Holy mother of fuck, do I ever love football. Even if this most glorious 9/11 opening slate broke my brain. Which it most certainly did. You say YOUR brain is still functional, and useable for billable work? FUCKING LIAR.
January was quite the roller coaster for Cincinnati. But even coming in 2nd, one had to be impressed with the overall effort. The future looked amazing, and for the infinity’th year running, I paid no mind to the Superb Owl Hangiver effect.
Joe Burrow had the first TD pass of the season, but it was an own goal. That was turnover 1 of Joe’s 5 for the game, with FUCKING FOUR in the first half alone.
And he should have STILL walked off the field a hero. Game-winning TD pass to Chase with 2 seconds in regulation. Except that the Bengals’ long snapper was apparently hurt. The snap went high, the PAT got blocked. 20-20, and Extra Time awaits. After forcing a three-and-out, Cincy moved the ball inside the 15, but for some reason…played for 3. They did opt to kick of 3rd down, which is smart because it allows for a do-over with a bad snap. Snap was indeed wretched (way worse than on the PAT), but the holder freaks out and places the ball down awkwardly anyway, and the 29-yard kick is shanked.
Boswell then had the chance to win it from 55, and doinked the upright. This time, Cincy stalled inside the 40, with Burrow shitting himself on 3rd and short, sack fumbling. Samaje Perine ran it out to the 39, but the rules don’t allow it. Cincy punts (poorly), jumps offside on 3rd and 1, blows coverage AND tackling, Boswell gets a 2nd chance and Bollo del Verdad is a 23-20 winner. Words fail, though many will be written. Absolute sorcery, and a tremendous coaching job by Mike Tomlin, yet again. Otherwise, sorcery never even comes into play.
That arguably wasn’t even the weirdest finish of the window. Because Lovie Smith enters the pantheon of the Gods, playing for the Draw rather than go for 4th and 2 near midfield. I absolutely love this man, and he is your God of Draws, now and forever. This too never should have been to Extra Time, as the 500s dominated the first three and a half quarters of play, taking a 20-3 lead. And being the 500s, blew it spectacularly. It would have been the first “two NFL Draws in one day” since the year of Hippo’s unfortunate birth (1973). And they BOTH would have been 20-all. Stupid Yinzers, ruining my fun.
And THAT arguably wasn’t the biggest choke job, with Sherman’s Ashes blowing a 26-10 Q4 home lead to Rapey Jameis and pals. 26-18 became 26-24 pretty quick-likem but the 2nd conversion failed. Less surprisingly, the Mariota-led offense couldn’t salt things away, and a long Lionel Hutz placement kick gave Who Dat a 27-26 lead, 24 seconds to play. Younghoe, who had been perfect (as Younghope tends to be, chuh chuh) had a miracle kick to suck out (heh) the win, but the low-driven 63-yard attempt was blocked. Crab legs all around.
And EVEN THAT almost wasn’t the biggest choke, because #ThePauls’ 4th round draft choice kicker was good from 59 (with at least 10 to spare) at the death, saving a 26-24 win over Baker, Baker, the (VENGEFUL) Turnover Maker. Mayfield predictably sucked, but the Believeland secondary had a Q4 mare, blowing 20-7 and 23-14 leads. It really was kind of a pitiful game, until Q4 went plaid (as was the fashion).
Soldier Field was basically a slip-n-slide, even before kickoff. And it kept raining. Harder and harder. The Tomsulas led 10-zip, and it looked – for all practical purposes – done and dusted. Unlikeliest of all sudden changes, Chi**** stormed back for THREE 2nd half TDs, and even two missed PATs wouldn’t mean fuck shit. Santa Clara remained stuck on 10, and the hue and cry for Janeane to re-take the reins will be loud.
Take. A. Breath.
Detroit picked up 2021’s form, starting well, falling way behind, then storming back to respectability. But Philly converted a 4th and 1 to seal the 38-35 win, with every member of the RB room (including Hurts) scoring on the ground. I never have, nor will I ever, understand the Iggles. Maybe Litre can help us out!
