Your (Dreadful) Monday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Will you be watching the N’Keal Harry revenge game? A Warning: You’ll see plenty of positive Belichick stuff tonight as well. It might be too much for yours truly. The prime time games so far this year have been less than stellar and this one slots perfectly.

Newsy Notes:

-As far as fantasy is concerned, Mike Williams, (ankle) Breece Hall (ACLU) and D.K. Metcalf (patellar tendon, maybe) are crushing your dreams for a few weeks or the entire year.

-Oh Melvin: After another putrid outing by Mel the Broncos have brought on board also-ran Marlon Mack. Probably just a depth move but I wouldn’t be surprised if Gordo was shipped off somewhere.

-You Hate To See It: The Bucs and the Pack are floundering and it’s downright wonderful to experience.

-The NFC East was supposed to be a two-time champ in the “Lousiest Division” competition this year but the NFC South couldn’t let that happen on their watch. Led by Tampa Bay at 3-4 they have all of 10 wins between them. (the AFC South has the same number of W’s but they at least have a winning team in the Titans)

To The Game!

Bears/Pats:

-Welp, I guess a reason to watch this tilt would be if you have the New England D and are down 15-25 points. So there’s that.

-Matt Jones’ ankle, feeling a bit of pressure from Zappe, is back under center tonight. Stupid Pats have two capable qb’s that are both on their rookie deals. Nuts to them.

-Oh, you won’t get tired at all of all the positive Belichick talk tonight as he chugs towards the all-time victory title. He passes Halas tonight.

-The Bears will need to score 11 points to avoid being the league’s lowest-scoring team-they sit at 93 and the Rams are at 104 (and have had their bye already, not so with Chicago)

-They do have a very effective run game to lean on but the Pats D hasn’t allowed a TD on the ground so far this year and they shut down Chubb and Hunt last week.

Good luck out there tonight folks!

 

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Sharkbait

Boo comment awaiting approval.

Doktor Zymm

Approved even though it’s scary

Redshirt

The Assassination of White Mac by the Coward Bailey Zappe

Horatio Cornblower

Banner

Recovery Whiskey

I see Fields gets the “black guy QB” roughing rules

fleshwound_NPG

fields is gonna be dead by week 9

Doktor Zymm

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Sharkbait

This game thread is just going to turn into a Zap Brannigan gif/image thread and I am here for it

Doktor Zymm

That’s the best thing about Ol’ Bailey. Oh hey, we can also do English criminal court jokes!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does this score mean i can’t just take a melatonin and fade out?

Doktor Zymm

I say go for it unless waking up and not knowing who won would bother you

Recovery Whiskey

Seems like an optimal game to fall asleep to.

Sharkbait

Just once I’d like to see the B roll city scape shots for a Pats game to show Providence. It’s closer to Foxboro, production crews and the visiting teams stay there, and is a very underrated city

Doktor Zymm

I’ve always wondered why Rhode Island is called that when it is very clearly not an island

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nor a road

Gumbygirl

Not one worth driving on, unless you hate your car. You could be driving on 95 from CT and know exactly when you hit the RI border.

Gumbygirl

Blindfolded on 95 from CT.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a great city so long as you don’t mind a never-ending circle of one-way roads that don’t actually lead anywhere.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, hell of a run Mac.

Now go get your fucking shine box!

litre_cola

Sudden change. What was the O/U on this tilt?

Doktor Zymm

MGM is saying 48.5 but that seems way too high

King Hippo

must be the live line?

Doktor Zymm

It just changed to 47.5 so yeah, you got it. Still seems high, but I assume they know more about suckers than I do.

litre_cola

Has to be. I was thinking 40.5 ish

fleshwound_NPG

bears have repaired their T-34 and are back on the march to draft day glory

The Maestro

So is it time for us to crank the Sarah McLachlan in the [DFO] clubhouse now or what???

fleshwound_NPG

detroit loves their former pats players/coaches

welcome to the lions, mac

litre_cola

Needed a Harrisdown there. Pains me to cheer for the Pats.

King Hippo

NC STATE WOO!!!!!!

clint greasewood

Welcome to the Washington Commies Mac Jones.

King Hippo

We DO have an opening for a seasoned overseer! – Daniel S., Fairfax, VA

Doktor Zymm

FishFlopDown!

Doktor Zymm

Or possibly “Doing the WormDown”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man did Mac Jones get bailed out of that horrible throw by his receiver.

Horatio Cornblower

Wrong white guy

King Hippo

PLEASE GOD LET THAT TD STAND

SonOfSpam

(sigh) congrats you win

King Hippo

Damien Harris will still backdoor my loser arse

King Hippo

The Legend of White Mac Reacts Reasonably

Sharkbait

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Doktor Zymm

Is this the way the NFL triggers Belichick’s self-destruct sequence? If so, neat

Sharkbait

Bailey on the sideline RN:

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fleshwound_NPG

Ball(s) dont lie

Doktor Zymm

If you swap the ‘s’ and the ‘c’ Manningcast becomes Manningscat which would be useful if you ever have to hunt one of them through the forest in a deadly, deadly game.

Dunstan

“But I’m really good at hide n’ seek!” — Eli

Sharkbait

I thought it would just be a double box of their cats playing with laser pointers with the game on in the background

Dunstan

Next week’s guest is Jay Cutler

Doktor Zymm

Manningcats!

