Sexy Friday – 20220930

TGIF! So long, work week. At least Tua won’t remember any of it. Off to the survivor-dome!

Survival – Personal Edition

Before it gets too cold, there’s still time to find a tall bridge and jump off it! Fortunately, we’re all smart enough to attach a bungee cord to our feet before doing so. Unfortunately, we’re not smart enough to know if that bungee cord is about to snap. Here then are the steps you, a brave and enterprising person, can take if that stupid cord snaps.

  1. Make sure the tall bridge is over water. If it’s over land, you can try the cat position and land on your back. You remembered to wear a helmet right?
  2. The cord is most likely to snap at the bottom of the jump when it’s under the most stress. This means you will have little time, so make sure to memorize this stuff.
  3. The goal here, is to get into a diving position. Also, go back to step 1 and make sure the water is deep. 10 feet at least.
  4. So diving position is legs together with pointed toes, tucked chin, arms stretched above your head, but with your hands in a fist. This position will avoid neck and hand injury.
  5. Now hopefully, the cord was attached and just snapped, which will have slowed your fall. If the cord was not attached, this next part will require more precise timing and technique as you’ll be hitting the water at a great speed.
  6. Once you break the surface of the water, spread your arms and legs to slow your descent, hopefully stopping before hitting the bottom of the water.
  7. Swim back to the surface and give a hearty double middle fingers to the crew on the bridge for their failure to kill you.

And there you go! You survived jumping off a perfectly good bridge from a great height! Your reward is more time for [DFO] open threads!

Click here to get to commenting

Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!

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Mr. Ayo
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yeah right

[Exales]

Happy fiscal new year everyone!

Goddamn.

When I took on the second department I thought this will be a piece of fucking cake. I’ve done this shit forever.

What I didn’t factor in was that was 20 years ago and this motherfucker is seriously physical.

I’m glad I’ve only got to do this just six more years.

Focus Son.

Eyes on the prize.

Cocktail time!

TheRevanchist

As essentially a plant controller, I can appreciate the work that goes into a fiscal year close. What I always find fun is getting corporate to be responsible for the things they need to complete. Such a fucking pain. And since every damn person I know in corporate quit in the last year, it’s been a lot of asking who the hell is responsible for amortization schedules and such. Man, what a pain. Best of year-end closes wishes to you!

herodotus450

That’s “Future Big 10 West West 2nd Place” UCLA to you, buckos

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Important message to you from October: I predict a rough wordle day tomorrow

Doktor Zymm

Ok, you piqued my interest so I faked my time zone on my phone, and that’s not nearly as bad as I thought. Although I did kinda luck out with the decision to use a new starting word

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it took the Dr. Mrs. and me an extra guess because we thought the actual answer was too obvious given BFC’s prediction.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Final greetings from Canada, everybody! Headed home tomorrow.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sxkjvKBPQjo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! And since it’s Sexy Friday, I’ll do a little bit of oversharing: I lost my Canadian Virginity last night!

TheRevanchist

You humped a moose?

TheRevanchist

Just what the hell are they putting in that MoUlson?

Doktor Zymm

I thought it was apologizing during sex

yeah right

That place has incredible energy. I pity the team that visits there in the post season.

Gumbygirl

I remember going to games in the Kingdome where you could hear people taking on the third baseline from the first.

yeah right

I’m a full Mariners supporter from here on out.

TheRevanchist

This game is too stupid. I’m continuing my drinking and going to watch some C-SPAN for more excitement.

blaxabbath

I just don’t get the Ravine thing. I’m sure it’s funny — I wish I got it.

King Hippo

Dunno what the Ravine thing even is??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If it was good enough for Evel Knievel, it’s good enough for me

King Hippo

Fucking lousy no-good Penixes.

King Hippo

shoulda deferred to your Ivy-calibre mind

TheRevanchist

Penix really needs to drive it in.

yeah right

Last time I trust a Penix to finish the job.

Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

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Outlived her, woo I suppose

TheRevanchist

Now THAT is sexy Friday!

herodotus450

“Now that the war’s over these motors are going back their original, sybianic, purpose.”

Col. Duke LaCross

Let the poison out, Raven.

WCS

“Great throw!”

— Neil O’D, parts unknown

TheRevanchist

Gene, Gene made a machine, and joe, joe made it go. Art, Art let a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart.

Gumbygirl

That’s the highbrow content I subscribe to, my good man. Bravo!

herodotus450

Speaking of art and Washington, some basketball guy named Matisse Vincent Thybulle apparently went to the University there.

herodotus450

As you all no I am not one to joke, ever, but I would like to emphasize that this is not a joke: there’s an ongoing scandal in the chess world where some guy is accused of cheating in matches via remote controlled butt pluggery. That is all.

ballsofsteelandfury

I know this is real because, as you all know, I am informed on all butt-related matters.

The question I have is this:. How can anyone cheat at chess??? There’s nothing to hide. The board is in front of you. The clock is in front of you. What advantage could possibly be gained?

herodotus450

They say we have 100 Million neurons in our brain, but 100 Billion in our guts. Tapping into that for the purposes of bishop placement could be groundbreaking.

