Well, uh, yesterday sure was fun. Can we DUE EVEN BETTER 2DAY??
Your Premier League morning starts at…4 fucking pm? And consists solely of Trashbirds and Barcodes? Yeah, I will stick to hardwood fun, thanks. It’s on Peacock Premium, for some unfathomable reason. Hammers/Gooners tomorrow (11:00, Peacock) could be tasty, though.
No, I have no stomach for discussing Everton’s FA Cup quarterfinal against fucking City, down our first AND second-string keepers.
12E Georgetown (+6.5) v. 5E Colorado (12:15, CBS)
Don’t look now, but Legendary Cokehead Patrick Ewing has tasted coachng success, sweeping the #NuBigEast tournament title to snag a dance ticket. The Buffs losing a nailbiter Pac-Twaaalve championship tilt against Niiiiiiice Beaver? Doesn’t look so bad now. This will be less than aesthetically pleasing, all I can predict with any confidence.
13E UNC-Greensboro (+10.5) v. 4E Florida State (12:45, truTV)
My oldest kid wanted to go to UNC-G’s excellent School of Music, but they didn’t let her in. As a result, she’s had to live in Greenville the last 4+ years. Fuck those guys, and fuck no-necked Wes Miller.
14W Eastern Washington (+10.5) v. 3W Kansas (1:15, TBS)
Rock-chalk has had some #NuAIDS issues (methinks less than Wahoowa), but very unlikely to be enough to lose to the Iggles. Would still make me very happy/amused, though.
9E St. Bonaventure (+1.5) v. 8E LSU (1:45, TNT)
It just means MOAR don’t really apply to hardwood exploits. I always get the Bonnies confused with St. Joe’s. Yes, I am running out of things to say.
16E Texas Southern (+25.5) v. 1E Michigan (3:00, CBS)
Hey, maybe we get a half of Meeeechigan looking like they’ll join tOSU on the B1G bus back home. But probably not.
12W UC-Santa Barbara (+7.5) v. 5W Creighton (3:30, truTV)
Oh, this should be on everyone’s “upset alert” list. Plus, the “gaucho hat” logo is badass as fuck. Creigh-Creigh es muy overrated.
15E Iona (+16.5) v. 2E Alabama (4:00, TBS)
Yes, this is the “Minuteman Pitino” fixture. Roll Damn Tide is supposed to have a really good coach, too. I sense a really good one here.
11W Drake (+6) v. 6W Southern Cal (4:30, TNT)
Will the Love the Drake! movement continue apace? They didn’t look super great in the play-in round, but I have found that to have very little predictive value over the years.
…and Coronavirus has notched its first victory of the tournament!
Announcers in the Creighton game are acting like it’s the first half.
Iona will lose by 2. Book it.
If Pitino doesn’t use Grecian Formula For Men, I’m your mother.
Is that the quickest hair dye for men? That would make sense.
Satisfaction guaranteed in six seconds or less.
I see all these chicken sandwich ads, and I am reminded – a piece of fried chicken is ALREADY a sandwich, just as it is
Whatever, Maestro.
grumble grumble go grouchos grumble grumble
BALLS OF LLAMA/IONA HAS COMMENCED
Say what you want about Allstate, they picked a corker of a song for their commercial.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PyeWRd7ZEBs
found a funny:
https://twitter.com/shreyabasu003/status/1373057843205701633
Little squirts learning the words to WAP seems weirdly apropos.
Meanwhile Sam Alito will defend to the death your right to refer to him as a “wop” provided you are bearing a firearm while you do so.
“YES! YOU HEARD ME. ONE CRATE-TON!” – Andy Reid, ordering shrimp via a bad cellphone connection
So far, talk about Crayton being overrated/over-seeded has been spot on.
For every case of Coors Seltzer purchased, 500 gallons of river water are restored. I’m not willing to make that sacrifice. Sorry.
I actually liked (ok, didn’t hate) Corona seltzer. I have not tried any of the other beer seltzers.
