The DFO Euro 2020 (In 2021!) Preview : Slovakia

We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:

  • Copa América
  • Euro 2020
  • CONCACAF Gold Cup
  • Tokyo Olympic Games

And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!

Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?

From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.

Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. I don’t have the handy schedule embedded because I forgot to do this one and it is Tuesday night so figure it out.

Today’s team is : Slovakia

Country ‘fun’ Facts:

Other Litre: This place used to have a significant, way cooler partner in the Czech Republic, but the went through a Velvet Revolution.

Stoned Litre: Did their relationship break up and did you say Velvet?

Other Litre: That is not what I meant. It is Velvet Revolution where the two countries split quite peacefully. Alright smokey what do you have for this country?

Stoned Litre: Do you know what name day is?

Other Litre: No go on, this had better not be another dad joke you prick.

Stoned Litre: Just wait until I come home with Crocs and not remember buying them dickhead. Anyway, every single day there are two names picked and everyone knows these and it is on calendars. On this day you celebrate like it is your birthday!

Other Litre: Wow, that is actually pretty cool, like a double birthday.

Stoned Litre: Dude, what if your birthday, was, like, also on your name day? Do you get double presents or like the key to your village that day? Dude.

Other Litre: I do not know how I put up with you for the majority of the day. What else you got?

Stoned Litre: Wooden Čičmany village at the foothill of the Strážov Hills will blow your mind! All the gingerbread houses are original! The first mention of the village dates back to the year 1272.

Other Litre: The fact that they mixed cheddar popcorn with caramel popcorn blows your mind.

Stoned Litre: Yeah that is true but check this out.

Other Litre: Ok, that’s pretty neat.

Stoned Litre: Bratislava is the only capital city that borders 2 countries.

Other Litre: I know, its 60 kms from Vienna which is super handy! Ok, one more.

Stoned Litre: Since 2007, Slovakia has been the world’s largest producer of cars per capita, with a total of 1 080 000 in 2018 cars manufactured alone in a country with 5 million people. Vehicle production comprises almost 50 percent of Slovakia’s total industrial production.

Other Litre: Did you know Kia is one of the brands? Jaguar too. This gives me an excuse to post an old Czech car when they were lovers.

Stoned Litre: Nice Skoda. Heh, Velvet Revolution, I don’t care that joke sucked because this still bangs.

 

Team Schedule:

Slovakia is in Group E with Poland, Sweden & Spain. All times local:

  • Slovakia v Poland – June 14 (6 pm, Dublin)
  • Slovakia v Sweden – June 18 (3 pm, Dublin)
  • Slovakia v Spain – June 23 ( 3 pm, Bilbao)

Team Preview / Top Players:

Stoned Litre: Isn’t Zdeno Chara from there?

Other Litre: I believe so. The only Slovak player I know is Marek Rodak. He’s the keeper from Fulham who lost his postion to an Areola this season. Let’s have a look.

Uhh, woof, only one guy is worth more than 15 million and he is a defender from Inter. This is not a good thing. There is no point continuing.

Best result when you Google Image Search “Hot [Country] food”:

Smažený sýr or vyprážaný syr is deep-fried breaded cheese made with Edam, Swiss, or Gouda cheese.

Yes please!

It’s a common Slovak street food for anyone who loves gooey cheese (NAWT HIPPO). Often served with mayonnaise or tartar sauce.

I’ll eat fried cheese at any time but you can get the fuck out of here with the mayo or tartar sauce, I will just eat it raw dog thanks.

Litre, Have you ever been to this country?

Sure have! It was what we name “The liver assassins tour” which was a month that took us through the Czech Republic, Poland, Slovakia, Austria and we ended up at Oktoberfest. We originally started out as a crew of four but after Prague and Krakow we had picked up four more travelers for the party. We arrived in Bratislava and immediately got lucky and got an 8 bed dorm so no stress with some random dude in the corner.

Across the river are the old blocks

Bratislava has a mix of old Soviet style apartment blocks that can be seen from the castle which over looks the river and the city. Booze is incredibly cheap and the ladies are incredibly attractive. I do have one ridiculous story from our time there.

The eight of us were drinking at a pub underneath some retail shops enjoying cheap pivo, some laughs and good times. These two Serbian guys sidle up beside us and start practicing English etc which is completely fine at the time. One guy strikes me as a bit off, kind of aggressive and of course he is sat next to me . Well, my Canadian buddy comes back from a smoke and sits back down and this dude demands to sit next to him. I kindly explain that Mick isn’t that way and he is now uncomfortable with your shouting. He does not like this answer out of me.

