Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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yeah right

That’s just a miss.

Senor Weaselo

Hardman looked like he pulled up/lost it in the lights there.

Doktor Zymm

Pffft, more like Malleableman, AMIRITE?

SonOfSpam

Don’t give Marvel any ideas.

hippofant

It looked like two different routes. Hardman was running a go, and was looking inside, but Mahomes threw a corner over Hardman’s outside shoulder. Not sure who was wrong there… Mahomes might have rushed the throw, Hardman might just not have hit his break yet, or something else.

Recovery Whiskey

Had him

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Got heem!

Gatoraids

Mellowest 10 yard scramble for a first

Spur

yikes, KC needs to see what happened on that play. No open shots on MaHomey

Gatoraids

Yeah they gotta know a Suh ankle stomp is in the playbook

Doktor Zymm

YASSS MAHOMES

Horatio Cornblower

“Devin White his that receiver like Britt Reid hitting a parked car!” is something that you’re probably not going to hear from Romo and Nantz tonight, but which I will almost certainly beat into the ground like Britt Reid hitting a 5-year-old with his car.

Which is a thing he, Britt Reid, did.

Old School Zero

What will those zany Reid kids get up to next?!

Petronel

Pringle! Betcha can’t eat just one (tackle)

The Maestro

Howdy, folks. Blooming onion is in the fryer, the five layer dip is made, and the wings go in the oven in 20 minutes. I am logged the fuck in. Let’s do this.

Gatoraids

Salute the blooming onion

Doktor Zymm

I read that as ‘five lawyer dip’

Petronel

DFO has at least five lawyers, right?

yeah right

It’s more like 20. We’re lawyered right the fuck up!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Yeah, we rival the old Deadspin comment section for Attorney Density

Old School Zero

Now I really don’t want to know what’s in that dip

Horatio Cornblower

On a slow day.

Horatio Cornblower

Please leave my firm out of this.

Senor Weaselo

Not a cheap flag? Huzzah! Though it’s still early.

yeah right

Now it’s over.

Spur

Did anyone think to get the Nibbles, DFO server hamster, a redbull just before kick off?

Doktor Zymm

I slipped him a couple speedballs. If we go out at halftime we might need a new hamster

Dunstan

“I’ve got a good supplier.” — Richard Gere

Horatio Cornblower

/Looks in couch cushions

They can’t be more than, what, $5?

herodotus450

I checked last week he seemed fine
https://imgur.com/m0z9Nv6

Dunstan

Over/under on when I decide to mute Nantz and Romo’s “Quarterback Worship Hour” is 9.5 minutes.

Doktor Zymm

Well, now that i’ve seen that commercial for the super bowl broadcast during the super bowl I guess i’m convinced to watch the super bowl…hrm

Old School Zero

This logo is still so much failure, fucking LiV

Recovery Whiskey
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Obligatory, but Fuck Tom Brady

yeah right

Harumph!

Doktor Zymm

My favorite thing about seeing football live is seeing the difference between the big dudes and the little dudes. From that coin toss, you can see that Kelce is a big dude and David is a little dude

WCS

Wifey asked what time the game started. I said 6:00, but I think it’ll be more like 6:45. What do I win?

Old School Zero

GAME OVER

SonOfSpam

Tossed that coin like a girl.

clint greasewood

Can a poet sellout?

Horatio Cornblower

The woods are beautiful
Dark & Deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to to before I sleep
On my Serta mattress

R. Frost, making a buck

Old School Zero

For sale:
baby shoes
never worn
Nike Air Jordans
still in box
original laces
Buy Now

Spur

most make poets have a strong pull out

Horatio Cornblower

Anyway, back to bobsledding I guess.

Dunstan

So, I’ve got nothing against Amanda Gorman, but do we really need an anthem and a poem and a ceremonial coin toss and who the fuck knows what else?

Mother Puncher

Oh Christ not this poet again. ENUNCIATION ISN’T POETRY

SonOfSpam

Great, another non-rhyming poet. GIMME DR SEUSS.

Senor Weaselo

Just a reminder that Stravinsky almost got arrested for altering the National Anthem.
https://www.classicalwcrb.org/post/stravinskys-run-boston-police#stream/0

yeah right

There’s a reason I don’t usually participate with the live blogs. It’s because I FUCKING HATE COMMERCIALS!
Jesus God.

Sharkbait

They do suck

hippofant

Did they just fly over a B2 bomber? Why? Those things cost a ton to get out of storage, and ain’t nobody who gives a shit about flyovers gonna recognize it anyways.