Brick Meathook

The other guy needed this: a butt-plug that fires .22 calibre

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ballsofsteelandfury

Wonder how you squeeze the trigger…

Brick Meathook

That thing on the end? I like how there are instructions in braille.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is why analingus is a thing.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ah! That makes a lot of sense! Thanks!

King Hippo

Murray Head still likes his kicks above the waistline, sunshine.

blaxabbath

Execute these cheats.

Doktor Zymm

Thinking ahead more moves faster

Gumbygirl

I don’t know, wouldn’t it have been totally obvious?

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Brick Meathook

How is this not on primetime network TV?

https://twitter.com/chess24com/status/1571910045868392448

Last edited 2 years ago by Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

I prefer Brick’s art to Warhol, and not just because I have met him.

Brick Meathook

I’ll sell that to you (at a discount of course)

King Hippo

If Neon Deion takes the War Damn Eagle jerb, will he still be able to do those oh-so-clever Aflac ads with Saban?

Horatio Cornblower

If he makes that decision like he tackled we’ll never know.

King Hippo

The duck is a better chess player than that, even.

Horatio Cornblower

Folks, I have come to a decision about tonight: I am going to get drunk.

Wakezilla

Good decision

Doktor Zymm

“Game time Horatio, how do you feel? Can we put you in?”
*Horatio flexes liver, kidneys, pancreas*
“A bit stiff, and that locker didn’t help, but…I think…Yes, I AM going to get drunk!”
*totally imaginary crowd goes wild*

King Hippo

So long as you get up in time for your Derby!!

Horatio Cornblower

Ah, fuck. I forgot about that diving cunt Harry Kane and his merry band of accomplices.

If’n that’s the early game I’ll be in bed. The early bird gets hepatitis.

King Hippo

Not saying I am judging you, but also totes judging you. Handsome Mikel COUNTS ON your support!

WCS

Really had to twist your arm, huh?

Doktor Zymm

Welcome to the team!

ballsofsteelandfury

Following up on Zymm’s art comment below, I’ve discovered a great YouTube channel that discusses certain paintings and what’s beneath the surface. I’ll link at the bottom of this comment to one I particularly like.

One of the things that I’ve noticed about old paintings is the level of detail in each painting and the skill required to make it. The closest thing I can compare it to in modern art is the motion picture.

In the more “artsy” movies, every object in the frame is there for a reason. There is a ton of meaning and nuance in every scene. The skill is now in the cinematography and the visual effect of the camera.

Or, in Brick’s case, the visual effects added through technology.

All of this is to say that modern paintings are no longer the “pinnacle” of visual art. Motion pictures are.

Link:

https://youtu.be/Hism4KUBsR0

Doktor Zymm

I think the pinnacle of painting was actually 500 years ago with Hieronymus Bosch, but could ne totally wrong

Was thinking the other day of the expression “a picture is worth 1,000 words” and how that applied to motion pictures. I concluded it doesn’t really. Too much overlap, and limited background. The camera catches more than we do, but even real life needs context. It’s really all just storytelling isn’t it? And I think art is making something, no matter what the medium, seem more real than real life. Good storytelling with available tools.

Brick Meathook

Edward Hopper was a pretty good painter. Andy Warhol was a great artist.

King Hippo

We don’t have any nicknames for U-Dub. Suggestions? And fuck UCLA.

herodotus450

Famous alumnus and alumna include Bruce Lee, Kenny G, AND Hope Solo!

King Hippo

I still love Hope Solo. The “crazy white trash” factoUr is only an accelerant.

King Hippo

Fightin’ Penixes?

King Hippo

I like it. Short shelf life, but humanity will likely have died out before next FITBAW season.

Horatio Cornblower

They give Huskies a bad name.

Redshirt

Good God, Houston. Just settle it in OT!

ballsofsteelandfury

– The guy that drew number 501

Wakezilla

Hurrah for Sexy Friday!

I really wish I wasn’t so stupidly busy with work. I had a funny post idea about Goodell suspending Tua for making a gang sign on TBF. Ah well.

Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, none of us are getting paid here: half-ass it and turn it in.

Redshirt

“We cut away from Jesus Christ returning from Heaven to face the Antichrist as Aaron Judge is coming up to bat.”

Brocky

Sofia Vergara and… relative? One source says daughter, other says it’s not her at all

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ballsofsteelandfury

The real test is to identify her based on ass alone.

I’d wager she’s the one on the right.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I assumed left

Redshirt

I’m concur. I checked pictures to verify. For science.

ballsofsteelandfury

Left is way too perky. That’s a young woman’s ass. Older gals have a little hang to the booty no matter how much they work out.

They’re both spectacular.

Redshirt

Its her on the right. The skin tone is slightly more tanned.

ballsofsteelandfury

So happy my ass-sense was correct!

Redshirt

I should know better than to doubt the master.

Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely in the running for “Creepiest DFO Thread Ever”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Stiff competition

/phrasing

ballsofsteelandfury

Really? I’ll be damned…

Brick Meathook

Let’s try “photograph by Richard Avedon depicting trailer-trash woman”

The winner is:

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and the runner-ups:

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And Miss Congeniality:

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ballsofsteelandfury

You’d be surprised how many people look like that around my work. Yes, I work near Skid Row in DTLA…

Doktor Zymm

So. About art. Is it meant to be technical, or purely of the mind? Historically both have been valued, with the most highly regarded artists having both technical skill and creativity. Modern art has discounted technical skill in favor of creativity (much as punk music thought it was a great idea for Sid Vicious to play the bass) but with modern technology it seems reasonable to think that eventually we’ll be able to transfer ideas to intances without much friction. So if you can imagine it, you can translate it to the page without painting ability. So what then? Art as a pure mental pursuit and painting, drawing, etc as technical hobbies?

Brick Meathook

“Art” is whatever sells.

ballsofsteelandfury

Ideally, it should be both, shouldn’t it?

Brick Meathook

This is a completely computer generated image, generated by an AI algorithm that uses keywords as the only input. It can make everything from completely photorealistic to the downright bizarre. I think the errors are the most interesting result. Let’s see what we can do with this new technology.

Here’s the result for “brick meathook”:

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brick Meathook
Doktor Zymm

Did you win that hotly debated yet totally legit art prize?

Brick Meathook

we’ll see . . .

WCS

Result for “no-talent ass clown” is a picture of Dan Snyder.

Doktor Zymm

I’m probably also well past due to do a condiment audit. I have just confirmed that my rangpur lime syrup is okay, although much of the sugar has crystalized out, so not as soluable as it once once, but who among us is?

Brocky

Evening

This should be featured at some point

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Brocky

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Doktor Zymm

I would wax the eyebrows if you’re gonna do bangs, otherwise totally hot ambiguous action

Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

Love the Marylin look.

Brocky

That whole film looks great…. if you ignore the psychological trauma

WCS

I’m considering for later tonight.

Brocky

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Brocky

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Gumbygirl

Weird. Mercury Tyler Moore.

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, those white pants are awesome!

ballsofsteelandfury

If she was Thai, we’d know where that ping pong ball went…

Horatio Cornblower

Singapore for work?

Doktor Zymm

Or maybe Dubai, but let’s hope not

ballsofsteelandfury

There’s a reason everyone loves sprinkles!

ArmedandHammered

Not if you’re diabetic, at least you could excuse falling asleep as falling into a coma.

King Hippo

Let’s not forget about dear departed Coolio. He’s churnin’ butter once or twice with Black Jesus tonight.

King Hippo

How do I pick a favoUrite? All so good.

/my power was out, so I enjoyed a nap. Is back now

#HippoCaneSurvival

Doktor Zymm

I don’t like wasting food, but I’m really good at it. Just cleaned out a bunch of stuff from the freezer that has been there for years and probably wasn’t that great to begin with. Kept some other stuff that’s been there for years but looks to be in decent shape and is delicious and only been there for years because it was inaccesible tetrised altogether with what may have been cauliflower at some point.. Still some questionable items in there, so might do another pass this weekend.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Any scotch eggs?

Doktor Zymm

Nah, but some grey bacon and a quart of frozen clotted cream that I’m not sure what to do with

WCS

HARF HARF BAYKON ISNT GRAY HARF

Dunstan

I’ve come to realize that, no matter how much I try to use up leftovers for soups, stir fries, etc., my choices are either avoid buying fresh fruit and vegetables, or accept a certain amount of waste. I make enough unhealthy decisions in my life that I can’t pass on veggies.

Doktor Zymm

Amen to that. And you’re much better about cooking than I am, so it makes me feel a lot better to know that this is still an issue.

With frozen stuff I kinda wish there was a way to get it to families. Freezer burned stuff may taste like crap, but it’s not harmful and I’m sure there are people out there who would be happy to have it. Maybe I should just leave it at the door of my gypsy thief neighbors and let them do their thing

Dunstan

Unfortunately my understanding is that donating food that isn’t prepackaged is a problem for charities both from a safety point of view, and also inefficient. In fact, a lot of pantries strongly prefer cash to canned food donations.

Doktor Zymm

True internationally as well apparently. I know Food Not Bombs would take it, but I don’t know what they’re up to these days and they only do vegan. Plus I’m old enough that anarchists annoy the shit out of me nowadays

King Hippo

Wait, seriously? A charity to help hungry people won’t help people if it involves non-vegan food?

Doktor Zymm

Food Not Bombs is nawt an official charity, it’s wayyy more political and also breaks a lot of laws

King Hippo

There is soooooo much I no understand about our modern world…

Doktor Zymm

They are nae modern, although they are still around. I showed up for a bit in 2001-2003 but they started well back in 1980. Ok, that may be considered modern, but a lot has changed since then, and we’re of an age I believe, so you know what I mean.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Food_Not_Bombs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just put it in a Purple Carrot box addressed to yourself (or another neighbor) and leave it on their doorstep.

Gumbygirl

I just threw out a bunch of broccoli, and it pissed me off. In my defence,we were in Riverside babysitting my FIL most of last week, or I would have used it. I try to use stuff up as much as I can.

Doktor Zymm

No defense needed. You actually made banana bread, that makes you a coastal elite!