That’s right, NFL Network’s Glorious Quadrupleheader continues, with the 2nd half of Donks/Vikes RITE NOW! DUUUUUUUVVVVVAAAAALLLLLL and #ThePauls follow at 7p, with the Battle FOAR Los Angeles to close matters at 10p. I choose sleep, in that’un.
So, that gets you set for viewing options. Fuck baseball. Let’s segue into new feature What Did We Learn Today?
- Wakey’s Red Devils is good. Mighty, mighty good. Paul Pogba became the first United player with 4 assists in a Premiership match. Some rando from Brasil bagged a hat trick, too.
- Chelski aren’t going to fall apart as I hoped/predicted. Either that, or new look Palace are vile shite. I mean, with that most squad turnover, I guess growing pains are to be expected.
- I despise Rafael Benitez, but it would seem he can at least shame his charges with a proper halftime talk. Saints are lousy, and losing to them on opening day would have sucked all the ass. And UNLIKE BALLS, Hippo don’t approve of that.
- I watched Tua and Strawberry Fields instead of the Redshite. Fookin’ ask somebody else.
- Team #WhiteLivesMatter blew a late lead to Graham Potter’s Trashbirds. And threw away ALL THREE points, not just two. Feel free to point and laugh, we won’t judge.
- Mighty Whitey take their first steps toward trading yo-yo places with Norwich. Is their ideal situation to finish on 88 points?
- You get pouty Harry Fuckface Kane against his suitors tomorrow morning. This bullet point ain’t exactly learning, MOAR LIEK a gentle reminder.
Talk about what you will. No, me and yeah right did not make a shame bet on our Exhibition Derby.
Imagine being chased by someone named Chase
“LOL that’s like so meta”
-disaffected Gen Z’er
Worth noting I am a proud Gen X’er (even if it’s on the tail-end). Popular music was last good around 1994 or so.
The Yankees are taking a 1-run lead into the 8th inning. Now to take a big sip of this beer* and watch the last 6 outs.
*Drano
Another fun Texans name fact: the Texans placekicker Kai’mi Fairbairn’s actual real given name is John Christian Ka’iminoeauloameka’ikeokekumupa’a Fairbairn.
That’s way cooler than “Lovie.”
Gonna need two shirts for that one.
Would be interesting to see a 3- or 4-line name on the back of that jersey
Somebody’s trying to make me look stupid. (not hard)
https://twitter.com/i/status/1426728468201410563
The NFL tweets are coming from inside the (club) house!
An Austrian headed to the east for more lebensraum? What could go wrong?
I dunno, seems easier to just eat a normal sausage and drink some bourbon. https://boozedogs.com/
Yeah, I’d rather just have a dog and a beer.
This is a really good beer.
Please note I did not take this picture, that is not my dog, those are not my kids’ toys, and that is not my yard.
It’s like I don’t even know you. Again. For the very first time. By Air Supply.
Texans have something called a “Jeff Driskel” currently masquerading as a QB. Meanwhile I’m intrigued by their 4th-string QB, an unproven guy named Deshaun Watson. Wonder if he’ll ever turn out to be anything.
So much bad blood in SoFi, they have to separate the two sets of rabid supporters I bet.
Who is #teamwhitelivesmatter?
Burnley. They had a plane pulling a “Burnley White Lives Matter” fly over a home match last season. Rebecc-ur Lowe absolutely SLAYED them.
I somehow managed to miss that.
Probably because I heard “Burnley”, said “This can’t possibly be important” and changed the channel.
Rebecca Lowe is an international treasure.
That’s what happens when you name a stadium after a predatory lender
Tiger Cats Roughriders coming up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThlhSnRk21E
/checks CFL pick ’em standings
Yikes
Oof! The Giants are currently at Austrian rb Sandro Platzgummer levels of futility.
(Heh, Sandro Platzgummer, that’s a pretty funny name ol Scotchy came up with)
[Clicks +1]
[Checks Yahoo! Sprots]
(That’s a real name for a real guy, Scotchy didn’t come up with anything!)
