[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

The Price of Heresy – Monday Open Thread

Don T

/

,

So it turns out that the first day of the draft was so boring that the Tennessee Titans traded away the best WR in franchise history. He is Arthur Juan Brown, 24, currently with the Iggles.

Which is totally OK.

AJ is a wonderful person, player and teammate who could make Philly electric by himself. Brown also will benefit personally from the tonNES of additional exposure that is the NFC East’s ungodly birthright. And that’s in addition to the $25 million / year Brown will get paid by Philly at least for two years.

No, I’m not bitter. Just wiser. Speak ill of the draft, your team might just go into rebuild mode in a stackT conference.

NFL NEWS

-Cardinals WR DeAndre Hopkins is suspended for 6 games for performance enhancing drugs. I know it’s terrible Internet form to even give the impression of being capable of surprise, but

Never would’ve seen it coming. My remaining hope is that these news did not throw Bill O’Brien into a peacocking fit, Mick Jagger style.

-In what seems like a win – win, Nick Foles is no longer associated with the Chicago Bears. All of the AFC South would be a good landing spot for Foles as a backup or worse–but the USFL would guarantee starter reps. Because playing in the USFL is an inevitable conclusion, it doesn’t matter that the source is Fox Sports, owner of the USFL.

Even RT thought that was a bit shill-y.

-Saints will sign Tyrann Mathieu. 3 years, $33 million says espen.

-Steelers do not exercise LB Devin Bush’s 5th year option. He’ll be a free agent after 2022.

 

WORLD CUP NEWS

-Ecuador may be kicked out of the 2022 World Cup. Last week it was reported that Bryan Castillo, who played for Ecuador in the qualifiers, is from… ¡Colombia!

Rest assured Chile has its ear stuck to satellite radio for any development. Castillo played for Ecuador in both games against La Roja in qualifiers and, if Ecuador is sanctioned, Chile may receive points required to Qatar. The issue has not gained much traction since last week.

-Furthermore! There was talk, a month ago, that Iran would be kicked off the World Cup on account of discrimination. In a qualifying game against Lebanon, host Iran did not allow entry to about 2,000 women to see the game. The scenario could put Italy in the World Cup per FIFA rankings, according to two articles. If this gains traction, I bet Allah Himself would intervene to have Iran play The Great Satan November 29 on Fox. I mean, Qatar.

-BTW, those articles point out that, if Iran is disqualified, Italy would enter on account of FIFA ranking. I was skeptical, so I checked the Corriere della Sera. I can confirm that, as of post time, Italian plans for the World Cup consist of burrowing into Mamma’s bosom and wail.

SPROTS TONITE

Uf. Full slate.

GRANDES LIGAS

Serpientes (Gallen) @ Marlins (López) – 5:40

Twines (Paddack)  @ Orioles (Wells) – 6:05

Y*nk*s (Montgomery) @ Azulejos (Stripling) – 6:07 ON THE DOT

Bravos (Fried) @ Mets (Bassitt) – 6:10

Marineros (Gonzales) @ Fokin ‘Stros (Odorizzi) – 7:10

Mantas (Rasmussen) @ Atléticos (Jefferies) – 8:40

 

NBA CONFERENCE SEMIS

Series start in East und West:

Sixers @ Heat  – 6:30

  • Joel Embiid is oOt

Mavs @ Suns – 9:00

 

NHL PLAYOFFS

Start today!

Bruins @ [INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] – 6:00

Lightning @ Leifs – 6:30

Blues @ Wild – 8:30

Kings @ Eulers – 9:00

 

TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL

Argentina – Copa Liga Profesional

Huracán hosts Rosario Central – 7:30

Platense hosts Argentinos Juniors – 7:30

Brasil

São Paulo hosts Santos – 6:00

Colombia

América de Cali hosts Alianza Petrolera – 7:30

 

FINALLY,

this is such a dead time for the NFL that the last “Important Date” listed was two days ago. The next, sigh, offseason milestone is May 12, when the NFL schedule comes out. I mean, aside from the Week 2 TNF (Sept. 15), which was announced during day 2 of the draft. Personally, I wouldn’t mind all AFC West division games being on prime time. And I promise to put on hold my hate on most-favored-shitty teams clogging every damn post-T NFs. Until the sked is released. Keeping the bile in angries the blood.

5 5 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
117 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

wait for it . . .

https://vimeo.com/512736842

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
1
Doktor Zymm

Weirdly difficult to get passport photos taken today, will try again tomorrow and hopefully will be able to mail off all the stuff to finalize my Irani visa.