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, what else are we gonna do with it?

hippofant

GOTTA HAVE STEALTH SO YOU CAN DROP BOMBS ON YEMENI TERRORISTS FROM 15000 FEET IN THE AIR

herodotus450

Why do you hate America, slandering the B2 like that? Wikipedia says it ”
is capable of all-altitude attack missions up to 50,000 feet.”

hippofant

15000 m. MY BAD.

herodotus450

metric system

/Sends invitation to hippofant to appear in front of the DFO Un-American Activities Committee

hippofant

I politely decline.

I MEAN UH FUCK SHIT GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS OVER MY DEAD BODY GRIPPING MY HOT SAWED OFF SHOTGUN

Doktor Zymm

HE DIDN’T SPELL IT HAWT!!!1

herodotus450

Apparently that one was targeted perfectly at the DFO demographic judging by these comments.

Gatoraids

Shoulda parachuted the B-52s in for the anthem

Don T

Was that a stealth bomber? Ha! Frauds.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If it’s so stealthy how come everyone saw it?

Viva La Tabula Raza

“I thought they were supposed to be invisible. I didn’t see the F-35s though. They’re invisible too.”
—DJT

herodotus450

Definitely looked like a B-2, I bet they didn’t see that one coming.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dog whistle for the right-wingers watching: All the B-2s are based at Whiteman AFB in Missouri. Get it? White Man!!!

Doktor Zymm

Right?! I totally saw it!

hippofant

Yessir. Had to be the slowest flyover ever so as to not erode the B2’s stealth coating.

Mother Puncher

Fuck you guys that anthem slapped

SonOfSpam

“I hear that, rhythmically!”

-J. Sandusky

King Hippo

1) I will nae be checking scores, or participating beyond this posting.

2) MRSA Dreamboat can eat a hepatitis-ridden hobo’s asshole. No jelly or syrup, obvs.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Let me guess: “I don’t even own a television.”

King Hippo

1) They done interrupted my Footy Manager twice, trying to get me to stream this abortion for free.

2) I own waaaayyyyy too many TVs.

hippofant

For how insecure the US is, it sure takes a long time to suck its dick.

Doktor Zymm

“Aroooo!”
-Richard ‘tricky dick’ Nixon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Pantene commercials I’m seeing make me think I’m not part of the Puppy Bowl’s target demographic.

Senor Weaselo

Aaaaand there’s the modulation.

Spur

If we can add Space Force, we can add DC as a state.

Mr. Ayo

Puerto Rico too!

King Hippo

I hear tell they do the Humpty Hump.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But that would mean that DFO is subject to U.S. law!

clint greasewood

US Virgin Islands too, hell bring the UK Virgin Islands as well.

Mr. Ayo

I’m all in favor of importing more virgins

yeah right

I’m officially taking a knee. That’s saying something with my knees.

King Hippo

I got an ACE bandage wrap for my arthritic right knee, is helping mucho.

Spur

These male country stars all look and sound alike.

Senor Weaselo

Once again, YOU FUCKING PEOPLE THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER IS NOT IN FOUR.

Horatio Cornblower

We should really start a prop bet on how long it take Senor to lose his shit on this subject each year.

Doktor Zymm

Gimme the under

Doktor Zymm

Nice thing about the Owl, I can be 10 minutes late for kickoff and they’ve just started to get into the 45 minute version of the anthem

SonOfSpam

Our new countrified national anthem is all white with me.

Old School Zero

The Thin Blue Line and my Thick Blue Vein by [Corporate Country Star ver. 3.6]

Recovery Whiskey

A Gibson hollowbody

Mother Puncher

Gorgeous guitar. Better taste than I expect from older Morgan Waller.

Old School Zero

A Space Force flag, huh? They’re really gonna trot that out there, huh? How embarrassing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Space Force? That’s a sign that $GME is going TO THE MOON! BUY BUY BUY!

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
clint greasewood

Is this only vaccinated people? because I’m seeing a lot of maskless “fans” in condensed packed stands

Horatio Cornblower

Forget it, Clint; it’s Tampa Town.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What you are seeing is a nationally-televised super-spreader event.

Doktor Zymm

It’s maybe 20% vaccinated people

Horatio Cornblower

“No, just stick with ‘Chiefs’; if we go with ‘Squaw’ we’re gonna seem like assholes.”

Spur

HER?

Mr. Ayo

That was she.

WCS

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Way to not put the ASL guy in picture in picture, CBS.

Gatoraids

We will teach everyone sign language to reduce covid spread viav loud singing

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, is everyone’s stream skipping or is it just my internet?

SonOfSpam

I just had a pretty straightforward pee, so it may just be you.

Horatio Cornblower

Still watching bobsledding; everything’s running like clockwork in Switzerland.

Recovery Whiskey

Thats making up for it quick

Sharkbait

Is that cgi Vince Lombardi?