Gatoraids

Would be the real life version of Goldeneye Big Head Mode

fleshwound_NPG

he spiked him in the nuts

this is what happens when you are not allowed to touch qbs

Doktor Zymm

Montgomery is one of the two types of players that can succeed on the Bears. Those types are:
1) Scrappy RB that can somehow eke out yards after contact
and
2) Linebacker that gets at least one sack against GB and is ‘Midwest charismatic’

Recovery Whiskey

So while Obama’s on the Bears are out to a 10-0 lead. Masshole Trumpers planning another assault on the Capitol.

Redshirt

How about NFL HQ. There’s a riot that should have bipartisan support.

fleshwound_NPG

what is happening

Sharkbait

This is….less than ideal.

fleshwound_NPG

bears looking waaay too competent here. needs to be a fumble/int for balance sake

Redshirt

You can’t lose an insurmountable lead without getting the points first.

Doktor Zymm

Even an incompetent clock looks competent twice a season

WCS

See also: Wilson, Russell

Redshirt

This is reminding me why I really liked Candidate Obama. He’s charismatic and likable. How’d I like him as President? Uh, I…. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEHIND YOU?!?!

(Redshirt has signed off)

King Hippo

These Massholes LOVE them some Lost Zappa Brother!

King Hippo

2-yard checkdown. #PeakWhiteMac

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How I’m feeling right now:

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WCS

OAN and Newsmax are having a seizure right now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Over what? Did DeSantis bite the head off a puppy live on stage?

Sharkbait

Obama on the Manningcast.

Recovery Whiskey

Obama ‘s on the Mannings, being welcomed and joking around like he thinks he’s people

Last edited 2 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
King Hippo

Pey-Pey’s even a Republican. TRAIDER!!!

Gumbygirl

I know. I hope it’s full on Scanners there!

Gumbygirl

.

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Doktor Zymm

My projector just told me to replace the bulb soon. Didn’t I *just* do that like 5 years ago?

King Hippo

Well, P*ts losing the shutout dooms me in my derp-off with spam (we each track to score in the 80s at best). Hey, we were 5-1 coming into this failure pile in a sadeness bowl.

King Hippo

First safety wins obvs

King Hippo

The Continuing Legend of White Mac.

litre_cola

This is required viewing right?

King Hippo

I barely remember when I last showered, but IIRC the only “firm mandatory” is the 14-hr bloc when there is a Euro-fixture. That replaced the old “TNF is mandatory” rule.

/reminder – I do a lot of drugs and have less than zero actual authori-tah

litre_cola

I usually work Monday nights but have tonight off. At least there is the Manning cast.

Redshirt

The Returning Legend of White Mac

King Hippo

Also acceptable!

Still White. Still Mac.

Redshirt

.

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Recovery Whiskey

Barry HUSSEIN O’Bummer will be on the Mannings. Hoping he’s got some declassified intel on Belichick to drop.

Last edited 2 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
fleshwound_NPG

just dont be (too) embarrassing and lose a close one. embrace the tank. it will set you free, chicago

Redshirt

But enough about dealing with a hangover, what about tonight’s game?

Sharkbait

Jrob to the Jets is a thing apparently.

WCS

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litre_cola

Great trade. Jets are finally winning, lose their stud, the Khaaaaannns capitalize because “Prison girlfriend” is still erratic.

litre_cola

Need a bunch of Harris tonight so place your bets on Rhamondre getting ALL the action.

BeefReeferLives

Heads up, BC Dick:

“Crafton Ingram Lanes in Pittsburgh is hosting a ‘Balls Out Bowling Naked Cosmic Bowling Night’
The event is being hosted by the Pittsburgh Area Naturists and will be held on Sunday, October 23 from 4:00 PM- 7:00 PM.
 Pittsburgh Area Naturists say that nudity is required (with the exception that women can wear bottoms) and they suggest bringing a bag to secure belongings.”

https://www.wtrf.com/pittsburgh/pennsylvania-bowling-alley-hosting-a-balls-out-naked-cosmic-bowling-night/

litre_cola

Please do not give him any ideas.

Redshirt

Is it a foul if a foot goes over the line on the ground or any body part over the line in the air? This might come into play.

Game Time Decision

There’s a watch which holes you put your fingers in joke that I don’t have the brain power to make tonight

WCS

TRUE WCS FACT:

This is where I bowled in high school. It’s literally 20 minutes from where I’m typing this.

BOTG…?

litre_cola

Balls on the ground?

King Hippo

Princess didn’t make you castrati for slipping one past the goalie?

Gumbygirl

You have to be nekkid. It’s mandatory! Go take one for the team!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re telling us about it AFTER it happens? Talk about your (very) sloppy seconds.

Redshirt

I really need to vote early. Some Democrats are saying stuff that triggering me and I really don’t want to reflexively relapse into the Fourth Reich.

Doktor Zymm

If it helps I’ve heard Republicans say that both raising and lowering taxes will increase inflation. Also keeping taxes the same.

Redshirt

It does. It helps offset Pelosi saying it’s time to move on from inflation.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m down 40 points and I have the New England Defense.

DO I HAVE A SHOT?

Game Time Decision

Yes.

Redshirt

Based on that Thousand Yard State by Fields last week, anything’s possible.

Redshirt

Zappe Brannigan is being shown the bench? I guess Belichick isn’t panicking. Yet.

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