Kicking Off the Strangest FA Cup and Wild Card 1 of 6 Bitches! Combo Thread

Good day, imaginary peoples.  It’s REALLY here.  The day we gets a TRIPLEHEADER of Wild Card, Bitches! action.  And it happens again tomorrow!  We just needed a world-wide pandemic to make it real.  [slaps #NuAIDS on the ass, HARD!]

But first, we have a wacky Lesser Morning, with pretty much every match on ESPN+.  I mean, nobody really gives a fuck about anything but Everton hosting Rotherham (7:00, fuck a duck, this gon’ be a long day), but still.  Clubhouse favoUrites like Mighty Whitey (away to QPR, 10:00) and Arsenal (home to Barcodes at 12:30 – tough draw, that) get they swerve on.

With nobody in the stands, anywhere.  That “2,000 maximum” phase was short-lived, indeed.  Really sucks for some of these minnows, for whom this would have made their entire budget (like Marine hosting Spurs tomorrow – would have been the biggest day in club history).  But alas.  At least we have something on TV at all, to keep people sane, and not, I dunno, trying the most lame-assed palace coup in history.

Eat shit, Traitors.  Hippo hopes you all hang.  You included, Sen. Hawley.  Chickenshit motherfucker.

Indianapolis (+6.5) at Buffalo (1:05, CBS)

That sound you hear in the distance?  Tis Rev. Mayhem’s anxious colon.  What a day for the table smashers of WNY, led by Brokeback QB.  Yes, the strapping young Wyoming product who simultaneously found both accuracy (even deep ball varietal – PHRASING) and the ability to read defenses.  Hey, we are all near impossible to surprise by now.  Just go with it, and enjoy the ride.  Stefon Diggs taking the primary role has allowed Bleeding Kansas to run free behind rebel enemy lines, and even Cole Beasley has a productive role.  They still don’t give Devin Singletary enough touches, but makes very little sense for a dumb ass like me to nitpick a 13-3 squadron’s strategery.

Now, before you bet the inheritance on BUF, mind that the Humps have a pretty good pass defense.  Some of the smarter analytical folk have wondered whether same can really hold up against ELITE opposition.  And as strange as it may seem, that is indeed the state of the Bills’ passing attack.  Not much from the TE position, though.  Will that allow the Indy secondary to properly bend without breaking?  I doubt it, but that’s their chance.

On the other side, you have Indy’s not-so-secret-weapon, in perhaps the League’s bestest offensive line.  People talk about defenses winning championships, but that’s just ’cause it’s harder for the layman to fully appreciate dominant OL play.  Yes, it was against the Jags, but in Week 17, Jonathan Taylor busted out for 250+.  He won’t get that much today, but I’d still look for him to get 30+ touches, and if he creeps over the 150 mark?  We just might can has game.

Time of possession will also be critical, or that Humps pass D will fade in the second half.  And you really, really don’t want Old Man Rivers trying to go all Air Raid out there.  Outdoors.  In Buffalo, NY.  In fucking January conditions.  The Laserface rosary beads will be all about a Game Management Scenario, buhlee DAT!

Opium-tinged Predicion – Buffalo 35, Indianapolis 20

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Don T

Rivers is in Impregnate mode.

Senor Weaselo

Has anyone triggered the secret slime action yet? Regardless of whether this is the Nickelodeon game or not.

Don T

No porta-potty sex. Get yer act together, Buffalo!

Spur

Bi Weeks suck -Aaron Rodgers

scotchnaut

Indy winning the field position game by a kilometer.

litre_cola

*kilometre

Horatio Cornblower

**kiloUmetre

BC Dick

America spelling is kilometer, no?

hippofant

Uh, Josh Allen’s going to survive this game, right? Intact, I mean?

Sharkbait

He’s not allowed to die until he’s thrown 2 more TDs, one of which needs to go to Diggs

litre_cola

And Indy Covers.

scotchnaut

Think I’m gonna start calling Gumbygirl by this name.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qli2-qqZ5g&ab_channel=daveinprogress3

scotchnaut

Micah Hyde is having himself a quarter.

litre_cola

Micah Hyde is what I do every time that Yoko Ono comes to karaoke..

scotchnaut

[snorts]

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[heroin]

– John Lennon

Horatio Cornblower

/shrieks in laughter
//gets sued by Yoko for infringing the copyrights of all of her songs

scotchnaut

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy he put it all together this year but I sure do miss last year’s “Josh Allen’s Weird and Wonderful Playmaking Carnival”.

/The Bills real MVP this year is qb coach Ken Dorsey, as far as I’m concerned

Gumbygirl

It’s 10:37 am. Should I roll a joint? Hell yes!

