Hello hello again everyone.
We slowly but surely approach the return to my football viewing slovenly ways. I’ve got this. Just one more week of Season 8 and I hit my offseason.
I confess to extreme burnout and laziness regarding todays post. The temperature just hasn’t been friendly and it’s only a forced labor of love that drives me to get my ass in the kitchen and turn the oven on.
Time for a break and a little something different.
It wasn’t easy trying to think of an idea that would be intriguing, I really couldn’t come up with anything until…
I was presented with a gift card.
One of the things that makes the idea for today more interesting is the simple fact that In-N-Out Burger only exists in California, Nevada, Arizona, Utah and Texas. And considering the affinity that Texas has for Whataburger I’m pretty goddamn surprised that they were able to get an In-N-Out constructed there without starting some kind of burger civil war.
So I’m pretty sure we’ve got plenty of folks out there who may have heard of In-N-Out burger but aren’t that familiar with them.
A perfect opportunity to elucidate!
The fun part about getting that gift card was this was given to me and a couple of my crew for literally doing our jobs. We had a new customer seek out our services and we kicked ass as we always do and completed the job in about 3 hours when she was expecting it to take weeks and we just blew her mind with our skills.
Cool.
I have a real hard time accepting gifts from our clients but shit man, In-N-Out gift cards get a pass from every-damn-body.
I guarantee our California, Arizona, Nevada contingent have probably received one of their own at one point in the past.
Most folks who’ve been there are familiar with the fact that In-N-Out Burger has a “secret menu.” I think they are the first fast food joint who did this. A secret menu is simply foods served by the restaurant that aren’t listed on the standard menu.
Got to be honest with you, this is the first time in over 20 years that I’ve visited In-N-Out. I’m obviously not much of a fast food guy. Also I personally prefer Five Guys and Shake Shack to In-N-Out. But fuck it, free is free right?
Gift card in hand I made the pilgrimage.
The palm trees in the background are fucking perfect here since palm trees are all over the stores branding.
This here is my local franchise in PEE-droh.
While navigating past the drive thru and trying not to get hit by a goddamn car I finally got to the entrance.
Let’s head inside and get a look at the menu.
First thing you need to be aware of; this place is constantly busy. It’s got this cult following and holy shit is it ever packed.
Yes, they have a massive crew and yes that crew gets after it.
In-N-Out is also known for supposedly being a great company to work for. They consistently offer higher wages – almost livable wages! – and they are absolutely in demand as an employer for high schoolers and those just out of high school.
I heard 4 different languages just in my brief time in this store including a French couple who each had a carry-on suitcase with them.
Brick has posted photos of the LAX In-N-Out Burger which is like a destination location since it’s right in the landing path at LAX.
If you’re wondering why I didn’t use the drive thru that was me being a straight up courteous motherfucker. I planned to order two items off of the secret menu and if you’re doing this you need to be prepared to wait longer than the average customer.
You order this shit in the drive thru line and you’re going to piss off a bunch of hungry ass bastards when they have to wait for you to get your order.
The slow down was because both of my items had grilled onions and people? They grill the FUCK out of their onions. I was order number 28 and I was still sitting when orders 29-36 were handed out. No rush man. I was on a fucking quest.
Finally about 20 minutes after walking in it was old number 28s turn. Sprinted to the car, sped off south on Western and headed for the right house.
Seven minutes later and here’s another iconic photo that will be familiar to basically every Southern Californian.
How much was this extravagant meal you ask?
Please do take careful note of our 9.5% state tax. Lovely that. Still, less than twelve bucks for burger and fries. Not bad.
Another note of interest I did not order a delicious beverage to wash this down. I had plenty of icy cold beers in the fridge thank you very much.
That’s also one of my issues with fast food joints. If I’m having a burger I want a goddamn beer with it.
Period.
My order today was a “3X3” and “Animal Fries.” The 3×3 is a burger with three patties and three pieces of cheese plus the toppings of your choice. Both are considered items off of the secret menu.
Animal fries are there very own fucking thing indeed.
The first thing I noticed was this box.
Not sure how they can say this came off of the “secret menu” when it’s got its own customized fucking box. Let’s get a peek-a-loo inside yes?
People? I originally thought the whole secret menu thing was just a gimmick.
I stand corrected.
These. Are. Fucking. AWESOME!
