Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Wow, that upset was something else, huh? Who could have predicted the Giants doing that? Kidding! Cincy walking into Baltimore and hanging 41 on them was sweet. I have to think that Redshirt lost some precious bodily fluids shortly after the clock ran out. Probably after he checked the final score a few times to ensure he wasn’t the victim of some witchery. It’s cool to watch a young team on the rise.

I think the Giants taught us something today. The lesson is that that sometimes, just sometimes, an o-line held together with rags, feathers and used cat’s intestines can have a special day. Having a mobile qb move around in the pocket creates pressure on a defense, is a notion that OC Garrett seems to be grasping.

To The Game!

Colts/Niners:

-Jimmy G is back! And he’s being called a ‘bitch’ by Martellus Bennett. Where did that come from? Maybe it’s his league-low  aDOT of 6.9. I guess the proper nomenclature is ‘conservative’ or ‘risk averse’, and not that nasty word.

-The Colts 2-4 record doesn’t seem that great but they’ve won 2 of their last 3.

-One might place blame on the slow start on coach Frank “Too Cute” Reich and his underutilization of the only dynamic talent on the team. Despite injuries to the o-line, Jonathan Taylor has, with a proper workload, amassed 100+ yards from scrimmage and 5 TDs in the last three games.

-If you didn’t think that the Niners backfield was muddy enough JaMycal Hasty has been activated for this game. Perhaps with a bit of luck Jeff Wilson can return and vulture some scores from whoever the hell gets the start.

Get in there and get dirty!

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King Hippo

Wendy’s fries really are much better now. The rare not-total-bullshit ad campaign.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can they still be used as frosty conveyance methods?

TheRevanchist

Better doesn’t mean good. They aren’t good yet. Maybe in another decade or two

Horatio Cornblower

Tom Brady pitching crypto is too perfect to even make fun of.

King Hippo

The new #BFIB Leader of Men…is 13 years younger than Hippo. And 5 (or maybe 6??) younger than Waino.

Mr. Ayo

Regret to inform most sports employees are younger than Hippo.

King Hippo

BUT NOW IT IMAPCTS THE RIGHT WAY!!!1111

King Hippo

but seriously, am fine with the hire – younger means likelier to understand/value maths

Doktor Zymm

“Everyone is going for it nowadays on 4th down”
YES BECAUSE IT IS ADVANTAGEOUS TO DO SO IN MANY SITUATIONS

King Hippo

MANY = “almost all”

herodotus450

B-b-but if you miss it, some boozed up farttard of a beat writer might make fun of you!

Horatio Cornblower

Won’t somebody think of the paunchy over-the-hill white male!?
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litre_cola

I would really appreciate a Taylor td Gamblor. The FF God was awful to me again so give this one?

Horatio Cornblower

For FF reasons this would help me as well, so I second the motion.
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Doktor Zymm

Splitting up the Olympics was a marketing move, yes?

Horatio Cornblower

Everything about the Olympics is.

Doktor Zymm

*disaffected sigh*

Horatio Cornblower

That should be the new Olympic anthem.

Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

People wonder why we don’t value artists in our society, and then there’s this Justin Bieber commercial

LemonJello

I haven’t seen so many wet balls and lack of scoring since the communal showers in boot camp at MCRD San Diego!

TheRevanchist

So many wet balls. The whole thing is slippery.

Doktor Zymm

He wentz in, yawn, fantastic ball handling harf

Doktor Zymm

So, people who are really good at tennis can return their own serves. Are there punters who can run back their own punts?

TheRevanchist

Maybe Mr Perfect can?

https://youtu.be/uc8JCXngwOQ

Mr. Ayo

I reject the premise. How does one return their own tennis serve?

Doktor Zymm

Serve it high and run around to the other side

Horatio Cornblower

I can see it wit an underhand serve, but not an overhand.

But I’m also terrible at tennis.

Doktor Zymm

You can totally skyball overhand, it’s actually better if you’re trying to get over the net

Mr. Ayo

Oh, ok. I was thrown off by your use of “good”.

Doktor Zymm

People who can handle their own balls well?

Mr. Ayo

So tough to find a chap who can handle his own business correctly.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
hippofant

Dude whose job is to keep the balls dry in the bag, opening the bag to take the balls out and show them to us defeats the whole point of your job.

Doktor Zymm

Quality ball towel!

TheRevanchist

Is there a certain brand that is better than the others?

Brocky

I know right. It’s like taking a vaccine but still getting sick like a jackass

Brocky

I keep hearing dakota

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King Hippo

Silly game is silly. Hippo APPROVES!

Mr. Ayo

That should be a safety. Stupid rules.

King Hippo

Nuh-uh says the Hippo fading the Humps D/ST

Doktor Zymm

Looks like I might be having a gals at the winery type of NYE! One of these ladies may have raped another friend of mine, but he told it as a funny story so probably okay, don’t think I will bring it up anyway.

Doktor Zymm

As he told it: “I was passed out drunk on the floor, woke up and noticed I was having sex, went back to sleep”

Mr. Ayo

You had to be there, I guess?

Doktor Zymm

It is entirely possible I was there and passed out drunk on a couch. I was good at grabbing the couch in those days. We also invented a makeshift precursor to the Jaegerbomb which basically involved chugging Yuengling and Underberg and resulted in this same friend not noticing that someone stepped on his balls, but that’s a whole different story

Mr. Ayo

Huh. Innovators!

