Some Hispanic folks will try to out-white anyone by pointing to European lineage, paleness, or micropenis. The President of Argentina volunteered anecdotal evidence.
Last Wednesday, el presidente Alberto Fernández received a state visit, in Buenos Aires, from the Prime Minister of Spain. Fernández was getting smarmy with a colleague from la Madre Patria (per Latin American cr*ck*r tradition), and said that Argentinians come from Europeans, while Mexicans and Brazilians—well, here’s a meme summary:
I can assure you that el señor Fernández is not a popular cat right now in Argentina. Argentina lost hosting the Copa América, first to Covid then to arch-rival Brazil.* Then, after his European comment, the President did the most un-Argentinian thing of all: apologize.
* Brazil has a worse Covid situation than Argentina. How can you NOT love Latinoamérica?
The consensus is that Argentinians are the arrogant-est pricks south of the Río Grande. And, yeah. There’s some Argentinian historical precedent to the posturing.
Via literaturayfilosofia.wordpress.com
This jolly Santa figure is Domingo Faustino Sarmiento: statesman, writer, educator, Milford man. As a student, I had to read a lot by / about Sarmiento, whose motto was
Las cosas, hacerlas.
Aunque mal, pero hacerlas.
In English, it’s pure PK-ese: “Things, do them. Even if wrong, do them”. Obviously, Sarmiento is the #1 enemy of procrastinators everywhere.
Decades after independence from Spain, and after a career as an educator and reformer, Sarmiento became President of Argentina in 1868. One of his polices for “capital-P” progress was opening Argentina’s borders to European immigrants—intended for NORTHERN Europe folks. To Sarmiento’s dismay (and probably out of bureaucratic quarter-assery a.k.a. the Argie Way), Argentina’s ports flooded with Italians and Spaniards. I can still remember an usually boring Spanish Lit. Prof. discussing this policy, and smirking while he explained the result. Does YouTube have a vid of that lecture? Yes:
Turning to the fútbol, there are much less racial concerns. Nobody in Argentina will bother to establish the whiteness of D10s, Diego Armando Maradona (pours AM beer). The HBO documentary “Diego Maradona” bridges the racial gap. It’s mostly about Maradona’s career in Napoli and has, for me, the best attribute of a documentary: footage from the time discussed, instead of old guys sitting in chairs reminiscing. It showed a lot of scenes from Maradona in his hometown (Villa Fiorito), and a lot of footage from Napoli. Very similar folks–goddammit: swarth is beautiful.
/wipes tear
Fuck you, Alberto Fernández. And while we still hatin’, the “guy sitting down reminiscing” for docs. is a great device when the subject is larger-than-life (like Michael Jordan or Robert McNamara), not “whatever” folks like Jimmy The Greek. God that 30 for 30 was The Worst: I will die wanting that freakin’ hour back.
As to the fútbol, the Selección Argentina has been doing well. Its governing body, the Argentinian Football Association (AFA), has been on a wave of not-staggering-incompetence after the 2018 World Cup. (A detail of shenanigans is on the ARG preview for the 2018 WC, skip to around the 103rd paragraph.) Lionel Scaloni has been the coach since the AFA fired this asshole:
As you can imagine, not much was needed to do better.
Under Scaloni, Argentina placed third in the 2019 Copa América after losing to Brazil, in Brazil, in the semis—a less ignoble result than losing twice to Chile in Copa finals decided by penalties. In the Eliminatorias Sudamericanas for Qatar 2022, Argentina is undefeated: three wins and three ties, second to Brazil (six wins).
The Argentina team aims to camp home and fly to Brazil for the games, which is (gasp!) sensible in light of their schedule:
All times Central:
Monday, June 14 – 4 PM
Argentina v. Chile
Friday, June 18 – 7 PM
Argentina v. Uruguay
Monday, June 21 – 7 PM
Argentina v. Paraguay
Friday, June 28 – 7 PM
Argentina v. Bolivia
The squad, as is custom, is full of notables:
In this order: goalies, defensemen, midfielders, and forwards, via ole.com
Yes, four goalies. The first one, Franco Armani, has Covid and will miss the first game. Under such circumstances, I would presume Armani is the projected starter. I mean, Argentinian leadership cannot be that stupid. Right?
Counterpoint:
That was such a momentuoUs occasion, Krusty was able to read.
Cooking Corner
Argentina is renowned for its beef, as the whole country is populated and governed by cattle (source: Uruguayans). Churrasco is delicious (“Bathe me in chimichurri” -Litre Cola) but, for me, dulce de leche is tops. There is nothing better that can be put on a pancake, crepe, cake, fruit, lover, anything. That smooth caramel is divine and just ludicrously easy to prepare.
These are your ingredients: one can of sweetened condensed milk, a pot, water, and just over three hours. Put the can in the pot, cover it with water, put a lid on it, boil, check it occasionally to cover the can with additional water, and do it for just over three hours. The proof:
Take it out and let it cool for a while (20 minutes?), open the can** and place on a container and put in the fridge. Just to set a little. Then spread it on freakin’ everything.
** By following instructions up to this point you waive any and all rights to sue the author and Huge Grandiosity, Ltd. for burns, explosions, damages, and The Beetus.
Music
Gustavo Cerati recorded so many songs about sex he makes Prince look Amish. His original band was Soda Stereo, who put out my favorite album of everything (Dynamo – 1992).