Animal Style means cheese, extra sauce and grilled onions. If you’re doing an Animal Style burger, they also coat the beef patty with mustard when grilling. Didn’t detect mustard in the fries.
As far as the burger is concerned.
For me I go just basic sauce and grilled onions. That’s it. Don’t be judging my ass with the extra patty neither. I didn’t want to be piggy and order two “Double-Doubles” yet I do find that one “Double-Double” just isn’t quite enough.
A burger order is personal dammit. This one is mine for In-N-Out. One of the things I like about Five Guys is they offer bacon and sautéed mushrooms and you can bet your ASS I’m all about adding bacon and sautéed mushrooms when I order. Plus I like the Cajun fries from Five Guys.
Honestly prior to today one of the downsides to In-N-Out has always been the fries. They are basically cut to order and are extremely fresh but they never had that much pizzazz. That shit changed today!
Those animal fries are pretty much a reason for a visit all on their own.
One thing to keep in mind, the drive home most definitely impacted the overall food experience because the cheese does tend to congeal a bit and I’m certain an in-store experience would offer a higher quality product.
To which I respond “Then start selling beer dammit!”
I’ve got another small rant here: For the life of me I can not understand how anyone could drink a milkshake while eating a burger and fries. That shit almost short circuits my brain.
A goddamn burger and fries is a nuclear grade calorie bomb all on its own and you want to dump a shake on top of that?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Dumping a shake on top of that load of grease just feels like you’re lubing up the chutes for a mudslide.
My colon just clenched shut typing the previous segment.
I have no issues with a decent milk shake but for me? It’s basically a meal by itself. I can’t consume any type of food with one.
I know there will be many of you who can drink a milkshake with a burger and I have no problem with that. This is my own choice and personal issue that I have to deal with on my own.
Was I able to finish this extravagant repast?
Silly question indeed.
All in all this was just fine. Couldn’t beat the damn price and it was definitely an old school experience going in a fast food joint for the first time in, oh about 3 fucking years.
These guys have been a cult favorite for a long damn time and they most definitely have a loyal following.
This meal did indeed cause the “Five day a week vegetarian” in me to cringe a bit but fuck it, I just added an extra mile onto my walk the next day.
Not sure when I’ll go back again. Another 20 years?
If you do make a trip to California don’t let me talk you out of trying these guys. Lots of folks swear by them.
There we go folks!
Next weekend is Labor Day Weekend and the season finale of Sunday Gravy.
Do drop in to visit won’t you?
Can’t wait.
Be well and be safe everybody.
Until next week.
PEACE!
At least the defense is good…
Yeah, I know it’s preseason but the Lions “rah! rah!” squad played a real team and is getting run over like an Edsel in the headlights.
Truth Biskit looks fine in the Yinzer two-minute drill. Probably because he doesn’t have to wait for the o-line to shit all over themselves each snap.
This o-line is going to be a huge problem.
You misspelled turnstile.
YYYUUUGGGEEE
IN-N-OUT SUCKS!! It’s like saying I’m going to McDonalds to get a burger. In the burger world there is only one, WHATABURGER, period, that’s it it’s over. But God Damn it they have none any where near me so I go to FIVE GUYS when it’s burger time or a local mom and pop diner, they do make a good double meat burger.
I’ve had Whataburger several times but I’ve never had their regular burger because all the other menu items they have are so awesome.
Here I was thinking this Truth Biscuit fella was awful. Then Boyle shows up and tries to change my mind. But, I’m sticking to my initial reaction: They both kinda of suck.
BLEERGH is getting the most of the JV season reps in Yinzburgh.
Now I want a cheeseburger and a milkshake
– Coach Reid, having lit a candle over his mother’s grave
Rashad Wildgoose!
Bradford Monkeyhose!*
*gotta admit-I have no idea what you’re talking about but I wanted to participate anyway
The Jets have a guy named Rashad Wildgoose. Not sure about the spelling, but I know what I heard. Steelers on CBS next!
Any players on the team that you think will carry on Ben’s legacy? My money is on John Ripherherclothesoff.
Christ, I hope not. I thought they should have cut him when the rapey stuff came out years ago. I won’t miss his fat, fugly face one bit!
Or as he’s known in Minnesota, Rashad WildGreyDuck.
I hear they got some good burgers!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ6wSei-NJU
Giants absolutely destroying the Jets by 7 points.
