Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.
Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.
TO THE (LAST) GAME!
Chiefs/Bucs:
-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.
-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…
-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)
-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.
-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.
-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.
-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.
Scritch that itch in the comments.
Hey, it’s the reanimated corpse of Vince Lombardi!
Virtual Vince is weirding me out
Biden wearing the tripoint pocket square, that MEANS something PLEASE LOOK AT MY GIANT DIAGRAM EXPLAINER ON THE MYPILLOW DISCORD SERVER
God… DAMMIT
Wear masks, stay socially distant… those of you at the game!
Wow. Seems like Dr. Jill Biden isnt a mail order wife and actually loves her husband. Weird.
As a Jets fan, Brady can take a long walk off a short pier. Or that plank right there! That’s convenient!
My wife’s talking with her dad right now, so I have the TV muted, debating whether or not to leave it that way
I have a Pitbull appearance at +5000
I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t really care if Brady wins or not. However, his presence there does prove that Brady can get to the SB without Belichick; Belichick has never been to the SB without Brady. It seems unreal that this is Brady’s tenth SB. Neither of them or Kraft have ever seemed particularly likable, but they did bring “my” team a bunch of rings. Anyway, it was a nice ride, but the Patriots day in the sun is definitely over and I can handle it.
> …it was a nice ride, but the Patriots day in the sun is definitely over and I can handle it.
That doesn’t sound like something a *real* Patriots fan would say.
I didn’t mention the first 30+ years of my fandom from 1968 onwards until the TB/BB era. This is a return to normalcy for me.
This is also COVID’s Super Bowl.
Holy fuck. Just dropped the kitchen towel and I am fucking spent! Goddamn that was a workout. I’ll tell you all about it in two weeks.
Let’s drink things!
Wishing Faruq from Battlebots did the intros
Especially for introducing Tyreek Hill.
“He’ll go the extra mile…to beat your child…”
Omg
You can totally hear that in Faruq’s voice, right?
Am rooting for Bucs.
Love to see the Pats eat shit. All those Pat coaches are now exposed as frauds. It again, shows how much an above average O-Line can make your QB a star.
Not going to be mad if KC wins. Great team and should win this easily.
I thought they were doing away with the Tomahawk Chant.
You can have our racist chant when you pry it from our cold dead hands — Chiefs fans, probably
To be fair, there’s a lot of FSU fans in Tampa who have the exact same attitude.
Unlike Jordan vs. LeBron, I’m rooting for the younger guy.
Lebron still has a long way to go to catch up to Jordan’s hairline
We went with wings,, pigs in a blanket, and sliders. And ample supplies of whiskey.
Really missed out on the pigs in the blankets. Did cheese burgers then into french onion dip chips and chili cheese nachos during gsme
We did the French onion dip thing too.
That’s all my attorney will allow me to disclose.
Eh, go ahead, I don’t really give a shit about privilege anyway.
That’s my Romo!
We’re kind of dialing back the…oh, Romo. Never mind.
What’s on your menu today?
We did sliders, pulled pork and hamburgers.
Got some smoked and braised ribs from a place we get fresh veggies from every other week, so gonna reheat those around half time. I made up a spicy mustardy slaw and my wife made corn bread. Gonna be good.
VODKA!
Meatball sandwiches, fruit salad, my dad’s homemade crackers, cheese popcorn, ice cream, Diet Sprite, and LOTS of gin.
Oh hello my fellow lizard people
Oh, you didn’t get the memo? We’re not lizards anymore. We’re crab people now.
well this is awkward
This puppy bowl has so many ads it’s like watching the real Super Bowl.
Afternoon Folks.
It’s been an honor to tell dick jokes with you all this year.
No lie you folks made at least a half dozen games not suck. Thank you.
This implies that we made several dozen suck, which is probably fair.
Sheet full, numbers drawn
0-1 and 0-2. Woo?
Puppy Bowl?
Here’s the disastrous test footage I shot at 4:00AM this morning. I mentioned it in the earlier thread but only included iPhone footage of LAX. This footage starts clear at the beach and at the 105E/110N Fastrak flyover I drive up into a cloud that leaves water droplets all over the lens. The route to Pasadena was almost completely empty, but unbeknownst to me I got psychedelic patterns everywhere. I sped this up in post from the original 11 minute raw footage to 1 minute TRT here, which is truly warp speed. To add to my fuckery, the footage abruptly ends on SR-110S in DTLA because I used the wrong data card and it filled up.