I’m just not interested in the ‘genre’ in the same way I’m not interested in, say, ‘chocolate stouts’. Just not my style.
Is there some reason why you couldn’t just buy regular seltzer and add vodka and/or Everclear?
/Kerry Collins insisted I use the “and/or”.
That Art Alexakis guy annoys me.
Corona is actually the best of the genre.
If you need to bribe or guilt me into buying your product, then it probably sucks
Those wacky bunch o lumberjacks from E Washington were fun. Godspeed, you rural weirdos.
At least now they can go back to protecting their communities from ANTIFA.
Are the USC TroyBoyz gonna win later?
Will the game be ROCKING??
“Michigan center’s nickname is Big Country-why would you curse a guy like that?”
-Bryant Reeves
Beardo has to hit that three.
[wipes sweat from brow]
I have FSU going to the Elite 8.
Same
“Eastern Washington is leading Kansas by 2 with 10 minutes left. Not a fan of their ‘uppity’ play.”
-Tucker Carlson, sports reporter
“…and what’s wrong with being ruled by a monarch, anyways? Liberals claim that it’s unAmerican, but the people who founded this country would never have had the opportunity to do so if not for the generous and benevolent rule of…”
Raging hangover with a 3 yr old while the tv and interwebs is down.
Would not reccommend.
Been there, man.
Two in the thoughts, one in the prayers, or so I read recently in some bracket somewhere.
Kansas being a basketball ‘power’ has always confused me in the same way that Nebraska having a monster football program always did. She don’t make no sense.
Because of the Naismith connection I think.
Nebraska made heavy use of the “unlimited scholarships” rule.
Immediately pulling for Beardo McLumberjack on Eastern Washington. If he’s Canadian I might ooze something from my privates.
Kansas might be the only team in the tourney (left) that I hate.
I hate Kansas simply because Roy Williams was once the coach there. Did you hear me laughing from up here when he caught the L last night?
Oh, yes. It was a sponge-worthy moment.
I remember reading that he insisted that his recruits attend church services every week for their first year on campus, and thinking he was an asshat then.
Turns out he was a lot less insistent on his recruits attending classes during any of their years on campus. Sanctimonius prick.
The fucker said he was worse off than the citizens of Haiti after that devastating earthquake back in 2010. Defies belief…
You know what they say about that:
If it’s green, you’re clean;
If it’s red, you’re about to be dead
Hey fellow Couchfuckers, what are we watching and why?
/hehe, Georgetown blows
Florida State, probably (along with Illinois) my favoUrite side to watch.
St. Bonnie’s v. LSU for the moment, although I’ll switch over to the annual Bill Self-Shitting at the half.
I see Pat Ewing ‘rose to the moment’ the same way he always did as a Knick.
I picked Georgetown to get to the Round of 32, thinking they’d get a bounce from winning the Big East tourney, but I was very, very wrong.
I see Kansas is overachieving as usual at tournament time.
Should Eastern Washington hold on, my “featured cheerleaders” teams will be 3-0.
Suggestions for the late window?
I picked UConn to beat Maryland, (then get smoked by ‘Bama, who I have in the Final Four), and UConn is favored by 3, so give that combination I would suggest mortgaging your house and betting it all on the Terps.
“House?”
-Jim Tomsula
USC always fields a fine squadron.
True dat.
I had something like an 87% success rate in my picks last night, which I can assure you is an absolutely terrible sign for the teams I picked today.
Just some of the names on OSU that got knocked out yesterday:
Justice Suing,
Zed Key,
His Highness Francisco Pizarro the XIIth, Protector of the Throne of Isabel and Warden of the West Indies,
Seth Towns,
Thanks a fucking lot, Oral Roberts!
The lamestream media has erased any mention of His Highness Francisco Pizarro the XIIth, Protector of the Throne of Isabel and Warden of the West Indies from the internet. Wake up, sheeple!
Ohio State fans are threatening to kill their players after losing to Oral Roberts. Which probably sounds pretty good after a season of being raped by team physicians.