Sharkbait

Smoke two joints in the morning

litre_cola

Approved.

ArmedandHammered

I wish I legally could, stupid legislative Baptists and their no fun rules…

Last edited 3 years ago by ArmedandHammered
Gumbygirl

That’s a very minor, stupid rule. It’s not like you’re storming the Capitol!

litre_cola

Compare the amount of morons who were on the booze, and the morons on the weed who stormed the Capitol.

Gumbygirl

That looked like meth to me.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that guy uses pot to come down from everything else he’s on.

ArmedandHammered

It’s the wife’s rule, I can when we go places it is legal, but not in states where it is illegal. She is very paranoid, which makes me happy that she does not partake because I cannot fathom how she would react then.

Gumbygirl

I had a friend like that in high school. We’d be miles out in the woods and he was sure there were cops hiding in the trees. One time he got so paranoid he was convinced his elbow was on fire, and jumped out of a moving car. Marijuana was NOT for him.

Horatio Cornblower

Joke’s on you; his elbow was on fire, and only leaping from a moving car would put it out.
/stoner logic

Sharkbait

Fuckin prudes. Booze with breakfast is glorious

Horatio Cornblower

“Kegs & Eggs” was glorious in college, but if I tried doing that post-50 I’d be in the ICU by 2:30.

Mr. Ayo

Or, and hear me out, Booze for Breakfast.

Gumbygirl

If I started drinking in the morning, I’d be passed out by lunchtime. I can get high all the livelong day and not feel shitty the next day. It’s a very easy choice for me!

litre_cola

PREACH!

hippofant

Rivers saw that and is thinking, “Hey, that’s my thing!”

Sharkbait

I am all in on the Bills-Tits bandwagons

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “bills” and “tits” I thought you were talking about Jason Miller opening his mail.

scotchnaut

SHOTPUTDOWN!

litre_cola

Wow, that was something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These Bills are FUN!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No they aren’t!” – Warren Sapp

scotchnaut

37 yard pass with a flick of the wrist. Jeebuz!

litre_cola

The racist teenager part.

Gumbygirl

That was amazing!

Sharkbait

Hey remember when the Bills started Nathan Peterman instead of Josh Allen?

hippofant

Damn, what a kick-off. SPECIAL TEAMS PROPS.

Sharkbait

*looks at bet slip of 3 props*

Fronkenshteen

Humps need points here. Once Buffalo’s offense gains traction, it could be good night nurse. That play helped.

Spur

Rivers going to Float one deep here

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Leave my colon out of this! Hasn’t it been through enough????

Sharkbait

I’m more worried about your liver

scotchnaut

I think it would be smart and forward-looking for us commenters to create a Liver Bank that we could access as need be.

Sharkbait

I could get behind that. Since I play a part in the destruction after all…

litre_cola

Dry January and I am stoned as fuck.

Spur

Thought Bills dont punt?

Spur

We preempted the Teen News Action hour for this crap?

Fronkenshteen

Whilst not much of a betting man these days, I declare Clots (+256) on the money line to be Smooth Jimmy’s Lock of the Week.

Sharkbait

I bet Taylor to score 1st, allen to go over 2.5 TDs, and diggs to score.

All individual since draft kings won’t let you parlay on a single game

Fronkenshteen

Yeah, this daily fantasy stuff is like kissing your sister. GIVE ME PARLAYS OR GIVE ME DEATH, VIRGINIA!!!

Sharkbait

They’ll let you bet on the outcome of a drive though. Bastards

Viva La Tabula Raza

So I guess with the FG, your first-named bet is already over? I know nothing about gambling.

JimU

How are the strip clubs in Charlotte? Asking for my friend, Dwayne.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo and TWBS went to the Capital Cabaret once or twice:

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/01/15/fishnet-a-botg-investigation/

Horatio Cornblower

Hi, Dwayne.

scotchnaut

Was anyone else right about Akers and Taylor in fantasy but their season was lost by the time both of them got going?

scotchnaut

It’s Always Sunny In Buffalo during a Wild Card! game.

rockingdog

found a funny:

babies born in the hospital are delivered, babies born at home are DiGiorno

rockingdog
Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
Spur

am going

Bills -6 1/2
Rams under 42 1/2
Bucs -9

bk109

As the Arsenal game’s started … I’m goin’ offline for the time being, because I have 0 doubt in my mind that when (not if) we fuck up, you lot will be less than helpful 😛 So, cya in like 2 hours, 3 cigars or an insurmountable (and improbable) lead for my lads… whichever comes first 😀

Game Time Decision

We decided to cut the cable this week, so going to have some fun trying to find streams or apps to watch the games from here on out. Bad planning but it wasn’t being used so makes sense/cents that way

ballsofsteelandfury

Fubo TV is good

Game Time Decision

Thanks. Found a stream

Spur

Morning Folks. I’m alive and think the worst is over. Covid was no joke.

