Your Thursday Night NFL Football Game Open Thread

Lookit that white helmet! So much blather about so little. Has Kenny Anderson weighed in yet? What is Carl Pickens’ take? Is there nothing else going on in Cincy? That may very well be rhetorical.

Newsy Notes:

-Brett is just a good old boyshyster. I did love coming across the transcript whereby Favre said something like, “This can’t possibly come back and bite me on the ass, right?” After being assured that he was in the clear he jumped up and clicked his heels (in my imagination) and replied, “Well golly-be, let’s do this thing then!”.

-Shoutout to Myles Garrett’s shoutout to Ralph Nader. According to the Highway Patrol, our hero was traveling at an “unsafe (at any) speed”.

-Much Ado About Ian: Actually, no. The Chiefs-Bucs tilt will go on as scheduled in The Bay.

To The Game!

Fins/Bengali’s:

-Tua is listed as questionable but I heard that drugs are readily available for injection in NFL locker rooms for anyone that wants them. Shhh…

-I’ve mentioned before that I do love the cut of McDaniel’s jib. He’s made such a big impression on me that I’ve referred to him as “Mike McDonald” in previous posts.

-Waddle was invisible the first game of the year but has come on like gangbusters since then. After two back-to-back 100 yard affairs, he leads the team in total yards at 321.

-Grumblelord Cracks a Smile: The Fins used U of Cincy’s field for a walkthrough which was promptly taped and then thrown on Twitter.

-Burrow has had his struggles but his passer rating keeps climbing-from a low of 61.7 in week one, he’s posted 89.9 and 114.9 in the weeks following-playing the Jets helped.

-Miami’s O is fine and dandy but that D needs some “refining” shall we say? It’s giving up 413 yards per which is good for #2 (heh) in the league.

Bathe in the football.

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Fronkenshteen

Hullo! I was driving cab last night with no good radio, but saw the highlights over 2 am breakfast sammiches. The Miami training staff should all be in prison today. Tua is done. Throw him in the heap with Austin Collie and Wes Welker. His brains are permanent scrambled eggs now. Hope that win over Buffalo was worth it.

blaxabbath

It is.

Time to.

FUCKING.

ROCK AND ROLL!!!!!!

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Brick Meathook

TIME TO FUCK!!!!!!

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BC Dick

I have to say I don’t send thoughts or prayers or even care one little bit about the dolphins QB. He wouldn’t care about me if I got crippled at my job. At least he’s got the money for the best wheelchairs and the best colostomy bags money can buy. I’d be stuck with that no name brand general fluid sack.

TheRevanchist

Based on his college and pro career, anyone who didn’t see this coming was an idiot. Has he ever been healthy for a full season? He has the lifespan of a Russian oligarch.

herodotus450

Send your thoughts and prayers to Tua… by placing a “Tua Special” parlay on the BetKings sprots app, the official betting sponsor of the NFL!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY TUA TAGOVAILOA I CALL HIM INIGO MONTOYA HAVING A SWORD SWUNG AT HIM BECAUSE HE HAS DEMONSTRATED A FENCING RESPONSE.

SonOfSpam

Epeeic comment

Senor Weaselo

Better riposte than repose, I guess.

Gumbygirl

He has a huge family. You’d better be en garde.

SonOfSpam

At least Tua’s day was better than Gavin Escobar’s…and with that, see you in hell.

Redshirt

.

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SonOfSpam

AL MVP Shohei Ohtani has a no-hitter through 6.

And an RBI single.

Sharkbait

Angels will lose 5-4

TheRevanchist

MVP player for sure.

Horatio Cornblower

Angels! A’s! Relegation!

blaxabbath

I just barely know what the NyQuil Chicken thing details are — and I know most of the specifics don’t matter anyways — but that reads to me as one of the better banner quotes I’ve enjoyed.

Senor Weaselo

I’ve been calling it sweet and sizzurp chicken when I’ve heard about it.

Sharkbait

“The best of BOTH worlds!”

-J. Russell

Redshirt

Cincinnati https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f494.svg on Twitter: “Great news. Tua Tagovailoa is expected to be discharged from the hospital and plans to return to Miami with the team. https://s.w.org/images/core/emoji/14.0.0/svg/1f64f.svg” / Twitter

That’s good…except Miami will just put him back in there Sunday after next.

WCS

FULL CONTACT TWO-A-DAYS STARTING TOMORROW 05:00

Redshirt

With an old-school leather helmet.

SonOfSpam

Pretty sure his skull is softer than leather now.

Dunstan

Earlier today, I saw a headline asking if the Dolphins were the best team in the NFL.

I just laughed. I’ve been fooled by good starts before, not this year, Satan!

Always a pyrrhic victory when your pessimism proves correct.

Brocky

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Brocky

Idk, this makes me laugh. Need some levity

Senor Weaselo
Mr. Ayo

Pwnt

Redshirt

When you’re Offensive Line is falling on their backs, you’re probably not going to gain a yard.

blaxabbath

“Ahhhh YOU THINK that but maybe it’s just the first of many decoys and/or distractions used to throw the ball to the only professional pass catcher on the field who will likely be in double coverage but, again, perhaps another Coach Cool wrinkle to purposely extend the plays and generate a sort of momentum — or as Newton defined it, the Quantity of Motion…..”

-Kliff Kingbury, staring thoughtlessly at the mirror, rubbing fresh wads of fives all over his topless figure.