The Legend of White Mac met South Florida humidity, and the swampass won. 17-nil at the half, 20-7 after three, and a 4th quarter that involved absolutely nothing of note. Boris told us that the P*ts never play well in Miami, and Boris was (as usual) spot-on correct.
Foward, Red Army! The Commies blew a 14-3 to Prison Girlfriend, but then scored the last 14 to win, 28-22. Dakota Jeebus still kind of sucks, but that rookie WR (Datson?) looks really fucking good. Sneakily entertaining game, but neither team is going to be any good.
Would you really bet against the NFL’s first Muslim head coach, leading the Jets on 9/11? Well, you should have. Joe Flacco is still as unflavoUred ice milk as ever, managing only a garbage time touchdown to close it to 24-9. 2022’s Jets couldn’t get the job done over the Infidel Ratbirds. Lamar! actually threw for three scores. Good on him, betting on himself. Bigger tests await, though.
For the 2nd year running, I am out of both my Survivor AND Loser Pools after Week 1. Because Brian Daboll most give one hell of a halftime team talk. Down nil-13, they seemed dead and buried. But they pulled even, which would have been more if not for a botched snap on the PAT. Tanny Fanny answered, and Dimebag threw a pitiful red zone pickerception. But Tennessee, they could not milk clock. They got cute on 3rd and 1, and had to punt. Just over a minute left, TD G-men. And they go for two. My only issue with the decision? Too much time on the clock. Tie it, and Vrabel likely just accepts OT. But Saquon made a great play and converted, for the 21-20 lead.
But Vrabel one-upped the botched clock management. Gifted TWO defensive holding calls, Tannehill completed a nice sideline toss with 18 seconds left, down to the 25. Somehow, they couldn’t get a play called, and burned their last timeout. AND THEN, rather than run an actual goddamned play, they intentionally LOST three yards to put the ball on the right hash. Fat Kicker comes in, hooks it left for the stupidest of losses.
I hate poor clock and game management, and when idiot coaches treat 45+ yard FGs like they are gimmes. Just PLAY FOOTBALL.
Have you noticed that Q-aaron is a pissy little shit? He was at his bitchiest today, wedged around regular Viking-led poundings. 23-7, and it never seemed that close. Poor OL play, complete failure to identify and/or cover Justin Jefferson. Just a wretched performance all around. Might this FINALLY be the year that group disintegrates? The blow-up/rebuild is long overdue.
Speaking of pissy little shits, Wee Kyler and Koach Kliff shit the bed spectacularly. Also, perhaps Andy Reid and Pat Mahomes don’t need Tyreek Hill after all. Smith-Schuster ain’t great, but the group overall worked just fine in the desert. It was 37-7 in Q3 before garbage time made it deceptively “close” at 44-21. Woof. The Chefs’ safety also made an extra point, and kicked off most of the game. That was fun.
Josh McDaniels loses his Raiders opener, to the dismay of the home crowd in LA. Emo Carr threw three picks, and generally held the ball too long, on infinite loop. 24-19 is your final, but Clippers du Merde might want to keep their foot on the gas in the future. You shouldn’t need late defensive stops when you are spotted leads of 17-3 and 24-10. Not with the offensive weapons (and QB) at your disposal. Much sloppier overall than last year’s Week 18 thriller.
Finally, you get Team MRSA in a muted contest against Gimpy Dak and his merry, Non-Gendered Cowpersons. I’m just going to predict a pounding and much NBC fluffing, hit submit already. Hippo tired.
Absolute sorcery indeed good sir. Can I change my name to “Rapey Jameis”?
What do you mean? Hey man I didn’t steal that, I swear!!!
Yay! Hippo thoughts is back!
Much appreciate the Buggles recap especially. Long snappers are underappreciated, they should get an embarrasing special day where everyone on the team wears specially printed t-shirts and awkwardly thanks them
The whole “laces out” reminded me about that movie starring the Miami Dolphins organization, with a guest appearance by Jim Carrey. Laces out, but dong tucked.
