[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to β€œDating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Another Derby Day, Another Ponderance of Life’s Futility

King Hippo

/

, , ,

Look, I know I will watch.Β  But even with the Shite in direst of form…there’s no fucking hope.Β  Just hate.Β  So very much hate.Β  My prediction is for 1-nil on a late Salah tally.Β Β Because that is what would hurt the most.

Anyway, tis the Spotlight Dance, fuck it all (12:30, NBC).

Free-falling Saints get resurgent Chelski for wakey-wakey time (7:30, NBCSN).Β Β Wakey Reacts Resonably (where the fuck is that guy??) is not until Sunday, though.Β  Tuchel just might get his blues in line for that coveted 4th ducat to Shempions League glory.Β  OK, toΒ Glorious Shempions League moneys.

Burnley and West Brom (NBCSN) are the only game in town during the 10:00 window.Β  We can all contemplate how our sins have merited such punishment from the universe.Β  As for Clubhouse interests, I suppose a draw is best for Mighty Whitey survival hopes.

Speaking of Litre’s crew, they are in 100% must-win territory, home to Team Knifey (3:00, Peacock).Β  Surely they can’t fuck this one up…can they?Β  Poor Knifey, they so ded.

All Sunday Funday fixtures are Peacock-only, and there are some good ones on offer.Β  Finishing up Rick Perlstein’s excellent Goldwater booky-book “Before the Storm” – so that will keep occupied what little brains I got left.Β  What y’all up to?

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
134 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
bk109

Unrelated – after persistent grilling wifey finally stopped with the whole “why don’t you find X attractive” interrogtation, especially after noticing that I’m comparing them negatively to her πŸ˜€ Connected to this is that she’s dropping the kiddos off with the in-laws (next door family has its benefits) so….. GOODNITE YA MASSIVES, catch ya …. well, hopefully after more than 3 minutes of disappointment πŸ˜€

5
WCS

comment image

2
ballsofsteelandfury

See you in 15!

0
WCS

Just made biscuits and gravy for the first time. Actually really damn good. Thanks, yeah right!

/Saturday gravy

Now, it’s time for some Cousinfucker hoops

//pours gin

4
yeah right

Nice. Glad to help. Did you do biscuits from scratch? Because that’s fucking badass if you did.

Love that sausage gravy.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When I heard that Governor DeSantis was lowering flags to half-mast for Rush Limbaugh’s funeral it reminded me of the time that Rush was about to fuck a Haitian child prostitute but discovered he had forgotten his Viagra.

3
King Hippo

Rush dies, Everton win at Anfield. Diamond Joe really did immediately fix teh universe.

3
Dunstan

I won’t be attending the funeral, but I approve of it.

2
bk109

The funeral or the 21 MLRS battery saturation strike on it… just to double-extra-plus make sure he ded (along with the people that think that even feigning respect / bereavement about his passing is a good idea) ?

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it would be a fun twist if instead of sending Rush Limbaugh to traditional hell, God sent him to Black Lesbian Heaven instead.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also his job is to clean toilets.

1
King Hippo

with his toothbrush

1
Gumbygirl

With his tongue.

0
bk109

Or … and that’s just an idea – he goes to hell and has to be Idi Amin and Ayatollah Khomeini’s fluffer (dunno which of you taught me that term but …. enjoy the mental image ,ya bastardo!))?

0
BC Dick

Maybe it’s just me but cleaning toilets in black lesbian heaven seems like a reward

0
Brick Meathook

That’s probably just you.

0
King Hippo

It finishes two-zero
Fixture’s over
Klopp’s outta time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rblt2EtFfC4

0
Brick Meathook

Here’s part of my morning today, as if any of you care:

https://vimeo.com/514726710

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Did that make you feel like Sasha Grey?

0
Mr. Ayo

You took that Bukkake like a champ!

2
Brick Meathook

You people are lucky that I let you see these videos for free.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Do you have a monthly subscription plan?

0
King Hippo

SEND THE MOTHERFUCKER OFF!!!!!

0
litre_cola

Haaland doing Haaland things in Germanland.

0
King Hippo

Holgate, Keane, and Godfrey all legends if this holds…

0
King Hippo

+1 Jordan Motherfookin Pickford

0
King Hippo

60′ oh my cats this is gon’ hurt so much

0
King Hippo

fucking Shakira is nailed on to score now FUCK MY LIFE

0
litre_cola

His hips don’t lie.

