What the absolute fuck am I supposed to say about THAT??
I guess one could say we saw ONE guy break an all-time record. Bills WR4 Gabriel Davis, first player in NFL history to catch 4 TD passes in a playoff game. 2 of those 4 came in the last 2:00 of Normal Time. His team fucking LOST.
With 13 seconds to play when Buffalo KICKED OFF (and this was Reid’s best call of the game, not trying some wacky kick return play, taking the ball at the 25) – Mahomes completed TWO darts to get them not only within FG range, but under 50-yard FG range.
I am a nitpicky fuckwit, and I can’t find one goddamned iota to criticize about the Buffalo Bills or the Kansas City Chiefs (ok, on this one night). It was like watching God play chess against himself. I can’t make any of the maths or the game theory/logic puzzles work. But it happened. KC 42, BUF 36. And somehow Kansas City has to get re-motivated to play again in 7 days.
On a weekend when both Q-aaron and MRSA Dreamboat got knocked the fuck out…don’t their storylines seem Favre-nis small by comparison? Without even having to be petty about it?
There has never, ever been a game like that. It might as well have been its own sport.
I give Brokeback QB a lot of shit, but he kept his head and played as good a game as you will ever see, especially on the road in the playoffs. He’ll be back, and we have him and Mahomes to watch fight over the next 10-15 years, barring injury.
And of course, THAT’S NOT ALL. Joe Burrow is gonna play a key role in the AFC well past the 2020s (assuming we don’t blow up the planet first) as well. We get to see him play next Sunday, too. In the stadium that just hosted that PlaidBananasWhateverTheFuckThatWas.
The NFL has many flaws, but it is perfect.
I did not watch MRSA come all the way back to tie RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! at 27. I turned the TV off at 13-27 (with LA punting), so I was still alive for the nightcap. Good Lord almighty, what a day. But Cam Akers is no doubt saying many prayers of thanks to FITBAW JEEBUS for not letting him be the story of the day. Big Gay (short) FG saves humanity, 30-27 to LA’s finest.
Fatthew/Janeane. Burrow/Mahomes. See y’all on Sunday.
PS – Pictured is grandson cat (Noodles Edmond D***s aka “Kruger’s nephew”), as promised Saturday.
As for the weekend of footed ball, none better in my 50+ years of watching this stuff. Only game I think comes close to Buffalo@KC yesterday was the San Diego@Miami playoff game where Kellen Winslow nearly killed himself and seemingly took on 10 gallons of IV fluid. Mahomes v. Allen was better. And with all 4 games decided in the last minute (or overtime)? I am assuming that Goodell has leveraged his soul very deeply with the folks over @ Satan’s Instant Credit!
Not information any you necessarily need . . . still, good to know I suppose
Uf! What a free kick by The Islands.
Oh brother. Islands attacking and the Ref whistled at the 2′ 59″ of the stoppage 3′.
tWBS would’ve loved it.
Some positive news for those who were unsatisfied by yesterday’s results: the James Webb Space Telescope has completed its final burn and has arrived at its destination! It’s going to be another six months before we see any images (lots of cooling and calibration still to do) but today is a very happy day for anyone who care about this stuff.
My money’s on the telescope first seeing either God watching football or aliens placing bets on when and how we extinct ourselves.
I assume it’s through the Caesars rewards app, right Patton?
I may have to listen to Pat McAfee’s podcast tomorrow to see who/which combination of folks Qaaron throws under the bus.
I assume he’ll start with Dr. Fauci.
Just don’t make fun of him. He doesn’t like to be needled.
(stolen, nawt my joke)
Comoros down to 10 in the 7th minute. Powers that be not taking ANY chances with Cameroon!
The Afrikan Euros match, between the home favoUrite and the minnow with an outfield player playing GK is starting.
Burkina Faso had a military coup hours ago! Complete with closed borders, Martial Law and stuff. Might be a distracción for the quarterfinals
OR!!! They will rally around the flag, trying to avoid having to go home?
#BestRationalizations
WHAT DID YOU DO HIPPO???????
https://twitter.com/BBCWorld/status/1485685844132470791
The military promised me Minister of Opium. What could I say??
I don’t think we need Rod and Todd for the one, but the world is better today:
https://twitter.com/jdpoc/status/1485351325143605250
Score one for the leftist Jews, I guess.
How about Sarah Palin?
“Hey, you’ve got a no-hitter going!” – catcher Redshirt to his pitcher heading into the bottom of the eighth inning.
Hope I’m wrong, but I think she’s vaxxed and lying about it.
I’m not so sure. I don’t think she’s a true believer by any stretch of the imagination, but she’s dumb enough to buy into the whole “COVID only infects people in the cities” mentality that my own father adopted.
