Sexy Friday – 20220923

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TGIF! So long, work week.

With an entirely predictable lack of good judgment, DFO has conscripted me into the content mines. Little do they know the only thing I write is code and dry technical texts.  Of course, I’m not here for my writing, but some writing needs to be written anyways. So how about a survival tip?

Survival – Personal Edition

With fall upon us, it’s time to look ahead and prepare for winter. So, let’s talk about surviving an avalanche! Ok, odds are pretty low, but there are a few things you can do to improve those odds.

  • First, don’t play dead. That will make you actually dead.
  • Gear up. You’re going to need a beacon, an avalanche probe, and a small collapsable shovel.
  • Find a few suckers, friends, and/or strangers to accompany you in the wilderness. The more the merrier, but they all need the above mentioned equipment and sense of adventure.
  • Find some avalanche territory. Look for new snow on the side of a mountain. It also helps if there are some reckless snowmobilers about. They’re really good at starting them.
  • Wait for said avalanche.
  • When the snow arrives starting trying to swim, free-style method, to help stay on top of the snow.
  • When that fails and you’re covered, hope that one of those folks with you didn’t get buried and saw you. They should be poking you shortly with their probe and then digging you out.
  • At this point, you’re probably too hurt to dig yourself out. If not, try to clear a space out in front of you and spit. Pay attention to which way the spit falls. Then start digging in the opposite direction.

If you’re still reading this, congrats! You survived the avalanche using only your wits, cunning, and bold decision-making in a time of crisis.

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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Mr. Ayo
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ballsofsteelandfury

What. A. Game.

Fronkenshteen

Pic # 2 HAS to be a ballerina.

Fronkenshteen

By the way, JMU, in its first year in division I, suddenly and VERY unexpectedly has a schedule filled with fucking giant-killers. They have to play the vanquishers of Notre Dame (Marshall), Texas A&M (Appalachian State), and Virginia Tech (Old Dominion). Not to mention fucking Louisville.

WCS

I like how this fight song for the victorious side is straight from 1936 Soviet Union.

Fronkenshteen

The good news: I saw my second cousin today ! Drove her and her friends to and from a frat party at JMU. I haven’t seen her since she was 4 or 5, so it was interesting and downright delightful to see her getting all banged up and having fun, but also being the one who got her home safe. The bad news: The reason my cousin & his ex-wife insisted that she call me for rides is apparently there’s a crisis on campus involving Mennonite imposters attempting to abduct females right off the JMU campus, and using tracking devices to do it. Spooky shit. That campus is 500 feet from the I-81 onramps, and it is not a toll road. You could disappear people in a finger snap. So I tipped my cousin off, he called his daughter and told her to call me if she needed to go anywhere. It was so great to see her! Anyway parents weekend is in a week, and we’re all gonna have a nice reunion over grilled meats and adult beverages. Bad news II: Went to a dermatology appointment today for a second look at a suspicious patch on my back. Did not go well. Biopsy city. Gonna be a loooong couple weeks waiting for those results to come back. Terrified.

Last edited 2 years ago by Fronkenshteen
yeah right

Be well Brother Fronk. We need you.

Fronkenshteen

Love love love

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good on you for being the DD/safety shuttle.

Don’t panic until/unless the docs tell you to panic. You got this, whatever it is.

Fronkenshteen

So weird. I haven’t seen since she was a little ankle-biter, and now I’m dropping her and her friends off at a frat party. It was satisfying when I pulled into the driveway to pick her up, and some sneering frat fuck looked at my Uber sticker and said “ What’s the name?” and I could say “I’m here to pick up my cousin” with a LOT of “fuck you” behind my eyes. Fiona Moriarty. Remember her name, asshole. And tell your friends. She’s with me. I’m baking her and her roommates a ziti before I come to town to drive tomorrow. My cousin (her dad) said she’s been thinking about leaving because she’s uncomfortable being so far from New Jersey. I’d love me & my family to be the reason she changes her mind and feels comfortable enough to stay. Thank you for your kind words. They mean an awful lot to me.

