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Ides of October, 2022 Early Thread

King Hippo

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Wakey, wakey, chucklefucks.

I am reasonably burned out on Lesser Footy, but I did want to pat myself on the back (and fuck up my c-spine even worse) about this Shempions League DFO predicion:

2. Pick a Shock Result!

King Hippo – Maccabi Haifa are going to beat somebody in the Holy Land – the name is just too g-ddamned cool for it not to happen.  Let’s call it as Juve, as that would make Hippo laugh and laugh – plus UEFA would love to see a “Super League” booster get their pants pulled down.

Still, Shempions can go screw.  I am bored with all non-Holy Land aspects.

On the pitch today, you get resurgent Leicester hosting Palace (7:30, USA).  Not bad, in terms of competitiveness/importance.  But fuck Brendan Rodgers.

Only two matches in the 10:00 window, as news filters out that Inglen is joining the modern world and phasing out the stupid “live TV blackout” nonsense.  EFL matches will likely all be televised domestically starting next season, with the Prem almost certainly following suit in 2024-25 (once their current broadcast deals end).  Wolves/Forest are on USA, the Litre/yeah right Derby streams on Peacock.  Once looks forward to a similarly spread-out broadcast schedule in the future.

Spurs welcome Hippo’s Less-But-Still-Disappointing Everton for a friendly, Spotlight Dance skullfucking (12:30, NBC).  I don’t care how overwhelming the odds, put it ALL ON the Yid Army.

Sunday, with NO Euro-NFL to avert our eyeballs…NBC has EVERYTHING on Peacock.  What dicks.  And 4 of the 5 fixtures are at 9:00, with only Redshite/City of Men standaing alone (11:30, Peacock).  I guess stream Leeds hosting the King’s Mighty and Proud Afrikan Water Pistols amongst the early options.  But eat shit, NBC Sports.

Paedo State (+7) at Michigan (Noon, Fox)

It is SO GROSS having to want Lesser Harbs to win.  So, I probably won’t watch much.

Auburn (+15) at Ole Miss (Noon, ESPN)

Pretty sure this will be Bryan Harsin’s last stand.  And who doesn’t like watching a ded man walking?

Alabama (-7) at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)

Is this the Game of the Year?  I suppose it depends on how close Nick Saban and Old Scratch can get Bryce Young to 75%.  If he’s above 40%, he’ll fucking play.  BUHLEE DAT.

BDSM State (+4) at TCU (3:30, ABC)

Don’t you hate it when all the interesting matchups are in the same window?  Hippo sure does, especially when I have a Derby I have to watch, no matter how dreadful (see below).

NC State (+3.5) at SillyCuse (3:30, ACCN)

There will be no #ShameBet with Scotchy, as my Wolven Sort (and Donks WOO!!) provide Hippo with all his shame needs MOAR than adequately.  These sides are a combined 10-1, but about as attractive as a syphilitic weiner.  Thus, the “Star-Wipe Network” coverage.

Arkansas (-1.5) at Original Recipe Big Love (3:30, ESPN)

Kudos to both participants for their aggressive scheduling.  Why on earth would this not be a night game, though?

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Redshirt

Commanders’ Carson Wentz fractures finger in throwing hand, could be out as long as six weeks, per report – CBSSports.com

When asked when and how Wentz broke his finger, the Head Coach involved his right to remain silent and referred all questions to his lawyer.

4
King Hippo

F-I-F

2
scotchnaut

So the Sens are playing against the Leafs and washed up goalie Matt Murray that they traded away. Yes! But wait…

Ex-Sens goalies’ record when playing against them? They’re 32-3-10 with a .936 save %. Crapstick. Apparently revenge is a dish best served on ice.

0
Redshirt

Do I need to root for Michigan? I know I can’t root for Penn State, but can I root for a never-ending series of Overtimes so these two teams have to play each other forever and ever?

0
Mr. Ayo

WOO!

comment image

1
King Hippo

did you know you are bastard man?

3
Redshirt

FC Cincinnati wins their first Playoff Game!

1
Senor Weaselo

And the Red Bulls… still can’t win the MLS Cup. Maybe they should go back to Metrostars which is an infinitely better and not corporate name.

1
Redshirt

12 minutes of Stoppage Time? What the hell happened in the 2nd Half of FCC-NY, a musical number?