Dunstan

My doctor sent me a sinus symptom questionnaire that uses a form called SNOT-22. Well played.

Redshirt

“Meanwhile in the Hall of Justice….er, I mean Union Terminal”.

Dunstan

I was recently reminded that the guy who did those Superfriends voiceovers, at least for one season, was Ted Knight.

Dunstan

Also, one of the courthouses in San Diego is literally called the Hall of Justice, and yes, in the before times when I went to hearings in person I absolutely used the Ted Knight voice to tell my office I was going to the “Hall of Justice.”

WCS

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Brocky

Oh yeah rings of power is still a thing

WCS

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Brocky

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Brocky

I’m just waiting for the inevitable moment when balls shows up. You can tell when pics like this get a like

ballsofsteelandfury

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!

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Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Cecil Rhodes

Tua Tagovailoa Takes Tumble, Thalamus Turns To Tapioca.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Banner?

Brocky

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Senor Weaselo

“Hey Ridley, I turned myself into a pickle!”

Gumbygirl

Called him on his car phone, lol. Like he’s Batman or something. That Al Michaels is a hep cat, ain’t he?

Brocky

Didn’t michaels retire? What’s he doing here

Gumbygirl

He is the undead.

Senor Weaselo

Between the tanking allegations from Flores, the Brady tampering, and this… the Dolphins are lucky the NFL doesn’t have a death penalty.

WCS

Cleveland and Detroit have been on self-imposed bowl bans for decades.

Redshirt

That explains the Curse of Bo Jackson. Originally it was only a 10-year ban, but the Bengals really wanted the punishment to match the crime.

Gatoraids

Dan Snyder naming Stephen Ross NLF man of the year

blaxabbath

It’s good to be in a cartel.

WCS

Tua was recruited by Brian Kelly and Notre Dame…

Redshirt

Apple you dumbshit. Even you do good, you suck.

WCS

What Eli wants to say to Olivia when he sits down for his afternoon snack.

Brocky

Oh cmon, the latest IPhone wasn’t THAT bad

Sharkbait

They keep hammering the movement of extremities. It’s like they’re trying to cover their asses for the “back injury” nonsense last week.

Doktor Zymm

All that tells us is that it’s a brain injury instead of a spinal injury, so yeah, not exactly the reassurance they seem to think

Brocky

Breaking news: Tua Tagovailoa taken to University of Cincinnati hospital, suspicious bystanders have taken video and posted them on social media

King Hippo

Yeah, one half will do for me tonight. BLECH

Brocky

Night Night

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
SonOfSpam

Can’t have a seizure without movement!

Gatoraids

Tom Brady flying into Cincinnati asking if they need a brain transplant

Sharkbait

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Senor Weaselo

Courtesy of Yahoo: “T. Tagovailoa’s status changed from doubtful to out!”

Yeah, no shit.

Redshirt

“A. Lincoln (Head) status changed from doubtful to out.”

Brocky

B. Piccolo (chest) status changed from doubtful to Out

Doktor Zymm

The local children are playing some game that involves chanting “banana-nana meatball” I hope Tua gets better hospital food than that. The Dolphins have released the pro forma statement that he’s conscious and has movement in his extremeties. So I guess we can expect to see him active next week.

King Hippo

If not, can we take him off the team’s insurance? – Stephen R., Coral Gables, FL

Sharkbait

The fact that they activated the 3rd quarterback is telling.

King Hippo

yeah, can’t be too careful with a balky back

SonOfSpam

Sounds like they’re playing the game “Predict What Tua Will Be Able To Say When He Wakes Up”

Brocky

I feel bad for Tua, but I’m gonna busy for a few hours

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WCS

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Brocky

This is my honest to God favorite simpsons moment ever.

My favorite episode as well

Dunstan

Hey, just got home and thought I’d check on how the Dolphins are doing…

Oh.

I see. Tua ded?

King Hippo

In repeated super slo-mo

Redshirt

With fingers moving to brain-damage, rigor-mortis position.

Redshirt

I just saw the hit. If that’s not a career ending, its approaching it.

Sharkbait

The team absolutely failed him. 2 concussions in 4 days could certainly end his career

SonOfSpam

Mike McDaniel, after the game:

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Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

Redshirt

Tua is going to UC Hospital with head and neck injuries. University Hospital is a Level-1 Trauma Center, and there are closer hospitals than that from the stadium.

This is dreadful.

Doktor Zymm

At least they absolutely cannot put him back in the game this time and he’ll be getting good care

Redshirt

McDaniel (grabbing hospital scrubs and a mask): “Don’t worry, Tua. We’ll get you back in the game before Halftime ends.”

SonOfSpam

I mean, can’t they?

Mr. Ayo

They shouldn’t be able to, but there was that issue 4 days ago that should have kept him out.

https://twitter.com/bylindsayhjones/status/1575659100423143424

SonOfSpam

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WCS

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This is quite literally Tua’s response.

Brocky

Good lord did you make this yourself?

Brocky

And to be clear, I am impressed at the speed, not being derogatory

SonOfSpam

Went too fast, misspelled his last name. I feel shame. (only for the misspelling)

King Hippo

No worries, Tua won’t notice

Sharkbait

Behold the Frinkiac. https://frinkiac.com/

WCS

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Brocky

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Brocky

Me addressing my dog: you better be careful, with your mostly white coat I might paint black stripes on you

dog gets up and leaves the room

Me: yeah you’d better run