Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is teaching Gronk all the wrong lessons about being able to retire and party and then just come right back without consequences

Gatoraids

Gronk only attended glory holes with the strictest seperation

Dunstan

“There are consequences to partying?” — B. Reid

Senor Weaselo

Can’t give third chances, 18 on 11 or not.

Doktor Zymm

I mean, you can’t have the NFL pretend to embrace social justice AND have a mixed QB win the super bowl in the same season

nomonkeyfun

But Brady has “End Racism” printed on his helmet, so it is all better now.

Gatoraids

brady crossed out the Befri in front of it

Petronel

GRONKDOWN 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

The Maestro

God DAMN. HAIL BLEERGH!

Horatio Cornblower

Sudden reversal on a call from the female referee, which means we can all look forward to nuanced discussions tomorrow on sports radio regarding her role in the game.

Dunstan

THESE REFS, I CALL THEM ANDREW JACKSON BECAUSE THEY’RE REALLY PUNISHING THE CHIEFS

Old School Zero

who the fuck is this default create a character head ref

Old School Zero

check the back of his neck for a barcode because that bald fuck is trying to murder us all

Sharkbait

Bailout BLEERGH is bailout

Mr. Ayo

BLEEERGH is feasting!

Senor Weaselo

Somehow that is also a flag.

Brocky

fucking prophetic

Brocky

this refereeing crew right here I call the bad news bears because they’re getting sponsored by a bail bonds company!

Fronkenshteen

Fix. Is. In.

Old School Zero

the narrative must feed

Gatoraids

Game is more fixed than the players in the Puppy Bowl

Brocky

….. dont think you can fix a dog before a certain age, something with it messes with their hormones

herodotus450

I’ve seen more hands go uncalled at a junior high dance than that penatly.

Old School Zero

Gotta love fouls that have absolutely no bearing on the outcome of the play, that really improves the game

Fronkenshteen

That goal line stand fucking KILLED the over.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sudden bailout!

Gatoraids

Brady bailed out like his covid loans

Brocky

fucking flag!

Senor Weaselo

Oh you’re fucking kidding me.

Recovery Whiskey

Huge Reversal Reversed!

Mr. Ayo

BLEERGH!!!

Brocky

sudden change

Sharkbait

Sudden change!

Or not.

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Old School Zero

Who the hell stocks up on edibles but not fucking snacks? Couldn’t be this failson.

Gumbygirl

Just about anything is a good snack, if you’re high enough!

Viva La Tabula Raza

There’s an ad for a website called edibles.com that makes my ears perk up when it first comes on, but then I realized it’s for sweets and chocolate cover strawberries and stuff and I want to throw something at the TV.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
The Maestro

What the fuck is Oatly, and why is it assaulting me?

Brocky

great a baby commercial.

my mom is gonna text me why I don’t have kids yet

Horatio Cornblower

“I do, Mom, but Britt Reid keeps running them over. What? No, it’s a long story involving my invisible friends on the internet, which is also why I don’t have kids.”

Doktor Zymm

Just tell her you’re impotent. If that doesn’t make it so awkward that she stops asking then you have no out

Horatio Cornblower

Not sure that Tracy Morgan is the best candidate for a commercial that involves a car crash, considering he almost died in one.

That seems like something better aimed at Britt Reid, who consumed alcohol and prescription medication, then was involved in a car crash that caused life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old.

Gatoraids

Pretty sure Brett Reid wasn’t driving the Walmart truck that hit my car

SonOfSpam

He only hits cars with young children in them.

herodotus450

Oh me? I don’t even like commercials, I’m only watching the super bowl for the game.

Doktor Zymm

I go use the toilet during half time

Viva La Tabula Raza

That was me and the articles/interviews in Playboy back when I was in my 20s.

Horatio Cornblower

Boy, Townsend Landetta’d the hell out of that punt.

SonOfSpam

Chiefs shouldn’t have let a 12 year old girl do the punting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They had one lined up to but she was injured when Britt Reid ran into the car she was riding in.

litre_cola

Bill Shanklor approves

rockingdog

HAIL SHANKLOR!

Viva La Tabula Raza

That punter ain’t getting no MVP, at least not at this point.

Sharkbait

Bad punt is bad.

herodotus450

Redshirt is gonna owe money after this punting showing by KC.

Dunstan

Damnit, you totally jinxed Townsend.

Dunstan

Of course Pringle’s had multiple fine plays. It’s hard to have just one.

Horatio Cornblower

Sneaky candidate for the banner.

SonOfSpam

(Except it’s Lays)

Petronel

Doesn’t stop us!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brady’s big dumb sex idiot is playing better than Mahomes’s big dumb sex idiot

Doktor Zymm

I’m amazed that big dumb sex idiot isn’t an official position yet

Senor Weaselo

That’s a PI call somehow the other direction.

rockingdog

found a funny:

a lot of people think Rob is short for Robert, but it’s actually short for ‘Burglary’

yeah right

Good for Sarah. Seriously happy for her.

SonOfSpam

Dude, Todd Palin left the house a while ago.

hippofant

Wait, was Todd even dumber than Sarah? I legitimately can’t remember. (Also, a lot of real hard competitors for that crown in the family.)

SonOfSpam

I mean…maybe? Multi-way tie for that title.

Senor Weaselo

“Come on Tyreek, hit that hole like your kids!”
Madre: “Excuse me?”

Mr. Ayo

Woah! They have a cheerleader in a refs uniform!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d say Hardman is point shaving but he might just suck

Old School Zero

Hell yeah. I like this momentum change so far.

Old School Zero

well shit this sucks

yeah right

I’ve got 0-0 on a square. Halftime score of 10-10 would be lovely.

hippofant

If a WeatherTech executive has captured you and is holding you hostage for a shitty commercial, blink at the camera 5 times rapidly.

Gatoraids

Going to Zapruder film this xepr will be Brady’s head exploding after watching it

Horatio Cornblower

The Chief with a fantastic goal line stand there, showing the mental and physical fortitude that will stop either a goal line stand, or a person under the influence of prescription medication and alcohol from getting into a vehicle and hitting another car, possibly causing life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old.

Not that that would ever happen in a disciplined organization overseen by Andy Reid.

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