I’ve never been to In-N-Out or Whataburger. I refuse to go to Whalburger’s on principle. Five Guys is decent, Shake Shack is very good.
But McDonald’s breakfast biscuits are the way to go, even if you can feel years slide off of your life every time you have one.
What’s the whataburger principle?
My guess? Google his arrest record as a youngster.
Yes, yes, we’ve all seen the documentation of Horatio’s time at juvie…wait, did you mean the Whataburger guy?
That’s what happened to the Hamburglar?
He said Whalburger. Anything that supports Mark Whalburg is a terrible thing. Have you seen his movies?
I went to the Whalburgers at Morongo Casino. It was ok, nothing special.
That they’re in Texas.
Never been to In and out. Don’t think I’ve even seen one in person.
The only Whalburger I’ve been to is when flying out of YYZ and its one of the few decent places to eat after you get through security. And they serve alcohol so YR would be happy. Oh and its usually for business so get to expense the stupid expensive meal.
The Shake Shack in my old town and current work location of El Segundo has craft beer too so that’s an easy call.
I’d imagine the secret sauce of In and Out tastes a little bitter unless it’s marinated in pineapple first.
In-n-Out is not even on my list of places I voluntarily go to. For my money, burger from Carl’s Jr. and fries from Wienerschnitzel.
Yes, I am the fat guy.
Once in my life has my Carl’s Jr burger been right. I love the pitch but am too often let down by botched sauce proportions and weak lettuce/tomato to dare try anymore.
Lettuce and tomato? I think I know where you went wrong.
Superstar
I like Wienerschnitzel’s fries too, with chili and cheese. Also fat, and don’t care!
Hardees ≈ Carl’s Jr. Good breakfast biscuits, and ginormous burgers that are okay. None closer than 30 miles from me, so I don’t get there often. There was one just off campus when I went to college that had a nice ham & melted swiss sandwich that was pretty good.
I miss getting Carl’s Jr coupons in the mail.
I agree about IN n Out as a dine in pony.
This chicken salad Im eating they should call it celery salad because there’s a disappointing amount of chicken in it. And the chicken is dry.
/checks Giants roster
Huh! The backup to Davis Webb at qb for this game is listed as “The Ghost Of Kerry Collins”.*
*oddly enough, that was also the title of a Scooby-Doo episode**
He would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those fucking kids!
“And their big fucking mouths!”
-Matt Gaetz, providing commentary
At all the kids were white, except for that Hispanic looking one who had that weird speech impediment with the r’s.
Speaking of fantasy leagues, given that two of mine are dust, if you need someone for yours I’m available for the low, low price of ‘nothing’.
Ugh, thats the worst when leagues just die.
Gumby’s Fantasy Football draft was about to start, so I had to scurry in a hurry to Von’s to get him a Lindy’s. They have a dynasty league, and he has a dead guy ( Haskins) on his team. His league, which is mostly lawyers who went to N C State, are trying to argue that not only does he have to keep the corpse, he has to start him! Gumby is retaliating with gay porn, I think. That’s his go- to move.
This is awesome
Haven’t those idiots ever read Mitchel v Oregon Board of Labor? It’s settled law!
They are lawyers from NC State.
How the hell did they find enough lawyers from NC State to make up a league? Hippo is the only one I have ever heard of.
I looked up “lawyers arguing amongst each other and this is what I found-hope it helps.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSO4ooNN_MY&ab_channel=NatureNorth
Gahhhhhhhhhhhh! I whole body shivered so hard I think I pulled a muscle!
“Snakes just wanna have fun”
-Cyndi Gartner
“‘What kind of gay porn?’
– Carl Nassib”
– Sill Bimmons
Is this gints jest pre season game actually…good?
It’s competitive, I’ll give it that.
I have that, and oddly enough, a second NFL Network channel is showing Bolts/ Saints.
I lived in Frisco, TX when the first In-n-Out opened. My wife and I wanted to try it out so we went on the first weekend.
In-N-Out was in such demand they hired security to direct everyone to park in an adjacent large shopping center, which was packed as if a large concert was performing nearby. When it was our turn a block of cars would be freed to then go to the drive thru line. Appx wait we were told would be at least 2-3 hours, so I nope’d out and went during the middle of the day the next week, waiting only 45 minutes this time.