Minkah Fitz played like a goddamn animal. Fuck and Yes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njCft_pK0yY
He needs to earn that big contract. He didn’t last year.
Well, maybe T.J. can earn his big contract next year too. Stillers are on the “layaway” plan.. Ugh.
Minky Boodle!
Minky Boodle!
(Sorrynotsorry for the earworm)
I will always +1 a Space Ghost reference!
Man-ning Ca-ast *clap clap clapclapclap*
Man-ning Ca-ast *clap clap clapclapclap*
Man-ning Ca-ast *clap clap clapclapclap*
Wife is excited and needs 35 pts from Courtland Sutton. Hippo, make it so.
Mann Cup *clap clap clapclapclap*
Mann Cup *clap clap clapclapclap*
Mann Cup *clap clap clapclapclap*
Also, on Wednesdays at 7, NFL Slimetime on Nickelodeon. Half hour highlight show. I love Nate Burleson, and I am a huge fan of Nick’s football stuff. I am still/forever, a kid!
I own a Kevin Kolb jersey and thought that getting Demarco Murray would be amazing. I have seen a superb owl win in my life and it was qb’d by Big Dick Nick. There is no understanding this lot.
If the NFC East are the Heathers, then Dallas is Heather #1, Washington is Heather #2, NY is Veronica, and Philly is Heather #3
I regret only having one plus to give here. Los Gigantes are SOOOOOO Veronica!
Write up for tonight’s game!
https://gridironheroics.com/boris-dfs-mnf-broncos-v-seahawks/
CLIIIIIIIIIIICK
If Geno Smith is a successful starter this year I’ll show up at your house to deliver you a bottle of booze.
do I get to pick the bottle?????
If BFC wins the Memorial league he gets a 250 ml plastic bottle of shitty vodka. Maybe he will kick in the Big Turk.
I’m not in that league
One bottle of Zima Lite, so as to be courteous about watching his figure.
Nice of you to mention me in the article.
Does just clicking on this link give you a click, or is there something else we need to do?
I REALLY like Todd Bowles.
Can you imagine the way Kliff Kingsbury is circled on every coach’s calendar? These guys who have all paid their dues — are STILL paying their dues — moving around the country and taking these gig assistant coach or coordinator roles; sleeping on the couches in their offices; losing relationships because all their energy is going into making some braindead mammoth of a young man understand to go left only when he sees an opening (the young man will never understand). Bunch of pseudo-depressed alpha males who no doubt feel like their efforts are the only way to earn their opportunities. Then they see the next week they are going to face off against Kliff Kingsbury? A soft spoiled conman who has never had the chops to make it but now just got a huge extension?
The NFL is going to absolutely embarrass the entire Cardinals organization for the next 4 months with every team they face looking to show that they have all of the better GM, HC, and QB1.
You saw it here first — The Arizona Cardinals will be the NFL’s first 0-17 team.
Counterpoint: the Cardinals play against the Raiders next week.
Folklore has it that “a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client.”
Well, JJ is an owner who has himself as a GM…
I doubt he wrote all those NDAs himself though.
I just figured he had a whole pad of them at the ready, like Mad-Libs, he just fills in the blanks with names, dates, offenses committed and settlement amounts.
ESPN reporting Cowboys options to replace Dak! Dak! Dak! over the next 6-8 weeks include Handsome Jimmy G, (can live with that, even makes some sense), and Mason Rudolph, (absolutely the fuck not), or just using the Cooper Rush/Will Grier, (who?) combo platter to presumably cruise to a Top 5 pick next year.
I dont particularly care who replaces canned ham as long as they can accurately throw to Lamb on a regular basis
You were stupid enough to draft him in multiple leagues too?
Kept him, but yes
Cooper Rush is only the “water added.”
You are welcome to Rudolph, for a price. Draft picks only please, we don’t want no scrubs!