0
King Hippo

WHY IS GOMES STILL ON THE GODDAMNED PITCH

0
King Hippo

LESSER PHRASING – He’s ball watching there

0
King Hippo

Sorry about FronkenBet, but Gomes needs to come off at the break. He’ll get sent off otherwise.

0
King Hippo

a reminder that Everton are missing their only consistent goal scorer, in addition to their only good holding midfielder

/as the match commentators act like no team has EVAR had injury issues but the shite

Last edited 5 years ago by King Hippo
0
Brick Meathook

How the hell did I miss the Tet holiday last week?

Did you ever see the pictures of that one guy? Worst Tet holiday ever.

1
King Hippo

MOAR LIEK Tet no ofence smgdh

0
King Hippo

turning a centre-mid into a centre-half is So Football Manager

0
King Hippo

Pickford is On Fookin’ Point

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

LA’s weather forecast for the next two weeks:

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/5ce9284c-6cf3-4be3-9e5b-983e5a0f6e1e

1
ballsofsteelandfury

LA Story is such a good movie. Totally nails what it’s like to live here.

1
Brick Meathook

Los Angeles is the sandwich capital of the world.

1
litre_cola

I did hear there were good dumplings there.

3
Fronkenshteen

Damn.

0
Fronkenshteen

This week, James let it get out that he didn’t like the physicality of the PL. They’re beating the shit out of him.

0
King Hippo

partially why we needs Europa – can use him MOAR there, less in the Prem next season

0
King Hippo

if I wasn’t worried about jinx factoUr…I’d likely run that Richy tally on constant loop at the half, and engage in self-abuse

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Gettin’ windy round here.

1
King Hippo

Hippo apologizes to Politburo for constant, fecund old man gas

0
yeah right

Same. It’s nice and sunny but I had to close the damn windows because of the wind. They also called a stop to the PGA tour at Riviera because of wind.

0
Fronkenshteen

Put a buck on a 2 leg parlay: Firmino (+160) and Andre Gomes (+1300) to score. Dollar gets ya fifty!

0
King Hippo

if that comes in 2-1 to the good form…I’ll take it. Firmino is a rat-faced cunt, though

0
Fronkenshteen

All due respect to Paul Lynde, but he could play Templeton the Rat in a Broadway production of β€œCharlotte’s Web”.

Last edited 5 years ago by Fronkenshteen
1
King Hippo

reminds me – they should totes re-juvenate “Hollywoo Squares” – that shit was dope af

0
Fronkenshteen

β€œMatch Game” with Gene Rayburn is on Amazon Prime. Fucking time machine.

3
King Hippo

YYYYYYYAAAAAAASSSSSSSS

0
Fronkenshteen

Fuckin’ Ferrari when he makes a run, isn’t he?

1
King Hippo

What does Hippo hate MOAR – Jurgen Klopp, Anfield, “Touch of Darnold” Allison, Firmino, Kopites in general??

0
litre_cola

Hippo haz a happy!!!!

0
bk109

Not only him, lol – I put a combo for a first goal for Everton in the fist 10 minutes of the game…. 50 quid’s worth too, hehe

1
King Hippo

what’d you get, 20 to 1??

0
bk109

22 (and change)

0
Fronkenshteen

HAIL GAMBLOR!!!

1
bk109

lol, in one of my company’s slack channels there’s a bloody talk about how people should clean up their act in the post #MeToo world… and I must ask – if one’s not been a cunt, a twat or a turd before, what has actually changed?

0
litre_cola

You need to get your impure thoughts in check tank man.

0
bk109

Sorry, I’m too sober (but working on it!) to … get that on the first try?

0
King Hippo

No DCL, no Allan. Might as well not even play this puppy abortion fixture.

0
litre_cola

We drew with Liverpool and we are shit.

0
King Hippo

I’m not saying I’d cut off me dick for said result, but…ah ain’t ruling it out

Last edited 5 years ago by King Hippo
0
litre_cola

Nancy who is throwing 2nd stones for Saskatchewan could beat us all 1 by 1 in an arm wrasslin match easy. If you wanted hot curlers this tilt is not for you. I am sure BC Dick did nae include her in his drunken curling ramblings that will go up later.

0
Horatio Cornblower

This weekend I’ll probably finish a re-read of ‘The Sisters Brothers’ by Patrick DeWitt. It’s very good. Someone described it as being like if Cormac McCarthy had a sense of humor, and that’s pretty accurate.

1
King Hippo

/added to Master Hippo List

0
Horatio Cornblower

You will love it. Right up your demented alley.