That’s my story and it was worth the wait
When a Popeye’s franchise initially opened up in Sudbury, Ontario the same sort of thing happened-lineups way out the door, cars in the drive-thru line congesting traffic out in the street. That’s what happens when there is a second option available as far as fried chicken is available.
We had a similar thing when Popeye’s started offering the Chicken Sandwich. Absolute madness.
I sat in that line, and I’d do it again! Popeye’s is bomb-ass chicken!
The wifey insisted, “I don’t like fried chicken!”. I responded by saying, “You don’t like Kentucky Fried Chicken, because that’s all you’ve ever tasted”. She’s a convert now.
Flacco with the Most Elitest pick six!
A toast of room temperature tap water to celebrate.
Spurs looked like ass, but I’ll take the 3 points. Also Richarleson is such a cunt I love it.
It’s so cliche but I try to hit in and out whenever I’m in Vegas or LA
I’m pretty sure it’s a rule.
In and Out sounds like a brothel.
The British equivalent is called “Bang Her And Dash”.
Anything’s a brothel if you’re brave enough.
GIANTS! JETS! Catch a preseason game featuring the two teams that are tied for most losses since 2017!
/I’m a great salesman, really
Practically sells itself!
/gonna go fish in my pond
Here’s hoping you catch some carpe diem.
Seize the turd buster!
Shamefully enough, every one in a while I have to have some White Castle sliders. I don’t know if they’re the opposite of In-n-Out/Five Guys so much as they’re orthogonal to them.
Talk about secret shame.
I LOVE White Castle. Gimme 3-4 double cheeseburgers and a sack of onion rings and I’ll disappear for awhile.
I love White Castle sliders!
I think I live in the wrong state now.
You can make up for it by showing me a solid pizza joint in a couple of weeks.
Headed there this week to make sure it’s still up to snuff.
Is Ivar’s still on the pier? I loved Ivar’s. He was still alive when we lived there.
Of course! That area is a lot nicer now that they got rid of the highway overpass.
I’m hoping to try Ivar’s on the Monday when I land.
Woot, gut bombs!
I was looking for fast food chains that were specific to Portugal and came across something called “The Great American Disaster” which seems to me to be more a comment on U.S. foreign policy than a place to get a bite to eat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjUQ7bgEEao&ab_channel=LaizaFeijo
Great American Disaster eh? Only disaster I see here is the Marshall Plan!!! How about that you ungrateful Iberians!
That burger looked good. And a strawberry milkshake, I can’t remember the last time I had one of those. Now I’m starving!
I would totally eat here. I would tell all the other customers how awesome American foreign policy is and at least we aren’t the fucking Portuguese of the 17th century. I would say all this in English, of course.
More like Harry Kant
My word, is this truly Conte’s Spurs? I haven’t seen a Spurs squad look so pleased after letting the other team have the bulk of the possession in the first half since the Special One was in charge.
My short film (57 seconds) about the local In-N-Out:
https://vimeo.com/693405435
Still awesome.
Quantas. Quantas has never crashed
R. Man
Damn dude, some day I want to go on a shoot with you and learn how to do this camera shit right.
My go to take out place is a seafood trattoria a few miles down the road. The mixed fried fish with fries is really good. With our only burger choices being McDonald’s and Burger King, this one is a no brainer.
When my wife and flew out to Los Angeles for my appearance on Jeopardy, we went to eat at that In-n-Out Burger by the airport right after we got out of LAX. There were three guys in their 20’s at the table next to us who were surfers or whatever, who had just got back from some island out in the Pacific Ocean. They must have been out there for a good long while, because they were in cheeseburger ecstasy while eating their burgers. Just *chomp* *chomp*, “Oh man…” *chomp* *chomp*.
Since burgers aren’t all that hard to find in Columbus it didn’t hit the spot all that hard, although to be fair we did go there before we went to the hotel. It was really good for a fast food burger, but wasn’t the be-all and end-all of burgers.
I’m also with you about Five Guys > In-n-Out. Cheeseburgers are on the menu this week, while it’s still grilling weather, but I might lobby to visit Five Guys for burgers instead.
By my count, that makes 3 DFOers that have been on Jeopardy! Holy crap y’all are a smart bunch!
(also at least three THEEEEEs)
/making an assumption, dunno how else one ends up in Columbus
Graduated in Huntington WV. Readin; writin’, and Rt. 23, but stopped before I got to Detroit.