“Dawww, nobody wants me to play in their games.”
This is just too marvelous not to paste in full:
https://theathletic.com/3586405/2022/09/12/cowboys-dak-prescott-injury-season-expectations/
Cowboys lose QB1 and doom arrives early this year: The Morning After
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By Bob Sturm
1h ago
28
It was just three quarters played into the new season that would have at least 65 remaining at that point. Yet, the situation already seemed very grim.
Here they were, a team still seen by many as a playoff contender with a QB in his prime ready to perform well, playing a formidable foe in the familiar surroundings of the place where their 2021 season ended with a thud. We know it all too well. The Cowboys spent the past two months with a knowing nod that on the evening of Sept. 11, 2022, they would be up and ready for battle. Just you wait. All of your “negative Nancy” rhetoric who see how silly it was.
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Pay no attention to this being the third consecutive time since the calendar turned to 2022 that they would be visited by a playoff-caliber team in their beautiful stadium. And likely the third consecutive time they swore they were ready to defend their home turf and probably the third consecutive time (Arizona, San Francisco, Tampa Bay) where some of us walked into the trap of extending Dallas the benefit of the doubt and trusting the Cowboys to take care of business.
Well, it should not surprise us that the Cowboys, in many ways, against Tampa Bay to start 2022 replicated that Week 17 visit from Arizona and the wild-card mess with San Francisco to end 2021’s season with the complete inability to answer the opening bell.
Let’s review, shall we?
In Week 17 vs. Arizona, the Cowboys opened the game by digging a quick hole. At the half, the Cardinals were up 13-7 and had outgained the Cowboys comfortably. They scored on every drive but one, but thankfully, the Cowboys had held strong at the end of long Cardinals’ drives and forced a few field goals. It was 13-7, but it could have been much worse. A slow start would put them in a hole, and then Arizona would quickly score nine more to start the second half and the game was virtually over at the end of the third quarter, 22-7. Dallas scored seven points on its six drives in the first three quarters.
The wild-card round vs. San Francisco was no different. Dallas was unable to match the physicality of the 49ers, despite the entire theme of the week being that Dallas better be ready for the street fight that was coming. San Francisco won the first half easily, up 16-7 and having nearly 100 more yards than the home side. San Francisco scored on its first four drives, but the Cowboys held strong at the end of several to force three field goals. It was 16-7, but it could have been much worse. A slow start would put them in a hole and then San Francisco would win the third quarter, too, by punching in another touchdown and the game was virtually over at the end of the third quarter, 22-7. Dallas scored seven points on their first seven drives through three quarters.
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Well, you would hope those last two memories of home games that were considered showdown opportunities would inspire a new approach for Dallas to start fast and raise their play.
Instead, Sunday night vs. Tampa Bay was virtually the same thing all over again. Tampa Bay started the game on the front foot with explosive plays and long drives and took control of the game early. Tampa would win the first half easily, up 12-3, outgaining the Cowboys by 125 yards and scoring on four drives to Dallas’ just one. The Cowboys’ defense kept the game from being considerably worse by forcing field goals and defending the end zone, but that was a minor victory. Tampa would win the third quarter as well, with another touchdown and Dallas trailed, 19-3, after three quarters and the game was over. Dallas scored three points on 11 drives.
It was pretty much the exact same thing. Home game that looks competitive on paper. Instead, Dallas gets its doors blown off at home for the third time in a row by the third different strong team. They are all doing it now to Dallas. If you have a team that is capable of being in the playoffs, then a faceoff with the Cowboys at their place is not very difficult these days. In fact, the last time the Cowboys have played well in a home game against a playoff-caliber team that wasn’t the Eagles, we might be looking at the Saints on Thursday in 2018.
I wish I was joking.
If you want answers and someone to shove, that sample size would have to confirm what we already know. This train is not what the guys engineering it must think it is. If we sprinkle in the Las Vegas game on Thanksgiving, the horrendous showings at home are now definitely a trend. They play a team that is putting up any resistance at home and there seems to be a difficult time to get to halftime even tied, let alone leading.
