Your NFC Wildcard Playoff Game Open Thread

TO THE GAME!

Bears/Saints:

-The general consensus is that on-the-cusp of 42 years, Drew Brees will hang up his mole/birthmark for good after he loses. That won’t be happening today.

-Despite being benched Truth Biscuit actually has a record of 6-3 as a starter this year. Despite having the 2nd worst passing grade and a high rate of uncatchable balls the Bears win with him in the lineup. What gives? Well, it helps that his wr unit is 4th in yards after catch and 2nd in broken tackles-they’re inflating his stats so much they should call themselves “The Air Balloon Brigade”.

-Allen Robinson himself is responsible for more than half of the wr unit’s first downs and touchdowns. His partner Mooney is out so the 13 targets he had last week will be distributed among Riley Ridley(?) and Javon Wims(?).

-Both Kamara and Michael Thomas have been activated for this game. The former should have an easier time than usual because Bears lb Roquan Smith is out for this one. His replacement is much slower of foot.

-Down near the endzone Brees should cast an eye towards te Cook because the Bears have given up 12 scores in 16 games to the position.

-Despite averaging over 100 yards per game over the last month and a half rb Montgomery should have a bit of trouble vs a Saints D that has no glaring weaknesses.

-During their last 8 games they are top 3 vs the pass and the run in defensive DVOA. Their secret sauce? They’ve played against a qb-less Denver team, Nick Mullens, Atlanta (X2) and P.J. Walker.

-One last note on these Saints and something that I haven’t seen anything about. Their roster construction couldn’t possibly have been done better. Your qb goes down and Taysom is there with Jameis (on a cheap contract) waiting in the wings-and then Thomas is missing in action and Sanders picks it up. And then Kamara has problems and Lat Murray is there to fill the void. That’s a solid franchise that actually prepared for the possibility of injuries.

Diddle your fiddle down below.

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litre_cola

The Cheeto in charge is giving Grumblelord a medal of some nature tomorrow.

Edit: Did not see RTD post below.

Last edited 3 years ago by litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

I’ll say it again, I cannot believe Bill would show up for that, or even acknowledge it. Trump is radioactive for all but the clinically insane at this point, and I can’t imagine that “Wanna see the medal Trump gave me” is going to impress many free agents.

Doktor Zymm

Unless the new Pats unis prominently feature fur, facepaint, and ‘Camp Auschwitz’ t-shirts of course

Horatio Cornblower

I’m ruling nothing out.

Dunstan

I can believe it.

Gatoraids

Stayed tuned after the game kids for the next host of Picture Pages and steelers qb Ben Roethlisbu

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like this might be too evil, even for Bill.

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Bill Belichick missed the offseason and now is set to get the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Trump on Thursday, ⁦<a href=”https://twitter.com/meridithmcgraw?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>@meridithmcgraw</a>⁩ reports<br>A spokesperson for the Patriots did not immediately respond to a request for comment.<br> <a href=”https://t.co/7ffdqotDG7″>https://t.co/7ffdqotDG7</a></p>&mdash; Alex Thompson (@AlexThomp) <a href=”https://twitter.com/AlexThomp/status/1348417804459003906?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>January 10, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>

Doktor Zymm

The password to get into the West Wing pillow fort is “Pence Smells”

Horatio Cornblower

I’d be surprised if Bill had anything to do with that.

SonOfSpam

He could just like, not. Not show up, etc. Would be problematic as hell to go on with it.

Horatio Cornblower

yeah, I can see Trump handing out medals to literally everyone he’s ever met, but 3/4 of them denying knowing anything about it.

Dolph Ucker

The douche is strong in these mortals.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like 21-3 would be an appropriate score for the Bears to lose this game by, because it’s not close enough to be interesting but not enough of a blowout to be fun to watch either.

Doktor Zymm

Can we teach the kids at home how to write “game over” in cursive?

Horatio Cornblower

Kids, imagine Spongebob is the Bears
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Don T

My dream Nickelodeon booth team would be Ray Lewis and Marvin Harrison. Doing a Panthers game on Rae Carruth Night.

Horatio Cornblower

Greg Hardy doing sideline reporting from a couch.