0
scotchnaut

/So wife and I went to get our booster shots (official count is at 5 but I got another one on the sly)

Nurse: “Ok, you’ll feel a prick. OMG, I HIT THE BONE! IT WENT RIGHT THROUGH THE MUSCLE. IT HURT, DIDN’T IT?”

Me: “I’m fine, it didn’t hurt.”

Nurse: “NO, YOU’RE HURTING! OMG, THIS IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER DONE TO SOMEONE. I’M SO SORRY. [turns to another nurse] OMG, THAT’S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE. [turns back to me] I’M SO SORRY! YOUR MUSCLES ARE SO BUTTERY, IT WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH TO THE BONE! [walks quickly away]

Me: [to wife sitting across from me, laughing] “Well, at least she didn’t make a scene.”

Wife: “‘Buttery muscles?’”

Me: “Oh Christ, you’re not going to forget that one ever, are you?”

Wife: “Nope.”

8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“TAKE HIM! HE HAS BUTTERY MUSCLES!” – me, gesturing at scotchnaut on the day that cannibal Andy Reid menaces the DFO clubhouse

6
scotchnaut

“You’ve heard of those self-basting turkeys, right? Plus, he’s been marinating in scotch for 30 years!”

-RTD, applying the coup de grace

5
King Hippo

JORDAN MUTHAFUCKIN PICKFORD

0
Fronkenshteen

Cheap penno. Tarkowski was letting him know.

0
King Hippo

yeah, he was mad at himself for spilling it, couldn’t reel in his impulses. He’s gotten better at keeping himself in check, but not there.

HARRY FUCKFACE KANE, though.

0
Fronkenshteen

Just came back from lunch to try and catch the toffees match in the same day room I’ve been watching footy in blissfully unbothered all morning, but there was a dude in there watching ISU/TX. Oh well. I have my mask on, him not so much. Then a doctor comes walking through and asks him where his mask is. He says he was drinking water (he wasn’t). Then he starts badgering her with all kinds of questions. Why doesn’t he have his own room? What’s the point of making him eat in his room if he has a roommate? She asks him when he got off QUARANTINE. He says TODAY! Whoops! Out the door I go. Listening to the footy on my phone out here in the wind.
Also, coming soon (if I can get my shit together & send text and pics to Balls) Boots On The Ground: THE CRAZY HOUSE!! I’ll be here through Thanksgiving, so hopefully I’ll have more than one installment, but only if I can make this shit funny.

5
King Hippo

oh dude, we would READ THE FUCK OUT OF THAT

2
King Hippo

also see if you can convince some nutters of my there’s no such thing as the sun conspiracy theory

1
Fronkenshteen

I’ve never wanted a t-shirt so bad in my life!🤓

2
Senor Weaselo

The Sun, like birds, is not real?

1
Fronkenshteen

My first class is Monday, but I’ve already been told it’ll be a split squad of addicts like me and guys struggling with severe PTSD. Therefore the classroom is set up so all our backs are against the wall, so everyone can see everyone and no one will feel like anything can come up behind them. So yeah.

2
Senor Weaselo

Split squad? Man, it must be tough playing in the center’s no-beer league softball, uh, league.

2
Fronkenshteen

We’re not allowed to have bats. We’re only allowed to yell at the pitch as it goes by. “YOU KNOW I WOULD FUCK YOU UP, RIGHT?!”

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m really enjoying this rainy SoCal Saturday. We need more of these.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed.

1
Mr. Ayo

4th and 56?

JV NFL Blitz!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously. Didn’t those cops know he had a game today? They could have arrested him tomorrow!

1
King Hippo

somebody is getting demoted!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, we’re talking about cops so what will actually happen is that they will be put on paid leave until an investigation is completed and they are absolved of wrongdoing.

1
King Hippo

I mean, shooting an unarmed 7-year old is one thing, but FITBAW is sacred

1
Gumbygirl

He seems nice.

0
King Hippo

My “non-work” laptop is slowly dying. I am so terrified that my Footy Manager career won’t survive a new machine.

Plus, I am equal parts broke and cheap.

1
King Hippo

Please be gentle (though not gentile), Yid Army

0
Senor Weaselo

That was my Thursday night gig, in the rain. All I know from it (because this line was in English) is to make Hashem your commander in chief. Don’t ask me how though.