[Clicks +1 again]
“Austrian rb Sandro Platzgummer” is way above my pay grade as far as imagination is concerned.
Platzgummer is Austrian for… Brick Layer? Plate Chewer?
Townsquareblowjobber.
Oh, I see you’ve met my ex-girlfriend
Munich 2005 was a crazy time for me.
Oh shit!
We broke out guitars.
See y’all in a bit.
Jam time.
Play some Skynyrd, man!
Done and done.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqfwbf3X8SA
King of the Hill was really popular and still massively underrated.
ah tell yew wut
Yyyyyep.
“What does jam time have to do with Guitars?”
-A. Reid, reaching for a whole loaf of bread
“Is that Freedom Rock!?”
Found a funny;
getting choked up thinking about bigfoot creating a facebook account and finding whole communities of people who believe in him
The Trader Joes Pa Jeon is quite good, even if not very much like the original Korean dish
Ya gotta go to Trader Cho’s if you want the authentic stuff.
Penn State’s Joe Pa is slowly roasting in hell for harboring a child molester.
https://twitter.com/i/status/1426710206449336321
So this ended up on my YouTube algorithm, and I’ve watched it @100 times so far. This solo doesn’t exist on the record, so I’m guessing she’s a studio musician. Enjoy.
https://youtu.be/c2e6OOgmz9E
Ohtani led off the 1st inning by jacking his 29th dong of the year.
)”Big deal” – Lindsey Graham)
And Watford’s gonna win the whole thing.
It’s amazing how y’all have him and Trout. And can’t make the playoffs.
Pitching, pitching, pitching.
The Angels haven’t had it since Nolan Ryan and Frank Tanana left.
Frank Tanana was one of the nicest men I have ever met. Apparently I was flying from Tampa to Mpls for Spring Break when I was 5. The Tigers were on board out of Lakeland to start the season against the Twins. I got autographs from Sparky, Alan Trammell, Lou Whitaker, etc. I sat on Tanana’s knee the whole flight and he asked me about Canada. It is one of those few young person memories I have.
“Young Litre, do you like movies about gladiators?”
I want to say it was 83. I was 6 or 7 and was a smaller child until much later. Sparky was a beauty too. I had a signed piece of foolscap (that’s right young uns) and I had spelled it Detroit Tigres. I was indeed in French school at the time. I think my mom still has it laminated.
Nawt detroit but tigres! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU1CDSP7FRk
My vote for most under appreciated singer/song writer ever goes to Ian Hunter.
Mott the Hoople?
Doesn’t hurt having Mick Ronson on guitar either.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMhjB4-NCiA
He’s the author of Once Bitten, Twice Shy. Great White covered it and that’s why that club burned down.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKgQO6sILug&ab_channel=fab70smusic
Piano and sax!
Turn this up people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyFidNXfkMw
lest we forget.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-IEMlJyak
Ok, finally caved and restarted Sling. I am FAR TOO LAZY to try to find illegal streams of NFL Network, and I’ll be wanting RedZone in a couple of weeks anyway
I wish RedZone could be purchased as a standalone service. I’ll listen on wax cylinder, just don’t make me have to buy Fox News to get it.
I just cut the cord and am considering my college football options, as ESPN+ doesn’t give me access to ESPN2, ESPNU, SEC Network, etc.
That, plus Lesser Footy – means I shall never cut the cord. Sports and books are all I like.
ESPN+ gives me access to Championship and Bundesliga footy, and somehow I have Peacock for free for the Prem.
FULLLHHHAAAMMMMMM!!!!!!!! This season will be so good, next season not so much. Live in the now my fellow
Mighty WhiteyFulham supporter!Pretty much every pundit is picking Fulham for a top-2 finish. I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of this ride until they go back up and are outclassed again next year!
Let’s watch some highlights, shall we?
https://youtu.be/P-JgqeSMMck
Use Locast for local channels. That way you get the Fox/CBS games. Thursday night games will be on Amazon Prime again this year, if I’m not mistaken. ESPN+ should get you MNF, I think?