She’s also a leftist Jew plot!!!111111
We have way better ideas than that
and us lefty Goyim are very grateful smgdh
Wait, did he think COVID was a lefty Jewish plot, or the vaccine was a lefty Jewish plot? Kind of funny that either way he would have been wrong.
He should have been very used to being wrong
Now he can say heil to the Furher himself! Or I guess he can say “Hell” to him.
Well, that’s not a shame.
https://youtu.be/x5SYjoZsLQE
Official DFO 401k Update:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P6WD7B_I_9c
The ad that played before the clip featured an adventurer pulling a pin that dumped a bunch of lava onto a treasure hoard; also seems fitting.
Just dropping this here. No autopsy today….really not a ton of material to go through. I made the right call by focusing on KC v Buffalo but had too much Diggs and not enough Davis.
This was a SUPER tough weekend as that was the only game with any offence.
but didja win moneys?
broke even
I’m in a postseason thing where you pick players each week but can only use everyone once the whole postseason. 200 entries. Zero used Davis.
Thanks again for another winner of a column last week. Took down a few cash games this week. Just curious if maybe next week, since there’s only two games, if you’ve played the format, if you’d have any pointers on Single-Game Captain Showdown contests. I’ve started dabbling in those, but have had zero success unlocking the formula to getting a competitive lineup.
https://doorfliesopen.com/2022/01/17/boriss-showdown-strategy-with-a-side-of-autopsy/
I’d like to see the Rams take it all. Rewarding Fatthew for his years in the wilderness.
And great hustle here KH. I’ll dig up some more shoulders for ya here soon.
Shit, is that me?
-the fellas here
No,no,no,noooo…. Hippo like THESE shoulders!
Those aren’t shoulders…
In Italy, boobs are shoulders and grease is hair product.
He’ll hug the Lombardi like it were a bucket of custard.
Hopefully he won’t bite into it, thinking it’s full of nougat and caramel.
Mayor Garcetti, in two months (artist’s conception)
Just kidding, more like this, amirite?
Noodles! Oh the cuteness. I am squeeing my pants! ( again)
Yes! There should be moar adorable kitty pictures in future posts!
No matter what happens the rest of the season, at least Rodgers sucked out loud and is dunzo. May he fall off a bridge.
Hey AA Ron!
On Saturday, between the games, I sent the following text:
“another upset decided at las minute would be fun 🤞”
And it happened! More than once! So while the universe is apparently listening, winning a giant lottery jackpot sure would be fun 🤞
/Shirley Jacksonesque pile of stones sent your way
It’s weekends like this one that remind me why I will never be able to quit this objectively dumbass league and sport.
See, this is why the games were on free network TV instead of ESPN or Amazon or NFL Network.
All good drug dealers know you give a taste of the good stuff for free and then you can sell them shit on Thursday Nights at a premium.
CBS is only technically free. They purposely use only VHF for their digital broadcasts instead of VHF and UHF like the other networks, and they’re the only network that has their own streaming service rather than working with existing services to provide access to local affiliates. To get CBS for ‘free’ you either need to buy a relatively high powered antenna that can handle both UHF and VHF (VHF has trouble penetrating walls) or subscribe to a traditional cable or satellite provider.
In conclusion, CBS sucks toxic lizard balls and I hate it.
I have a regular HD antenna and I can pick up CBS just fine. For some reason, it’s FOX that I have problems with.
Do you live near the CBS transmitter?
I live downhill from Mt. Wilson but there is one mountain in the way. Maybe that one mountain blocks FOX and not CBS.
<insert hilariously misguided conspiracy theory here>
I know both defenses were gassed after running track all day, but I still say Buffalo going full prevent was wrong. You NEVAH go Full Prevent!
I agree, but Cooper Kupp’s catch in the earlier game provides a very strong counterargument.
I was mostly joking about the onsides kick but also maybe not. Mahomes on a heater is as good as I’ve ever seen.
I think it may have been worth a try. Risky, but in that situation very possibly +EV. I don’t think anyone put heir chances of stopping a TD very high, so the chance of recovering an unexpected onside kick very well might be higher.
Catholics have entered the chat…
Funny, they usually pull out of things.
I wish I was still in the angioplasty/stent business so I could feel some sort of affinity towards the residents of Kansas City.
Are there actual strategies formulated for when both teams have completely drained their defenses? OT rules that don’t allow both teams a possession really don’t seem fair in this case, but it is also difficult to see a good alternative in what is essentially a turn based game. If both teams can so easily score each drive it’ll end up being decided by penalty, injury, or mental lapse, and only that last one seems ok. I would almost say call it and play another quarter on Monday night, recovery is also an important factor that organizations can influence, so test that and bring defense back into it.
I’ve been arguing that if a game is tied when the clock runs out, it just keeps on running and it becomes sudden death. So if you have the ball at the end of regulation, you keep it.