1
King Hippo

ordered!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Going with it on audible

0
Horatio Cornblower

It’s also a pretty good movie, but the book is better

0
King Hippo

Who wouldn’t want to get a mortgage/credit card from HAWT Interracial Lesbian Corp?

1
Horatio Cornblower

I already drive a Subaru, so I might as well.

5
bk109

… one of the good Subarus… or a Forrester or the like that should come with free euthanasia kits (for men) ?

0
Horatio Cornblower

Outback. 2011, (which I bought in August, 2010, but whatever, Marketing Department), with 217K miles on it. Put about 2500 into it as he neared 200K miles and am aiming for 300K.

Of course I’ve put up 6K on it since March, so that may take a little longer than I’d thought.

0
bk109

I made the mistake of looking that up and … by Jebus, that almost looks like it comes with a pre-filled application to change one’s name to Karen (and a free Karen-style hairKut :D)

Also, a couple of colleagues have those (but I guess the newer model) and they are basically this generation’s Volvo – uggo, but ruggo πŸ˜€

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Keep in mind that Horatio lives in central Connecticut. In that region his vehicle is pretty much the equivalent of a Hummer.

5
bk109

It may be his region’s Hummer, but in his heart of hearts he knows the uncomfortable truth… and he wants to speak to a supervisor or manager about it!

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
1
Horatio Cornblower

This is the most accurate statement you have ever made, and likely ever will make.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Rikki’s statement, to be clear.

I love the Outback. Probably the best car I’ve ever drive, and a monster in snow. It does tend to be an adventure driving in high winds.

Also Subaru is phasing out standard transmissions, in which case I will be asking to speak to a supervisor or manager about it when I eventually have to replace the car.

0
King Hippo

My ex-wife tried to sell me on buying a Subaru (the Outback is really a super-fun drive), but I bought a Nissan Rogue instead (because I barely have a penis as is).

0
bk109

So to preserve whatever manhood you think you’ve had (which I hope for your sake is an undersell πŸ˜› ) you decided to get an obese Datsun hatchback masquerading as a Jeep? … Believe in yerself, get a tank or at least a proper brodozer ! πŸ˜›

1
The Maestro

Dude! I just bought a 2011 Outback! TWINSIES! (Mine has 100K miles on it. Hoping it’ll last a while yet. We’ll see how spring rustproofing goes.)

0
Dunstan

Weekend goals:
–make some progress on de-cluttering my apartment. Like, I really don’t need to keep remote controls for TVs I don’t own anymore. The gag gift from a Christmas party ten years ago should probably go. The treadmill that broke two years ago is just taking up space.
— speaking of exercise, I should probably try to get a hike in
— cooking and drinking

That’s already an ambitious schedule by my standards.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you are willing to brave the prospect of a ticket (I don’t think it’s that big of a risk) you could try the Wisdom Tree hike. Though it’s probably obscenely busy today.

0
Dunstan

Haven’t done that trail, though I often do the trail up to and past the Griffith Observatory, and one time I did the one that takes you behind the Hollywood sign (separated by a chain link fence). If I have time to do the drive, I like some of the trails in the Santa Monica Mountains behind Malibu.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, we’re looking to explore those a bit more in the near future. Have only so far done the one by Malibu Seafood.

0
bk109

You realize that you can fix that treadmill, right? It’s probably not even too expensive/time consuming to do that… OR you just want the excuse to get a newer one? πŸ™‚

0
Dunstan

Eh, I tried back when it broke. All I accomplished was to make it worse. And I didn’t really like the thing that much anyway.

0
bk109

Ah, that changes things – I assumed that it was actually a piece of kit you cared about (because you haven’t thrown it out) .. if it’s something that doesn’t hold any particular sentimental value and/or is ded-er after an attempted fix – it’s time for the skip (though as usual – you should dispose of it responsibly)

0
Dunstan

Yeah, it’s just been taking up space. I haven’t gotten around to tossing it because I’d have to disassemble it at least partly to drag it down the stairs and out the door, but it’s just going to have to be a “put on some podcasts and sit down and get it done” thing.

0
King Hippo

I had some luck with a similar burden (backyard trampoline), put on Craigslist “if you can remove it yourself, it’s yours”

0
Dunstan

Yeah, a trampoline in the backyard is probably easier though.

Even during non-COVID times, the thought of dealing with random strangers texting and phoning and coming by my place and hauling this thing out hopefully without gouging the walls or furniture would be more discouraging than just dealing with it myself.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is the first weekend of my life that Rush Limbaugh will be dead for. It’s so nice!

I bet his funeral will be today or tomorrow. I hope everyone who attends it gets coronavirus!