During my fever dreams I saw a Walmart parking lot riot at the Capital, turned out it wasn’t a fever dream. Fucking worthless pigs.

Game Time Decision

Glad you’re alive

rockingdog

thats ROCKING!!!

litre_cola

Well at least QPR can fuck off now.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Here’s to a day that let’s hope History doesn’t remember for anything but sportsball, because frankly I could use the break.

Today’s plan involves yours truly lifting weights and using a chainsaw, two activities that males over 50 should always engage in, because what’s the worst that could happen?

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
bk109

Too late for that, history’s already gonna ‘member this day for the snowy shitshow that is Spain atm, so can we like ammend that to “no political reasons to remember this day” instead?

Horatio Cornblower

/Googles ‘Spain’

3′ of snow? I’m jealous as fuck.

litre_cola

My buddy from Zaragoza sent me a bunch of pics. His kids are in heaven.

bk109

Lucky that he wasn’t on the road, or he’d have been in Dante’s bonus level of Hell – Trapped with kids in a massive weather-related traffic jam 😀

Horatio Cornblower

The Donner Party set the bar for dealing with those types of situations.

It’s a low bar.

bk109

Just like we told you after the last time we covered for your “hobby” … cannibalism isn’t always (or even mostly) the answer

litre_cola

Looks like a lovely day in West London. I remember travelling…..

bk109

I remember travelling too… and frankly, I don’t miss it too much, ’cause most of my travelling was to act as a fire brigade of sorts for multiple company projects across the EU to the tune of occasionally forgettin’ where the bloody hell I am 😀 … I do slightly miss being able to just have everyone pile on in the Cessna and jet on to see whichever city (in range) had good weather and even better sights, tho

litre_cola

My yearly Euro trip went away when Deci was born but he is old enough now for us to drop him off at the grandfolks and cross the Atlantic.
Oh well, still healthy etc.

bk109

It’s the exact opposite on our end (well was… fuck you 2020) with us only really starting to travel after the kiddos’ were born as before that were the hectic days of working full time and studying in uni, so it was time to live a little . It also helped that around that time we finally started pulling good enough money to have a proper peace of mind and enough breathing room to let ourselves live a little 🙂

scotchnaut

Taylor Heinicke trending towards starting tonight….

bk109

G’afternoon ya buggers, how’re the betting gods treatin’ ya so far?

bk109

I’m in a good mood, so I’ll go with Bushmills, Hasegawa’s Tu-144D and Led Zep in the barn tbh. I’ll maybe watch the later games (especially to root for the Team, ’cause I just want to watch the world burn :D)
Edit:WAITAMINUTE.mp3… Gamblor hiatus? … Wha’ happun’?!

Last edited 3 years ago by bk109
litre_cola

Colts, Heaux, Bradys ATS today for me.

litre_cola

I have had way too much coffee this early.

Fronkenshteen

If this ends in a draw, do they replay? Not up on my tourney rules.

litre_cola

Less of a GAP before the Mightey Whitey (nawt insurrectionist) match.

Fronkenshteen

Happy Hippo!

litre_cola

VAR’D!!!!

litre_cola

Turkishgol!!!!!!

litre_cola

They are all over yous

litre_cola

That could be bedsores.

Fronkenshteen
litre_cola

As for Marine FC v Tottenham, the non league club did not get the payday due to gate that they had anticipated and need. They came up with a virtual ticket for 10 quid which gets you a stream of the game and entered into a draw for a bunch of stuff. They also are building a retaining wall at their ground and everyone who bought a virtual ticket to support their club gets their name permanently on that wall. I really should have went with Litre_Cola but alas my name will have to do.
This is what you get from the raffle;
 

  • Become manager of Marine for one full pre-season friendly next season
  • 2 x weekenders for 4 people in Liverpool including hotel and Marine match tickets
  • 2 x Marine season tickets
  • Signed Marine shirt

I would obv donate it all and demand a damn footy scarf.

I also believe that Carragher gave the Marine (not war) foundation 180k to supplant what they lost from advertising money. It is a “feel good” story in an otherwise shit footballing situation.

Last edited 3 years ago by litre_cola
litre_cola

Dunno why the link didn’t work. Anyway look up Marine AFC and chuck em 10 quid.

Last edited 3 years ago by litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

“Wait, quid?”

Me, standing in the Post Office arguing about why I can’t send giant mollusks to England via the mail.

Sharkbait

Jose Mourinho bought a ticket

litre_cola

Hippo do you have long distance mind control on Decilitre? 4:55 am, Daddy wake up its soccer time…..

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