That’s right. Tonight could be the greatest night of our lives. It is in the interest of Les Clippers du Merde and That’s Rikki’s Raiders to do nothing but take knees tonight. A draw gets both into the playoffs. And people’s heads would goddamned explode at the audacity. Look, George Carlin basically raised me as a third parent. I am 100% an entropy fan, and this would be the most entropic story ever told.
All thanks to Dakota Jeebus, going into Duuuuuuvvvvaaaallll as a 16.5-point favoUrite, and shitting himself magnificently. Hey, he should have known that’s a side effect of horse de-wormer.
My blessed fantasy vision is especially desired, because otherwise The Ben will make The Playoffs. And he’s really behind on his Call of Duty missions as is.
Banner image courtesy of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, law abiding Raiders fan (allegedly). His bandana and wing-wang are no doubt poised and ready. Pill up, crack a beer, and enjoy. We will miss this garbage when it’s gone.
Learn your lesson, Raiders, and KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!!!
Kneel!
Why are we wasting time watching the first three downs? Just skip to fourth at this point & LFG!
The NFL is a work.
But goddamnit if it isn’t the best one of all time.
win, lose or DRAW DRAW DRAW
You know it.
BANANA + CAKES = THIS GAME
This game has gone plaid!
Whoa!
Kellen Winslow posses you… Kellen Winslow possess you…
– Chargers front office staff
I hope the specify which one.
Well, they’re both familiar with strokes…
Were those 4th quarter heroics ultimately meaningless for the Chargers? Let’s find ou…. yes.
I’m sorry, we’re getting reports that, uh, actually, no, not yet.
If the Chargers score a TD, the Raiders have no one to blame but themselves. They could’ve deloped and both parties’ honors would be satisfied. But they offered and missed and now the Chargers are free to kill their season dead.
It’s odd that ESPN has the Raiders with a 100% win probability now.
It certainly is now.
32-32 Scorigami, IN PLAY!
LETS GO!
The Raiders are matriculating the ball down the field!
Newsbreak:
(spoken very quickly) “Breaking news from Walton, KY. There’s been a stabbing. Multiple victims, including children. No word on if there is any danger existing in the area. We have a reporter on the scene. We’ll tell you more after the game.”
God bless, WLWT. They have their priorities straight.
OK, I went to let the dog out and the Chargers were down 7 and I thought had just failed to convert on 4th and 10. Got a couple of things out the car, got the dog back in, and now it’s OT.
What. The. Fuck?
I know, it’s weird and it sucks
Someone put up that Chaos Elmo gif again
Does Halle Berry play Cleopatra in the JB Smoove Caesar’s commercial?
Yes. I just learned that today.
https://twitter.com/jon_bois/status/546531115214049280?s=21
LET’S FUCKIN’ GOOOOOOOO
Yeah!!!!
If you show up now Shank’lor, WE ARE DONE
Is 29-29 scoragami?
29-29? No.
32-32? Yes.
No, sadly
SHANK’LOR?
Steelers yelling “go for two!”
goddamnit are you fucking kidding me with this bullshit
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE WRITTEN GAME OVER IN MY NOTEBOOK
Oh hey, look who stumbled on his old search history.
I never left, I was just trapped in one of the abandoned refrigerators like that one Punky Brewster episode
Yeah, that’ll happen.
The whip on that leg when he lands is wild.
Of course, the season ends with “What is catch?”!
there actually is no such thing as a catch, only our belief that catches exist
Collinsworth sounds like he’s praying for one of the Chargers to puke like Kellen Winslow.
Watch these assholes get the TD and go for 2 just to piss everyone off.
That would/should be a fireable offense!
Out of a cannon, from a volcano, into the sun?
YES
MOVE THE TEAM TO FAIRBANKS
If I’m the GM, I’m firing the Head Coach over the PA system faster than you can say “Cosmo Spacely”.
This is just edging but for blue balls
How is “defensive holding” now “play under review??”
C’mon refs, you owe us SO MANY
SO MANY +1 NOW
Look at that tight shirt. Clete wants moar chances to show off the Hochuli’s he’s been working on all season.
It’s so unlike the Raiders to have terrible penalties at the worst possible time.
Lyle Alzado weeps from Heaven.
Oh you sweet, optimistic, summer child.
Whaaaaaaa…..
Chargers playbook, 1st through 3rd downs: eh, all right
Chargers playbook, 4th and oh shit: “Fuckin’ Magnets, how do they work?”
BAILOUT BLEERGH WANTS THE TIE!
I knew BLEERGH was the Greatest of our Lords!
29-29 wouldn’t be the greatest event in the history of man like nil-nil would have.
Still…prettay, prettay, prettay good
I would be amenable to 32-32.
would look better scripted! Also a likely Scorinami
You are correct:
29-29: No Scorigami (MIN/GB 2018)
32-32: SCORIGAMI!
Um…WHY YOU STOP SHOWING GAME NBC I KILL YOU NOW
Nevermind, they were just pretending
Question 1: Will the left eventually be forced to send Trumpers to re-education camps?
Question 2: Would the rural right ever cut the food supply to major US cities to cause Stalin-esque starvation tactics?
Answer 1: They don’t have the balls, and the Trumpers have the guns.
Answer 2: The rural right loves money more than patriotism.
Two-Buttons.jpg (600×908) (imgflip.com)
Root for Raiders: I’m not sure how Burrow would against Belichick.
Root for the Tie: Fuck the Steelers
Of, bugger off with “conspiracy theorist” BS. Its common sense. Why risk not making the playoffs?!?!
People do it in Poker Tournaments all the time!