8
Dunstan

Florida is lowering its flags to half-mast in honor of Limbaugh.

However, RTD is still at full mast over Limbaugh’s death.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Florida is such a weird, stupid place.

1
King Hippo

It’s not easy to have so much ocean frontage, and be so consistently awful. Really kind of impressive, when you look at it from that angle.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Ocean frontage today, shallow coral reef tomorrow. (2050ish)

4
Horatio Cornblower

If I lived in Florida I would put up a flagpole just to fly one at full height.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For this specific occasion I’d add another flagpole on top of my existing flagpole so I could fly it at *double* mast.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I just woke up panicked i slept through my alarm and was late for a meeting. Fucking 730 on a Saturday gfy

0
Fronkenshteen

Thanks, everyone, for all your kind words and thoughts last night. It really meant a lot to me and my family.

7
King Hippo

/did me usual “fall asleep reading late Friday afternoon”

//off to check last night thread

///hang in there, brutha

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hope your weekend includes whatever tribute to Ruby makes you smile.

2
bk109

Don’t mourn the loss*, but remember and cherish all the fun moments you shared with your doggo and rest assured that one day you’ll again play again with it in a place where’s no pain, loss or sadness…

*Or at least try to, I know how bloody unlikely that could actually is to do from experience πŸ™

2
King Hippo

Losing a cat or dog relative is just THE WORST OF FEELS

1
bk109

Especially if you actually have to put the poor thing down to spare it those final months of pain and misery πŸ™

1
King Hippo

I held beloved cat child JT as he passed (high as fuck on morphine), was the hardest thing I have ever done. But as I told the human chill’uns, it was an honour to be there for him, so he didn’t feel alone. Not merely an obligation.

1
litre_cola

Me thinks it is nae a shΓΌe in for Bayern this year.

0
King Hippo

Who pips ’em, Borussia Mouth-full-a-marbles?

0
litre_cola

Dunno but their back 4 is nawt world class.

0
King Hippo

Energy Drinks and Dortmund picked a bad time to be off the pace.

0
King Hippo

When one is trying to strategically root for “get Everton to 6th position” outcomes, I generally just short circuit to “root for draws.” Huzzah, early fixture!

0
Fronkenshteen

I looked at West Ham’s upcoming fixtures. It’s brutal. I’m picking us to finish ninth.

0
litre_cola

Too much whisky and wine last night and since it is Saturday my turn to wake up with wee man at 445. Uggh.

0
King Hippo

yikes, hope you’ve been able to barf it out, otherwise that’s a full weekend killa

0
litre_cola

Nah I tend to not go blackout anymore. Just dragging ant tired. I will nap it out once Mrs. Cola gets up.

0
King Hippo

Stoopid Saints smgdh

0
Don T

Up to: exercise, moar coffee, and administrative work. With special appearances by actual work (for spicing things up), and Marlboros (to curb sleepiness / ennui).

Current Entrepreneurial Mood: this has legs, just a coupla more 18-hour days.

3
King Hippo

and this is how DonT became a Goldwater conservative N ur hart u noe hes rite smgdh

4
bk109

What y’all up to?

To 150 over 105BP, thanks to the double whammy of doing a weekly grocery run when everyone and their grandma’s off to the shops (because wifey sed so) … and having one of my kids ask me what does A-C-A-(muffled) mean during a traffic stop (it happened once with my eldest daughter just before x-mas too) XDο»Ώ

0
bk109

In case someone’s wondering about the context – kiddo was asking me about the difference between a couple of model kits I got for myself (’cause I’m makin’ me a Tet diorama)
Namely, these vintage Italeri beauties:comment image
and comment image

1
Horatio Cornblower

Do the Italian tanks have any gears in forward?
/old joke

3
bk109

… how could one know the answer to such a deep question… when the ruddy thing broke 5 seconds after the factory loaded it on an army low-rider?! πŸ˜€

0
Brick Meathook

I think the iconic vehicle of the Tet offensive is a recoilless rifle mounted on a β€œmule” used by the US Marines during The Battle of Hue City:

comment image
comment image

0
bk109

Have one of those (for the build), together with an Ontos (to be swarmed with VietCong as per a popular picture)

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

Do a My Lai diorama next!

0
bk109

Nah, I tend to do one per war(or in the case of global wars – per front)… I do have a Black Hawk Down one, though πŸ˜‰

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I would be very interested in seeing some photos at some point….

0
ballsofsteelandfury

If I had a nickel…

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Phrasing?

0
134
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x