The real power in America is held by a fast-emerging new Oligarchy of pimps and preachers who see no need for Democracy or fairness or even trees, except maybe the ones in their own yards, and they don’t mind admitting it. They worship money and power and death. Their ideal solution to all the nation’s problems would be another 100 Year War.
Hunter S. Thompson, Kingdom of Fear (2003)
So here we are. I was all set for a nuanced “America the Country is not good but America the Idea is worth fighting for” column. It was actually kind of stirring, full of high-minded rhetoric and clap-if-you-believe-in-Tinkerbell idealism. Yes, the crusty black-hearted pessemist was waving at least some version of The Flag.
You’d have cried a little. Even you godless Canadian bastaurds.
Then- for the second time in 42 days- I had to throw out a draft because of a mass shooting in America occuring in the middle of drafting.
At first that seemed like a curse. What are the fucking odds, man?
And then I realized the odds are pretty fucking good, which made me sadder.
We Americans still live in one of the greatest times in one of the greatest countries ever to exist. We are going the wrong direction. We continue to hold 3.6 million citizens without a national vote, including our 30th largest state (Puerto Rico). We’re watching rights that have been in Constitutional Law textbooks for 70 years be sacrificed on the altar of minority ideology. We went through a presidency that was essentially a four-year-long car crash and half the (voting) population is ready to do it again because gas prices are closer to what the rest of the world pays.
And yet I still believe. Because I have to believe. Because giving in to despair that the worst might happen will actually bring the worst about.
American ideals- the ones spouted by those hypocritical rich white landowners (and sometimes slaveowners) 250 years ago- can only exist if we believe in them and work to bring our reality into line with them. Ragequitting does nothing except clear the way for the very shitholes who are making you crazy.
We snicker at Peter Pan imploring us to clap for Tinkerbell because we are cynical and we know it’s not real. But we need to understand the power of belief. To understand that believing in ideals like justice and equality is the necessary precondition to their existence in the real world.
HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
-Terry Prachett, The Hogfather
So I guess I haven’t scrapped the idealism in the first post entirely. I hope you can celebrate the concepts of Independence Day, even as we recognize how short we are falling at the moment.
NFL NEWS: None. As it should be.
NON-NFL “SPORTS” NEWS: Umm..not much. Basketball free agency is in full swing. LeBron the GM has once again failed LeBron the Player. Kevin Durant once again wants to leave a situation he specifically crafted. Rudy Gobert is somehow worth four first-round draft picks in a world where I would have laughed at someone who wanted two for him.
Golf is imploding, which is nice.
WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:
Very little. The Most Glorious Beisbol Blue Jays take on the shitbum A’s. There’s apparently minor league soccer.
WHAT SHOULD YOU SHOULD WATCH:
Rocky IV!
It’s a beautiful but loving critical metaphor of America! Apollo takes the fight against Drago out of jingoistic pride, comes out dressed as Uncle Sam in an over-the-top orgy of capitalist excess and is subsequently killed for his hubris!
Then Rocky redeems America by returning to the Core Values: hard work and revenge.
It also ends with perhaps the most profound line of movie dialogue ever recorded: “If I can change and you can change, everybody can change.“
True enough, Mr. Traumatic Brain Injury Man.
Update: After a metric fuck-ton of fire trucks, fire looks to be out. Different wing so I didn’t get an evac call. Which would have sucked, trying to get Grandpa Weaselo down 17 floors of stairs, considering that would be the most he’s walked in the last year or so. Probably cumulatively.
Sorry, will try another building.
Also, glad you’re ok.
Did it get smokey in your place?
Shit, fire in the apartment building. A few floors down and not our direct wing, but still. Please everything be okay
Oh, I have like 3 fire extinguishers right by me. I’ll send them over.
Keep us updated.
Testing
B+
(Hepatitis)
Positive
It’s spelled testes smh
I’m all for a good blow shit up day, but there’s really no need to be patriotic about it, just like most Brits aren’t super anti-Catholic on Guy Fawkes, it’s more about setting fires
There is a Rescue Dog show on ABC. I am recording the show, in case I miss any of it.
I think I saw this a few months ago, but I will watch it again. I miss having a dog.
Is the dog rocking?
All these dogs are rocking.
The dogs in my house are not rocking. Shaking, maybe, but not rocking.
Here’s a rocking dog
The skimpy fur will lure you in every time.
I wonder how much those big letter statues that cities and airports put up cost. Is there a particular factory that makes them? Like, if I stole the giant concrete X in LAX, would they replace it, and where would it come from and how much would it cost and who would pay?