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The Cowboys don’t play well on offense at all. But, they also aren’t stopping anyone on defense. These teams, these four playoff opponents in a row have all come to Texas and won the game in the very early rounds. Dallas is down badly in each game and it gets progressively worse until maybe Dallas can draw somewhat close with a furious rally late.
And that is where things went from very bad to even worse. As the Cowboys were trying to put a drive together at the end of Sunday night’s mismatch, they also lost their QB, too. Dak Prescott had his hand hit by a hard-rushing Shaquil Barrett a few plays in a row and injured his thumb badly. He will require surgery Monday and is projected to miss at least a month, maybe two. That might put him out until the bye week.
That — we are left to assume — would very much doom their season that already had a fair amount of questions. To eliminate its $40 million quarterback from the proceedings when we already knew Dallas neglected its backup QB situation all offseason is certainly another rough development of its own choosing. We are now making quite a list, if you want to review my thoughts on their previous ideas this summer, I will link it here.
The general point to this matter is that without the discussion of Prescott’s fate and effect on everything, we still had plenty of questions to ask this morning. The offensive game plan appeared to be filled with all sorts of issues. The Cowboys drafted a WR in Round 3 to help mitigate the absences of Amari Cooper and Michael Gallup and then he was a healthy scratch. They added almost nobody to the wide receiver group and hoped CeeDee Lamb could get himself open and prove he — and, more importantly, this scheme — has no limitations. Like the playoff game against the 49ers, Lamb was targeted 11 times, but also like the 49ers game, caught only about one of every five. Opponents are locking him down because they know that will be Dallas’ plan of attack. Why allow Dallas to accomplish its primary objective without severe resistance? Beyond that, Noah Brown and Dennis Houston were the plan and trust me, Tampa Bay knew that they could deploy troops elsewhere to deal with other things.
Part of that would be to attack the Cowboys’ offensive line. The line was always going to struggle in this situation — we knew that. But, we also know that maybe Dallas could neutralize most of that by doing the same to the understaffed Tampa Bay offensive line. Neither O-line had its preferred talent available as Tyron Smith and Ryan Jensen did not play.
One team dealt with it significantly better than the other. The Bucs did not have a flawless day at the office as Micah Parsons did try to blow some things up, nicely. They also lost their left tackle — they cannot stand to lose yet another portion of that line — but they ran the ball comfortably all night. Big Leonard Fournette ran downhill on 21 attempts for 127 yards which is a cool 6 yards per carry. Much of that was attacking the outside flank on the offensive left to test Trevon Diggs’ run support. That was not an accident. They knew what they were doing and it will only continue until teams stop finding success out there. Fournette ran outside left repeatedly and effectively.
The Bucs also ran up the middle and found receivers down the field. Tom Brady was great and was attacking coverage down the field. One thing that Bruce Arians and Brady put in place in 2020 was the vertical threat component that is a major part of that offense. They want to stretch you early in the game to get everyone’s attention. They found three explosive throws and many other attempts that changed the posture of the defense. It is very lethal when it is working and Tampa got what it needed early.
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It reminds us of what we are dealing with here. This is a very good Cowboys defense, but one that feeds off takeaways. There are nice players on this defense, but to call it dominant requires it to stand tall in the face of a challenge from these playoff teams. Las Vegas, Arizona, San Francisco and Tampa Bay are all varying degrees of a contender, but they have multiple offensive threats that you must deal with, or they will find the one you are struggling against. It has happened in each of those four meetings, so I think we better stop short of this defense being elite. It has a few elite pieces, including a defensive player of the year candidate, but you probably have some spots that Brady wasn’t even slightly concerned about. He knew to be careful around Diggs, but was more than happy to find Anthony Brown or Jourdan Lewis and not require as much care.