0
2Pack

If Italy backs into the world cup I believe they will win it. They seem to do so much better when expectations are low or nonexistent.

2
TheRevanchist

Just got done with the MET Gala viewing of the red carpet. Gotta say this: The Kardashians are LA 8’s, at best. I don’t know them all, as I avoid them like the plague, so this was kind of a shock to me. Exactly what is the appeal of them? Besides the way they destroy NBA players.

0
Doktor Zymm

Were they big at all before the reality show?

0
TheRevanchist

Not that I recall. Kim had the porn tape with Ray J and was friends with Paris Hilton. That was all I recall.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Before the sex tape, Kim had been noticed in the background of París Hilton’s pictures and been tagged as “hey, who is that, I keep seeing her; she’s kinda cute.”

Last edited 3 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
0
Brick Meathook

They’re ugly, but Bruce is the ugliest chick of them all.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
1
TheRevanchist

For sure the ugliest. I may be a perv, and maybe enjoy a things very trashy, but even I have standards. Very low standards, but still.

1
Doktor Zymm

Lucky for us, abortion is now available in pill form and we’ve got an excellent illicit drug distribution network established.

4
TheRevanchist

This could easily be controlled by figuring a way to reduce the ability to get erections. Though that isn’t as fun for everyone.

0
Doktor Zymm

Replace ED pills with soy? But yeah, agreed about the fun. Maybe some sort of underwear that irradiates the testicles and provides temporary infertility?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hand them out at Trump rallies as protecting your balls from vaccine shedding

0
Doktor Zymm

As far as I can tell, Tucker Carlson is already promoting this in the form of “testicle sunning”

0
Horatio Cornblower

As long as there are staircases there will be abortions.

Safe abortions? Well, that’s something for the poor to worry about, now isn’t it?

3
Horatio Cornblower

“Bruins @ [INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] – 6:00”

Thank you for respecting my brand.

2
Don T

comment image

3
Cecil Rhodes

What a splendid day! The Whites reigned supreme once again, and the royal family of Los Angeles is giving that wretched union of oil rig workers a nice hard kick in the Crown Jewels. I suppose this calls for a dram of the finest Scotch that blood diamond money can buy!

4
Sharkbait

I did not have a Brendan Lemieux snipe on my bingo card tonight.

1
Cecil Rhodes

Moar liek Mario Lemieux, amirite!?!

2
WCS

comment image

1
Doktor Zymm

If those oil rig workers were halfway decent at their jobs I wouldn’t be paying $6/gallon!

2
Don T

Nice goal line stand by the Blues!

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Where have these Kings been all year?? Is it because we’re playing the Oilers or are they really a much improved team?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

And, of course, as soon as I type that, the Oilers score.

0
Sharkbait

To be fair, McDavid is gonna do stuff like that, but it’ll be hard for 1 guy to carry a team to 4 wins

2
ballsofsteelandfury

True. No one was stopping that goal.

0
SonOfSpam

They had a good season – kinda squeaked into the playoffs, so they weren’t dominant, but the best they’ve been in a while. Quick had a resurgence after being kinda shitty the last couple seasons. Beating Edmonton in the series would be an upset but not a huge one.

1
Mr. Ayo

This game is rocking!

1
Sharkbait

Is it too late to add another draft pick in people who should be deleted? I’ll take any of the concurring justices.

4
TheRevanchist

I will continue my personal vendettas with the pick of Damien, a dude twice my size who took my NWA cassette in HS and then said, “What are you going to do about it?”. He’s a goat fucker, pretty sure.

4
Doktor Zymm

Just looked through that thread and it looks like no one picked Putin??
Ivan the Terrible is also not a bad Russian leader pick, as you could argue that Stalin and Putin would never have come to power without his fuckuppery.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Putin got picked

(Someone called him “bald Hitler”)

Last edited 3 years ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
1
Doktor Zymm

Ah good, that’s what I get for skimming

0
Gumbygirl

BeefReeferLives.

0
Gumbygirl

Someone took him, I thought?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I popped over there to take Alito

0
litre_cola

In other Whitey news, so polite but they ain’t listen.

comment image

2
herodotus450

Look, people, without unwanted children born into poor, single-parent households to fill in the lower-middle class, we’d have to let in immigrants to do it. And they might put some of their own onto my teevee shows and make me feel weird. Trust me, the abortion thing is the best solution.