I already use Locast, it is awesome and I’ll be upset if they get taken down with that lawsuit that’s floating around. I don’t know of any cheaper way to get NFL Network and RedZone though
Oh, I hadn’t heard about the lawsuit. Just discovered Locast and am trying to tell everyone I know about it in the hopes it helps keep it going.
The networks are gonna wind up getting my money one way or the other; it is nice being able to dictate that a little bit more as a cord-cutter, though.
Yinzers have another amazing running back, don’t they. Watched highlights of the Pitt/Phil game. Reminded me of rookie Zeke vs Seahawks when he ran the fuck over Kam Chancellor and pretty much extinguished his desire to play football any longer. Draft him high in keeper leagues, then sell him after year 2 or 3. I hate the fucking Steelers.
He eats lead paint chips too?
With mustid.
Hittin that Raspberry Hash right now. – me
And is he also a total shitheel of a human?
No, he’s apparently a very good boy. Thank Dog, there are two quarterbacks on the team who are morally bankrupt, we don’t need more trouble. I am, however, hoping Haskins was just young and dumb, and could redeem himself.
I’m talking about the Rapist and the Raycess, in case any of you were just born.
Yeah, Najee Harris seems like he’s a pretty awesome dude, in addition to being a fucking Mack Truck with the ball in his hands.
So far I’m in favor of Haskins’s dumbness, since it only seems to hurt himself and is very entertaining. Glad to hear there isn’t another colostomy bag poised for success in the NFL.
Browns are playing the “converted qb to lb to te to fullback” part of their roster.
When did Tebow get traded to the Browns?
Tebow as the blocking TE does a Brady-esc block. …lol
bUtT teh LEEDERShiP??
Seeing that block demonstrates that it’s not just his leadership qualities that are intangible
I am guessing he thinks he’s too good to play special teams, too. But likely too slow to get any blocks in the back!
–
ok, that’s the funniest Rod and Todd yet
Ratbird 4th stringer just got BLEERGH’d for doing a Nelson Muntz.
You aren’t gambling on Elks v French birds?
nah, I am trying to delay my inevitable busting out
lol
NFLN has switched to Saints/Ratbirds. Was there some kind of nukular incident in Duval?
Hasn’t switched up here in The Goodlands.
/one assumes DeSantis would still pretend he don’t need/want no federal help
Our esteemed wheeled governor is begging for out of state healthcare workers while still insisting that mask mandates are unnecessary.
Political theater: it doesn’t just kill foreigners anymore!
“Ventilators? What ventilators? No ventilators here” *pushes unvaccinated kid on a vent behind a news van with his penny-loafer*
-DeSantis
When the dust settles and I am installed God-Emperor of Eastern Nebraska following the Corn Wars, I will round up everyone who refuses to use the AC in their car because they “like the breeze” or “it uses less gas” or “it’s not THAT hot” and they will be executed, for the good of the kingdom and to ensure a bountiful harvest.
I like the breeze, but like the 5-6 days per year the NC weather is nice. If you do it in SUMMER, you are indeed a fuckweasel.
One of my sales reps uses the 2nd excuse and complains non-stop when the weather gets hot.
Can I be one of your death commandos?
Backs slowly out of the clubhouse…..
you live in CANADIA, it doesn’t count
Zach Wilson was 6/9 passing tonight and will go to bed without supper because Mommy doesn’t like the implication.
NOOOOOIIIIIICCCCE!
You too? it sucks.
-Eli Manning
HOX!
NA-NO BUB-BLES *clap clap clapclapclap*
Fun fact: Lovie Smith’s real, actual, given first name is “Lovie.”
Jeebus, no shit??
Indeed. Apparently he was named after his aunt Lavana. Not sure how that translates to “Lovie,” but here we are.
The doctor who filled out the birth certificate had very pointy Us
His younger brother’s name? Sorta Likey Smith.
Cousin? Just A. Friend
Underrated nap aspect – the 2nd half is taking me like 15 minutes, through the miracle of fast forward. Its Vikes announcers, so not like I can learn of Donks’ depth chart battles anyway.
