Lookit that white helmet! So much blather about so little. Has Kenny Anderson weighed in yet? What is Carl Pickens’ take? Is there nothing else going on in Cincy? That may very well be rhetorical.
Newsy Notes:
-Brett is just a good old boyshyster. I did love coming across the transcript whereby Favre said something like, “This can’t possibly come back and bite me on the ass, right?” After being assured that he was in the clear he jumped up and clicked his heels (in my imagination) and replied, “Well golly-be, let’s do this thing then!”.
-Shoutout to Myles Garrett’s shoutout to Ralph Nader. According to the Highway Patrol, our hero was traveling at an “unsafe (at any) speed”.
-Much Ado About Ian: Actually, no. The Chiefs-Bucs tilt will go on as scheduled in The Bay.
To The Game!
Fins/Bengali’s:
-Tua is listed as questionable but I heard that drugs are readily available for injection in NFL locker rooms for anyone that wants them. Shhh…
-I’ve mentioned before that I do love the cut of McDaniel’s jib. He’s made such a big impression on me that I’ve referred to him as “Mike McDonald” in previous posts.
-Waddle was invisible the first game of the year but has come on like gangbusters since then. After two back-to-back 100 yard affairs, he leads the team in total yards at 321.
-Grumblelord Cracks a Smile: The Fins used U of Cincy’s field for a walkthrough which was promptly taped and then thrown on Twitter.
-Burrow has had his struggles but his passer rating keeps climbing-from a low of 61.7 in week one, he’s posted 89.9 and 114.9 in the weeks following-playing the Jets helped.
-Miami’s O is fine and dandy but that D needs some “refining” shall we say? It’s giving up 413 yards per which is good for #2 (heh) in the league.
Bathe in the football.
Hullo! I was driving cab last night with no good radio, but saw the highlights over 2 am breakfast sammiches. The Miami training staff should all be in prison today. Tua is done. Throw him in the heap with Austin Collie and Wes Welker. His brains are permanent scrambled eggs now. Hope that win over Buffalo was worth it.
It is.
Time to.
FUCKING.
ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!
TIME TO FUCK!!!!!!
I have to say I don’t send thoughts or prayers or even care one little bit about the dolphins QB. He wouldn’t care about me if I got crippled at my job. At least he’s got the money for the best wheelchairs and the best colostomy bags money can buy. I’d be stuck with that no name brand general fluid sack.
Based on his college and pro career, anyone who didn’t see this coming was an idiot. Has he ever been healthy for a full season? He has the lifespan of a Russian oligarch.
Send your thoughts and prayers to Tua… by placing a “Tua Special” parlay on the BetKings sprots app, the official betting sponsor of the NFL!
THIS GUY TUA TAGOVAILOA I CALL HIM INIGO MONTOYA HAVING A SWORD SWUNG AT HIM BECAUSE HE HAS DEMONSTRATED A FENCING RESPONSE.
Epeeic comment
Better riposte than repose, I guess.
He has a huge family. You’d better be en garde.
At least Tua’s day was better than Gavin Escobar’s…and with that, see you in hell.
.
AL MVP Shohei Ohtani has a no-hitter through 6.
And an RBI single.
Angels will lose 5-4
MVP player for sure.
Angels! A’s! Relegation!
I just barely know what the NyQuil Chicken thing details are — and I know most of the specifics don’t matter anyways — but that reads to me as one of the better banner quotes I’ve enjoyed.
I’ve been calling it sweet and sizzurp chicken when I’ve heard about it.
“The best of BOTH worlds!”
-J. Russell
Cincinnati https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f494.svg on Twitter: “Great news. Tua Tagovailoa is expected to be discharged from the hospital and plans to return to Miami with the team. https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f64f.svg” / Twitter
That’s good…except Miami will just put him back in there Sunday after next.
FULL CONTACT TWO-A-DAYS STARTING TOMORROW 05:00
With an old-school leather helmet.
Pretty sure his skull is softer than leather now.
Earlier today, I saw a headline asking if the Dolphins were the best team in the NFL.
I just laughed. I’ve been fooled by good starts before, not this year, Satan!
Always a pyrrhic victory when your pessimism proves correct.
Idk, this makes me laugh. Need some levity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9zhgDsd4P4
Pwnt
When you’re Offensive Line is falling on their backs, you’re probably not going to gain a yard.
“Ahhhh YOU THINK that but maybe it’s just the first of many decoys and/or distractions used to throw the ball to the only professional pass catcher on the field who will likely be in double coverage but, again, perhaps another Coach Cool wrinkle to purposely extend the plays and generate a sort of momentum — or as Newton defined it, the Quantity of Motion…..”
-Kliff Kingbury, staring thoughtlessly at the mirror, rubbing fresh wads of fives all over his topless figure.
