To The Games!
Bears/Seahawks:
Is there anything riveting about this game? Both teams are wallowing in mediocrity and the most salient question regarding each is, ‘who survives the fallout at season’s end?”. I guess I should point out that with Fields out for Chicago, one Large Appendage Nick Foles gets the start. Oh, something else-I discovered yesterday that one of my nephews just started playing fantasy football this year. We had a nice chat about the merits of Lockett vs D.K.-that was nice.
Steelers/Chiefs:
The Chiefs are gonna break out tonight! [listens to earpiece] Uh, sorry. That was, outbreak, the Chiefs have had an outbreak. Of the Omicron, of course. As mentioned by Boris, Hill is back. Tomlin might be my dark horse candidate for Coach of the Year given that there’s nothing about this team that says, ‘above .500’ and yet they somehow are. Like Old Bill, he makes games ugly and weird and then seizes on opportunities when they arise.
Broncos/Raiders:
Well, well, well, speaking of .500! Shall we go over all the scenarios whereby these teams can snuck into the playoffs? Do you want to fall asleep? Ok then, we won’t. Denver’s Fangio-tastic D has an albatross around its neck by the name of Drew Lock. Of the 55 qb’s to drop back to pass more than 30+ times this season he is ranked 55th. I imagine he’s been told, “when you make a mistake-and you will make several-try not to have them be back-breakers, okay?”
Do a thing, word-wise.
You’re down 0-30. What do you have to taunt about? Draft position?
What did I miss?
Other than Hunter Henry being fucking useless as my Kelce replacement, that is
I made succulent fish tacos.
Aw, hell. I just realized the team effortlessly dismantling the Steelers is the team the Bengals play next week. Oh, this has “Overconfident Bitch Slapping” written all over it.
Dead Carr. Hope they have a sideline mechanic.
He’s only 1/4 dead!
But you should replace tires and shocks in pairs, so call it 1/2
What year is he? ’79? Oh, he should be okay to replace. He’s before they installed chips and sensors into cars making them more expensive at their old age.
Dammit Progressive, I’ve always been like that. It’s called “planning ahead and not assuming that everything will go your way all the time”.
*shakes fist at cloud*
*amazon web services makes note*
I forgot Andrew Jackson was still in the league!
The League Of Unrelenting Genocidal Gentlemen?
Everytime someone tries to sub him out, he challenges and beats them in a duel.
/inspired by a Petronel comment
What’s the earworm tune that you hate/love the most?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c18441Eh_WE&ab_channel=KylieMinogue
An appropriately named song if ever there was one.
Hate the most: Not going to link here for everyone’s protection, nor will I specify the song name, but if I say “Whitney Houston” you’ll know the one.
/sorry if it still gets stuck in your head after that
“I Will Always Love You (Crack)”
Kickers, made of glass toothpicks? Or are they souffles during an earthquake?
Kickers are just soccer players that couldn’t make it to a European team. They just need some of that magic spray to return them to full health, but it’s been ruled as a PED by the Shield.
I wish I could say I’m enjoying watching the Steelers implode, but this is kind of sad.
Red (v/o): Redshirt was lying through his teeth. He’s thoroughly enjoying this.
This is one of the few cases where it’s okay to think it’s better if they’re crying
“Mahomes were trying to end the game right there!”
What game is Romo watching?
Probably one where he throws a backbreaking interception
THIS amazing husband just got really high and decided to make fake Shepherd’s pie out of yesterday’s leftovers. I’ll now field any questions you have.
Why didn’t you share with the rest of us?
/ the weed or the the pie. We ain’t picky
A Katamari ball of stuffed animals is a very specific type of nightmare.
I haven’t thought of that game in ages! So fun!
“Yes, calamari stuffed with animals is pretty fun.” — Andy Reid
EARWORM WARNING
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhKMDjfToEc
Wait a minute. I’m off all next week. Why am I still sober?
Negligence, sue yourself!
I guess Carr should be grateful that Ruggs saved him from a couple months worth of Carr crash jokes
Banner it
Chubb WOO!!
NC STATE’S BRADLEY CHUBB WOO!!!!!!!!!!!
RedZone is so desperate they’re rerunning this Bears QB tragic history lesson
The Bears are interesting, in that they only want a QB as a scapegoat. If they somehow ended up with a great QB Bears fans would be SO PISSED
Great work by Patrick, keeping his eyes wide open for a Hardman opening.
Would you say the Stillers are mimefrauds?
It’s neat that Chi**** has a Montgomery AND a Burns on their roster.
I’m going to make a shocking prediction here: the Steelers are not going to win this game. I’m going to take a bath, see ya later.
