There has been enough recreational fitbaw the last couple of weeks to make it inevitable [grabs chest, sighs]… That Week 1 is Coming Soon. We stand at three more weeks. It is time to start making the transition to receive unto us Red Zone channel.
Amén.
I’m sure that, like me, your NFL fandom confounds many in your circle—be it nosy neighbors, the family sads, or spam emailers. It’s a cruel sport, they say. The rules are ungraspable. That was a catch! Why Not?! The gridiron is a jingoistic metaphor for capitalist exploitation, and many of the other usual… “Observatiions”.
Well, I do not aim to place a “DO NOT ENTER” tape around my personal space on every Sunday between 9/11 and the ’22 Owl, but I can vow to pick sweeter words to describe that prophecy. My only hope is that there is no public health emergency, the military catches monkeypox, and world governance is reduced to a pustule-off.
NFL NEWS
-Eagle trade WR J.J. Arcega-Whiteside to the C-Hox for DB Ugo Amadi. Per Pro Fitbaw Reefer, Arcega-Whiteside has 35 targets in 40 games since 2019. But no doubt Yahoo Fantasy will flunk your ass if you don’t pick him in the 12th Round. Hugo Amadi, sadly, could not be reached at post time because he was in a ‘60s Italian film having a negroni in Capri with Marcelo Mastroianni…
No no no. That’s wrong. Here’s the real Amadi:
Via PFR & Highest Tech Ever! Imaging, Ltd.
-Ravens took CB Marcus Peters off the PUP list. No word if Mike Vick is still off the PUP li—
You:
I should’ve tried harder. Maybe with an “Old Yeller” joke. Sorr.
- Niners’ DB Jimmy Ward has a hamstring injury and is doubtful for Week 1. He’s started 14 games in 2020 and 16 in 2021, per PFR.
- According to Fox News, QB Zach Wilson was diagnosed with “with a bone bruise and torn meniscus” and will have surgery tomorrow in the Soviet Republic of California. Why Fox News? Why the glammm, of course!
- RB Melvin Gordon, Donks Woo!
- The NFL published some of its Top 100 players list and QB Mac Jones [snickers] is…
#85
SPROTS TONITE
All times Central. As always, slur free:
GRANDES LIGAS
Mantas (Beeks) @ Y*nk*s (Cole) – 6:05
Ositos (Stroman) @ Nacionales (Gray) – 6:05
tWBSs (Bradish) @ Azulejos (Kikuchi) – 6:07 EXCATY
Mets (Carrasco) @ Bravos (Strider) – 6:20
Reales 9Bubic) @ Mellizos (Ryan) – 6:40
Ases (Kaprielan) @ Patrulleros (Otto) – 7:05
Los Fokin Astros (Urquidy) @ Medias Blancas (Cueto) – 7:10
La Vanwagon (Urías) @ Cerveceros (Peralta) – 7:!0
Marineros (Castillo) @ Angelinos (OHTANI!) – 8:38
Imma watch this. Just gotta find the um… Other laptop.
UPDATE: I must have given it away while moving.
Serpientes (Bumgarner) @ Gigantes (Cobb) – 8:45
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Perú
Melgar hosts Academia Cantolao – 7:00
Bolivia
Aurora hosts Royal Pari – 6:00
Here in PR, Royal Pari would describe the weekend-long jubilee for the birth of Duke WCS the Li’l ‘Un. Alas, Wiki P says Royal Pari is a club from Barrio El Pari in the Bolivian city of Santa Fe. Founded on 1993, this is their first time in the Bolivian A. The crest is interesting:
Via Wiki P & postimages.com
Clean design, yea. But I don’t see any knee-biting animus from that lion. Dude better get dental implants. Lotta gums there, lotta gums.
Costa Rica
¡Oh sí! Los ticos are making their debut in these August pages.
Heh, that pun is for academics and calendar deniers—screw you and let’s catch up!, respectively.
- Pérez Zeledón hosts Puntarenas – 8:00
La Asociación Deportiva Municipal Manuel Pérez Zeledón is undefeated the ugly way: 2 wins and 3 empates, scoring 7 goals in five games, 0 in GF. Blech.
Puntarenas is hawt. It was just promoted to Costa Rica’s Primera and has 4 wins and a loss—scoring 11 goals with EIGHT in GD. And look at this beaut of a logo:
Via puntarenasfc.cpm / postimages.com
You the man, Morose Drunk Shark.
Ecuador
Deportivo Cuenca hosts Delfín – 7:00
Per WP, Delfín was founded in 1989 and won the Ecuador top flight in 2019. It was the first team from a city that was not a provincial capital. On the other hand,
Via here
For all the small town origin, that is a very, very corporate logo.