There’s a guy on this chocolate baking show we’re watching that wears a bow tie and thinks that baking is going to help him find a girlfriend.
Not sure if any further comment is needed.
I mean, the bow tie should already have him knee deep in strange, amirite??
He is not wrong, unless he’s already into his late 30s and still a virgin. If that’s the case he’s gonna need a lot more help than just cake.
I think the bow tie is your answer to the virginity question.
Hey! You forgot to comment on my fedora.
/Tebow, looking over at Lawrence in the locker room
“That used to be me. And after all I did for you Jesus-you went and fucked it all up for me. A .220 average in Single A ball! That’s the best you could do?”
I hate missing Prison Girlfriend’s Quinceanera, but FUCK that thunderstorm nap was good, and DVR’d Donks/Vikes almost equally so.
Beathard is still a thing!
Outside of my residence.
Welcome to DFO, Mr. Rice!
He’s only 27 but I swear my 1st response was, “he’s still in the league?”
NFL Preseason: Home of the Panicked Throw/Downfield Jumpball.
Tebow’s playing QB already?
Give me Minshew Mania II: Entropic Boogaloo first, please.
Gardner Minshew was the Jeremy Lin of north Florida football: balled out momentarily and captured the hearts of millions despite not actually being very good.
Nick Foles:
I have a friend from Philly who would–no exaggeration–throw a party right now if the Eagles re-signed Big Dick Nick.
Pretty sure the Eagles could fleece the Bears front office for him right now.
Early returns make it seem like Fields is the real deal, so Chicago might be willing to part with ol’ BDN
Meh, I started nodding off around halftime. He looked pretty rough against the 1s and 2s. Apparently was better against 3s and 4s.
But enough about my college dating “successes”
A Carlin favoUrite – I never fucked a 10, but one night, I fucked five 2s. And I think that oughtta count!
Multiplication strikes again!
Fair enough. I was at work, so only saw Twitter light up when he scored a TD.
I think they were trying to get him a miracle touchdown. Free circumcision clinic tomorrow, praise jeebus. And Jebow.
shit
Padres down early
Well done with the spacing, makes my ‘well that’s why they call them the shit padres’ joke not really work
Shit Padres is my death metal band name
It’s mostly covers of Diarrhea Planet and Pissed Jeans songs
The Nation of Germany has entered the chat.
Scheiß Vaters has a lovely ring to it.
I was listening to the shit padres before they went mainstream.
Well, it looks like the Jaguras are already in mid-season form.
They’re 2-6 already? Urban’s really ahead of his time.
I think they’re playing by CFL rules.
GTD if this isn’t in your GTD reflections you are un Canadian, this is damn funny.
Noted. Will include you in the liner notes somewhere
Amazon has really gone downhill, they don’t even sell the good sex furniture anymore
Bad sex furniture is better than no sex furniture though.
Sex furniture? What is that? This one time I jimmy rigged up 2 pallets and a wash basin with One legged Annie and we had relations there we called it an automan on the fact that… I digress, I digress. – J. Tomsula
Street price of those wedge pillows has ERUPTED since covid started
Something you probably do not want to buy used
Says a lady who participates in games where the prize is a gently used fleshlight.
That ain’t the only thing that’s erupted since COVID started HEYOOOOO
I’m talking about my penis
All joking aside, Amazon has really gotten worse since they started allowing all of those knockoff Chinese brands with fake names like YNAMIIJ and FGARSLOPP sell garbage on their site.
I am amazed they didn’t crack down on all the counterfeit PPE. It is one thing to let people sell counterfeit wetsuits that are made out of old trash bags, and a whole different, worse thing to let people sell fake KN95 masks during the worst days of the pandemic
If anything, the pandemic taught us that Amazon will let nothing stand in the way of increased profits.
I am glad I didn’t take the job there and instead work for a slightly (very slightly) less evil company
Hey, I work for an apartment company, so we’re not exactly free from sin either.