I suck.
https://vimeo.com/509569728
Another one just got a penalty for sleeping on the field. I believe the puppy’s name was “Albert Haynesworth”.
I had planned to make popcorn and mix in some sour-cream-onion chips, (it really does wonders for both), but my wife is making French toast and bacon for dinner and now I think I’ll just eat that until I get sick, then spend the rest of the night on the couch staring blearily at the TV.
Join me, won’t you?
One of these puppies is already trying to rip down the goal posts.
He got penalized.
Superb Owl Sunday
Let’s get it on.
OH SURE NOBODY COMPLAINS WHEN PUPPIES SIT FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM!
They did what!?
Oh, sit. Never mind then.
Gonna lie in a tub for a while, see ya later.
– Harriet’s husband
Usually when you b-n-b guests say that they wake up with one less kidney and a whole lotta ice.
Fuck it, I’m putting the puppy bowl on
As head gear I didn’t think you could make it work. I was wrong.
I’m worried one of Andy Reid’s kids will come in and kick one of the puppies.
Cheers y’all! (Yes those are both for me)
Ryan Kerrigan baled again? Fuck him! Time to move on.
It’s hard to be on time with a 3K mile commute, so it’s cool 😛
Just cracked a reaall good wine. Huzzah!!
Me: [at the liquor store earlier today]
Cashier: “Are you watching the big football game today?”
Me: ” I’m a guy-it’s not like I have a choice.”
Cashier: [gales of laughter]
/she wants me, right?
You know it!
Once you drink the liquor, it will become clear to you.
/Slowly coming to the realization that I’m one of the funniest guys ever and not the incredibly handsome dude that women want to sleep with. Could be wrong though. Probably wrong.
/dying
That’s hilarious
I thought you said YOU were the funny one.
Moments before:
(peeks out liquor store window)
“Oh look it’s our best customer on his way in. Make sure to be extra nice and laugh extra loud at anything he says.”
I see that the court-ordered 100 meter restriction doesn’t apply to visits to “places of business”. We’ll get that fixed up right quick.
Your liquor stores are open on Sunday? I live in the 13th Century down here, I reckon.
Production value of this fanless Florida Panthers game is pretty good; when reached for comment, the arena manager said, “Crowd restrictions?”
/Found this in my “jokes from 11 months ago” file
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Etpj-HzU0AAaKzE?format=jpg&name=medium
I can get every team except top right corner, which I think has to be the Rams, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen them in quite those colors.
https://www.stereogum.com/2115485/miley-cyrus-tiktok-tailgate-pregame-show-nine-inch-nails-bikini-kill/news/
Not gonna lie, I’m into it.
I’ve got no beef with Miley. She seems like a pleasant enough goofball on The Voice and I’m not going to take the trouble to learn anything more about her than that.
Right, as I don’t really care about this game enough to stay here an’ annoy all of ya, I’m gonna go to the tank barn to smoke a cigar and do some AFV and car maintenance (while mebbe listening to UTree’s shitstravaganza) …
Also, I guess the jug of fortified coffee was a bad idea tonight (paint-thinner grade coffee and caffeine capsules are usually a better combo) 🙁
I think I have an idea as to what’s behind your insomnia…
bk109 (artist’s conception)
Oh, that looped very nicely. I’ve got to keep this gif handy for future use.
From the vault:
Friday night in Playa del Rey 2 years ago, when things were normal:
https://vimeo.com/291233682
I’m sampling the global snacks dealie. Italy for the first box. Ketchup chips are solid, almost a barbecue chip.
The truffle chips are fucking fantastic. I must have more!
Are you sure those ketchup chips are not from Canada?
Oh we corner the market on them.
Seeing as there are at least two hours before the game, I’m going to watch a replay of the Fremantle-West Coast game.
There’s something about AFLW games in the driving rain…
Woo hoo! Australian Wet T-Shirt Contest!