10
scotchnaut

As a devoted follower of your incomprehensible ramblings, might I subscribe to your non-existent blog?

5
SonOfSpam

How long before Obergfell is overturned?

Let’s take a look at Loving v Virginia too.

This was inevitable, but I am really really pissed.

6
Sharkbait

They’re gunning for Griswold too. Fuckers. all of them.

4
SonOfSpam

Look, they shouldn’t have threatened the park security guard, but they drove all the way across country ONLY TO HAVE THE MOOSE SAY IT WAS CLOSED???

Anyway, as always, fuck the Bernie Bros who didn’t vote for Hillary.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

@King Hippo you want a redo on your “worst Supreme Court Justice in History” pick from this morning’s draft?

5
SonOfSpam

Hopefully this motivates women to vote in their own interests this November.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That assumes this Supreme Court doesn’t take that right away sometime around August.

5
litre_cola

See you guys up here soon?

1
Sharkbait

The French Caribbean sounds nice right about now

0
blaxabbath

BTW, look for me in some suite an the Suns game tonight. My new banker had a line on an extra entry so I’m ubering over now.

4
scotchnaut

“New banker?” [giggles]

-The Who

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHhrZgojY1Q&ab_channel=BBVCTom

2
blaxabbath

I remember when Patrick Peterson got popped. His play went off a cliff once he couldn’t juice anymore.

The 2nd half of the ’21 Cardinals were so bad that they screwed the ’22 edition for a month and a half.

Last edited 3 years ago by blaxabbath
3
Sharkbait

I hate it here https://twitter.com/politico/status/1521288272021901312

0
blaxabbath

Don’t be so poor that you can’t afford an illegal abortion and all is well.

2
Dunstan

Illegal? Pshaw. There’s nothing illegal about a little impromptu “shopping trip” to Montreal!

2
Redshirt

This may play into Democrats’ favor. Everyone is afraid of them losing the house and senate. This’ll do nothing but send their base to fever pitch.

2
Dunstan

Especially since the GOP won’t be able to stop its candidates from talking about the nationwide abortion ban they intend to pass if elected the first chance they get.

(Anyone who bought that “it’ll just be up to the states” line is a sucker.)

3
Dunstan

It is really unusual for SCOTUS to have this kind of a leak. Somebody is PISSED.

3
Horatio Cornblower

My money’s on Sotomayor. She’s not fucking around.

0
scotchnaut

I bought heavy into clothes hanger futures eight months ago. Did you not see this coming?

7
ballsofsteelandfury

I get royalties from royalhangers.com.

2
WCS

comment image

1
Gumbygirl

I could happily give Alito the late-term abortion he’s been begging for. Cocksucker. So much for “settled law” huh?

3
SonOfSpam

Almost like people like Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Amy Handmaid lied during their confirmation hearings or something.

Susan Collins should eat arsenic.

8
scotchnaut

As an outsider that is seeing the Fox News mentality dominate all of your political discussions-good fucking luck turning this ship around.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Kudos to Sharkbait for predicting the short handed goal

1
Sharkbait

Lightning look like ass, and not the good kind.

0
Dunstan

/checks NHL playoff scores
The Bruins are losing… that’s good!
The Leafs are winning.. that’s bad!
Except the Leafs can be counted on to blow leads in the playoffs… that’s good!

something something sodium absorberate something something

2
scotchnaut

This 3-0 Leafs lead makes me sick to the stomach of the hobo that I’m going to eviscerate next weekend…smgdh

4
litre_cola

You were in Calgary the whole time.

2
scotchnaut

Thanks to your tutorial I’ve learned the difference between Pine Note Gringo and Save Onion Blank. I’m forever grateful.

1
litre_cola

Next week more Oz! Also Snaxx from Carolina, and gangster Teppanyaki!

1
Sharkbait

I’m afraid of what Marner’s goal will do.

0
litre_cola

So it turns out that the first day of the draft was so boring that the Tennessee Titans traded away the best WR in franchise history. 

Hell yeah they did! Woooooo!

/watches Demarco Murray part deux

0
King Hippo

I quit watching baseball, but I kept my Fangraphs subscription. I make no sense. But damn, I always liked Votto.

https://blogs.fangraphs.com/is-this-the-end-for-joey-votto/

0
Redshirt

Pete Rose says Votto is overthinking, which makes sense (“If you have four at-bats and four different batting stances, you’re f——-.”). I think it’s him batting in the four spot.