WCS

That’s good karma. You got this.

Fronkenshteen

You guys are absolutely the fucking best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

litre_cola

This grand final is a Robert Smith dream.

yeah right

I’ve got a fucking head cold. First time in 3 years. Took a COVID test this morning with photographic evidence! Negative!

I’m sure I’m just a wimp because it’s been so long since I’ve had an illness.

Now I’m goofed out on cold meds and whining like a baby.

More beers might help.

yeah right
Wakezilla

I’ll tell you what a doctor told me a few months ago when Girlzilla was hospitalized: Colds are back and they are hitting people really hard.

yeah right

I’m sure part of it is we haven’t dealt with anything like this but I can attest that it does truly suck.

litre_cola

In beautiful Winnipeg for a wedding. Left a dinner to watch the grand final.

I say this with all of my soul. Fuck Sydney.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No spoilers!

litre_cola

Its the final. 10 pm where u r. Watch.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s 1:21am, sir. I’m watching some, will not finish it.

litre_cola

Shit. I forgot u moved.

Wakezilla

Were you an honorary banjo player at the wedding?

Brocky

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I feel like this could be a banner image for something

SonOfSpam

Too far man

yeah right

Agreed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also shaved is overrated

SonOfSpam

Unless you’re into Barbie dolls or unless you’re Matt Gaetz

litre_cola

Bottom a must. Top, landing strip A OK

Wakezilla

Disagree but to each their own

2Pack

Outstanding Mr. Ayo. That last lady in the pigtails has my undivided attention.

Brocky

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2Pack

I need to coach her on maintaining proper posture throughout the entire rep. Least I can do.

SonOfSpam

Good for PooHoles. He never took drugs which is why he sucked with the Angels and he clearly just magically got good again this year.

Brick Meathook

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SonOfSpam

IT DID

Brocky

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
litre_cola

Do I see curves? Yes, yes I do.

scotchnaut

“Is Bill Gates mountain lair surrounded by burning pentagrams that are 20 feet high? Tell me the truth!”

Gumbygirl

The pope told Catholics to get the fucking vaccine. This guy is just another tinfoil-hatted MAGA. Asshole.

scotchnaut

Cuse pulls it out by the skin of Boeheim’s wooden teeth.

Last edited 2 years ago by scotchnaut
King Hippo

picks nose in solidarity

Brocky

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scotchnaut

Sillycuse qb Schrader has the pocket awareness of 4th year pro Danny Dimes.

WCS
King Hippo

Had they ran the ball up the middle and not…SNAPPED ON 20, they would have run the clock out on Wahoowa.

King Hippo

Was SillyCuse’s head coach named after the Flintstones’ dog, and if so, how has it impacted his career trajectory?

SonOfSpam

It’s the worst, since every time they watch film he sticks his head through the ceiling.

King Hippo

I can absolutely NOT stop visualizing this, and it’s much more entertaining than Boise/UTEP

SonOfSpam

Thank you for being old enough to get the reference!

Also, a colonoscopy sans drugs is more entertaining than Boise-UTEP.

I just wish BIDEN WOULD GO TO EL PASSO MOAR AND DO SOMETHING!!11!

Brocky

…..I feel old knowing some people on this board wouldn’t get that.

Me and pops would always call our Rottweiler mix Dino because she would stick her head out the sunroof and carry around a comically large rawhide bone

SonOfSpam

Aw that’s a good puppy!

King Hippo

Ayo also Nailed It! with the concise-as-fuck byline to describe hisself.

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

This is not my car!

ArmedandHammered

This is not my beautiful wife!

Game Time Decision

Something Something life

King Hippo

She needs to shift her arms so I can fully appreciate her shoulders tho

Brocky

Close enough?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

Oh my!

King Hippo

True perfection

Brocky

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I’m bored, so here’s aerith’s VA recreating the scene from the game

Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Horatio Cornblower

She seems nice.