Doktor Zymm

Halftime report by Adrian Peterson and Tyreek Hill

litre_cola

With a pregame ceremony to retire Darren Sharper’s number

Warthog

They could have a live studio audience with Cromartie’s Cids Clubhouse.

clint greasewood

Dante Stallworth driving the injury cart.

Don T

/laughed way too much

Horatio Cornblower

The Bears can’t get to the Saints because the Saints took the precaution of drawing an anti-seabear circle
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Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

Are the Saints “Blouses?” Because Game, Blouses

Doktor Zymm

Latavius Murray is alive!

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Don T

Taysom Hill coming in fir a hard count is peak Sean Peyton

King Hippo

#Leadership

Redshirt

Based on the score, I’m not sure if I want to keep watching because the game is close, or log out and go diddle my fiddle as Scotch demands.

Dolph Ucker

Tony Dungy would be good for Nick Sports. Wholesome, half-funny stories about famous fitbaw players he’s known and what churches they went to. Happy shit.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, he’s known to be great with children.

SonOfSpam

Hangin With Mr. Dungy

litre_cola

Beat me to it.

Doktor Zymm

You can’t just leave a comment like that hanging

Dolph Ucker

“Beat Me to It” would actually be the Adrian Peterson show. I think that might be on Nick already.
/does not have cable

Dolph Ucker

He could rope them in.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure how we fit this on a banner, but a way needs to be found.

Dunstan

Seems like a recurring feature to me.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know if I can respect someone who is afraid of octupi

litre_cola

Beat em, grill em, enjoy.

Game Time Decision

Grilling optional or so I have been told

litre_cola

Oh yeah, raw octupi in Korea. So fresh the tentacles stick to your teeth!

SonOfSpam

Or, and hear me out, eat literally anything else. (proud amurrican here)

litre_cola
Doktor Zymm

I like how you can tell what a restaurant’s specialty is in Korea by the happy cartoon animals on the sign

Gumbygirl

That’s how you can tell a good barbeque place in the south too. Happy, dancing pigs!

Spur

See kids Football is boring.

Redshirt

Morbidly curious, I decided to check out Nickelodeon’s coverage of the game. After two minutes, I have an irrational hatred for football, kids and slime.

Dunstan

What’s irrational about hating kids?

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure it’s irrational NOT to hate them

SonOfSpam

What about the sexy ones?

Redshirt

Get off the thread, Jared from Subway!

Recovery Whiskey

I just watch it like a drunk 20 year old. With 30 years of experience.

Petronel

Tracy, love ya, but you can stay on CBS for now. Lex Lumpkin got this.

Doktor Zymm

He’s doing a good job, is he an actor from a Nick show or did he win a contest or something?

Doktor Zymm

I went to get snacks. Did any football happen?

litre_cola

An ejection!

Doktor Zymm

Aw man! Did the Nickelodeon commentators compare it to being suspended from school??

Redshirt

They compared it for when the middle schooler gets pregnant and then drops out of school. Then it got kind of dark before they cut the guy’s mic.

Senor Weaselo

Ah, the Zoey 101?

Senor Weaselo

So, since I’m in South Joisey, how bad is this?

Redshirt

Well, I’ve only seen a few minutes of this game, but from what I’ve seen, whoever plays the winner of this game next week gets a Working Bye Week to the Conference Finals.

King Hippo

Huh, they won’t miss that Miller guy, will they? That #83 seems great at working hisself open.

Horatio Cornblower

We’re not really going to talk about Ray Lewis on Nick, are we?

See kids, an “accessory” doesn’t do the crime, he’s just allegedly in the car when the crime happens, and a “snitch” is a worthless piece of shit who you better believe is going to get what’s coming to him if he doesn’t shut his damn mouth.

litre_cola

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Gatoraids

Ray Lewis

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SonOfSpam

STABBY STABBY JOY JOY

Horatio Cornblower

What fits in your pants
alone or in pairs,
and into your neighbor’s liver?
What’s great for an attack,
And fits in a snitch’s back?
It’s knife, knife,
It’s metal, it’s sharp, it hurts.
It’s knife, it’s knife, it’s better than bad, it’s good.
Everyone wants a knife
You’re gonna use it, knife
Come on and get your knife
Everyone needs a knife
Knife, knife, knife!

Doktor Zymm

I would play Nickelodeon Clue

Game Time Decision

Scotchy theme song

Don T

Young Sheldon? Fuck Nickleodeon
/mute

Horatio Cornblower

They really missed a chance to teach kids valuable lessons about consent and privilege by not using Nick for the Pittsburgh game.