In the 80s and 90s, Soda Stereo popularized and then remade rock en español. Around that time, they got as big as it got for Latin American musicians. Hell, among their audience, Soda decreased Estos argentinos pendejos jokes by 33%. Cerati died in 2014 and the city government installed a Soda Stereo plaque in their hometown. It exemplifies Argentinian worksmanship; the band’s name was mispelled, then whiteouted:
Via here (will NEVER spell infob*e)
Another band, Babasónicos. Great sound, wonderful lyrics. “While idiots disguise operas as pizzerías…” THAT’S the stuff they should’ve taught me in class dammit!
Predicción
Argentina will win three and draw one in the Group Stage. Then will advance to the finals and will dazzle the world doing what they do best: lose by penalties.
Banner via @Julio97F, gif via giphy.com
[…] T took us on a delightful trip through the truly deluded mind of the modern Argentinian. Not only do they think they’re […]
Sorry chaps, I had to spend this afternoon out on the veld dealing with some unruly locals. I see that Leopold handled the Romanovs much like he handled Congolese villagers who failed to meet their rubber quota. Only the English will be able to slow down these Belgian brutes.
As usual, Don’s disdain for the Argentos does not disappoint.
(pokes broomstick with PFT Commenters face taped to it)
‘Christian Eriksen’ literally translates to…
What was the Lukaku golden boot prop bet going into Euros?
Guess I gotta get a TV. Streaming normal channels will destroy my work ‘puter.
Belgium 3 : 0 RUS
Go the Belsh!
#HIPPOGASM achievement has been unlocked.
When you think about it, Belgium is a geographically-compromised Canada.
Still one of my favourite films
Fruity meat? You’ve got Buddy’s attention.
Btw, every single DFOer has to try Don T’s recipe for dulce de leche. If you don’t, your membership may be revoked. You will thank him later.
Fat chance. The last time I listened to you when you insisted I “must try” something I ended up fighting felony charges in three different states. “Oh, nobody still enforces those anti-sodomy laws anymore,” you said…
“Uh, Stormy, where are you going, I paid extra for the Liche de Don’s Duche.”
-Don T.
Yeah, gotta get the money’s worth
But a fortnite ago my hand was stayed when I saw a spider on the wall. And today I’m delighted to find a pesky fly caught in that same spider’s web. Things haven’t been going this good since I decided to build snowmen and then dress the snowmen.
These triple-headers are going to wreak havoc on me liver. You may ask, “How do you run 3/4/5 miles in the morning and drink like a fish in the afternoon?” R.E.M. addressed this many years ago-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxQS6lfn0yU&ab_channel=RafaelNunes
You know you’re in America when they interrupt a live soccer match to give updates on a mass shooting from this morning.
Soda Stereo is indeed an awesome band but God Forbid you get into a conversation with an Argie about them. They will claim they are The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley, and U2 all rolled up into one precious package.
They are the Massholes of Latin America.
Duro.
A proper spanking of Russia today might just be well-received by the international community.
*Putin reacts reasonably*
Waiting for the cyber attack in Brussels.
“You know what they say, ‘never invade Russia in the wintertimens.’
/checks calendar
Shit.”
Vladimer P.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, eat all the ass, Russia
“IT’S PRONOUNCED ‘BELL GUM’, JEEBUS!”
-Gumbygirl, incredibly biased observer
I like how fantastically Russia’s (in my logical surmising) attempt to get into Big Rom’s head…backfired.
Holy shit, do I miss having him on Merseyside.
Your praise of him at the time reminds me of this tune-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mkn1kFmUW5E&ab_channel=AGENTELUCHOluis
oh yeah, it was quite sexual at times. He scored a goal against the Redshite on a flying header that he couldn’t even remember later. SO MUCH POWER
The lack of slim shoulders must have confused you just a bit.
SO MUCH POWER!
/Piper Perri has entered the chat
Battletank Lukaku
Wow, teh soccer point weren’t even a Pukki Party?
Fire Denmark into the sun.
but they burn so easy smh
BALL DON’T LIE! BALL DON’T LIE!
Oh snap! No place for racism in WESTERN European futbol says the match commentator, after Rooskies refuse to kneel.
We actually have an awesome Cuban/Argentinian place in Raleigh, where I first learned the virtues of chimichurri. FUCK is that the good stuff. Chicken or pork, can’t go wrong.
I have previously HAILED GAMBLOR with various Sarmiento entities. No mas!
THIS GAME I CALL IT THE SINKING OF THE U.S.S. INDIANAPOLIS BECAUSE THE FINS ARE CELEBRATING RIGHT NOW.
talk about a massive asterisk around the best win in their footballing history, though
I think the stopped penalty would take some of the sting away.
agreed, especially since it was a “here, just take a point” calibre gift
(watching the adverts that ring the stadium) We’re at the point that we don’t even need to put on special glasses to see ads that say “Just Eat”.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4XiKChyK7A&ab_channel=JoBloMovieClips
If you could subscribe to my “Q Ain’t Gone Far Enough” podcast, that’d be wonderful. I need the clicks.
“I call the little one bitey”
Was that the Argentine soccer playing guy who bit people?
The history lesson was most excellent. Can’t wait for the ritual bloodbath that is the Chile match.
My Spanish is iffy/nonexistent, but I translated Sarmiento’s manifesto as Just Do It.
Swoosh!