Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.
Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.
TO THE (LAST) GAME!
Chiefs/Bucs:
-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.
-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…
-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)
-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.
-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.
-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.
-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.
Scritch that itch in the comments.
Are we posting best of Eartha Kitt?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGAJU6aAmZM
We should, cause she’s awesome! https://youtu.be/YsPon0V1nyQ
She was married to krusty the clown for 6 hours, 5 of which he was asleep!
https://youtu.be/55M2jMGOk-A
Tom Brady is proof cancel culture doesn’t really exist
/goes to bed, doesn’t read responses
https://youtu.be/SS02GeKuWQ4
Tigres is in the World Club Cup Final Yo!
Or sexy pictures. Either way…
Just a few more crude jokes and we make it to 1300 comments!
And iiiiiii helped
Wooo! Almost there!
I give up
https://twitter.com/SaycheeseDGTL/status/1358448004483739649
Darwin Award?
And nothing of value was lost.
See, the 2nd Amendment can be good also!
It seems I’m watching a movie called ‘The Nuisance ‘
http://pre-code.com/nuisance-1933-review-lee-tracy-madge-evans/
This is solid, I recommend
Actually let’s take Redshirt’s initial comment and expand: If you had the choice of a play-by-play and a color commentator of your life, who would you take?
As I said below, Harlan and Frazier. Alternately, Mike Breen and Frazier (so the Knicks MSG booth.)
Harry Caray whilst pissing himself?
What’s the deal with Adderall? The only prescriptions I’ve ever had in my life were temporary cold medicines, penicillin for all my cases of the clap when I was younger, and blood pressure medication when I was older.
I think more problems in this country are caused by so many people taking prescribed Adderall and Xanax, etc. They’re all nut jobs.
It’s incredibly common, no idea how many people continue the scrips into adulthood, but in HS/college it’s well over 10% and more that buy from their friends. When I was TAing there were multiple kids who said they took too much during studying and ended up missing the exam
Lotta kids taking it now to pass tests and shit. Doctors just handing out the scrips like candy cuz why not.
Got to watch something more uplifting.
Look! Joker is on!
Viggo Mortenson starring in The Road!!!
So, did anyone check on Tree? Is he, like, dead?
…and the NFL screws me out of $700. Now I know how the Chiefs feels!
Super bowl or covid super spreader event?
Masks optional now?
Just a reminder that only teams in domes or warm weather towns will have a chance to win a Super Bowl at home!
To hell with Lambeau Field!
Hey, there was that one at the Meadowlands where I made a token trip to the worse version of Fanfest (the ’08 MLB Fanfest kicked ass), and the one at BirdMurderDome!
There’s our national disgrace!
/Not a Britt Reid post about him putting a 5 year old in critical condition after hitting a parked car while drunk and drugged up.
/also not a post about the Americans who were acquitted by Trump for shooting a 9 year old sitting in his families car in the head, along with killing 13 other civilians
So nice to see the Glazers host a trophy.
/dismissive wanking motion until my wrist shatters into as many pieces as a car containing a 5-year-old does when hit by a moron trying to drive a car despite having mixed alcohol with prescription medication.
NHL: Tampa Bay Lightning – September 2020 champs
MLB: Tampa Bay Rays – October 2020 runner up
NFL: Tampa Bay Buccaneers – February 2021 champs
/Bets heavily on the Tampa Croquet League team
Fuck ’em. Except for the Bolts because of all the former Rangers captains who won a ring for that.
MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers – 2020 Champs
NBA: Los Angeles Lakers – 2020 Champs
NFL: Los Angeles is the only major American city with no NFL teams
In the distance: stomp, stomp, clap
Good ol’ Greg Bedard
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EtrGiGqUUAAMvB_?format=jpg&name=360×360
Huh, I randomly switched channels to a black and white movie and while I have no idea what’s going on, there’s a medical doll called gladys and i’m already entertained
very last funny:
https://twitter.com/bubbaprog/status/1358611559229124610
Was he calling both games?
“Pull up your pants my man”
Joe Buck is ashamed of that call.
While I want Paul Heyman to be my advocate in all negotiations, interviews, job performance reviews, and picking up woman, I will be happy to have Kevin Harlan commentate on my life.
I’ll take Kevin Harlan with play-by-play and Walt “Clyde” Frazier doing color commentary.
Because just once I want to be stylin’ and profilin’.
damn i was gonna pour one out for twbs on this game, but he might rise from the grave and kick my ass on pure principal
Do it anyway!
Glad I saved my last Alka Seltzer for this
They were ahead of the alcho-seltzer trend
Welp, time to get started on the draft preview.