“Fuck, your bitch mother.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, settle down mate.”

“I will fight you all, bitches.”

This seriously came out of nowhere, only because I knew Mick didn’t want some older dude rubbing up on him. He continues to berate us and stands up challenging us. There was one of my buddies who was with us who is a 6’4 Aussie from Townsville, family were farmers. Che stands up and says alright lets go outside. Serb guy did not see this coming but is still game.

“I spit on your mother.”

All 8 of us and these two guys have to go single file up stairs to the street while swinging at each other.

We get to the street, Che and Serb guy take their coats and,fold them?!? then put them down and finally square off. His buddy is pleading not to do this, the women that were with us were screaming.

It begins, and ends quickly.

This guy’s 1st move was an attempted reverse leg sweep.Seriously. Oh fuck welcome to troubletown. Che steps back to dodge and buddy falls over in a VERY vulnerable position.

Che cocks his arm, steps to him…… slaps him gently and pushes him over.

“Aww, mate, ya ain’t worth the drama.”

We left as someone had called the cops and we could hear the sirens. Ended up at a Tequila bar after. Was fun.

Why you should root for this country:

  • You like the underdog, like real underdog
  • You like different styles of perogies
  • I really have nothing else for you here. I would rather watch all 3 of the other teams in this group

Why you should not root for this country:

  • They are probably going to be boring and rely on defense
  • You have 0 clue of any player from here
  • Velvet Revolver shot their video in the Czech not here

Predpoved;

It is going to be an absolute beating. I really can’t put this any other way. Slovakia shares the lowest odds at 501-1.

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litre_cola
- A pugs best friend. - Wine drinker. - Loves to use the letter U behind O. - Iggles fan, Fulham FC (Mighty Whitey) supporter, Cavalry FC Ultra. - One of the resident futbol freaks at the clubhouse.
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King Hippo

That was perfecto – Yellow Submarine goes 11-for-11, then De Gea misses.

Doesn’t De Gea seem like the kind of asshole who refuses to practice TAKING pennos?

Wakezilla

I’m not even mad at De Gea. United should have mopped the floor with Villareal. Ole’s tactics were shit, and it cost the team.

Like, why the fuck was United playing for PKs! United was playing Villareal as if they were Prime Barcelona! Just shockingly bad.

Fronkenshteen

Good for the little guy.

King Hippo

we’re gonna find out that #8 went to like 110′ with a fractured skull

WHAT A MATCH

SonOfSpam

BananaFuckingCakes

Fronkenshteen

Hey DeGea. They’re going high.

King Hippo

good ol’ rock, nuthin’ beats rock!

SonOfSpam

Everybody beat him, De Gea eats the cracker.

King Hippo

oh man, if De Gea misses…

King Hippo

y PRIMERO CAMPEON!

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
King Hippo

TUDN guy is gonna have uno Kubiak

King Hippo

keepers go next!

King Hippo

oh snap, Shaw’s hit the turf monster or keeper had it

Fronkenshteen

This could last all night.

King Hippo

y Hippo no remembers how to say 9

Gumbygirl

It’s nine- o. Duh!

King Hippo

going para ocho ahora!

Fronkenshteen

YABBA DABBA DOO!!!

King Hippo

Super Hairy Man makes it siete!

King Hippo

almost had Pastor Fred’s offering!

Fronkenshteen

Cmon Cavani, they’re sponsored by fucking cheese.

King Hippo

cinco a cinco

Fronkenshteen

When does Lingard shoot….oh, right.

Fronkenshteen

Shoulda stopped that’n

King Hippo

estamos pennos, motherfuckers!!

Fronkenshteen

Pennos is rough. Can’t say I’d like my squadoo to go thru it. Cmon England!

King Hippo

dude got a hand on Bruno’s – not many Prem keepers can say that

/some tense shit, fo sho

Fronkenshteen

Intense, this is.

King Hippo

Hippo is torn. I like Ole, but De Gea can get fooked.

Fronkenshteen

He ain’t got near a single shot.

King Hippo

Villareal y Diablos Rojos really is a good football match.

King Hippo

Horatio – you can see from that mound visit why we call pitching coach Mike Maddux “Uncle Touchy.”

That’s maybe the only whimsical nickname I entered into the #BFIB-verse that took.

Horatio Cornblower

I missed that visit, but just saw the White Sox runner’s unbelievable slide to steal 3rd, pending replay.