Mother Puncher

CHRIST I THOUGHT WE WOULD ESCAPE YOUNG SHELDON ON A CABLE STATION

Horatio Cornblower

Is Noah Eagle kin to Ian Eagle?

litre_cola

Aye

Horatio Cornblower

He’s doing a good job. All kidding aside, I like the way Nick has handled this overall.

Petronel

…I probably should have started drinking before the halftime highlight reel

Doktor Zymm

Minecraft NFL animations are a million times better than the standard network animations

Mother Puncher

The little guy accelerating with the dust kicking up was pretty good

Don T

I don’t think the Saints have gotten enough credit for playoff choking.

Doktor Zymm

I’m curious how they’re managing to choke at home

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too!”

Mike Hutchence

Warthog

Evergreen.

Horatio Cornblower

Never gets old.

Like Mike.

Mr. Ayo

It’s both easy and hard at the same time!

— D. Carradine

Don T

This game is mire tense than the episode* when iCarly’s brother drove Sam to get an abortion.

* Fanfic. Hey, my daughter’s 5th grade friends liked it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hahahaha, yeah. Those crazy fans, always writin’ that fiction…” – Dan Schneider

Horatio Cornblower

I remember there were pics of her in the internet from when she was banging some guy in the NBA.

I’m sure Schneider went insane trying to write that into the show.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Mother Puncher

Have you ever seen that insane video of ICarly showing off all her bruises and going “is that what you want Dan [Schneider]?”

Horatio Cornblower

No, and I would like to remain off any FBI lists.

Gumbygirl

F bomb on Nickelodeon!

Doktor Zymm

Offsetting penalties on a punt 6 seconds before halftime? Thrillos for the kiddos!

Mr. Ayo

Patterson saying “What the fuck” on a hot mic is a great teaching moment too!

herodotus450

Good thing I’m reading DFO cause hearing “…and over on the Nickolodeon broadcast” out of context just now would have convinced me I’m in some kind of dream world.

Gatoraids

Mmm maybe TNT will team with Cartoon Network Adult Swim coverage of the NBA playoffs

Doktor Zymm

IT IS SEALAB 2021 THIS YEAR

King Hippo

Great jerb, Nickelodeon, them kids will never watch FITBAW again!

Doktor Zymm

I think the Seahawks could change their name to the Reptars without having to change their colors or unis

Recovery Whiskey

We already have green slime as a primary color

Cecil Rhodes

Didn’t know that Jay Leno was now playing football for the Bears. He sure has gained some weight lately. The blackface isn’t exactly a good look.

herodotus450

Two consecutive possesions for the Bears, they say, which could result in as many as 6 points!

Mr. Ayo

They’re not evening try to score here. lol

Recovery Whiskey

I haven’t had this much fun during an NFL game since the first Puppy Bowl

Gatoraids

The ABC Disney Espn complex will surely find a way to ruin this fun next week

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The firm came into being in 1996 through the merger of D.C. firms Black, Manafort, Stone and Kelly (BMSK or Black, Manafort) and Gold & Liebengood by Martin B. Gold.

This is interesting. I believe that Liebengood is the father of the Capitol Police officer who committed suicide last night.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pete Carroll, artist’s conception:
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hippofant

This is some real Rome is collapsing bullshit right here.

Mother Puncher

My wife and I are going vegetarian for January to lose a little holiday weight. Probably doesn’t help that I use double the cheese and butter in everything I cook

Doktor Zymm

I’ve met a morbidly obese vegan, but that was a dude who had 2+ lbs of pasta every meal

litre_cola

Cheese is life. Ask teh Hippo…

Doktor Zymm

Not so cocky now, eh?

Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions!

Horatio Cornblower

This game really benefits from the Nickelodeon treatment, because it detracts from how bad it actually is.

Gatoraids

New requirement for challenge flags

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Dunstan

I think this is the right call, but if you’re the Saints you’ve got to challenge

litre_cola

What is a catch?

Doktor Zymm

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Petronel

Slimedown (maybe)

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

Doktor Zymm

I bet they use ‘non-toxic’ slime nowadays. Snowflakes

Horatio Cornblower

The benzene makes it glow!