But it’s just age. Father Time is undefeated.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is it already after 830? Today flew by and I feel like I got nothing done.

2
WCS

Masturbating and eating Funyuns all day counts as “something.”

2
litre_cola

Just don’t get anyone pregnant!

4
WCS

Archer and I have something else in common.

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by WCS
3
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s barely 6 here. You’re clearly living in the wrong time zone.

2
scotchnaut

/Invented a funny

An NHL bracket challenge but you get deducted five points if you choose the Maple Leafs after any round.

4
Sharkbait

So Lake Mead in Nevada is drying up (THANKS CLIMATE CHANGE!) and they just found a body in a barrel they think is from the 40s. Guessing it’s not going to be the last one they find there

4
Gumbygirl

Mebbe he was just tryna go over the falls!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

40s. Vegas. Yeah, that’s the first of thousands

4
scotchnaut

/wife and I were joking about me always being mistaken for being 10 years younger than I am

Wifey: “Now that you’ve got all that grey hair, that’s not gonna happen anymore.”

/today at the doctor’s office

Doctor: “Huh. Why are you getting a colonoscopy at such a young age?”

Me: [shrugs shoulders]

Doctor: [rifles through my paperwork later on] “Oh! You’re 58! I thought you were about 44-45 years old.”

2
Brick Meathook

Me: Id like a colonoscopy.

Doctor: What’s that?

1
scotchnaut

Graduates of The Upstairs Medical Clinic continue to disappoint.

7
BrettFavresColonoscopy

At least you asked a doctor this time.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I really hope the wife was with you when the Doc said that.

0
Redshirt

Is it too much to ask for this person to be a player or even the manager himself?

B5EDC9AC-A2D6-4AF9-B7A4-F3F486431640.jpeg
3
Sharkbait

I really hope this guy pulls it off

1
Redshirt

His mistake was calling his shot. Now security will be so strong around the area. Also, that wall has no handles or grips, so it won’t be an easy climb by hand.

But I’m rooting for him.

2
Brick Meathook

It’s a trick. Security will be diverted to the truck while he comes out and shits on home plate.

5
Sharkbait

Or chooses the home game just prior.

comment image

3
Redshirt

Drops trou, exposing bare ass to a pitcher who can throw at least 80 MPH and a guy with a wooden bat.

That’ll end good.

3
Sharkbait

Sharkette and I will be rocking matching Rangers sweaters tomorrow night.

2
WCS

comment image

4
Sharkbait

I’ll save you a seat at the bar

comment image

4
WCS

comment image

2
herodotus450

Mapplethorpe Leafs take a 5 minute major penalty, complete with ejection, early on in game 1. Let’s see how this goes…

2
Sharkbait

Toronto looked better on the kill than TB did on that powerplay.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

You pretty much called that shorthanded goal right there. Nicely done!

1
scotchnaut

[jamming repeatedly at the self-destruct button] “Goddamn it! Why Won’t This Thing Work! I know, I’ll keep on pushing it!”

-Leafs, the last 50+ years

1
King Hippo

Its hard 2 skate with a bullwhip up ur ass ,, ppl forget that

2
rockingdog

Found a funny;

i’m a writer the way a potato is a battery

3
herodotus450

Hmm, I wonder how those whistle futures I just bought are doing…
/checks sports page
Start of the hockey playoffs is today eh?
//checks stocks page
comment image

1
SonOfSpam

“OH GOD NO”

-Andy Reid, glancing at your post title and worrying the cost of chocolate might be going up

0
WCS

comment image

1
King Hippo

DonT – great gif of a FABULOSO KITH sketch.

And criminy, even I won’t watch the schedule release show. I get it, NFC East and Dreamboat, DREAMBOAT, DREAMBOAT!!!!1111 until we puke.

1
Senor Weaselo

Why wouldn’t it be for Ecuador and Iran the next ranked team from that continent? Or, if they won an intercontinental playoff, the losing team from there?

0
King Hippo

I just want whatever makes the Murrikans group the hardest.

1
WCS

 “I wouldn’t mind all AFC West division games being on prime time”

All NFC East Primetime games? You got it!

— Roger G., NY, NY

2
scotchnaut

By all rights I should have been a Lions fan growing up but after the first two years I started watching the football, regional games shown in my neck of the woods switched over to Giants tilts. I’m forever grateful for 4 Super Bowl wins as opposed to nary an appearance whatsoever.

0
117
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x