Your Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Oh yay, the struggling Broncos get another prime time game-I think that’s the third in six weeks. Of course, they’ll likely make me look silly by playing competently. Bastards, all of them.

Fallout:

-Hollywood Brown’s injury was that bad, so bad they jumped the gun and brought in malcontent Robby Anderson. I might be reaching but I can’t help but think that Anderson is not a very positive person.

-Jack Easterby is out of the Houston organization and it’s likely that many folks are happy. Seriously, it was difficult to find any talking heads that said anything good about him. Ok, maybe Chris Frantz but he gets along with everybody. How does a “Character Coach” mutate into an “Executive Vice President of Football Operations” with little to no qualifications? I guess by being an ambitious, smarmy, ingratiating lap dog. He’s no doubt wondering where his god is now.

-Belichick’s long slog towards the coach’s all-time win record continues apace. Yesterday he tied George Halas at 324. Shula is sitting at 347, a mere 2 1/2 seasons away.

To The Game!

Broncos/Chargers:

-Certainly Denver’s D has held up their end of the bargain, allowing a mere 15 points per game. They’ve not allowed any thrower of the ball to get beyond 200 yards which is impressive/likely ends tonight.

-The Chargers run game (Austin Ekeler, really) struggled mightily until Ekeler ran for a beastly 173 after averaging only 35 per tilt to that point.

-Are the Broncos having an injury problem? Well, they lead the league in the amount of salary that sits in the IR/PUP/NFI designations. The number is north of 76 million-the Titans occupy second with 48 million.

-Keenan Allen, while close, is not hopping on the field this evening which likely means that Mike Williams gets shut down by Patty Surtain, unless he can win a few jump balls. Surtain hasn’t allowed a TD this year and has only surrendered 143 yards to wideouts.

Make with the dick jokes below.

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Brocky

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Recovery Whiskey

How do you not “go low” on Wilson.

WCS

Not until he’s married. Oh, wait.

WCS

BLEERGH FEASTS

King Hippo

BLACK BLEERGH TOO!!!

King Hippo

BLACK JESUS HAS HEARD THOSE CHARMING PRAYERS!

Recovery Whiskey

That last one looked more familiar

Dunstan

“That halftime show isn’t really Chris Berman’s fastest three minutes.” — Mrs. Berman

King Hippo

see also, “Leather”

Horatio Cornblower

You might want to Google search “Mrs. Berman”; things did not end well for her.

King Hippo

Is this the first time both NY teams* have been well-coached at same time?

*I know, Horatio, this ain’t apply to el beisbol

Horatio Cornblower

If you are under the impression that the Yankees are well-coached, Sir, allow me to introduce you to a man named Aaron Boone.

King Hippo

right, that was my feeble joke attempt

Horatio Cornblower

Ah, I see it now. My bad. Reading is fundamental

WCS

“What?”

— Lea Michele

King Hippo

I am now sick and tired of Snoop Dogg. Why can’t all rap icons age like Chuck D?

Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

¡Hola!

Brocky

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King Hippo

/votes 2nd from left

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 2 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s fully complete as far as I can tell…

Brick Meathook

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WCS

1994 AFC Championship Game

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ballsofsteelandfury

San Diego has never been known for defense.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s true, you can pretty much score at will in San Diego.

ballsofsteelandfury

I know from Shoresy that’s a damn lie.

Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Horatio Cornblower

Yes, I too have been led to believe that the women of the Greater Sudbury area are unusually hot.

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Don T

That placement was like Gorbachev: a generous spot

SonOfSpam

Birthmark humour is wildly underrated.

Don T

Putin despotted Gorby
[Bows, kisses humanity]

King Hippo

/gets PTSD remembering how the Owl against the Redacteds started

SonOfSpam

Was that the Timmy Smith game? Because that was weird.