Pretty sure they answered that question in Bojack Horseman. They would *not* replace it, and everybody would just pretend it was never there in the first place.
Come on, you think there isn’t an insurance policy to cover the cost of replacing the D IRL? People say you can’t put a price on a good D, but I’ll bet you can.
They all imitate Hollywood and its big HOLLYWOODLAND sign. Ask them.
Brilliant
https://twitter.com/MohanadElshieky/status/1544129879066689536?t=iK1rKMev3J0QvaqIOAy6lg&s=19
I’ve said it for decades nobody but nobody blows shit up like Pedro blows shit up. We’re not even fully dark yet.
The amateurs shoot their shot before the pros even get going.
It’s after nine.
Party time.
Yeah, but San Diego.
https://twitter.com/ChrisVannini/status/1543958306817019905
This is what’s up in my neighborhood
https://twitter.com/greggadren/status/1544127844007251969?t=nOKKlfo6tYmIfAqgalldHw&s=19
It’s legal here. I Passed three fireworks stands on my way to Von’s, and I live maybe a mile as the crow flies from there. It’s fucking crazy tonight, I’m having some ‘Nam flashbacks.
Looking out my hotel window it’s a full 180, fire works no matter where you look
I should also voice my support for live trees of all kinds
I’m watching John Oliver talking about the drought which is real as fuck and we’re just blowing the fuck up.
Guess I should have bought popcorn.
Found a funny;
your wife is in labor and you’re rushing her to the hospital. you get in a cab and it turns out to be the cash cab. do you play or not
Hell yeah!
Well, the 180° of fireworks have ceased now that it’s after 11.
So many fireworks around the neighborhood
We’re blowing up real good right now.
They are literally right outside my window
Twilight Zone marathon!
Talking Tina episode.
I’m kind of team Telly Savalas here. He’s definitely a dick but that is one fucked up doll.
That is Hermana Weaselo’s favorite episode. Or her least favorite, I’m not really sure.
Evening, lizard people. Have we started playing “Fortunate Son” yet?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvs7LZit3lQ
Maybe someone will, but it ain’t me.
That was the other one for songs Idiots think are Patriotic but aren’t.
The best ever patriotic song, will hear no arguments
(also seeing them live next month WOOO)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLInAn1LwZU&ab_channel=X-TheBand
If their backup band isn’t called “The Y Chromosome”-well, right now I’m too lazy to to even bother making an empty internet threat.
X and The Y Chromosomes opening for ZZ Top.
Followed by the headliner, ABBA!
Has Exene returned to reality enough to tour? She was whack as fuck, last I heard about her.
I mean, I hope so? But I’m good either way. They open for the Psychedelic Furs.
I saw them in Boston during their 40th anniversary tour. She’s definitely a little off, but did fine.
I’m thinking of heading to yeahright’s old stomping grounds since El Segundo is right by LAX and I’m staying in an airport hotel to make my 6 am flight
And on my way!
God speed. If Slice and Pint is open yet there. I’m guessing El Tarasco will be closed.
Got nachos at standard station
That’s a really fun bar. For a Kings bar. Decent food and a really local vibe.
The nachos are HUGE. I have stalled about 1/8th in
Korean Flat Cabbage Price Update:
I’ll take nothing less than $60-it’s a quality cabbage, damn it!
Update: Either our neighbor is shooting their mortars at ground level or Indiana has finally started their Ohio Offensive.
If Indiana and Ohio went to war, would anyone even notice?
Or care?
Toledo War – Wikipedia
Probably not.
..
It’s almost like people who grow up seeing systemic violence being praised and bullying rewarded don’t develop empathy and view others as less than human. Oh well, at least our toilets don’t have that weird poop shelf like European ones.
TSN did an NHL mock draft with one fucking analyst (Craig Button, who took some time off from slurping Auston Matthews-he knows his audience, I’ll give him that) making all the picks. So you’re telling me one fucking guy is on top of all the kids in Canada, the United States, all the Nordic countries and all the Eastern European countries including Russia? Please fuck off.
“So you’re telling me one fucking guy is on top of all the kids in Canada, the United States, all the Nordic countries and all the Eastern European countries including Russia?”
“oh sure, when he does it he got his own show on TV. When I try to do it I get 35-to-life!”
Sandusky, J.
Like Russia will really let anyone out of the country to go play hockey for CAPITALIST IMPERIAL RUNNING DOGS when they could be trying to committ war crimes in Ukraine
“Running Dogs” as far as insults are concerned is right up there with “English Pea Soup” in that I can’t make sense of either.
