Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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herodotus450

Antonio Brown vs. Leveon Bell in this game? So at least we can laugh at the Steelres while we’re here.

The Maestro

Drums are infinitely better than flats.

Discuss.

Dunstan

Flats have a higher ratio of surface area to meat, ergo more sauce and crispy skin. Downside is that they’re harder to eat with one hand, so it’s tough to keep your drinking hand clean.

SonOfSpam

Can we discuss women’s breasts without resorting to misogyny?

Brocky

no way that was catchable

Mr. Ayo

Only matters with PI, not holding.

Senor Weaselo

HAIL BLEERGH!

Recovery Whiskey

Here come the pro-Brady flags

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well of course he’s popular in Provincetown, it’s in Rhode…oh, flags. Yeah, he does get a lot of love from the men in black and white.

Brocky

Mom: oh that marv guy was in back to back superbowls?

Horatio Cornblower

Just found out that my cousin works in the NFL league office (I knew that part) and is at the Super Bowl.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Is your cousin wearing a mask?

Horatio Cornblower

In the picture Mom sent, yes. I told her no one else in Tampa was and to stay inside and for Christ’s sake not to touch anything.

I haven’t asked her what the NFL Legal Dept. thinks of DFO.

Redshirt

Never thought I say this but I miss my family talking about politics.

Fronkenshteen

Elmer from “Crank Yankers” is still a thing?

Spur

he is when Paramount needs content

Brocky

THAT’S where i knew him from. I was racking my brain

Horatio Cornblower

If the Paramount Mountain ads end with a tribute to ‘Alive’ I will watch nothing but CBS for the rest of the year.*

*/I won’t actually do this.

Old School Zero

Lotta Kirk/Spock vore fanfic out there already, no need to add more

Last edited 3 years ago by Old School Zero
Viva La Tabula Raza

What did those crash survivors eat to survive? Sounds interesting.
—Andes Reid.

Senor Weaselo

They should’ve checked for the hula girls, which as Freakazoid told us, are in Norway.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What was that Will Ferrell ad selling?

hippofant

Norway.

WCS

Scandinavia

BaldingSpiritually

Swedish tourism?

Mr. Ayo

Batteries. But for cars.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Electric Vehicles, bitch!

Doktor Zymm

iKEA?

Spur

sympathy for GM when they ask for a bailout.

Viva La Tabula Raza

No Jimmy, He did not get faxed, he drove his Lincoln.

Hahaclintonsdicks

First time posting. Gunner and giants fan, love spagnuolo, we’ll always have 020808. Discovered KSK, rongrastname and fetushead. And touchdown boobies. Life took a left turn professionally, dropped out for a while . Discovered DFO two months ago. Not a porn/gif connoisseur, don’t have the intellect y’all do. Life at home also sideways so just want to thank all of you for your thoughts and comments on the rivebrog. Suspect there’s a lot of us out here who follow these not for the games but all your comments

Horatio Cornblower

Happy to have you, hope you stick around.

(You’re not Britt Reid are you? You have to tell us if you’re Britt Reid.)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That Doritos ad sucked but i did like the fine print warning “do not attempt if you’re a 3d person”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The only 3″ D person I know is Brett Favre.

Doktor Zymm

3 seconds? Generous

Senor Weaselo

HOLY SHIT IT’S 2000 AGAIN

Dunstan

It’s Aussie Open time!

Fronkenshteen

I got 50 on Rod Laver.

SonOfSpam

I bet on Rod Lover, but it turns out he’s an actor in the adult all-male genre.

Dunstan

My vacuum has a setting called “Max Suction,” which I think must be a colleague of Rod Lover

SonOfSpam

Balls currently winning the 1st quarter pool.

Fronkenshteen

In Heaven, a second KC championship means a ring for Jovan Belcher’s exit wound.

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen anything hit a Hill in the face like that since Tyreek got home and found that his son had spilled milk.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jesus, did Hardman’s little hard man have a Eugene robinson night last night?

herodotus450

I haven’t heard this much Bunting talk since the Junior Prom planning committee meeting.

Horatio Cornblower

The Buccaneers last two drives have stalled, the same way Britt Reid’s car would have stalled if he had a Breathalyzer on his ignition, right before he drove into that other car, resulting in life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old child.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Banner! Not on the site but under the Jovan Belcher memorial plaque at Chiefs HQ.

Fronkenshteen

Me all two weeks before Supe: “BET THE OVER!!!!”

Me Three Plays Into Supe: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A buddy of mine is celebrating 10 years sober today.