DEGENERATES’ KRNR
In alphabetical order, so keep your ego in check,
Argentina. Primera Nacional (2nd Tier)
Ferro Carril Oeste hosts Almirante Brown – 7:10
Colombia Primera B
Leones hosts Cúcuta Deportivo – 7:35
Now THAT’s a lion. He could bite a kneecap good. Although with that underbite, I can’t see how that would be enjoyable. Patella first maybe.
FINALLY,
Canada can watch the Titans. Hell, China can watch the Titans. Howevah,
If I have to get… creative to see the games, ah just might will. Maybe I’ll get one of those laptops that shoot down popups like it was Duck Hunt. Besides, fubo carries Red Zone.
In sum: yeah yeah whatever, NFL. Your* not the only game in town. I have other interests.
*app is
Banner via @hostiledesign; gifs via giphy.com.
Look at this beautiful creature!
https://twitter.com/Gabriele_Corno/status/1559108395801759745?s=20&t=TDSACj2WP1u4TdiHqQQiqQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pY_Oex-Zk3c
WCS made The Duke at the Royal Pari.
That definitely reads more like code for maintenance required in the men’s room.
My stomach hurts, so I’m alternating between booze and digestive biscuits in the airport lounge.
Solid strategy
It was leftover night at Casa Deadly. I made tacos with beef, rice, avocado, and kimchi.
I made chicken tenders with honey mustard, and roasted some potatoes and cabbage. It wasn’t leftovers, more like clean out some of the odds and ends in the fridge because I need to go grocery shopping soon. But it was good!
So I only get my news from Russia Today as it is the only trustworthy site out there. What is all this about the West having a problem with Vladdy gettin the band back together down south?
I mean I am not saying I am a culinary icon but I just mixed Froot Loops, and Lucky Charms together.
Add some Kahlua, thank me later.
More of a Bailey’s cereal guy. The black cherry one is superb.
Baileys…cereal?
half baileys, half milk, enjoy.
Froot Charms is Russell Wilson’s gay stage nickname.
My heart was broken the other day when I found out that all the Froot Loops are the same flavor.
I refuse to believe this heresy!
Drinking Guava Cart from Golden Road brewery. Tastes just like a cart full of guavas.
So, you’re saying it’s not lying.
They’re sellin what I’m buyin
I didn’t care for that stuff. I really love their fruit beers (mango, melon, pineapple) though.
Wife suggested I get the mix-pack then proceeded to not have any. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but I was stupid and listened to other people. DO NOT EVER DO THIS.
>…and listened to other people. DO NOT EVER DO THIS.
I want to listen to your advice but if I did it would create a paradox and destroy the universe
I would say Better Call Saul brought it home successfully, if perhaps a little contrived at the end.
I was concerned early on that it was going in a weird direction, but Odenkirk brought it back, and those final scene were something. I won’t say more about it in case anyone hasn’t seen it yet. Not sure I would say it surpassed Breaking Bad, but I wouldn’t argue too hard if someone else did.
I will say that AMC probably made their quarter off of all the commercials they crammed in there. Jesus.
Morose Drunk Shark is the DFO spirit animal!
I thought you were referring to me for a second.
You are more jovial than Robert Smith.
Alright, Saul.
Time for me to get off the internet and ignore my text messages, because otherwise somebody (not you) is going to spoil it for me.
We have 6(?) smoke alarms in the abode. When a battery runs low in one of them they all start chirping at one another. This is not the vertically integrated future I was promised.
I just replaced the battery of 4 smoke alarms. I feel your frustrations
You have to feed those canaries every day or else they start getting uppity and make a lot of noise
In ours when the got near the end of life they ALL would chrip every few minutes. Of course this starts at 3AM
I just put in alarms and they’re supposed to be good for 10 years!
In the early 90’s, Gumby and I built our first house. We were quite concerned when our smoke detector started chirping. We seriously thought it was coming from inside the bedroom wall, and that some poor bird somehow got in there. We were embarrassingly close to hammering a hole in there to free the poor critter!
FUCK YEAH! Oh man, I can’t wait to meet Joe Flacco…
–
Your welcome gift of nonfat, unflavored ice milk and room temperature tap water is waiting.
Starting to do auction prep for my main draft. I enjoy watching football, but s feel bad supporting these awful owners and some terrible players too.
Looking forward to United beating LiVARpool next week, putting them 1 point ahead of the Bin Dippers and most of the fickle fanbase forgetting that the club has a million fucking problems right now
/Runs to gamblor site.
This will happen.