To call my sister’s stepson a drooling retard is a compliment. he’s now in the drug selling business and is stupid enough to get caught. he will last 45 seconds in jail. maybe.
Ooh, maybe he’ll be arrested for vagrancy in Towson!
He’s legitimately stupid. Talking to him is like having a conversation with a cantaloupe
Just remembered office is officially closed tomorrow. Helllooooo, bonus pill(s) and shame pizza!!
Shamepizza is surprisingly good
the BEST. So good, I manage to even enjoy the post-eating shame a little.
Oh hey, Al Gore is still in the league!
#LockBox
Bospoor strikes again!
“BOW BEFORE ME.”
– Shank’lor
Crypto com is HQ in Singapore, and they’re here to pay Matt Damon to fleece some rubes, from the look of it.
Cryptocurrency is a con? No way!
It’s great for
launderingconverting moneys into one’s GAMBLOR account!Heck, I thought all those MGM/Caesar’s commercials were telling me it’s legal now.
A little Zankou Chicken (and kabobs)?
Tony traded in his black and yellow kneepads for this game, and is inhaling Mahome’s johnson like a starlet at Studio 54 in 1975
Did Tony Romo just say a cracked rib is “like a bone”?
Pretty sure it is a bone, Tony.
My dad fell and cracked his ribs and he can confirm, it is a bone. A painful ass bone.
No, no, the ass bone is the coccyx.
Quit talking about my dad’s coccyx.
I don’t hear your dad complaining!
Well I wasn’t about to bring up your mother’s!
does he have any leftover opiates??
He’s a lightweight. A few Tynenol PM’s and he’s down for the count.
Weird. Not like him at all to fumble like that during a game.
“I never let bones get in the way when I’m eating ribs.”
-Andy Reid
Good for Renfro! Glad to see my FF tough love and faith as GM paid off.
Sigh. They grow up so fast.
Apropos of nothing-worst Dylan cover of all time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6QnaCGJUdA&ab_channel=Michele
Man, this new remake of Training Day is boooooooooooring
GO BACK TO THE SNOW, DAGNABBIT
Ok, tWBS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSffz_bl6zo
Talk about a guy who needed a rusty length of rebar shoved up his rectum
Here’s a lighter side of Snow. (I like this tune)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmqITojVoaQ&ab_channel=snowontheweb
SNOW ANGEL SIGHTING!
I’m still sweating Montgomery not crossing the plane, despite being out of the fantasy playoffs and not even a consolation round in this league.
Big Ben’s, “Duck, Duck, Goose!” offense is an abject failure.
After Fromm today, one hopes Horse Cock Lock will have improved to next-to-last!
So excited for the winner of this Bears/Seahawks Snowpiercer tilt to meet up with the final boss-Tilda Swinton.
Da Brrrrs, frozen out again
You would think this would be perfect Bearistocrats! weather, no?
This window has SNOW, and both quartered backs famous for…packing a hog.
I love how the weather was just fine and Jim dandy in Foxborough and Kansas City. Just not in Winter Wonderland Seattle!
Global warming is all a ploy to inconvenience people in the PNW
This is not an inconvenience. This is Snowmaggedon. Pray for our survival!
oh noes, do you have enough freezer vodka to make it??
The freezer was freshly stocked before the deep freeze.
Does that make you king of…King County now??
Soon to be Mayo County.
“blizzard”
Sure Red Zone guy, sure
This is the best movie not to get any “best 80s movie” buzz.
I KNOW it’s bacon. WHAT have you DONE to it??
If one of the TD celebrations in CHI/SEA isn’t a Snow Angel, that what are we even doing?
Bonus points for a snowman musical number
https://youtu.be/JQ1ZOFNBL68
DK game unlocked!
SNOW GAME!! SNOW CAN MELT ON STEEL BEAMS!
teH pIecEs fiT!!!1111
Found a funny;
If you take both Matrix pills at once it takes you to a suburban McDonalds where Morpheus is stuck in the children’s slide
I would think a double purple pill would take you to a pride parade in Oslo
A donkey took two red pills and turned into the 45th President.
Seattle does not appear to have a heated field. Old school snow game confirmed.
I’m surprised the NFL didn’t postpone the game just at avoid fans having fun.
The 10% of them that got to the stadium look like they’re having a great time.
https://twitter.com/RobertKlemko/status/1475206352863649793
“How much for a game-worn Jake Fromm?”
-Jake Fromm
“I need a dollar, dollar, a dollar is what I need!”
Nice football weather in Seattle,
Confirmed by Wilson taking a sack already