Brocky

That’s what makes this scene great… she is nice…. till you get in her way

King Hippo

festive TWO!

Horatio Cornblower

Broke down and got Apple TV for the game.

So far I would have to say that the announcers are as bad as I was told to expect.

WCS

SHANK’LOR has cursed you thrice, and you’re losing by six.

It’s not meant to be, Wahoos.

Brick Meathook

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Game Time Decision

Now THAT is sexy

WCS

Wahoos putting “special” in “special teams” with their third summoning of SHANK’LOR tonight.

King Hippo

USAF up 17, oh you NOE WCS is all hype chuh chuh

WCS

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scotchnaut

I do like that both the Giants and Sillycuse have undefeated records that are the result of smoke, mirrors and underwhelming talent that got lucky.

ballsofsteelandfury

BTW, the AFL Grand Final is tonight at 9:30 Pacific with my Geelong Cats taking on the Sydney Swans.

You can alternatively consider it the Australian Nazi Sex Derby with TWBS’ Cats taking on Australian Nazi’s Swans.

He totally banged her. He’s dead so he can’t argue it. Let’s hope he uses some magical juju to get the Cats over the line.

WCS

Start praying to god of shitty music for help.

ballsofsteelandfury

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King Hippo

Them priest fellers is on a sinking boat. Priest on the left says “Get the childrem on the lifeboats first.” Centre priest says “Fuck the children!” Priest #3 (on right) says “Do you think we have time?”

SonOfSpam

I always heard that joke as a teacher, a lawyer, and a priest.

King Hippo

that does work better but as you may have heard…I do quite a lot of drugs and my brain is lukewarm oatmeal now

SonOfSpam

I miss instant apples-and-cinnamon oatmeal.

And also when someone else made it for me.

Gumbygirl

I buy those microwavable packets of that, and I have zero shame!

SonOfSpam

If that first chick needs a little sugar in her coffee…

(reaches into pants)

I have some packets of Equal here.

Also, I like my women like I like my coffee…ground up and stored in the freezer.

WCS

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“Go on…”

King Hippo

And here I was, thinking I had the best phrase to embarrass my kids (“I like my coffee the way I like my Presidents. BLACK”) but as always Spam wins the day.

Gumbygirl

Ok Rudy.

BORAT+giuliani+Amazon+Studios+1120.jpg
BrettFavresColonoscopy
King Hippo

almost as hot as that Shaggy tattoo the other night!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m here to help

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is an avalanche probe what I think it is or what Balls thinks it is?

ballsofsteelandfury

You know the answer to that question is a resounding yes.

ballsofsteelandfury

BTW, I love love love the banner image. Awesome work!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! I get it now. Agreed, delightful.

SonOfSpam

I do not. HELP.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Birds and donkeys. Duh.

ballsofsteelandfury

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SonOfSpam

I AM NOT SMRT

Thank you for the elucidation.

ballsofsteelandfury

I am SO PROUD!!

/snif

WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[wipes away tear]

Brocky

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SonOfSpam

That’s 53,195 times in a row I’ve laughed at this GIF.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
King Hippo

FRESH FISH!!!

/and OH MY, that is good ribcage and sideboob loveliness, you’ve a good eye

//looking forward to tonight’s avalanche burial dreams

Wakezilla

Is she a textbook example from WAY up there in the top right corner of the Hot-Crazy Matrix. Yes. Would the relationship only last 2 months at most? Yes. Would there be really high highs and really low lows? Yes. Would the 2 months relationship age you 5-10 years and likely end with you in handcuffs and her taking your money and gently cutting you in a hotel? Yes.

But would it be worth it for those high, highs? Abso-fucking-lutely

https://twitter.com/DoomrDiariesV2/status/1572353665796538370?s=20&t=p60Iqx1zuklW_o5pJa50Tw

King Hippo

the beautiful ones is always so cray

ballsofsteelandfury

Would you end up in a bathtub full of ice with at least three organs missing?

Also yes.

Wakezilla

Yeah, but the sex before it would totally be worth it!