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BugEyedBoo

Am I supposed to root for this asshat that wants to use the squeegee for free? Go buy a bottle of water, cheapskate.

Mr. Ayo

When was the last time you had an encounter with a gas station attendant?

/Oregon residents excluded, smgdh.

Doktor Zymm

NJ is all full serve

Mr. Ayo

Last thing I want to do in NJ is interact with the locals.

litre_cola

What about this heartthrob?
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Mr. Ayo

Gentlemen, we will be successful this year, if you can focus on three things, and three things only. Your family, your religion and the Green Bay Packers.

King Hippo

Jim Valvano told a great story of how he tried to rip off that speech (when coaching Rutgers’ JV team), but he confused everyone by forgetting to swap “Rutgers basketball” for “the Green Bay Packers”

Mr. Ayo

Um, that’s the joke.

Gumbygirl

Christ, no kidding. I did one of those haunted house things on the boardwalk when I was young and dumb(er.) There is nothing quite like getting chased around a dark room by junkies with machetes.

Gumbygirl

That’s where it was! I knew it was east coast somewhere, once upon a time

Doktor Zymm

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Brocky

I’ll never forgive Dan Conner for wearing that

BrettFavresColonoscopy

King Ralph?

Doktor Zymm

indeed

LemonJello

The Quarterderp this half is strong on both sides.

King Hippo

yep, that’s the guy with enough neurons to DUE HIS OWN RESEARCH about vaccination.

litre_cola

What in the fuck was that Dakota boy?????

Gumbygirl

Lol Wentz!

Gumbygirl

He is Dentz.

Mr. Ayo

Dakota Jeebus everyone!

hippofant

Other things Condoleeza likes: torture, indefinite detention, bombing Iraqis.

King Hippo

I mean, make her commish, the war crimes potential would be…if not eliminated, perhaps contained?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Honestly, I think the owners would *love* to have her as commissioner. It probably makes them uncomfortable to see a white man grovel at their feet the way they make Goodell do.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

[again runs through the clubhouse wearing nothing but a Raiders bandana wrapped around his wing-wang, but in the opposite direction as last week]

-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Doktor Zymm

I’m glad we set up that safe naked running circuit

Doktor Zymm

And we all thank you for the bandanacomment image

litre_cola

Gotta rep his street gang yo.

LemonJello

Question: Is RTD running in the opposite direction, or is the bandana wrapped opposite of last week?

Last edited 3 years ago by LemonJello
King Hippo

or is his weiner inverted??

Mr. Ayo

Some subjects do NOT require 20 questions.

But we should make an exception for this one.

Gumbygirl

Let it fly, baby!

535477_KlCGiRFS.jpg
Gumbygirl

She can fuck off forever.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Let’s turn this intervention into a SIN-tervention!” – Jim Irsay, taking out a vial of white powder

Doktor Zymm

LOL IRSAY AND CONDI

LemonJello

You aren’t entertained by Castaway II: Apocalypse Soon?

Mr. Ayo

Oli Marmol?

#BFiB react reasonably.


Doktor Zymm

Hey! I’m playing Moe Alie-Cox in Freezer Vodka league! Maybe I will get the 40+ points I need from him and some other guy on the Colts! HAHA lol no

litre_cola

Bets on Colts, realizes that Dakota Jesus got traded there. Totally forgot.

Don T

Looking foraward to Browns stadium being thoroughly egged ‘cause Baker Mayfield is stingy AF with the nacho cheese.

Doktor Zymm

Is “Fire up chips” a uni or a HS?

litre_cola

Don’t know but they sound delicious.

Doktor Zymm

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LemonJello

Their traditional post warm-up gravy chug is sitting heavy tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And i don’t understand the Prince Albert, but to each his own

Fronkenshteen

Wow. Jalen Hurts is just a big pile of GLOREE BOY dogshit.

Gumbygirl

Ugh, Al’s back.

Petronel

Looks like it’s a night for the Croix de Candlestick (or would have been if they were still there, and this was a Gints game)

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King Hippo

Another Balls “25 Questions” idea – that Elton John Uber Eats commercial.

Spur

let’s see some wet man ass action in NorCal

LemonJello

Gretzky is shilling for BetMGM? He burn through all that hockey money?

yeah right

His wife did.

Mr. Ayo

And his daughter, and her husband on blow.

Doktor Zymm

I assume he blew it all on fancy dental work that he fucked up within a week

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought Frank Reich’s nickname was Third or Fourth?

LemonJello

“Thousand Year” Reich, if you please…

LemonJello

Which outcome do buffets fear more: an Andy Reid post victory meal or an Andy Reid post defeat meal?

Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure their only concern is posted closing times.

Doktor Zymm

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litre_cola
litre_cola

*am not redhead, just find the ladies very attractive.

Game Time Decision

Lies.

litre_cola

No lies sir. I prefer tall redheads, bookish too if possible!

Spur

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LemonJello

“Sure, sure they do.”

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Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

Soles? Maybe. Souls? NEVER

Mr. Ayo

More like mutant festival.

Also, would attend.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s not Ireland, that’s just a Rilo Kiley concert.

Spur

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LemonJello

Now what has the Wuhan lab unleashed on the world?

Doktor Zymm

OLD MAN ATMOSPHERIC RIVER