and stop being a fat fuck.

Doktor Zymm

Efficient! Hope this, and all else, works out for you in 2021. No real difference from 2020, but who gives a shit, let’s CATHARSIS!

Doktor Zymm
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s settling down over here, so I’m off to bed. Good night, you princes and princesses of pantslessness. It was a pleasure to ring in the new year with you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1G0jl0Vc64

Doktor Zymm
yeah right

To Seamus.

God bless and I miss you brother.

Doktor Zymm

He was a good dude. Shouldn’t be gone.

Brick Meathook

I gave him my pot bowl when he came out here and he later sent me his late father’s E-6B aluminum flight computer because, in his words, he knew it would have a good home. And it does.

Mark was a good man.

Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

This was my fav song when I was 11. I’m gonna choose to think I was unconsciously prepping for 2020. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqIACCH20JU

Mr. Ayo

11 year old you had great taste.

Doktor Zymm

I had the single on cassette and memorized all the lyrics. Still remember them now

Mr. Ayo

Think this was mine. But Rick Astley had a certain song that year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3j2NYZ8FKs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is the part of the movie where we keep hacking away at 2020’s skull with a machete to make 100% sure that it’s actually dead.

yeah right

Salt the grave.

Doktor Zymm

If you’re going dry, drink up! You probably have a legit case until Hawaii

Mr. Ayo

I still have another hour of work, so I’m taking this advice.

Doktor Zymm

Unfortunately Guam is past the date line, but the Howland and Baker Islands are US territory (uninhabited) and they’re the last place to get the New Year, so you have some extra if you need it

Mr. Ayo

Don’t tell anyone, but I don’t always work sober. Especially after midnight.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of irritated that it’s fifteen minutes into the new year and people are still setting off fireworks. Let my animals go to sleep!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Allegedly

(I’m happy to be optimistic once we get through this next wave)

yeah right

Shit is pretty far from right out there.

Spur
yeah right

Alright, let’s do a shot!

I didn’t think this was going to to have the impression that it did.

Cheers!

Doktor Zymm
yeah right

FUCK THAT STUPID FUCKING YEAR!

Doktor Zymm

Happy Birthday, Earth Calendar!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqolSvoWNck

Spur

Lindsey Graham is not impressed

Doktor Zymm

Fuck Lady G with the giant dildo of his choice! (I’m in a charitable mood)

Gumbygirl

Fireworks in Big Bear. I think!

Spur
yeah right

Happy New Year and fuck that stupid fucking year!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lotta fireworks over here

Mr. Ayo

I hear fireworks! Happy New Ears!

Doktor Zymm

Just fireworks here, no shooters, WE A SUBURB

Gumbygirl

Happy New Year, my darling dears! Kisses to everyone!

Spur
Doktor Zymm

Oh Shit yes!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Die, 2020. DIE. Fuck off and never come back.

Gumbygirl

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Spur

Happy New Year. am going to bed.

yeah right

Keep low!

Doktor Zymm

Newy Ear!

yeah right

I love you all and we’re still here to talk about it.

Damn right!

TheRevanchist

Shut up, Seacrest

Spur

and here comes the gunfire

Spur

Brian Setzer is hosting the local LV countdown. I think he’s been putting on water weight after each break

Doktor Zymm

Does he still have an orchestra, or have they gone?

Spur

Just him and bunch of poor dancers he gropes

Dunstan

In the desert, that’s just sound strategy

Gumbygirl

I don’t bother chasing mice around
https://youtu.be/vEtbfzMLVWU

yeah right

Motherfuckers are launching artillery bout now.

TheRevanchist

Jennifer Lopez was terrible.

Doktor Zymm

If I was JLo I would have started being terrible YEARS ago, props to her for not slacking off

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Five minutes to go before the worst of it hits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTw-CwypKdk

Spur

If DFO Con 2021 is going to happen in Vegas. Please host at Circa. It’s got the largest sportsbook and would be a reason for me to visit a tourist area

Doktor Zymm

I’m happy to turn over all planning considerations to yourself

yeah right

If we’ve got to bonafides I’ll get bonafides.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What am I supposed to be watching to see an LA countdown?

Spur
Mr. Ayo

Johnny Cash has nothing on this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbHz9p7Z4OU

Doktor Zymm

Both versions are good, and Trent Reznor liked the Cash version from what I’ve heard

Mr. Ayo

Of course. It’s spliting hairs.

Doktor Zymm

YouTube just gave me an ad entitled “Why dating a young Slavic woman is a good option”

LOL

Mr. Ayo

I mean, they might be right?

Doktor Zymm

Considering I am a straight, late-30s aged woman with mostly Eastern European heritage …nah, I don’t think so

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like young Slavic facebook options probably have a better payoff.

Doktor Zymm

For realsies. Although I suspect this shit will peak within the next 3 years, once someone who sells a real product realizes how useless digital advertising actually is

Mr. Ayo

Alright, I’m sure they’ve got a plan B for you.

yeah right

I can actually almost see that happening.

yeah right

New-ish favorite metal crush.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOWf8uqGf8A

Spur
Spur

running on fumes here, need next 20 minutes to go fast

yeah right
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pretty fucking good.

Doktor Zymm
Spur

Don’t you mean Valley Women?!

Doktor Zymm

Not if they under 18!

Spur
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Best band that I finally got around to seeing play live.

yeah right

Damn glad you got to see them.

Probably won’t be the last time.

As long as that keep playing.