ENGLISH RUNNING PEA DOG SOUP is pretty good though
“That was the original title of ‘Gravity’s Rainbow’! Get out of my head!!!”
-T. Pynchon
“I always just ignore mass shootings when they try to interrupt my day.
It’s those damn one-offs that’ll kill us. ”
– Ashlii Babbitt
Dead terrorist is still dead.
They should have put her bloated corpse in a glass display case on the Capitol rotunda.
Head on a pike.
Well written, Rev.
Gun ownership (despite me never having even held a real gun) is one of my most conservative/libertarian areas of belief. I get that gun culture is deeply embedded in this country, and becoming Europe on this front just ain’t gonna happen.
But…seriously. A gun is inherently dangerous, just like a car. You should have to have proof of insurance before you can buy. The market will handle it, as anyone who’s seen car insurance rates (on a sensible sedan, even) are for 18-21 year olds. They ain’t gonna be buying any assault rifles if they need to find insurance.
SHALL NOT BE INFRINJD LIBTARD
I’ve shot guns at ranges before (been a while) and it honestly was terrifying to have that power, and to be around so many others (at the range) equally armed.
We’re way past “gun grabbing” so yeah. licensing and training if nothing else.
Of course, if Uncle Joe really wanted gun control, we could just give every black person in the country two pistols. The regulations would follow posthaste.
Based on all the reports I hear on the local news about a “black person in the hospital and another black person is a suspect”, it sounds like black persons have all the guns they’ll ever need.
Part of the problem is when the 2nd Amendment was written, a gun took roughly 30 seconds to reload after each shot. Now reloading takes a few seconds after every six or more shots.
If you’ll allow me to show my Moderate Conservatism, the 2nd Amendment is required. Its a deterrent from the Government and allows the people to have the means to rise up and repel an invading force, either external or internal. Its just with the advancement of gun technology and the rise of extremism, common sense laws need to be in place to ensure that only lawful peoples have the guns. Now if this requires another amendment to modernize the 2nd Amendment, sobeit. That’s why the founders wrote Article V; so the living document could grow as needed. Well, its needed.
the 2nd Amendment is required. Its a deterrent from the Government
/thinks about the fighter jets, let alone drones, let alone nukes
Well, no, but I’ll buy the militia part I guess. We just need the well-regulated part..
Good point. This could just be 1700s grammar syntax being painfully misread. I guess they felt it was necefsary to write it like that.
I lost points in 3rd grade for writing the fancy Ss for Bofton Tea Party!
Maybe also think about how successful the Taliban was against the US military entirely with stuff it’s legal for us to buy, and ditto for the Ukrainians in the early days of the war before we started sending military aid. There are loads of examples of a local force armed with much lower tech weapons successfully taking on armies.
How many handguns is 40 acres and a mule, accounting for inflation?
40 acres = $480,000 (today’s prices – no inflation required)
1 mule = $1,000 – $8,000
1 handgun = $200 – $1,000
40 acres + 1 mule = 401 – 2,405 handguns
Armed Black Panthers.=> California gun control laws.
THIS!!!
“Of course, if Uncle Joe really wanted gun control, we could just give every black person in the country two pistols. The regulations would follow posthaste.”
Already happened: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mulford_Act
I would rather get to a place where people didn’t feel identity threat, but that’s far to difficult for a politician ever to mention it. Marketing restrictions would be a small step in the right direction though. How absurd is it that the government is gungho about banning flavored vape cartridges because of marketing to kids, but it’s totally okay to have special edition ARs that are explicitly for children?
The only problem with the insurance argument is the same as for any other tax/fine related penalty; It’s not a barrier to the rich. Remember the ‘affluenza’ kid? Rich kids are, if anything, even more disdainful of human life than the rest of us, and far more likely to think they could get away with it
that’s what SHE said
A Premier League international footballer has been arrested in North London on suspicion of rape, Telegraph Sport report
And the worst Everton ever did was employ an “Uncle Jack” for set pieces. YAY, ain’t nobody talking about us!!
I’m taking the over on Virgil van Dijk because his last name is very aggressive. And besides, Liverpool sucks ass.
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, sir
It’s more of a screed on various gas station bathroom walls in Sudbury, Ontario and nearby environs but it is growing in popularity.
I’m already feeling bad for the victim, how long before she’s doxxed and getting death threats from whichever team this dude is on?
.
I feel like ‘hot dogs’ should have come after
the unshakeable feeling of dread’. Does anyone really like hot dogs?