BuccaneersL, 19-32Sept. 18
Bengals3:25 p.m.3Sept. 26
at Giants7:15 p.m.4Oct. 2
Commanders1 p.m.5Oct. 9
at Rams3:25 p.m.6Oct. 16
at Eagles7:20 p.m.7Oct. 23
Lions1 p.m.8Oct. 30
Bears1 p.m.9Nov. 6
BYE WEEK10Nov. 13
at Packers3:25 p.m.11Nov. 20
at Vikings3:25 p.m.12Nov. 24
Giants3:30 p.m.13Dec. 4
Colts7:20 p.m.14Dec. 11
Texans1 p.m.15Dec. 18
at Jaguars1 p.m.16Dec. 24
Eagles3:25 p.m.17Dec. 29
at Titans7:15 p.m18Jan. 7 or 8
at CommandersTBD
We could go on and on, but it won’t serve any real function at the moment. The facts are ugly to continue to pour through the evidence of Sunday night and the ominous signs from the preseason and offseason. The Cowboys did not seem prepared to deal with the better teams this year and that situation is only grimmer. To lose Tyron Smith and Dak Prescott before the boat even leaves the harbor feels like 2015 all over again.
Cowboys schedule
WK
DATE
OPPONENT
TIME (CT)
1Sept. 11
There will be time to figure out how to scratch out wins without both of them as the week goes on, but for today, let’s not sugarcoat this. The Cowboys’ season is in a very large mess right now and while we shall be shown brave faces, the early schedule does them no favors. They face several more showdown games before the bye week and the situation is critical. If this team has any designs on making 2022 anything more than an exercise to change out another coaching staff, then they better find a solution quickly.
Meanwhile, a penny for the thoughts of the Jones family? Did they realize how short-handed this thing was Sunday against a contender? Even though players like rookie Tyler Smith played reasonably well, to depend so much on guys all over this offense who are unproven was just the worst recipe if you were serious this year … and that is without discussing upgrading your QB insurance policies.
This begs the question: Were you serious about this year? Because the decisions made and the cap room saved doesn’t seem like winning is the only thing this year. We now see the dangers of cutting corners. Yes, once your QB1 goes down for two months, the ceiling caves in either way. We get that.
But, given how this looked before Dak needed surgery should tell us how well this team was put together this year — the indications were not very good.
Now, everyone goes to work to figure out how to save this thing. And it is only Sept. 12.
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Not great, Bob.
These are honestly the best part of the NFL season.
And probably the apex of the Non-Gendered Cowpersons season.
Is it too soon to see Mike McCarthy publicly executed? I suspect a showing like that next week and we may see Sean Payton in here soon than expected. Also, he might convince Double J to give him the rifle himself to do the job.
“TAINT NO MAN GUNNA EXECUTE MY HEAD COACH ‘CEPT ME!”
“YEEEeeeHHAAwwww AW, YALL KNOW THE REST DADGUMMIT!”
.
I thought it was very kind of the cast of That’s My Raiders! to step into the background and let the Bengals make the absolute most out of their guest appearance.
That’s My Raiders is a great escape but All My Bengals will forever be a classic.
I’m sorry, I know this was very upsetting for you, but hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa!
No apologies needed. We needed to pay for last season’s Steelers blowouts anyway.
When I heard our long snapper was out, I knew our only hope was either a TD in OT or a tie. Unfortunately, our coach thought differently.
Damn, GG. That’s harsh. Kick a man when he’s down whydontcha?
It’s not him I’m kicking, it’s the Bungles!
MY 2022 NFL SEASON WILL BE FREEBASING THIS!
I like the cut of this Mr. Jones’ jib.
Mr. Jones is one of us!
Hi Hippo
blushes coquettishly
We could not have said it better ourselves Sir. Spot on analysis and clever coded commentary. Let me go look for some shoulders for you.
I feel bad for Vengeful Baker the turnover maker as I always admire a guy playing from a place of hate.
Amusingly enough, 15 minutes after Doc filled us in on the Sean Payton rumours, that shit went viral all over social media.
Good work!