My doctor sent me a sinus symptom questionnaire that uses a form called SNOT-22. Well played.
“Meanwhile in the Hall of Justice….er, I mean Union Terminal”.
I was recently reminded that the guy who did those Superfriends voiceovers, at least for one season, was Ted Knight.
Also, one of the courthouses in San Diego is literally called the Hall of Justice, and yes, in the before times when I went to hearings in person I absolutely used the Ted Knight voice to tell my office I was going to the “Hall of Justice.”
Oh yeah rings of power is still a thing
I’m just waiting for the inevitable moment when balls shows up. You can tell when pics like this get a like
HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!
Tua Tagovailoa Takes Tumble, Thalamus Turns To Tapioca.
Banner?
“Hey Ridley, I turned myself into a pickle!”
Called him on his car phone, lol. Like he’s Batman or something. That Al Michaels is a hep cat, ain’t he?
Didn’t michaels retire? What’s he doing here
He is the undead.
Between the tanking allegations from Flores, the Brady tampering, and this… the Dolphins are lucky the NFL doesn’t have a death penalty.
Cleveland and Detroit have been on self-imposed bowl bans for decades.
That explains the Curse of Bo Jackson. Originally it was only a 10-year ban, but the Bengals really wanted the punishment to match the crime.
Dan Snyder naming Stephen Ross NLF man of the year
It’s good to be in a cartel.
Tua almost ded? I had no idea that McDaniel resided on the Mike Shanahan coaching tree.
Tua was recruited by Brian Kelly and Notre Dame…
Apple you dumbshit. Even you do good, you suck.
What Eli wants to say to Olivia when he sits down for his afternoon snack.
Oh cmon, the latest IPhone wasn’t THAT bad
They keep hammering the movement of extremities. It’s like they’re trying to cover their asses for the “back injury” nonsense last week.
All that tells us is that it’s a brain injury instead of a spinal injury, so yeah, not exactly the reassurance they seem to think
Breaking news: Tua Tagovailoa taken to University of Cincinnati hospital, suspicious bystanders have taken video and posted them on social media
Yeah, one half will do for me tonight. BLECH
Night Night
Miami Dolphins on Twitter: “Tua Tagovailoa has been taken to a local hospital for further evaluation. He is conscious and has movement in all his extremities.” / Twitter
I mean involuntary movement is technically a movement, I guess.
Can’t have a seizure without movement!
Tom Brady flying into Cincinnati asking if they need a brain transplant
Courtesy of Yahoo: “T. Tagovailoa’s status changed from doubtful to out!”
Yeah, no shit.
“A. Lincoln (Head) status changed from doubtful to out.”
B. Piccolo (chest) status changed from doubtful to Out
The local children are playing some game that involves chanting “banana-nana meatball” I hope Tua gets better hospital food than that. The Dolphins have released the pro forma statement that he’s conscious and has movement in his extremeties. So I guess we can expect to see him active next week.
If not, can we take him off the team’s insurance? – Stephen R., Coral Gables, FL
The fact that they activated the 3rd quarterback is telling.
yeah, can’t be too careful with a balky back
Sounds like they’re playing the game “Predict What Tua Will Be Able To Say When He Wakes Up”
I feel bad for Tua, but I’m gonna busy for a few hours
This is my honest to God favorite simpsons moment ever.
My favorite episode as well
Hey, just got home and thought I’d check on how the Dolphins are doing…
Oh.
I see. Tua ded?
In repeated super slo-mo
With fingers moving to brain-damage, rigor-mortis position.
I just saw the hit. If that’s not a career ending, its approaching it.
The team absolutely failed him. 2 concussions in 4 days could certainly end his career
Mike McDaniel, after the game:
DOINK!
Tua is going to UC Hospital with head and neck injuries. University Hospital is a Level-1 Trauma Center, and there are closer hospitals than that from the stadium.
This is dreadful.
At least they absolutely cannot put him back in the game this time and he’ll be getting good care
McDaniel (grabbing hospital scrubs and a mask): “Don’t worry, Tua. We’ll get you back in the game before Halftime ends.”
I mean, can’t they?
They shouldn’t be able to, but there was that issue 4 days ago that should have kept him out.
https://twitter.com/bylindsayhjones/status/1575659100423143424
This is quite literally Tua’s response.
Good lord did you make this yourself?
And to be clear, I am impressed at the speed, not being derogatory
Went too fast, misspelled his last name. I feel shame. (only for the misspelling)
No worries, Tua won’t notice
Behold the Frinkiac. https://frinkiac.com/
Me addressing my dog: you better be careful, with your mostly white coat I might paint black stripes on you
dog gets up and leaves the room
Me: yeah you’d better run