King Hippo

It was. Nobody remembers we was up 10-nil, because of…ya know, THE REST

WCS

Pepperidge Fahrms ahnd bittah Donks fahns remembah

King Hippo

I recall the on-screen graphics proclaiming NOBODY had ever lost an Owl after going up 10-nil. JEEBUS

Gumbygirl

Oh I remember. Gumby and I were in the enlisted man’s club at Bangor. Everyone in there was rooting hard for the Donks. Except us. We didn’t give a shit one way or the other, just wanted to stir the shit.

Gumbygirl

I need to put my Rao’s lasagna in the oven. Lazy day!

Horatio Cornblower

THAT NON-CALL FOR ROUGHING THE PASSER I CALL IT TOM BRADY’S MARRIAGE, BECAUSE TOM BRADY HAS RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (RET.): Honey, are you planning to make those turkey meatballs?

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Let Russ Cook! Them.

Horatio Cornblower

So you’re saying they’ll still be around come Thanksgiving?

Horatio Cornblower

Yankee game won’t start before 9:30 at best, and I’ll bet it winds up going 16 innings while the Asterisks sit at home beating off into their socks.

WCS

aka, Buddy’s name for a his usual Monday night routine

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You misspelled “cheating” and I’m thoroughly confused as to what socks have to do with it.

Senor Weaselo

I heard someone suggest tomorrow night. Why not just give Houston a 2-0 lead, since we all know in this country cheating these days isn’t punished but actually pushed by our leaders?

Horatio Cornblower

Exactly. if they play tomorrow whoever wins may as well call up a bunch of Triple A pitchers and let them play Game 1.

ballsofsteelandfury

The beautiful thing about this country that most people born here don’t realize it’s that we don’t rely on leaders to punish cheaters.

Horatio Cornblower

I always like hearing about NFL players who are smaller than me and then looking them and realizing they could turn me into a pretzel without breaking a sweat. Just really great for the ol’ self-esteem.

Brocky

I remember in high school finding out I had the exact same height and weight as Marvin Harrison, then the next game saw Harrison standing next to manning and thinking….

Something.

Idk where I was going with this

Horatio Cornblower

Was it “that can’t be right?”

Because I have been there.

Dunstan

Seems like Russell Wilson is making something good out of the offensive ingredients he has to work with. There ought to be a phrase for this.

Brocky

Let… russ…. summarize?

WCS

Denver enthusiasts, allow us to transport together?

King Hippo

Imagine how he could charm the Chopped judges!!

Gumbygirl

Let Russ cook with ingredients from the foodbank.

Don T

The Bers again on prime time?
Me c*** en Dios.

Brocky

Yeah, what he said!

– some nfl personality who is notoriously racist against Hispanics

WCS

PRAISE MATH NERDS ON DEFENSE

Senor Weaselo

I’ve been on this subway for close to two hours due to *checks social media, sees the NY Times* OH. Guy pushed into tracks and hit by train.

THAT IS NOT AN UNRULY PASSENGER MTA, THAT IS… third or second degree?

Doktor Zymm

Who knew the MTA was a master of understatement?

Horatio Cornblower

They’re not wrong: there’s no way the rules allow that.

Gumbygirl

He’s not unruly any more.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if Hamler is related to Gamblor.

Doktor Zymm

Listening to the game since too lazy to set up chicago computer for watching. I guess I should give the tablet a try

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope everyone is enjoying tonight’s edition of Monday Night BEERGH so far.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hollywood Brown is Hillsong’s answer to Yakub the Mad Scientist

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, so Joe Buck is announcing this game with his wife on the sidelines???

WCS

Hooray for nepotism!

Brocky

Didn’t the meet on espn or am I thinking his other trophy wife

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up photos of Joe Buck’s wives]

The word “trophy” is day-to-day with a lower back injury.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Speaking of skidding out of bounds, I did Joe’s laundry yesterday”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m looking at her and thinking that she was assigned to him Scientology-style by Fox News. Like they had a surplus of blondes and needed to unload a few.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed once said to never trust a black guy named Austin, but always trust white dudes named DeSean.