/cracks knuckles
//goes to bed
Two quarters, times… equals…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ns7kXLj7co
So, I’m putting it all in GameStop, right?
Short it
Don’t
I’m too sober for this
Gronk for MVP or they giving it to Brady?
I’m hoping its Gronk (for money), but they’ll give it Brady.
You and your Tommy Townsend pick!
I should’ve spent the five minutes looking for the “KC OL and WRs quit on Mahomes” bet.
Gronk is the MVP.
They’re def giving it to Brady.
the refs are the mvp. made it very clear ealry in the game the fix was in and took away any reason for Kansas city to try
And I don’t have to watch no more goddamn commercials neither!
Been a pleasure hanging with you knuckleheads tonight.
Be an honor to cook for you the next 7 fucking months.
Can’t wait
In here to serve. Gonna be a lot of fun.
Be a lot cooler if you delivered
Woohoo, Sunday Gravy!
Well that sucked
-Britt Reid, getting out of his car and surveying the damage.
done it the right way?
hahahahahhahaha
no
so the 2020 chiefs have joined the 83 [*Redacted] s, 97 packers, and the 14 Seahawks as teams that lost the superbowl after winning the previous one
Fuck the shit out of this shit. I’mma do a shot of scotch.
Settle down, Britt.
OK Brady now score a touchdown so I win the pool.
Drinks are on you next time I’m in the city Senor.
Pick me up on the way through
Just don’t drive home drunk like Britt Reid.
“My Uber driver is a Britt R. with negative two stars.”
“Eh, when’s the next time I’m gonna be in Haiti?”
That’s what the train is for.
/Drives train through an orphanage
Dammit. Hoist by my own petard.
I always take the train. I can booze and not drive. Unlike some people named Britt Reid
The train rules.
Doesn’t the Amazon smile logo look like a fully erect penis or is it just me?
“Too long”
-B. Farve
It took a decade for me to realize that the smile is an arrow signifying A to Z.
‘How did a blind man conquer Mt. Everest?’
I’m going to guess that a Sherpa got paid a shit-ton of money to drag his ass up there, because I don’t care how heroic that guy is, he has no better chance of getting to the top of Everest on his own than Britt Reid does of getting home without causing life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old after mixing alcohol and prescription medication.
Blind guy: (climbs small hill in vacant lot)
Drunk friend: WE MADE IT TO THE TOP OF EVEREST
Blind guy: (believes it wholeheartedly)
reminds me of a weekend update joke:
in the world of sports, a blind man has bowled a perfect game at a Louisville alley. at least that’s what we’re telling him!
“Help me dig! I was told the cure for my blindness was on top of Mt. Everest!”
“…shit.”
Britt Reid hits kids with his car, Tom Brady smashes them with his lips.
Kids shouldn’t play football.
?w=600&h=315&crop=1
hey cbs why don’t you show how half of tampas roster is first year players?
they went all in on “win now” mode and it fucking worked
Suh nows has the same amount of Rings as Rodgers
He’s like family now to Rodgers, in that Rodgers now loathes him and will have nothing to do with him.
I can get behind that.
Settle down, Buddy.
Holy shit, ESPN just announced Pedro Gomez died.
Did Britt Reid hit him?
Heyooooo
No, Britt Reid only hits young children and makes Nantz have a sad.
SHIT dicks
Pretty sure of all the random contests i entered for this game, i won none. Or less.
I run the pool and got skunked again
We live in a world where Yo Gabba Gabbert is a super bowl champion
that’d be an interesting quiz: list of backup superbowl winning qbs:
rob johnson, drew bledsoe, jim mcmahon, jason garrett, bernie kosar,
Tarvaris Jackson has a ring!
*had
guy died in a single car wreck last april
Well, at least McMahon won one as a starter.
THATS ROCKING!!!
I’m just glad the lady ref didn’t fuck anything up tonight. Last thing we need is more assholes blaming women for their own failings.
Wait. If she fucked up, wouldn’t it being blaming women for their failings?
She’s lucky Kareem Hunt is no longer on the Chiefs.
Lukewarm take: Britt Reid karma is why we get this game.
Eh, that presumes the universe has the same bias about US vs foreign kids that the NFL does
You have a point there.
I’m sorry, did Nantz just mumble his way through some acknowledgement of the Britt Reid incident? Because if that was it, fuck the NFL and fuck Nantz. That was total bullshit.
Okay, who here is Jim Nantz?!
Hello, friends.
An Internet Dad unlike any other.
He got the cigarettes after all!
Nantz shout-out to Horatio Cornblower!!!
Let’s not forget Mr. Ayo, who has done some heavy lifting on the same subject.
Like Britt Reid picking up his keys and deciding to power through drunk driving