Horatio Cornblower

Of course the runner having already gone to the dugout is going to weaken the argument considerably.

Dunstan

“He didn’t slide the right way, so I’m ok with the umpires calling him out.” — Tony LaRussa

BeefReeferLives

Hey, Dunstan. Didja try out the unintentionally aged Flacco brews yet? I’m curious about how the Ephemere turned out…

Dunstan

No, I think I’m going to wait until a friend comes over. Especially with the Grande Reserve, a full large bottle is sometimes a little more than I care for. Palate-wise, not really the alcohol content…

BeefReeferLives

Jolly good. (yeah, a whole 750 of something as rich as the GR might be a bit much). Please let us know how they turn out though. I’m interested in how the Ephe has aged….

Dunstan

I shall provide a full (if not terribly coherent) report!

Gumbygirl

Gumby’s family is Slovak. He has a cousin, Stefan, that he keeps in touch with, who lives in Kosice. Stefan and his wife named their son Benjamin, in honor of our late son. The entire family comes from a village near the Hungarian border, that has about 800 residents, and around 600 of them have our last name. The entire village soccer team is Gumby’s! They have to leave town to breed. I know they are total nohopers, but I am rooting for them. Fuck Sweden. Fuck Spain. Poland has enough problems, so I don’t curse them, but a pox on the other two!

King Hippo

y’all should TOTES bet on ’em. It’s fun and easy!

Gumbygirl

I’m not an idiot, Hippo!

Brick Meathook

I’ve met quite a lot of Slovaks, and only a few of them were convicted chicken thieves.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
Dunstan

It’s not stealing if the chicken consents.

gonzo.jpg
Brick Meathook

The proper first step in an authentic Hungarian Goulash recipe is to “steal a chicken.”

Gumbygirl

The trick is not to get caught!

chicken-choking.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

“Do we like bunting with men on first and second and no out?”

Yes, you unbelievable nerd, we do.

King Hippo

Afternoon #BFIB is always a nice treat. FOAR humanity!

King Hippo

This is supposed to be “enhanced Statcast” broadcast, but these MLBN chucklefucks are mostly laughing at their own inane “jokes” and blowing Joe West.

Horatio Cornblower

They are awful. Brian Kenny is going on about “weighted run average”, and if I were in the same time zone I would be consider murdering him.

King Hippo

Shempions NIT en espanol has won the day for me, even with no rooting interest.

Senor Weaselo

Most importantly, no one in Berlin will find you there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mYqY5YELd0

Horatio Cornblower

Such a great movie. Not even sure you can say it’s underrated anymore.

King Hippo

Predpoved is an excellent word. Sounds like sommet you should ask your doctore if Predpoved is right for you!

ArmedandHammered

And of course, as the nice Pharma rep was just there and provided some service/item/reward from the goodness of their heart, it will be right for you even if they have to find something that sounds really close which they can tell you is an equivalent.

scotchnaut

Pretty much everyone knows that nothing good happens when you try to sweep the leg.

Horatio Cornblower

The best part was you know he was planning it out as they were going up the stairs. “I’ll break out the good ol’ double-reverse leg sweep. No one ever sees that coming! But first, of course, we will neatly fold and put away our coats.”

BeefReeferLives

Yup. Next thing ya know, you’re in a basement getting KO’ed by Butch…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMsLvLshZBQ

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
ballsofsteelandfury

I love Stoned Litre.

Game Time Decision

When is he nawt?

LemonJello

On conference calls with Larry from Regina?

Doktor Zymm

I was mildly assaulted in Bratislava, in an entirely harmless and confusing way. It was around Easter back when I had very non-feminine hair, about a centimeter off of being a shaved head. I was walking back to my hostel at night, wearing a black hoodie and generally walking in that hunched over way you do when it’s mildly raining.
Some guy who has been walking behing me comes up by me, plucks my hood down and says something in not-English. I’m mildly irritated, put my hood back up because chilly nighttime rain, and keep walking. Dude comes by again, and this time there’s a hand going around my neck. I shout something involving the word ‘fuck’ in my clearly american chick voice and dude is just gone. Who did he think I was? And could I have kicked his ass if he hadn’t run off? We will never know.

yeah right

That was probably just Slava, “The Not Overly Aggressive Vampire.”

ArmedandHammered

Or he had a bad experience having American once and didn’t want to risk it again.

Gumbygirl

We are a little gamey.

scotchnaut

“You looked as though you were homeless but you passed the test. Congrats!”

-Anon