Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

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This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

The two most powerful warriors are patience and time [in bed].
Leo Tolstoy, ‘War And Peace

This is for all the insomniacs out there, right? Eventually you’ll fall asleep.

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As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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I ain’t got no running water or electricity. Hippo Thoughts is all* I need, baybeh.

*Plus enough stored water and a ‘lectric generator to power cellphones. The Family Emergency plan hath worked, praise Gamblor. Here’s hoping the generator and WiFi finf harmony this PM for MNF #1 great aspiration success wanted!
Don T

Don T, later today (hopeful artist’s conception):

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Monday Night Football article is up! https://gridironheroics.com/boris-mnf-dfs-breakdown/
borisnow

Get this man paid!
Sharkbait

What’s Sharky’s cut?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Cuts? I’ve got dibs on the sirloin, tenderloin, brisket…oh the chuck, round and ribs are mine, too.”

-A. Reid
LemonJello

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THESE VIKINGS I CALL THEM THE HAPSBURGS, BECAUSE MAINTAINING RELATIONS WITH COUSINS IS DESTROYING THEM!!
Horatio Cornblower

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I’m at 152 points in one of my leagues and losing by 16…
ballsofsteelandfury

I was second highest scorer In my league last week, losing to the highest scorer.

This week I’m the lowest score by 15 points

Brocky

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THIS EAGLES-VIKINGS GAME, I CALL IT A WEST VIRGINIA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE COUSINS SURE AS HELL SUCKING A LOT OF BALLS!
ballsofsteelandfury

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Kirk Cousins read that coverage about as well as Lea Michele reads Dr. Seuss. You can kind of see where things are going, but it just ends up a huge mess.
Horatio Cornblower

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The Vikings’ helmet says to “Choose Love.” No mentioning if theres chartered yachts involved
Recovery Whiskey

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Malik Willis’s grasp on the ball is as tenuous as Liberty University’s grasp of basic science.
Horatio Cornblower

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With all these muffs, this game should be on Skinimax!
LemonJello

Olivia has the shining and this is why she blocked the Manningcast tonight
Gatoraids

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Case Keenum has been spotted. This is not a drill. Case Keenum is on the field!
LemonJello

Case Keenum: On the Case!
Case Keenum, a private eye, uses a cover identity as a professional NFL QB in an attempt to solve crimes. Poor results and hijinx ensue!
Doktor Zymm

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My chances of winning in money league are at 93%-can I go to bed now?
scotchnaut

“What could possibly go wrong?” — Atlanta Falcons

“Agreed” — Cleveland Browns
Dunstan

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I swear to fucking God I’m gonna make a bunch of empty fantasy leagues on yahoo with the minimum number of teams with the maximum number of players just so I can draft every single player possible so I can win at least 1 fucking league. Watch God try to screw me over that way.

Get fucked Adam “10 tds in 13 games last year theilan”
Brocky

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I play about one game of chess every five years, but I am enthralled by this alleged cheating scandal. Even before the “anal beads” conspiracy theory was brought up!
Dunstan

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When the ambulance came out my daughter asked if they would stop the game if a player was seriously hurt and it’s taken me this long to stop laughing at her and type this out.
Horatio Cornblower

Y’all need to show her clips from the Madden varietal we used to play (with the ambulance running fuckers over)
King Hippo

I literally said “The ambulance could run the guy over and the game would start again as soon as they scraped him off the turf. There’s advertising to sell and gamblers to keep happy.”
Horatio Cornblower

Brocky

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Necks are not supposed to bend like that.
Horatio Cornblower

“You’d be surprised.” — Mike Glennon
Dunstan

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There’s been one series, and four injuries already. Snipers arrive early for Bills Mafia.
WCS

How many dildos on the field?
ballsofsteelandfury

Is it dildos or dildoes?
ballsofsteelandfury

Dildi
WCS

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/walk into Clubhouse

//looks around, sees no one

///eyes Diet Dr Pepper two-liter and gummies

WCS

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THIS BRETT FAVRE I CALL HIM ASHLII BABBIT —

Oh wait, no I don’t. Brett was a real gunslinger with a tiny dick while Ashlii Babbit was a fraud with a tiny dick.

Also, Brett is smart enough to keep himself alive and not arbitrarily abandon his family for no good reason.
blaxabbath

Plus, Brett took a few shots to the neck and played through it. Ashlii couldn’t even handle one.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Speaking of flying, looking at my fall travel calendar holy fuck am I going to be spending a lot of time on planes in Q4.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m gonna be spending a lot of time on boats, although not Vikings-style sex boats unfortunately
Doktor Zymm

Some of those activities can be, shall we say, simulated at home.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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This [Warhammer] is cool shit.

I had no idea this stuff existed.
ballsofsteelandfury

There are 100’s of books, websites, youtube channels, and other media. There are actually Warhammer conspiracy theories about the history, actions, and factions in Warhammer and they are so passionate they make QAnons look passive and sane.

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I just read this for the first time in a while and realized, my writing for this piece sucks ass, short declarative statements, my english professor would have failed the paper, and then read it out to the class to illustrate shitty writing. Not worth re-writing but will strive to do a much better job in the future.
ArmedandHammered

In all seriousness, I disagree. I think it’s written very well. Short declarative sentences are the best kind of writing. It’s straight to the point, which this complex subject matter requires. Your professor would have failed Hemingway.
Brick Meathook

As the Queen of the Run-On sentence, I have to agree with Brick here, which is weird because I hardly ever do, but when he’s right he’s right, if you know what I mean, and I’m sure you do, because you seem to understand really complicated things, like this video game, at least I think it’s a video game, I’m not really sure, it could be a tv series or even a movie series, what do I know, I have the attention span of a newt[runs out of breath, passes out]
Gumbygirl

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You know how I know I need to log off the Internet?

This:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

rice rits raggy!
SonOfSpam

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The whole concept of incompetent rock is really amusing. After all, it’s just as good at being rock as any other sort, maybe moreso since it’s been a rock out in the world for so much longer than other rock. We’re just being super judgy and and applying our own standards for what we want rock to do in specific human engineering contexts.
Doktor Zymm

Five Finger Death Punch and Crazytown are definitive proof of incompetent rock.
WCS

Nobody rocks harder than Collective Soul…. – Ghost of tWBS
King Hippo

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I’m gonna make some guava margaritas tonight, and have salmon tacos.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s certainly better than guava tacos and salmon margaritas.
Dunstan

Litrepug would love a Salmon Margarita.
litre_cola

I mean, Litrepug would love another dog’s asshole, I presume, so not sure I trust his taste.
Dunstan

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Hmmm. Apparently, Steven Colbert has “Hypocrisy Hippo” to point out and ridicule the complete and utter hypocrisy of the infamous shit-bag, Ted Cruz.

Whereas here at DFO, we have “Hydrocodone Hippo” to point out and ridicule the complete and utter insanity of the NFL.

Our hippo beats your hippo, Steve.

BeefReeferLives

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I was not expecting to applaud Sage Rosenfels tonight, but well, got to hand it to him for this.

Since retirement, I have been lucky to avoid stealing millions of dollars from the poorest people in my state.

— Sage Rosenfels (@SageRosenfels18) September 22, 2022

Dunstan

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HAIL SHANK’LOR AND HER MINION GUSTFUS
WCS

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When we reach the point where I am genuinely rooting FOR the Pittsburgh Steelers to win, you know the other team has crossed into a level of Complete Monster that teams don’t usually cross.
Redshirt

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I almost believed Velveeta Jones for a second. Well done.
Sharkbait

I didn’t even blink.
Horatio Cornblower

“Get Velveeta’s agent on the goddammed phone NOW!”
-Andy Reid, staring at a full bag of Tostitos Scoops
LemonJello

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Behold! The glory and magick of Elecktricitie

Don T

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The good news: I saw my second cousin today ! Drove her and her friends to and from a frat party at JMU. I haven’t seen her since she was 4 or 5, so it was interesting and downright delightful to see her getting all banged up and having fun, but also being the one who got her home safe. The bad news: The reason my cousin & his ex-wife insisted that she call me for rides is apparently there’s a crisis on campus involving Mennonite imposters attempting to abduct females right off the JMU campus, and using tracking devices to do it. Spooky shit. That campus is 500 feet from the I-81 onramps, and it is not a toll road. You could disappear people in a finger snap. So I tipped my cousin off, he called his daughter and told her to call me if she needed to go anywhere. It was so great to see her! Anyway parents weekend is in a week, and we’re all gonna have a nice reunion over grilled meats and adult beverages. Bad news II: Went to a dermatology appointment today for a second look at a suspicious patch on my back. Did not go well. Biopsy city. Gonna be a loooong couple weeks waiting for those results to come back. Terrified.
Fronkenshteen

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I feel like this could be a banner image for something
Brocky

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I am SO PROUD!! [of My Ayo doing sexy Friday]

/snif
ballsofsteelandfury

Brocky

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We get stuff that Gridiron Heroics doesn’t? Boris loves us best!
Gumbygirl

We won’t tell the others.
WCS

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Don T

We can tell it isn’t you because that would be a Burger Joint.
Senor Weaselo

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Arkansas is gonna lose?

Redshirt

A field goal hit the top of an upright? If that happens, that should count as 4 points.
Redshirt

Mr. Ayo

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So when does college basketball start anyway?
Horatio Cornblower

I think you misspelled ‘why’
Doktor Zymm

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Very proud fatherhood day today with the boy. Wife’s at work all day and my brother gave me his golf cart that I was just waiting to get delivered. Long story short, ends up being like 3.5 hours in the midday heat (which is actually sort of nice now) of reorganizing the garage and tossing stuff abd selling things on offer up. and the kid was out there with me the whole time just being involved or whatever he was playing with. Hopped on the bike a couple times; took the cart out for a spin; but mostly just powered til 230p without stopping and just slamming all this water but no food. So I took him to McDonald’s. It was gross. He was happy.

I’m cracking the tv for him and gonna toss on a jv game here for me. Point is, I felt cool that he wanted to be around me all day.
blaxabbath

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Here’s the question that everyone should be asking: if Aaron Rodgers and Carl Nassib exchange numbers after the game, will Rodgers choose to get vaccinated for protection against monkeypox?
Cecil Rhodes

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Do we think the night game will be good enough to watch in a sportsbook, or should I stick with playing cards and looking up every once in a while?
Doktor Zymm

“Depends on the card game. When you’ve got a good game of Crazy Eights going you CANNOT walk away.” – Elisha
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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There is a pink plastic gemstone under my bed, the stripper fairy has visited!
Doktor Zymm

Don’t touch it. You don’t know whose buttplug that fell off.
TheRevanchist

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This was a weird day! Monday Night Football had better not disappoint me on my birthday. Here’s the pic of the day

Gumbygirl

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All you LA types – JUST SAYING my life’s dream is for the actual Janeane Garafolo to pick up on the meme, love it, and join the Clubhouse. HIPPO WOULD DIE HAPPY
King Hippo

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I’m trying out a new poll plugin so we can have brackets again.  Please click something below, or not.  Whatever.

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

NOTE banner image from here