And the guy they threatened had 23 points and 14 rebounds! Ohio State fans are as dumb as they are dangerous.
Excuse me, it’s THE Ohio State fans are as dumb as they are dangerous.
I suspect Scotchy and Horatio can Old Big East bond over this Georgetown hardwood shitting.
I root for any Big East team in the tournament, until they play UConn, even if it make me feel like taking a bath with my toaster.
That said, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t quietly snickering right now.
FSU has a 6’9″ dude – with a 7’3″ wingspan – who runs the point. How the monkeyfuck do you match up with that??
Must go for small hike before doing my take on a houseplant for the rest of the day. Later.
“You son of a bitch…”
Seth Rogan houseplant or like an actual plant?
Ooh, what does eldest Hippo play? (Also she didn’t apply to Winston-Salem?)
Vocalist! Though she played trombone in middle school. She was so short then (5’7″ now) it was comical watching her lug it around.
She wants to teach, though she might get a minor in “vocal performance”
Good for her! I can’t help on the vocal skills, but if she has theory/solfege questions send ‘em my way!
oh snap, theory is what she struggles with most! Maybe she will pick your brain on masters’ programs, too.
Me (In Music Theory Class): I think it should have a good beat, and that you should be able to dance to it.
Professor: Get out.
Yeah, but that’s because you went to college in Bomont, [unspecified conservative state]
/don’t feel bad if you have to look that up; I did.
Without looking it up I am going to guess ‘Footloose’
http://berserkerviking.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/zimmer1.jpg
Ewing looks like he was up until 5a last night. When your headache is gone, but you wanna ride on..
I really should have put more thought into my bracket this year and picked a team I truly hated to win it all, thus giving me some solace when my bracket got blown up. Unfortunately, with no Duke that’s a much harder decision, and I’m realizing that I should have jinxed Baylor, not OSU.
ESPN is doing a piece calling out the NCAA for fucking over the women’s tournament, (admittedly ESPN is only doing this because CBS carries the tournament instead of them), and it was nice to hear Jay Bilas calling out Mark Emmert, former and not missed president of UConn, for the slimy little shit-weasel he is.
DFO bracket here
https://fantasy.espn.com/tournament-challenge-bracket-women/2021/en/group?groupID=58723
Password is DFO
And the difference in how they are treated is fucking brutal
I filled one out already. I think I took Baylor to beat UConn, hoping for a double-reverse jinx.
This article about Herschel Walker is goddamn hilarious
https://thebulwark.com/get-ready-for-the-herschel-walker-experience/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
He is a Trumpist weirdo, folks trying to get him to run for Senate.
Didn’t realize the extent of his weirdness-even before Trumpism had taken hold.
agreed, he is…out there, man
Speaking of keeper issues, the Senators have lost all three of their shitty (league worst 3.91 GAA) goalies to injury and don’t have anyone else in the system that has played an NHL game. They did pick up a guy that has bounced around between 6 teams though, so there’s that.
Sadly, due to COVID there are no Emergency Backup Goaltenders this season.
Maple Leafs fans can breath a sigh of relief.
Check out the Russian broadcaster’s response after Buddy Boy Boeheim hits a prayer
https://www.syracuse.com/orangebasketball/2021/03/watch-russian-tv-announcer-goes-bananas-as-buddy-boeheim-hits-another-3-pointer.html
oh, it all coming up Sillycuse
No surprise that a communist would root for Syracuse.
/Oh god, they’re going to win it all, aren’t they?
I have this image of a cranky, 50-ish white guy pulling all his hair out as angry tears wash down his cheeks. Weird.
HAHAHA.
Like I have hair to pull out.
I actually wake up at 7 am on a Saturday for once and there is no footy to watch? I guess my life is actually cursed. Stupid old gypsy lady wearing black and walking down the road in the middle of the night. I should be cursing her.
You can watch Australian footy highlights! Be sure to check out the Essendon game for a down under version of your favorite DFO sitcom!