There’s no way in a million years anyone can covince me that Facebook is a less evil company than Amazon. At least Amazon delivers actual things. The only – and I mean ONLY – redeeming quality that Facebook has is that they employ my friend Doktor Zymm.
Amazon kills small and local businesses, while small businesses actually really love FB since they get a free business page and a big return on small amounts of advertising spend. FB also doesn’t contract with the government to provide facial recognition tech to police forces, or murder drones to the military, while Amazon does both of those things and more.
And that’s without even starting to talk about Amazon web services…
Small businesses are all dying anyway. FB is trying to kill our democracy.
Eh, our democracy is dying anyway as well. If the government cared they would have regulated it years ago instead of letting idiot Zuck make up a poor imitation of the FTC rules for broadcast
Fair do, Dok. Fair do.
Should have bought it at Unpainted Arizona.
I feel like Homer having visions with how hot this Vindaloo is. Good thing I have white wine on deck!
The Texans are playing tonight! Wheeeee!
(My joy is tempered by the fact that the team I have loved since day one is a complete and total dumpster fire owned by an incompetent failson and helmed by a snake-oil feel-good prosperity gospel preacher and coached by a walking inspirational poster and has an alleged sexual assaulter QB who was supposed to be the savior of the franchise and has treated us fans with utter and complete contempt since the racist owner died a couple of years ago. But otherwise I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine)
Anyway, go Cardinals, I guess, since they have all the best parts of the Texans anyway.
Hey everybody! We found one!
A fan of the movie?
There are tens of us!
I love that you could have gone with “dozens” but were like, “no, let’s keep this realistic”.
It’s important to be self-aware.
Imagine if you rooted for a real team…”Texans” indeed.
I don’t believe in rooting for real teams. The Texans of my dreams are called the Oilers or the Gamblers and they have several titles to their name already.
First team with a murdered QB title?
It will forever fill me with rage that Bud Fuckin’ Adams stole my original favorite team (Luv Ya Blue!) and didn’t let us keep the team name, logos, absolutely perfect uniforms, etc.
The who? Do all the states have teams now?
Yep. You wouldn’t believe how good the Mississippians are gonna be this year.
So my plan last night of drinking a bunch of beer didn’t quite work out – I hadn’t put enough beer in the fridge to see it through. Fear not, though, because I’m making up for it today. Plenty of cold beer, *and* we ordered barbecue.
Whenever I eat proper barbecue I become a lot more sympathetic to the obesity epidemic in places like Texas.
Had barbecue myself. That little joint down on Pacific is insane.
We tried the new place in Glendale. I’ve had better, but I’ve not had closer! And it’s more than adequate if you don’t feel like driving across town.
That’s what makes me so damn happy about our local place. It’s right down the street and it’s competition level good. They were one of the top 10 barbecue places in LA according to the Times.
I know everyone is obnoxious about the BBQ where they’re from, but Texas BBQ really is legitimately incredible.
It’s pretty hard to go wrong with slow cooked meat
Andy Reid likes this comment
You know it
You will not get one single argument out of me on this topic.
I’ve been to Franklin’s AND the Salt Lick.
Massive concur.
If at first you don’t succeed, drink, drink again
[cracks open another beer]
Well if you say so…
That beer ain’t gonna drink itself
Now I am craving some kalua pork, I wonder if the Hawaiian BBQ chain around here is any good
Welcome to the NFL, Prison Girlfriend.
This is one of those sentences whose meaning changes significantly based on comma placement.
Welcome, to the NFL Prison Girlfriend
Welcome to the NFL Prison, Girlfriend
Stopped at the wine store, broke out the cheese and crackers and spreadable meat, I am ready to watch tv alone!
Kalsarikännit The Finnish act of drinking alone in your underwear at home with no intention to go out. A DFO tradition unlike no other.
Also, what are you drinkin?
It is hot this weekend, so starting with a chilled cremant de limoux
Try it with Salt n Vineagar chips next time. Crazy.
Sounds good!