“You’re telling me there’s a baker, he specializes in turnovers AND HE’S AN NFL QUARTERBACK!??! And I’m only learning OF THIS NOW? WHY DO I EVEN PAY YOU TO SCOUT FOR ME?”
-a clearly angry Andy Reid, around a mouthful of his third helping of Eggs Benedict
Missed most of the games except about a quarter of Steelers-Bengals and a quarter of Buccaneers-Cowboys . . . so Hippo’s ramblings have provided an excellent summation. Carry on, good sir! And here is some fake Coach Epps for your amusement!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aICejwy7AlM
Every psychedelic experience I’ve had, and boy kids there have been a lot, doesn’t actually change you it just enhances exponentially yourself and the environment around you.
So all that Q-Aaron got out of his experience was it turned him into an even bigger asshole.
The math checks out.
Right on the god damn nose, brother. Like every dickhead jock I ever saw at a Dead show.
“GO AWAY” – Derek Carr when I tried to ask him why he sucked so goddamned badly yesterday
Here’s my Autopsy for week one
https://gridironheroics.com/boris-nfl-week-one-dfs-autopsy/
I clicked, so that most recent .02 is on me.
#MeToo
Cliiiiiiiiiiick
Holy Shit Snacks! I am now fluent in Hipponese as I read the entire post without having to stop and translate! Great jorb as usual!
Ha, that round trip to Baltimore must have helped!
If I choose my road navy shirt for tonight (instead of my mango option), Hippo will have a Chubb on for Russell Wilson.
/don’t be all jelly Ciara
I’m eyeing up their 2 tilts with the football Giants on Dec. 11 and Jan. 8. Could be a couple of good old NFC East classicos.
This was supposed to be a reply to Hippo’s comment below.
We shall see. My gut says yesterday taught us more about Them Saggy Tits than it did Los Gigantes.
But NYG could at least win 7-9 games, and be relevant again. That’s not small beer.
I am not happy that my decision to turn off (already muted) SNF at 3-3 was prescient. But I sure am glad that I did in fact, turn the motherfucker off.
Go ahead and crown the Iggles in the NFC Special Needs Division!
Artistic Interpretation of Bengals and Joe Burrow at Halftime:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDLx_2wtKaI
Just tried to read Peter King’s Monday morning offering for purposes of comparison. Holy shit! I couldn’t even finish the goddamn thing. Just endless blather and humblebrag access stories. Good christ does that guy need an editor. And obviously I am truly biased, but can honestly say, if I hadn’t watched the games (and knew all the appropriate nicknames) I’d have come away from Hippo Thoughts with a MUCH clearer understanding of what happened yesterday. King should receive a copy of IHT in his inbox every Monday morning, read it, and feel ashamed.
I don’t think that bloviating shitbag knows what shame even is.
1st post of Musings of the Water Horse? Fuck and yes!
So goddamn glad to have this on Monday morning. Thank you, sir Hippo!
y’all is too kind, really. I am blessed to have the opportunity to share my nonsensical blather, and have actual (albeit imaginary) readers.
Hippo Thoughts woo! NOW we can say the season started.
Totally nailed the Tits assessment. Coaching lost that game, with an assist by C-level receivers and Saquon measting. Tanny did fine, the D is solid, and the new punter is…
Acceptable. For now.
It’s still good, it’s still good. It’s only Week 1 and the NFL Projects are wide open.
Which of course should read
Tejanos
Potros
Titanes
Jaguares
if someone would fucking bother to full-ass translations. Tch. ¡Implement the sonorous fucking beauty of español sarta apestosa de cabroneee!
We don’t usually translate team names though. Otherwise we’d have Youth (Juventus), Harmony (Eintracht Frankfurt) and Shitstained Fuckheads (Arsenal)
The Surly Duff Division!
0-0-1, the best kind of .500.
The only positive I could see for an 18-game schedule is a team to potentially go 6-6-6. Number of the beast and perfectly balanced, etc.
That would be the best thing to ever happen in sportsball.