You can find a silver lining in anything, if you try hard and/or are annoying enough about it. This week? I spent some quality time with Katy Tur and her smokeshow glasses.
Things I may have learned today:
- Christian Eriksen is still alive, but I can’t really say that for Beesus’ season.
- Marcelo Bielsa is as sad as a track-suited man can be. Wheels done come all the way off for Leeds.
- Harry Fuckface Kane still has that face that makes me want to hit him with a shovel.
- NC State will have its first-EVAR 20 loss hoopsball season, unless the Wolven Sort win out their regular season, or (dies laughing) wins the ACCT and NCAAT.
- It’s not handball if you are one of the “Big Six” apparently. Eat all the shit, whoever was in the VAR booth.
- Daddy Vladdy is NOT AT ALL overcompensating for his micropenis.
You want something to watch? I guess Kansas at BayBay (8:00, ESPN), followed by Gonzga at St. Mary’s (10:00, ESPN). The one conference game that the Zags just maybe could lose! FEEL THE EXCITE!! I assume they are still playing NBA and NHL fixtures, I just give even fewer fucks than I do for college hoopsball. You obviously have an internet connection, use it wisely.
Killed himself mere weeks after.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_24pJQUj7zg&list=PLyUVnCw_kLV0J2OjvADXZL-NrSghlEgDg
Reach out for help, vent, whatever it takes. I spent years fighting this. It can be beat.
What a rare talent he was. What a fucking shame.
Still funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsuYGiG77Ik
Here’s a pizza menu in London, styled after a fictional “America”
I don’t suppose they use a brick oven?
Anyone watching my Anteaters on the U?
Didn’t think so, but HI ANYWAY
My God, the camera direction in this season’s SNL is the worst I’ve even seen. Conan O’Brien showed up and the camera cut to every possible shot but him. Jesus Christ could return tonight and all we’d see on TV is a wall.
Good thing editing isn’t important in entertainment either
Meanwhile, in Australia,
I don’t care who you are, that’s the most glorious mullet I’ve ever seen in my life.
It’s the broken glasses and the completely befuddled look that pulls it all together.
You know, when you think about it, the USSR didn’t really sign off on Ukraine leaving the Soviet Union. I mean eventually Great Britain did recognize and sign off on the United States declaring their independence from them. Since the USSR didn’t approve Ukraine’s Declaration of Independence, you could say they didn’t really leave the.fdajiskl;fjkdsalfnsdak;lfn;ads
Sorry, I heard Donald Trump condemned the Russian Invasion of Ukraine and I have conditioned myself to believe the exact opposite of what that evil orangefaced man says. Seriously, if that guy did a dissertation about gravity, I would start flying around like Peter Pan.
Integrity matters
Lady BFC and I have a late date night dinner reservation, but the restaurant just called to let us know the previous occupants of our dining bubble haven’t left yet.
I’m hungry and 2022 is stupid.
I’m hoping that the previous couple didn’t eat any of the bubbles that were assigned to you. #thoughtsandprayers
I’ll bet I can make them leave.
Waiter: “Phone call for you.”
BFC: “You’ve given the lady a three-course meal and dessert, and she hasn’t given you an invitation to her place for ‘coffee’. Take the hint! You’re not gonna seal the deal here. Take it like a man and accept defeat!”
Day Three of the Meme Wars goes again to Ukraine:
https://twitter.com/michaeldweiss/status/1497745193117704195
In addition to 17 goals (for now), this Det-Tor game has featured 3 goalie changes. Detroit put in their backup, then took him out and put the starter back in.
Leafs are up 9-7-according to the league’s collective bargaining agreement, Gretzky has one goal and four assists.
Last funny;
Not sure I understand the message in this infographic…
Toronto Hockey Team gives up 3 straigth goals, only up 7-5 now. That’s the kind of defense that you need in the playoffs.
8-7 Toronto. Hope you took the over
Are they trying some kind of experiment where each team plays with six skaters?
Experiment-wise, it appears that only one team has 6 skaters.
St. Kilda off to a great start!
Got a tour of the secret room from a former Exalted Ruler. Place is fucking huge. Great place to store hobo parts.
I didn’t know scotchy was offering franchise opportunities!
Karaoke at the Elks Club. Going to murder her
Do a Carpenters tune, then simu-barf!!
The pre- leaving the house BJ should have clued you in.
Bright side: Cheap drinks!
Not until “Don’t Stop Believin’* has been sung at the top of your lungs.
*HOLD ON TO THAT FEELINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. STREETLIGHTS. PEOPLE. WHOA. WHOAAAAAAAA. OOOHHHHHHHHH
I am going Motörhead. Fast, loud, and unintelligible.
It’s my only hope.
Oh, great. Now, I’m imagining Lemmy signing “Don’t Stop Believin'”.
This is my backyard right now.
Awesome!
It’s nice, isn’t it? It’s going to get hot as fuck in the summer, but it’s undeniably beautiful here.
Gorgeous! I’m very happy for you guys!
.
We all are!
I would love to hang out in your backyard
I am! Don’t tell the others.
Mapplethorpe Leafs really putting a beating on (Local Hockey Team). Can we at least still count on them to crumble in the playoffs though?
Well ain’t that a bullwhip up me hiney!
Also this photo of the I-Phone software development environment Feb 2006 is Rocking!!!
What’s the bell jar in the middle of the table for thouhg?
Bells, obviously.
