We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

• Copa América
• Euro 2020
• Concacaf Gold Cup
• Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?

From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.

Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. Here is a handy calendar for you to use to schedule your vacation days:

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Today’s team is:

Switzerland

Country Fun Facts

Yes, Switzerland has mountains. Beautiful, rugged, and fortified mountains. Seriously, click that link and go down a YouTube rabbithole. It’ll be worth your while.

They also have chocolate, cheese, secretive banking practices, watches, tiny knives, and a healthy (some would say unhealthy but who am I to judge) amount of “Fuck you if you’re not Swiss“.

Switzerland does not have states. It has “cantons” which are really unique and function essentially as sovereign states within a state. This is because the original cantons were actually separate countries under the Holy Roman Empire. The original 13 banded together as allies in the 16th century. Through the years, the form of cooperation changed until we arrived at the current system with 26 cantons under the Swiss Federation.

Switzerland is also a country with multiple official languages. As you can see in the map above, the country is separated by languages as well as cantons. The west speaks French while the South speaks Italian. The rest of the country speaks a mixture of German and Romansh, which is a language derived from Vulgar Latin (the best kind!) and infused with Germanic influences.

The capital is…. well, watch this video:

Team Schedule

Switzerland is in Group A with Wales, Italy, and Turkey. Here is the Group Stage schedule, all times Pacific:

Saturday, June 12, 2021 6 AM – Wales v Switzerland at Baki Olimpiya Stadionu – Baku

Wednesday, June 16, 2021 Noon – Italy v Switzerland at Stadio Olimpico – Rome

Sunday, June 20, 2021 9 AM – Switzerland v Turkey at Baki Olimpiya Stadionu – Baku

Team Preview / Top Players

The one and only

Actually, his name is Granit Xhaka and he is the captain of the Swiss team and also plays for Arsenal.

So, you don’t have to worry about the Swiss winning the tournament.

You also have Xherdan Shaqiri, who really should spell his last name Shaquiri so that he could get a sponsorship deal with Bacardi to make his own branded daquiri-in-a-can drinks called Xherdan’s Swiss Beach Shaquiris. You can have banana, mango, guava, and, of course, strawberry-flavoured daquiris. He could do a photoshoot on the beach of Lake Constance and then everyone could drink them while arguing about where the borders are.

Seriously, Xherdan, if your agent hasn’t come up with this concept yet, call me!

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] girls”

Balls, Have you ever been to this country?

I have! I went there right after college on one of the tours featured in this book:

You can buy the book here. I don’t know if they run these types of tours anymore, but this was a VERY TRUE account of what happened on those tours as it greatly mirrors my experience. Of course, as always, YMMV.

I remember distinctly our tour guide telling us that we could drink the water in any of the beautiful lakes because Switzerland was such a clean country. He was Austrian, so it’s not like he was biased or anything. I also remember not buying very much because everything was so expensive. Even the Swatches! Keep in mind, though, that I was fresh out of college.

I did return years later and slept at a rock and roll themed hotel in Zurich that I think is no longer there. The 90s were weird times y’all.

Why you should root for this country

• You REALLY like mountains.
• You can speak multiple languages
• You like cheese with holes in it and things dipped into it.

Why you should NOT root for this country

• You want people to pick a side.
• You’re lactose-intolerant.
• You prefer your mountains less “blow-uppy”.

Pronóstico

Semi-good? The Italy game in Rome looks really tough, but it’s sandwiched in between winnable games in Baku with Wales and Turkey.

I do think that Switzerland will get to the Knockout Stage. The only question is whether they make it as a 2nd in the group or as a 3rd. Getting in as a 2nd gives the Swiss a better opponent in the Knockout Stage. I’m thinking they win the first Knockout Game and then lose in the Quarterfinals.