He watched Austin Powers and the Eagles on acid once.

WCS

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McManus, talented, but crazy.

King Hippo

FITBAW points WOO!!!

/also Dulcich looks like the micropenis guy from Workaholics

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

In his last years, Hollywood Brown is what Ronald Reagan called Wesley Snipes

WCS

Donk’s o-line clearly rattled by that vaunted home crowd of unBOLTMEN.

King Hippo

TWO goddamned penalties before we can even punt.

Gumbygirl

It’s ok, Hippo!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I remember Nathaniel Hackett’s dad but he doesn’t remember me. Maybe I’ll get Paul’s attention after I mail him my bust I’ve been working on for 14 years.

It’s hard to produce that much sperm for an art project.

WCS

Meanwhile, at the Fortress of Pillatude:

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King Hippo

I took a fantastic nap, so I believe I deffo deserve #FourthPill

clint greasewood

We love balls flying towards us like a helicopter, don’t we folks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Hollywood Brown’s injury was that bad”

Try as he did, Rodney King’s attorney couldn’t secure a conviction

King Hippo

My Chubb is on, but I don’t really feel it. Football Manager is indeed being played.

King Hippo

I do not now, nor ever have or will, understand The Rock’s appeal.

Gumbygirl

I was just telling Gumby I am really sick of his stupid smug face.

Redshirt

He’s overexposed. He has a natural charm and charisma, but even that can be too much.

Gumbygirl

I’m not charmed!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

He’s a person of color and that color is green

Don T

The Rock dazzles 8 out of 9 stylists. That’s impressive enough in itself.

Brick Meathook

Two months and six days after surgery I walked all over the place today, for the first time, although with crutches. No baby steps for the Brickster: I took an Uber to rent a car at LAX (a Volkswagen Atlas crossover, which is not bad), and then loaded 60 pounds of camera gear and luggage into it, all single-handedly. I did all that on only two Tylenols because I planned on driving across the desert today, but instead I’m going to leave at about 2 AM this morning. I am a monster.

Gumbygirl

You are a badass!

Brick Meathook

I exerted myself so much I dehydrated and right now my right foot and shin are cramping and hurt like hell; my former left foot feels fine. Very ironic.

Gumbygirl

Eat a couple of bananas. My prehensile toes cramp up all the time, but not lately, because I am all potassiumed up!

Brick Meathook

I’ve got some, good idea!

King Hippo

Brick with one foot just makes the odds easier for the rest of humanity. They’s still behind, though.

WCS

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He sure is.

Redshirt

Keep it up!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am a monster.

According to my psychiatrist that makes two of us!

WCS

I don’t know if any of yinz are seeing this Medicare Advantage Advisors commercial, but, COVID didn’t cull enough out of the senior citizens “actors” guild.

Redshirt

I told you we shouldn’t have vaccines them first! Now they’re gonna to outnumber us all!

WCS

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RUN

ballsofsteelandfury

I think Michelle Beisner-Buck is wearing that outfit just for Hippo.

King Hippo

NOOOOOIIIIIICE

Redshirt

.

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Wakezilla

He definitely looks like a newly divorced father

Don T

But lashes out like divorcing-next-year dad.

Gumbygirl

“I lost my family for MY crap!” Fixed that for ya, Tommy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Jack Easterby is out of the Houston organization

Yes, but *which* Houston organization? Halliburton? KBR? Citgo?

King Hippo

I very much need Ekeler/Michel not to combine for over 98 points. Our D is weaker against the run, but still seems doable to me.

Did everyone see who Grumblelord is playing next week, to pass Halas’ record?

Wakezilla

You gotta think Da Bears use that as motivation.

blaxabbath

Wonder if Mike Bidwill is going to invite Anderson to get his orientation at the local Flex bathhouse….

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