“Thanks Sylvia. Back in the oven with you.”
Ted Hughes
.
Ha ha!
I really wish we didn’t have nukes and could send the special forces to help the Ukes. Does this mean I am turning into a Republican??
If you’re rooting against Russia, I assure you that you are not turning into a Republican.
Welcome to the neither regions of the soul.
Ooh! Celtics-Bucks!
Perfect TV to have on while I do the second half of my workout. And then booze!
Whoops. Nets-Bucks. Still of some interest, but not as much.
It’s weed o’ clock here. And the workout is over!
Hippo, Sillycuse lost by 25. I think I lost the bet so my cumsock is in the mail. I’d prefer more ‘sanitary’ bets in the future, fyi.
#LosersRemorse smh
The most brilliant thing the Devil (Coach K) ever did was to convince Boeheim to join the USA Basketball program as an assistant so that he could teach K how to play against zone defenses.
“Hey!” – Nick Saban
“Hay!” — J. Elway
About to leave for the night on a date with my wife. She won’t tell me where, said the beer selection probably won’t be very good, and I may not like it.
This bodes well.
Hey, as long as she violates you at the end amirite??
Hopefully blows more than just corn.
She did before we left, which is even more ominous
Is it your birthday?
Extremely ominous.
Thoughts and prayers.
Oh Gawd, it’s some kind of experimental theatre.
[tries to hide erection]
-Peter Weiss
That’s the Marat/Sade guy,right ? Ugh.
Surprise date night with wife!
That’s Rocking!!!
Coach K, (who I loathe), enjoying a triumphant retirement tour with his usual band of one-and-dones while Boeheim wanders around wondering why the zone doesn’t work anymore and with 40% of his starters only there because Mom insisted they go play ball with the Old Man.
Is Duke actually good, or is it just SillyCuse being shite? Because I’ve seen SillyCuse chucklefuck about this season (they are awful, but still better than State because EVERYONE IS), not seen a minute of Duke OR U*NC.
If they’s actually good, I may just skip the NCAAT.
A little if both. I don’t think Duke is great, but Syracuse has been awful this year, and Duke is at least very good.
Coach K has the most (sorta legit) wins and a face that has the highest blood pressure ever recorded. Good for him.
At his funeral, his kids will be like “work was very important to him.”
Duke is shooting over 70% from 3, so I expect Boeheim will throw a defense other than the zone at them in order to cut into that current 20 point deficit.
/dies holding breath
I absolutely love Frank Lampard (from The Athletic):
What did Lampard say after the match?
GREG O’KEEFFE: Speaking after full-time, Lampard said: “The decision is incredible. It’s an incredible decision. It loses us the opportunity to get what we deserved.
“I’ve spoken to the officials on the day and they know it’s a penalty. So my question is whether it was offside in the build-up, it wasn’t.
“It’s Chris Kavanagh. The referee couldn’t see it on the pitch, he was on the other side. That’s fine and one of the reasons we’ve got VAR, to have those secondary eyes.
“It wouldn’t even need more than five seconds to see that it was a penalty. Everybody saw it. He either should have told the referee to give it, or go and look to be clear. I can’t understand why he didn’t.
“We’ve lost a point potentially while we’re fighting for our life by a professional who can’t do his job right. And that’s amazing.
“All the criteria – arm’s out, below the sleeve – great from our point of view. I’m waiting for him to run to the screen and give it. It’s incompetence at best. At worst, who knows.”
That “at worst who knows” line is going to cost him.
But we Bitter Blues would all lie down in front of a train for him now!
Gumby has 19 ties. Which doesn’t sound like a ton of them, until you consider that
A: I’ve probably gotten rid of just as many over the years, and
B: He has never once had a job where he had to wear one.
37 baseball caps, 5 cowboy hats, and a sombrero. I made him get rid of a huge hefty bag full of baseball caps a few moves ago, he still whines to this day.
As he should
What about a fez? Fezzes are cool.
He doesn’t have one, but a friend from India brought him back one of those long tunic tops over skinny pants that they wear. Oh yeah, he does have an Arab headscarf thing, like Yasser Arafat wore. And he has a World War I flying ace leather hat with earflaps that is lined with rabbit fur. Gumby is weird as fuck!
You misspelled COOL
Found a funny;
me: I’m quitting, here’s my badge and gun
zookeeper: your what
Super weird to see the entire scroll on a brewery’s untapped feed be you
Isnt it? I did that at a brewery once. I stopped checking them in after I was 4 consecutive on the big board
Wat
“Gosh why does Zelenskyy seem so different and in touch with the needs of his people, unlike our own politicians?” Well for one thing he’s 44
He’s a stand up comedian. It’s like if Louis CK never pulled his dick out, ran for President and won.
Yo. I’m at a brewery and having a very hard time deciding which beers NOT to get to go.
Sillycuse down 31-9 right now.
We cut the margin from 27 to 10 in garbage time, you might win after all.
Ah, Katy Tur. The one thing I enjoyed about the 2016 campaign.
I would just LOVE to let her sit in judgment of me for a few hours.
2-3p weekdays on MSNBC!
sit in judgement
Is that code for “play footy computer game with me”?
NERDS!
*Puts away flight stick and throttle. Closes Microsoft Flight Simulator
I’m at 1 June 2137, that HAS to impress Ms. Tur!
Indeed. Off to pornhub.com Be back at some point.
Someone remember to check ayo for chafing.
NAILED IT!!