There’s something about a grilled Nathan’s right off the grill that’s pretty special.
Did I have one today?
No. I did not.
We did grill though.
I grilled all beef dogs today (in addition to burgers, beyond burgers, and real Italian sausages), and the hot dogs were delicious.
Hot dogs rule.
I’ve seen (and smelled) the large canvas bin that the meat slurry was poured into before it was wheeled into the fridge during the chilling process. That was 24 years ago. #neveragain
Yeah that’s why I don’t go into hot dog facilities.
Or my shoe factories.
Of course! I’m no Chestnut, obviously, that’s just one of my favoUrite pastimes.
I do, but mostly I like the mustard and onions that I drown them in
American ideals- the ones spouted by those hypocritical rich white landowners (and sometimes slaveowners) 250 years ago- can only exist if we believe in them and work to bring our reality into line with them. Ragequitting does nothing except clear the way for the very shitholes who are making you crazy.
So you’re saying that in order to get where we need to go, I should acquire slaves?
Preferrably rich white men
Right this second, you can turn on CNN and watch Avril Lavigne sing Sk8er Boi so God Bless Canada.
Little does the public know that the Avril Lavigne Body Double switch was to put an American in her place
You know if you could return to 2002, you’d do it in an instant.
The year 2002, when…
Angels won the World Series (I was at Game 7)
My waistline was smaller
Unnecessary invasion of Iraq, still months away
Yeah, it was a decent year.
Then again, this year…
Rams beat the Bengals in the Super Bowl, even though the Bengals basically had the game won and outplayed the Rams most of the way, and hoo boy what a painful way to lose.
Kind of a tossup.
I’d have to go through raising 3 children from almost scratch, and 8 or so more years of a shitty marriage. Give the loaded handgun instead.
Actually, the teams were pretty close, both teams matched up very well.
Bengals secondary just ran out of gas and the Rams DL switched from finessing the Bengals OL to just plain overpowering them. The Bengals did have the game won, but they weren’t able to put it away and kept it close for Rams and you know how BLEERGH loves those moments.
At the end, it came down to Rams outlasting the Bengals and questionable coaching decisions of Taylor:
But I’m okay. I’m learning to live with it.
What a well thought out and mature response.
What are you doing here???
I work tomorrow, so I’m sober. -ish.
Has anyone ever done a production of Roots, with the racial roles reversed? That would either be the best or the worst thing man has ever done.
You just know that’s the next vote this idiotic version of the Supreme Court is working on.
Only if you arm your slaves
i mean armless slaves kinda defeat the purpose
Honestly, watch the gop propose owning slaves again — literally enslaving black American men — and the bright minds on the left would come up with a program (to be deemed illegal by packed courts) that they’d be able to track who got enslaved where.
That is how these people are getting absolutely slaughtered by the fasict right.
Umm, you’re not advocating for any of us to change out of our pyjamas though, right? For me personally that would involve walking all the way over to the bedroom and I’m just not willing to do that. Until bedtime.
Gil Scott-Heron tells us the Revolution will not be televised. Which I take to mean “Wear what you like”
Does this dashiki pair well with these trackies? Asking FOAR a friend obvs.
Well put, Rev. Today has been such a mindfuck.
Man the only shooting I’ve ever done in 4th of July was when I was 11 and the big-titted chick kept trying to get a piggyback ride from me in the pool.
I was embarrassed by my erection because it pulled the trigger on the revolver Uncle Ed gave me and went right through her femur.
God bless you, Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Dude really is a comedic genius.
I still like Nostalgia Critic’s ending to Rocky IV, which is very appropriate for today’s Russia.
Rocky: “I guess what I’m trying to say, is if I can change…”
Russian Translator (translated from Russian to English): “He says he cheated and should be disqualified.”
Rocky: “…and you can change…”
Russian Translator (translated from Russian to English): “Russia wins!”
(Russian crowd cheers triumphantly)
Rocky: “…everyone can change!“
Russian Translator (translated from Russian to English): “He’s going to disappear under mysterious circumstances!“
Russian Crowd: [chants Russian word for ‘Polonium’ over and over]
Rocky: “What are they saying, Adrian?”
Adrian: “Not quite sure but I think it’s ‘Freedom!'”
Rocky: “God, that’s so amazing! Let’s go back to the hotel room and celebrate with a nice glass of Russian tea-the bitter aftertaste is really growing on me!”
That would make “Rocky V” a radiation induced fever dream. Perfect!
And gives an explanation for the cancer in “Creed”!
(credit to Capcom and David Anez)