1
Redshirt

Whatever is left of Tua is starting Week 7 against Pittsburgh.

1
Mr. Ayo

His back is all better? Great news!

11
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s so excited to be getting back on the field he’s literally quivering!

6
Cecil Rhodes

Sounds like this “reporter” may have interviewed Michael J. Fox instead of Tua!

1
King Hippo

Trivia quiz and handwriting contest for these!

1
Cecil Rhodes

Is there a Jello factory in Miami? Maybe they can send Tua’s brain there after the game if he gets hit again.

2
blaxabbath

I love watching coaches lose their final game with a school.

1
Horatio Cornblower

https://twitter.com/FabrizioRomano/status/1581036773077311488

My brother in Christ, your team is owned an operated by a conglomerate that owns the Red Sox, the Penguins, and a NASCAR team, as well as numerous media interests. You are not Brentford.

3
King Hippo

Words cannot adequately describe how much I hate this whinging piece of shit.

2
Senor Weaselo

Rebuttal: Fuck ‘em.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t normally give a shit about college football but even I’ll admit that the lineup looks pretty compelling today. Plus, it’s rainy, and there’s a bunch of potential deciding games in dirtball…it’s a perfect day to loaf around inside and collect dust while the Dr. Mrs. vacuums around me.

4
litre_cola

Fucking hell. Lose the bet and a draw. Fuck.

2
Cecil Rhodes

Cheer up, dear fellow, for at least your support is going towards those who are on the right side of history!

5
Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! James Madison is in the top 25. I’ll be damned.

2
Redshirt

He’s a forgotten but underrated President.

4
Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
1
scotchnaut

The Under-17 Japanese women are tearing the adorable Canadian women’s team a new beavertail by the score of 3-0.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d like to be under 17 Japanese women, if you get my drift…

3
Horatio Cornblower

/vacuuming intensifies

4
Senor Weaselo

I do not need to see you in a schoolgirl skirt. HARD PASS.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Am I the only one that still thinks David Akers every time there’s a headline about Cam Akers?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Yes

0
King Hippo

Robins Hood React Reasonably

1
Fronkenshteen

Penno against Wolves!!

0
Horatio Cornblower

SUDDEN…Oh, wait, never mind.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Can Nottingham Forest get 2 PKs out of this?

0
Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been trying to find this for a few minutes now and can’t, but yesterday on the Twitterverse there was a thread about how much Rob and Ryan are making off of the Wrexham deal. According to the thread Hulu/Fx are paying $400,000 an episode. Even if we deduct 50% of that on the (well-founded) theory that everything on Twitter is exaggerated, that $200,000 an episode. At 18 episodes that’s (runs out of fingers and toes, starts to undo pants, wife comes in and tells me the answer), $3.6 million.

They bought Wrexham for @$2.5 million, depending on where the Euro was then, meaning they’re up about $1 million just on the deal for the team. Of course, you then have to run the team and pay everyone, but the thread goes on to point out that Wrexham has had a massive influx of money from sponsors, season ticket $$$, and things like that.

In other words, despite massively overpaying for talent at the National level, (which if I’m being honest makes it kind of hard to root for them, although I still am), they’re probably not losing all that much money.

tl;dr, Rob and Ryan are probably doing OK on the Wrexham deal.

3
King Hippo

They don’t show much of Ryan’s behind-the-scenes business acumen, but he has plenty of it. Good balance for Mac.

1
Horatio Cornblower

If you look up what Mac does behind the scenes he’s no slouch. I think he has most of Always Sunny, he’s got the Mythic Quest show, (which I’ve never seen), and he’s got at least one tech company of his own.

That said, Reynolds has to be fucking loaded.

And he gets to see Blake Lively naked.

3
King Hippo

Mac seems like the “optimistic energy” whereas Ryan is the “keeps things in check” guy. In between banging Blake Lively.

Dude really is living #BestLyf

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I saw that too.

Here’s this while I go look for it:

https://twitter.com/ThreatNotation/status/1580334197801041922?t=2C0htroN6Lq4oV4Vke6rHQ&s=19

1
Horatio Cornblower

Yep, that’s it.