Messi sits the entire first half and ten minutes of the second: Betis 1 Barcelona 0
Messi enters game: Betis 1 Messi 1
Maybe that Messi guy’s pretty good at the lesser footy?
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS???
Been a dog’s age, friends. I just popped in to to say that as a Raiders fan, fuck this matchup in every possible way. Every way. In the ass. In the ear. In its empty eye sockets. In the crook of the elbow. Betwixt the toes. Left nostril. Right shoulder blade.
Anywhooz, here we are.
Carpe Brewski, DFO.
Porky! Good to see you! Hope things are well.
As well as can be expected, pandemically speaking.
What a long, strange, trip it’s been.
In Cincinnati, we call that a Number Four.
Good to know you’re doing aight all the things considered
Cincinnati Bengals on Twitter: “We are extremely disappointed Ken Riley was not featured in the “In Memoriam” segment during last night’s NFL Honors. Ken left a great impact on the Bengals and the NFL. His legacy deserves to be honored among the greatest to ever play the game. https://t.co/3SDkupZjga” / Twitter
Maybe if you had a team Hall of Fame or a Ring of Honor, past great Bengals would be known to those outside of the organization or fanbase.
‘We’re extremely disappointed that someone else didn’t pay for something that we’re too cheap todo ourselves.”
-Trump’s Wall supporters
I feel like the coda to this story will be finding out that Mike Brown refused to let them use an image of Ken Riley in his Bengals uniform without paying a royalty and that’s why he was left out.
Just a hellacious wipe-out for the Austrian team. Everyone’s OK, so I can laugh at the fact that they kept timing them as they slid halfway down the track on their sides.
Suffice it to say, they will not be qualifying for the 3rd and 4th runs.
I’ve been away from DFO for last week, but I want to rest assure everyone that I will never become the Republican that hateshrew from Georgia is. I will never stoop down to her level. You will never hear me say that she looks like a poorly made Wax Museum exhibition that is partially melted (and that’s the 2nd thing I would thought of, because I felt the 1st thing I would’ve thought of would’ve been too cruel).
I just want that stated for the record.
I still am amazed with your political leanings that you still hang out with us!
Korea has a surprisingly good bobsledding team.
Koreans are rocking stronger genetics than most people realize.
Well, the ones from the South. Not the same in the U.S. though.
They’ve got the same genes in both countries – or at least they used to. Once you give some proper nutrition to the ones who have survived this far in Darwin’s cauldron to the north, look out.
I thought you stopped watching porn…
— U.S. Military, 1953
I think Mahomes has a long great future ahead of him (as long as he doesn’t get hurt) but dang he has a very unfortunate voice.
If he wins this Super Bowl, he might already have the Hall of Fame clinched.
One of Kansas City’s greatest strengths is their creativity. In particular, the Chiefs have found several different ways to put young people in the hospital, so the Tampa Bay rookies need to watch out.
Dammit, RTD, you already have the banner.
I wanted to add “Horatio’s drinking again?…” so it made more sense but that’s against the KOTW spirit. But self-awarding is not. I invented self-awarding KOTW, by the way.
I’m currently drinking hot chocolate. I’m quite cozy.
To be fair, Jovan Belcher was there very briefly.
Well, this thread is over, I’ll see everyone for the Draft.
I did a Gambling thing:
You should win since I’m not sure who Tommy Townsend is.
Well, thank bloody christ that you don’t know who the Chiefs’ punter is, or there’d have been a mandatory 1 week timeout for anthropomorphising punters (and kickers in general)
Neither did I. After making some MVP bets, I had $10 left in the terminal and just went “f*ck it” scrolled down to the bottom of the MVP page and choose the last one.
Hopefully he pulls off an OT fake punt TD run, does five coffin corner kicks that results in safeties or saves a fan from choking AND runs back onto the field to save a possible punt return TD.
It could happen!
Don’t know who he is?
WELL YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODY!
No, I didn’t want to look at my phone and I had an idea who I was betting ($10 MVPs around the +600 area (Kelce, Gronk and Edwards-Helaire), low enough to where if I lose I don’t notice, but if they pull it off, I walk away with a few hundred), there were five terminals at the casino and the five people at the terminals were spending so much time, either this was the first time they’ve heard of sports letalone sports gaming, or there were creating a new form of world government whilst solving World Hunger.