I’m having wings and a 7.1% abv beer, so to each their own.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well I know your buddy’s name isn’t “Britt Reid”.

SonOfSpam

He hit a kid with his car.

Brocky

good on you for sticking with your friend.

those who go clean have an unfortunate tendency to lose touch with their non sober friends

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He’s a great dude.

Old School Zero

HAIL BLEERGH

Senor Weaselo

Free play BLEERGH!

Doktor Zymm

Damn, Suh got a wedgie

Senor Weaselo

Tyreek Hill looking for a hole to hit like his kids.

Last edited 3 years ago by Senor Weaselo
Dunstan

“Look, hitting kids isn’t that big a deal.” — B. Reid

herodotus450

Some more fun B-2 Bomber facts for you: It can carry sixteen B83 thermonuclear bombs, each with a yield of up to 1.2 megatons, the most powerful nuclear device in America’s arsenal. Slim Pickens would be proud

Sharkbait

Can muppets get COVID? Guess we’re gonna see if Sesame Street is a hotspot.

Dunstan

Oscar’s the only one who practices social distancing.

hippofant

He can’t smell or taste anyways.

Doktor Zymm

Not sure how a cloth mask works when you are made of cloth

hippofant

It’s called skin, Zymm..

Doktor Zymm

You usually tan skin into leather before you wear it, but they would just be wearing raw cloth

SonOfSpam

If Bert gets it, Ernie is screwed. Also he’ll get sick.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know about you, but whenever there’s a 4 and space involved I might be a bit hesitant.

BaldingSpiritually

Noticed it said nothing about bringing you back

Brocky

Hellraiser 4 was good, and Leprechaun 4 was the last good leprechaun film before be went to the hood

Brocky

I had a new DFO gif made, but I can’t find it, so I’ll just do it acapella

How…….

..

the

FUCK

. YOU

DOING

BOYS!!!?!

WCS

Space can suck my ass.

(And it would.)

Old School Zero

total vacuum ain’t nothin’ ta fuck with

Viva La Tabula Raza

Haven’t seen any of those non-NASA rockets not crash yet. Fuck that shit, not going.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah! More pajama movies!

The Maestro

Hey man, the footie pajamas are COZY.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or like a tablet of Adderall belonging to Britt Reid before he goes for a drive and almost murders a child.

Horatio Cornblower

aww, yeah, RTD with the assist!

TheRevanchist

Did everyone see Brady’s sack? It was sagging and wrinkled.

Old School Zero

Ahhh, there it is, the old Brady got sacked rush

Dunstan

Still no bailout flag. There goes my prop bet.

Recovery Whiskey

Pound that bitch

SonOfSpam

Add a comma, and you can encourage someone to drink heavily.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or tell someone which person owes you money, and how much.

Spur

Puppybowl is hard hitting this year

Horatio Cornblower

It’s nice of Tampa to thank the health care heroes by letting everyone loose without masks and allowing them continued opportunities to be heroes.

Sharkbait

It’s an experiment to see if COVID can cancel out MRSA or other STDs

Doktor Zymm

VIRUS CAGEMATCH

Doktor Zymm

Hey, guys, did you know that tom brady is old?

Old School Zero

So that movie’s about him? SPOILER ALERT

Dunstan

Interesting. Is he considered one of the better QBs? Has there been any discussion of this topic?

TheRevanchist

Anybody watching this game? It’s a tie so far!

Dunstan

Have booze while you decide what snack to have. Everything flows from there.

Mr. Ayo

That sounds like the right order.

Doktor Zymm

Depends, what else was in the bathtub when you fell asleep?

Spur

Check your will. Make sure no new changes have been made recently

SonOfSpam

Booze, snack, hobokill, booze.

Dunstan

Tampa’s had five Super Bowls? That seems like a lot.

WCS

The strip club bonus helps.

SonOfSpam

New M. Nyte Shamalamadingdong movie looks good in the commercial.

Gatoraids

The twist is the sand was in their crack before they got to the beach

Gatoraids

Damn that covid webcam gouging got logitech a super bowl commercial

Senor Weaselo

Wormhole Beach, from M. Night Shamaylan.

Sharkbait

What a twist!

Spur

comment image

yeah right

They’re still letting that jerk off direct movies?

herodotus450

Roman Polanski? I thought he was dead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, you’re thinking of the kid Britt Reid hit with his car. The kid’s not dead, though. Only very badly hurt.

SonOfSpam

Possible brain damage!

Britt Reid didn’t rape any underage girls, but he did drunkenly hit a kid with his car.

herodotus450

Redshirt’s bet took a hit on that one.