So KC would either have had to go for the TD instead of the tying FG or automatically cede first OT posession to Buffalo? Interesting. I kind of like that, the only time it would run into the problem the current OT rules have is if the tying team gets 8 to tie
That’s right – it puts the team who ties the game at the last second at a disadvantage, but that’s by design. What do you mean about the 8 to tie thing, though?
In every other situation the tying team has to make a choice- tie, or go for more points to avoid being at a disadvantage in OT. There’s enough at play over the course of a full game that I don’t think you can assume that the team that held the last lead has necessarily earned the right to an advantage. It is an edge case though, so maybe it could have its own rule. Maybe the team that made the most stops could get the ball first in that case?
See for me the team who scores last being at a disadvantage is a feature, not a bug. There’s been 60 minutes to establish yourselves; you shouldn’t get a complete reset if you were the team who had to catch up.
But yeah the 2-point conversion at the end of games would become a much more interesting decision.
Because if a team is down by seven and scores a very late touchdown, they will more likely go for the two-point conversion and try to win right then and there.
Actually, this gives me a super fun new idea. A team can go for more than 2 by moving the line of scrimmage back. Go for 3 on the 30 or 4 on the 40 and so on, but you still only get the one play!
No saying why they have to catch up though, teams don’t practice the same sort of clock management at the end of the half as they do at the end of the game, so it could be something as simple as getting to receive to start the second half. That’s what I meant by saying the other team hasn’t necessarily earned an advantage.
If one team is dominant in play but it’s close at the end, that’s on them. If it’s a legitimately close game, with evenly matched teams, the team playing catchup is going to be determined by other factors largely outside of their control
I like to think of the team that’s behind as a bunch of lazy loafers who squandered their opportunities.
Re, Bill fans immunity. Not to this guy
Unless you were abandoned, go to your fucking mom’s funeral. And if you go public ’bout not going, hope you don’t enjoy the scorn you deserve.
Maybe his ded mom haunted proceedings and this guy will become their Steve Bartman.
Either he’s letting someone else take care of organizing the funeral or he purposely scheduled it so he could skip it and brag about it. Both imply a bad relationship there. Of course, he could just be a big liar and that’s his mom sitting next to him and she thinks the sign is hilarious.
The only way next week’s games would top this week’s would have to include a team only scoring 4 points and a successful fair catch kick.
Or a single-point safety leading to a 7-6 final.
Or a go-ahead extra point attempt that is blocked and returned for the go-ahead score.
What a weekend. There were 3 other games that were fun, but one Sunday night game was the best I have ever seen played, with the best ending, and the best hero in St. Patty McHomes who drove the snakes out of Buffalo. Truly a miracle if I have ever seen one.
I wish Patrick Mahomes was an objectively terrible person (like Britt Reid or Tyreek Hill) so I could hate him properly.
That’s how I would feel about Dak if the Cowpeople became successful. Lucky for me they are hilarious failures so a moderate amount of hate that can easily be absorbed by the horrible members of the org is sufficient.
Aaaaaand my next work appointment just cancelled. If my middle-class status would allow it, I would spend the rest of today reading EVERYTHING on the Webz about Divisional Weekend.
Well, maybe not that much about the Tits. I only read autopsies for money.
I declare this the best sports weekend EVA. Even including World Cup years.
And I concede full “Sports are stupid LEAVE ME ALONE!” immunity to Bills fans. The squib kick theory doesn’t add up. Fair catch call, on a short kick, only gives KC better field position than a touchback. I would’ve considered onside kickin’ but that’s only because I love counterintuitive stuff that works.
Source: NFL 2021 rulebook
I was thinking about that after reading people calling for the squib. That would give that offense an even shorter field to go. Kicking it deep wasn’t ideal, but it was the best of the bad choices to make.
I know I’m partial, but this is the best squib kick I’ve ever seen. Its not just the low kick to avoid a return. It needs to have a weird spin that throws off the return team and avoid the chance at a return, or maybe even turn it into a long distance onside kick.
1994 Eagles at Bengals Week 17 – YouTube
Also, for a GOOD squib, there is the very realistic chance that it rolls out of bounds. All are risky in their own way. I think it was probably the best call to kick deep and hope KC panics into a rooskie play, or Tyreek trying to go 1 against 11 no matter what.
Yeah, the squib kick stuff is nonsense.
As a proponent of the squib kick, I have to point out that a properly-executed squib kick would, in the worst case scenario, go into the end zone for a touchback. That assumes that some dumb lineman doesn’t try to touch it, which is essentially what you’re counting on.
I still say they should have tried it.
After kicking the game-winning FG, Matt’s super, thanks for asking.
/Would have worked better in the title game