Those Finns know what is up
I stopped at a convenience store and bought hot and spicy porkrinds for Gumby because, I love him/ I’m trying to kill him. I’ll let you decide!
In this world why not both?
She’s “loving him to death”!
That’s a HELL of a cast.
thats ROCKING!
Took care of wee man all day. My reward is some wine, new hash, delivery and TEEEEEEBBBBOOOOWWWWWW
Cleveland/Jacksonville is on. Dare I say it? Sure. It’s Tebow Time, Baby!
Coach Zimmer is going to kill lights, toss Mr. Winkles into the locker room and lock the doors after this performance pre-season or not.
/ nods accordingly
Ordering Indian tonight. The thing is do you go with your can’t miss fave selection or do you mix it up? It is a big risk from amazing dish to oops I fucking guessed wrong. Or do I just pay for it tomorrow and get a Vindaloo?
Insert “Why Not Both” meme here
Yep, going to mix it up.
as most Indian reheats well, why not?
Of all ethnic delivery food I destroy Indian. I have no idea why. Korean, Pizza, Chinese etc there is always leftovers. Indian? No chance.
I think that just means you haven’t been ordering enough.
Don’t forget the naan!
Always one extra for that super full feeling.
Exactly, one of each, plus some appetizers, breads and rice? The floor is sky high
I’m all about the vindaloo. Every time. If they have chicken pakoras order them immediately.
That reminds me, there’s a new Indian place in Big Bear. I need to find their website.
Rewatching Breaking Bad and there’s a guy, an actor, named Norbert in this episode. A real live guy named Norbert! What a country!
Are you all familiar with the Little Free Library thing? We had a bunch in El Segundo. My neighbor just put one directly in front of our place and I couldn’t be more proud.
He put out just a bunch of random books, several of which I’ve already read but the idea here is for kids mostly.
I added a bunch of Dr. Seuss and some Steinbeck, a couple of Ron Rash books.
It’s a regular fucking honor to have that there.
I’ve seen that all over the Westside. I always thought it was rather weird but hey Hippies’ Lives Matter too.
Sir! You are talking to a hippie! I am all about getting anybody to read. My neighbor who set it up was out there when I brought some books and I said “Are you a reader?”
He said “I should read more.”
I handed him “Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead and said “Start with this.”
I’ve done my work for the day.
Is it a Take A Book, Leave A Book thing? I would think those things would run out of books fairly quickly.
Assuming, of course, they’re not just dumping grounds for shitty books.
The good news is I don’t run out of books.
No, the ones by me have plenty of books and while I don’t go crazy for the selection, it seems to change pretty regularly. And there are occasional gems.
We’ve got bunch around Yinzburgh. There’s a book we “borrowed” three years ago lying on the table next to me as I type this.
“Vegetables In Underwear”
🍆
“Vegetables in Underwear: The Story of the Kardashians”
Vegetables in Underwear 2: Will Terri Schiavo Ever Find True Love?
Babies don’t wear underwear! SORRY, BABIES
“The Terry Schiavo story”
We had them in Birmingham and Bozeman, but I haven’t seen one up here. I just got back from the public free library. Not free for me, because I brought my books back late. I just consider my fines to be my donation.
Sounds like you need to move to one of those progressive utopias, like Columbus Ohio, that eliminated library late fees.
Plenty o’ then up here in Seattle. Lots of fellow eggheads loving their booky-wooks up thisaways. When drunk, I’ve considered dropping off my copies of “The Anarchist’s Cookbook” or the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers in them…
I’m in Pedro and I’ve got a shitload of Bukowski books but I wasn’t sure the neighborhood kids should read Post Office or Ham on Rye.
Those are great! I have a bunch of books I need to drop off at the ones in my neighborhood
There’s two right here on my block. It’s where I got my copy of Drew’s “The Hike”. I love them.
Not a single first teamer for the Vikings. Short attention span theater.
Really curious why the ice rink has so many handicapped parking spaces. Anything that would prevent you from walking an extra 10 meters to the door would also prevent you from ice skating. I guess parents or whatever?