Four. I did the try outs for local L.A. contestants (to be called in case another contestant couldn’t show up). I passed, but they said I couldn’t be on the show because I was too smart and would win all the money and make everyone else look bad and my obviously enormous cock was causing Alex Trebek to get confused and constantly call on me even when I gave a wrong answer and let’s not even get started about Vanna White who came over from the other studio and kept trying to blow me.
Nice!
Indeed
In N Out is now in Oregon too. Just one more state to the north, please!
Although, we do have 5 guys and I prefer them. /phrasing
Kudos to you! I’d have thought you couldn’t handle more than 3 guys.
One more and he can get the Double-Double.
Robins Hood, air out of the balloon.
As a secular Utah man, near my house in the hood we’ve got both a Five Guys and and In-N-Out. Although I prefer In-N-Out’s burgers, their fries are dogshit, so in my fatter days, I’d hit up both. In-N-Out for the burgers and Five Guys for the fries. Though a bag of FG fries are so greasy, it’d soak through, so I’d start to lay a newspaper out on the front seat for the ride home.
Here is my perfect meal:
In-n-Out Double Double Animal Style
Five Guys Cajun Fries
Shake Shack Concrete
Jesús, my arteries constricted just typing that out.
I prefer fries to be crisp, so I don’t care for Five Guys’ – I just get the burger (which has enough grease and then some)
You have to get the fries well done at In- N- Out, or they do indeed suck. I love their burgers though!
Btw, call me when we start talking about a Tommy burger…
The actual original one on Rampart!
pfft, a REAL secret menu would be like “soylent green burger” or “pulled fetal pig”
Long pig
A few other items are:
Fries Well Done (“wellies”)
Root Beer Float
Chopped Chili’s
Here’s a good article on it:
https://www.seriouseats.com/the-in-n-out-survival-guide-we-ate-every-single-item-on-the-secret-menu
Regular v Wellies:
Burger and fries with chopped chilis:
Root Beer Float
There are more secret menu items that are not listed on their website:
Flying Dutchman
Grilled Cheese
Neapolitan Shake
Vegetarian Burger
I’ve had 5 Guys, I’ve had Shake Shack, and I’ve had In-n-Out. Each has good burgers but they’re totally different so you shouldn’t really compare them. Each is their own thing and each is wonderful.
I am with you, I feel 5 Guys is better than In and out.
Grilled green peppers, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato, grilled onions, raw onions, bbq sauce, with Cajun fries.
/mushrooms are the devil.
I always get bacon, green peppers, and mustard. Usually end up in Carpenter town, but man is it ever tasty going down.
That’s what she said.
Raw onions:Balls :: Anal:King Hippo
I also hate raw onions. Not QUITE as much as butt stuff, but is still gross. Like eating a spoonful of oregano or some shit.
Raw onions are a must on hot dogs, and sausages!
I am always annoyed when I ask for grilled peppers, but without the onions – and they can’t do it. Fuckers.
See, I go grilled. Specially for hotdogs or sausages. It’s like sauerkraut but a sweeter flavour.
Being from West ByGod, it’s hot dog chili, raw onions, and mustard. Or coleslaw instead of onions. If you really want to go Appalachian style, use reconstituted onions, or onions chopped really fine.
A couple of weeks ago we had grilled Italian sausages on buns with grilled onions and peppers. Good stuff.
They are a must on everything, you ever had a sautéed baby without onions? almost uneatable
COMMON GROUND! 🤣😂
ah is awful skeered too
Seeing Bonesaws actually play in that cringe kit…at least Ginger Hammer wouldn’t allow that.
In-N-Out’s burgers are good, but their fries suck, and it’s hard for me to respect a burger joint that can’t get 50% of its job done correctly.
This is a very true statement about the fries. They need any and every topping or you just have to eat cardboard.
FronkenBoner!
Are there any fast food chains in Portugal though?
surely they have their own Magick Burger King, at minimum??
Australia does!
In AFL tipping you used to get a free whopper if you got the whole week correct
Don’t forget Maccas!
They have the Clown and the Colonel.
I will have to try that out if I’m ever in the area. Had some Whataburger when we lived in Texas and thought they were pretty good. No shame in taking a break and going take out from time to time Buddy, we all do it and deserve it. Be well everyone.