1
TheRevanchist

Don’t forget, they also put on a new pitch twice, bought back part of the Cae Ras previous owners had sold off to pilfer, put in those massive flood lights, remodeled the stadium to be one of the most disability friendly stadiums, brought in some higher level talent, and are remodeling the Kop. They have used their own popularity and time to promote this team and town. They have started bringing back the Welsh language that was dying, with Rob learning how to speak Welsh. They have done massive things for the town and for the country.

So, they may be making some money, but it is all worth it for everyone. Even these small NL teams are now selling more tickets per season than they would have previously.

0
Redshirt

No JV Cincy or OSU? How the hell…?

That’s it! I’m voting Republican in November!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zd319cXye40

2
King Hippo

honestly can’t even recall who either of y’all play

0
Redshirt

Next week:

UC @ SMU
Iowa @ OSU

0
King Hippo

That’ll get coverage, Magical Pony!

0
Fronkenshteen

MITRO!!!!

1
Fronkenshteen

I love that Fat Lingard isn’t even in the Forest eleven anymore. [giant flushing sound]

EAF7BFFF-DA0E-42E8-93A5-C6C29A267486.jpeg
1
King Hippo

I was so scared that Everton were gonna chase his lousy arse

0
Horatio Cornblower

“Chase” seems to be doing a lot of work in that sentence, certainly more work than Lingard’s been putting in.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“Nottingham Forest shouldn’t chase the wins”
/Looks at table

Well, they’re fucking nailing that now, aren’t they?

2
King Hippo

when they go down with that bloated squad – and they WILL – the carnage will be magnificent.

0
Horatio Cornblower

I wonder where Varney will wind up? Doesn’t strike me as someone keen to follow Foxy Footy down a level.

0
King Hippo

RumoUred to run out his contract and retire. He’s even older than one thinks.

1
Fronkenshteen

I wish Cicely could do those Verizon commercials as her Judge Jeanine character and puke red wine all over those giant white letters. “WHAAAT?!?!”

2
Fronkenshteen

https://youtu.be/E-kInWtLOlk

1
King Hippo

I really hope the “It’s Always Sunny” crew gets some time with Rebecc-ur and the lads.

1
Fronkenshteen

In character

3
Horatio Cornblower

I expected to see a sign in Philadelphia saying “Rebecca Lowe Eat A…” but I did not expect it to end with “Cheesesteak”

2
King Hippo

Ha, somebody asked Rebecc-ur to eat a cheesesteak and she gave the Mutombo finger wagging no

0
Fronkenshteen

She’s the goddamn best. The whole crew is.

1
King Hippo

The chemistry is so natural and nothing comes off as fakery. Lovely stuff, best in class by a million miles.

2
litre_cola

I am getting too enraged to watch this.

0
Fronkenshteen

At least you’re winning your bet?

0
litre_cola

That is why I did it! 4 to 1

0
King Hippo

Blood money though

0
Horatio Cornblower

It all spends the same way.

0
King Hippo

Om MOAR GAMBLOR true dat

0
litre_cola

Going to bet on Forge FC beating the Cavs today in the playoffs too.

0
King Hippo

TENNIS and shoulders ,, obvs

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Butts and, uh, well, the particular sport doesn’t matter.” – Balls

4
2Pack

I am stunned. Simply stunned.
/ welcomes the reminder that he hasn’t Googled Paige lately.

1
King Hippo

I had a long dream about meeting a really cool courtesan. Even my dreams are sad and pathetic.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Travel to Nevada!

0
King Hippo

Alternatively Hippo can just stay here until the sweet release of death.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hippo if he invented his own woman (artist’s conception):

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-mHM1P2Kytk

1
King Hippo

She DO gots nice shoulders

0
Horatio Cornblower

Massive violation of the DFO policies regarding pants. And hygiene, for that matter.

2
litre_cola

DIOP?!?!?!? I will take it!

1
litre_cola

Jesus fuck our back 4 are dire.

0
King Hippo

Where is that White pride??

1
Horatio Cornblower

Charlottesville.

2
Mr. Ayo

We’ve found the defense optional fixture of the day!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Morning. Looks like today is pumpkin patch day. They better fucking have cider donuts.

2
litre_cola

Make sure to take many social media pics. Throw some leaves in the air. Frolic with the missus.