After about 20 minutes of this (I shit you not), one person looked at one of the screens and checked their bets. If all six of their bets won, they would win about $10.
The line was getting restless and angrier by the second, and I didn’t want to be there if the powderkeg sparks.
(my joke was a throwback to KSK)
Probably should have included this photo for context.
As I wrote in last night’s open thread, I’m pulling for the Chiefs but am 100% prepared for the Refs and Bucs to win this one. We can’t have nice things. And it really could go either way, lots of weapons on the Bucs, and they aren’t all Gronk’s STD-riddled member.
I’m going for the Bucs. I’ve had it with Reid, and Hill can get fucked. I hope Brady runs train on them all night, then gets popped for PEDs two weeks later.
The NY Times has a front page article about ‘Tom Brady: How Does He Age So Well’ and they tie themselves in knots to not say the obvious, which is that he’s probably roided to the gills with whatever the new thing is that can’t be detected yet.
Why does it always have to be ‘roids and not the way more obvious – being shielded by a competent (or better) OL most of his life AND has the refs take care of the rest? You’d be surprised how much can you prolong a career when you’re not running (if you call his… thing… running) for your life on every single down 😀
For me? Because he’s associated with Alex Guerrero and is clearly setting himself up for a post-NFL career of peddling snake-oil via the “TB12 method”.
-insert dismissive wanking gesture here-
You realize that there are like 30 teams motivated as hell to find any dirt on that guy, yet no one has found anything so maybe… just maybe…. it’s something else? Something way simpler…… like a black magick ritual where he is ritually bathed in backup/practice squad qbs’ blood to imbue Tommy Boy with the strength to haunt peoples’ nightmares for one more year?
Well, no. Because I don’t doubt for a minute that most NFL players are using banned substances, that the league knows it, and that the league is financially motivated to do as little as possible about it. I think that this is especially true when it comes to star athletes, like Peyton Manning being allowed to get away with blaming his wife for why HGH was being shipped to his house, or Julian Edelman getting a 4 game suspension for using something Guerrero gave him, while no one is interested in digging any further on Brady.
All the NFL teams cheat, and no one’s really interested in getting it out of the game, and they’re definitely not interested in exposing any of the more famous players who sell the merchandise and put the asses in the seats, or these days in front of the TV.
I agree with that, but y’see… I also bank on people being shortsighted/hypocritical/clueless/ignorant when they’re going about things… basically same reasons why I loved the Gamestop debacle (especially the utterly clueless news coverage, which helpfully neglected to point out that the real casualties of that thing weren’t the hedge funds, but the greedy fucks that didn’t consider the consequences of their actions :D)
I absolutely loved the hedge funds taking it in the ass on that one, but at the same time I was laughing at people trying to get in when GME was at $200 or $300 or more a share. Like, what exactly do you think is going to happen here? If you get into a stock at, say $60, and it spikes to $300, and the reason isn’t that they discovered the cure for cancer, get the fuck out.
Which is why /r/WallStreetBets is such a good spankbank material – there’s literally daily whine fests of people crying about pouring their entire savings into stupid shit without thinking (one really good example was a bloke investing almost 250k in an Italian coffee chain… in the middle of their first massive lockdown and losing like 95% overnight)
20210130edhan-a.jpg (807×545) (theweek.com)
Btw, I know ^ comes across harshly, but.. I honestly can’t find sympathy for someone nukings his or herself because of greed/stupidity… Now, if it was a pension fund that mismanaged people’s savings, then I’d feel bad for the people, BUT when it’s one’s own actions… *shrugs*
I wouldn’t feel bad if someone lost their life savings betting it all on black at the roulette table, and I don’t feel bad about someone doing the same buying a shit stock at the top of the market.
Brady has done more quarterback sneaks right into that line than any other QB I can remember.
But is that because of him doing that more than anyone else… or it’s just the windbags in the booth celebrating Brady actually doing something with his legs XD ?
No, he does more. 3rd or 4th and 1 and you know what’s going to happen . . . and he usually got the first down. They were textbook QB sneaks, straight ahead, no hesitation.
I bet Britt Reid could get you some of what Tom Brady has been taking.