1
TheRevanchist

Or frolic with the wenches serving those Oktoberfest beers. Whichever one is cheaper.

3
King Hippo

Alternatively maybe fake your own death?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[shaves pubic hair into the shape of a jack-o’-lantern]

Wait…probably should have asked this first, but what’s “pumpkin patch day”?

4
Horatio Cornblower

“ewwwww”

-Matt Gaetz

0
litre_cola

There it is. Back 4 is nae really a back 4. I hope Fulham fans remember the 1st 6 weeks cuz we gunna get dragged into the relegation battle.

1
TheRevanchist

Fuck. Ended in 1-1.

Wrexham didn’t start their normal lineup, so it hurt them a lot. They will replay on Tuesday, and will probably run a similar lineup to keep the players rested for the game next Saturday.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’m currently watching men’s field lacrosse. Like live and in person. It seemed like a good idea a few days ago but in the wind and rain not so much.
And I bought tickets for it not that anyone checked them. No refunds tho.

It’s crazy to see all the faces here. It’s all the stars.

0
Fronkenshteen

We’ll that’s a shit way for Wrexham to give back 2 points.

1
TheRevanchist

It’s just the FA cup. Won’t affect their standings.

1
TheRevanchist

Wrexham up 0-1. And this fucking ref loves to give red cards to Wrexham just for kicks. He has a history of it. He’s already given out a few yellow.

1
litre_cola

You’ve turned into a “victim” footy fan so quickly I hardly noticed! I fucking love it.

1
TheRevanchist

That dude red carded a Wrexham player in each of the last 3 games he officiated with the team.

I guess, what I am really trying to say, is that you are right. I can’t deny who I am. In my defense, that strip sack that Chris Jones had on Carr that the ref called a roughing the passer still has me all wound up. Can’t trust a ref to make the right call.

1
litre_cola

Oh yeah, there are certain fucking refs who when Mighty Whitey plays I start out enraged.

1
King Hippo

if I know the name, I know I hate the fucker

1
Horatio Cornblower

To be faaaaaiiiirrrrrr to Revanchist it seems like the refs at the National League level are refs at the National league level for a reason.

0
King Hippo

Probably get paid in bangers and mash

1
litre_cola

We are starting Mitro who has been injured for 2 weeks and just got back to training yesterday. Seems like a bad idea.

0
King Hippo

But you know how committed he is to the White cause and the libtards can SUCK IT

0
litre_cola

I bet on the Cherries to win outright.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Toney Khan runs a wrestling company and you think he gives a shit about bringing his stars back too early from injuries?

0
King Hippo

Wrex on f/x is in a spot of bother here

0
King Hippo

Update- maybe not

0
Fronkenshteen

Lester/Palace. Worst EPL game of the season?

0
King Hippo

Wait until Everton takes the pitch in a few hours mate

1
Fronkenshteen

I mean, that was 90 minutes of pure nuthin’. Not one decent chance on goal. No creativity. Nothing. It’s like Lester isn’t even trying to climb out of the 20 spot. That was hot garbage, minus the hot.

2
King Hippo

The “KFC bowl” of footy matches

1
Fronkenshteen

Or as Patton Oswalt called it, “The Failure Pile in a Sadness Bowl”.

Last edited 3 years ago by Fronkenshteen
2
King Hippo

oh yeah, I knew you’d get the reference!

1
TheRevanchist

Wrexham game starts in 10 minutes on ESPN2. Can’t wait to see these fucking fanny fucking footballers kick some ass!

Last edited 3 years ago by TheRevanchist
1
King Hippo

Phil Parkinson >>> Koach Kliff

2
2Pack

I will be trying my best to look past Lesser Harbs… if ya see what I’m saying… But I agree a win by them today would be the lesser of two evils.

def5000e9491364c86bb144fc555e74b.jpg
2
King Hippo

I can neither confirm nor deny that the Paedo State cheer squad is mostly creeper middle aged men in drag.

1
scotchnaut

Funny how both Giants and SillyCuse fans are like, “ok, if they win this game this weekend then the win/loss record is legit”.

1
King Hippo

Once y’all see my Wolven Sort play, you’ll realize we ain’t no measuring stick.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I mean, they both squeaked by UConn, so can’t use that as the determiner.

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