I was really looking forward to an LCS recap and Game 7 preview, because everyone knows that Game 7s are the best things in sports, unless your team is involved, then it’s a monumental stress ball.
But the only offense that came out of New York was the fans pelting noted humiliation fetish enthusiast Cancún Ted with the expected responses.
You can ask why no one pelted a beer at him, but then you’re looking 10 years, and we’re not stupid, the Fun Police (That’s what they call Yankee Stadium security) are right there along with Tedward’s security detail, someone’ll see that.
But yeah, that was the highlight of the series for the Yankees. It sure wasn’t Aaron Judge hitting homers (he didn’t) or Isiah Kiner-Falefa’s defense. When your leading hitter is Harrison Bader, it’s probably not a good sign. It took nine games in the postseason for the team to have more than 6 hits in a game, and of course that was the time that Nestor Cortes’s groin gave out and he tried to gut it out. (Don’t be a hero, Nestor, you didn’t get any outs and just gave up a three-run shot to tie the game.) Apart from Bader, Anthony Rizzo, and Giancarlo Stanton, who gets a ton of shit but at least shows up in the playoffs, the rest of the offense just didn’t show. And it’s not like one of those guys was shit-hot, batting .400 or something—Bader led the team at .333, which is good, but it’s not Bryce or Machado or even Jeremy fucking Peña. And I’m pretty sure most if not all of Bader’s homers this postseason were solo shots, maybe one was a two-run shot. By the way, he also made a pair of errors, because thanks to a Whose Line-esque left side of the defense moving around of Oswaldo Cabrera, who we love, but also did not show up in this ALCS apart from an inevitably back-breaking error (though he did have an important homer in the ALDS).
Speaking of, you know who didn’t have a homer in the ALCS? The guy who hit 62 of them in the regular season! He had one hit, which was a single, and he made the last out in the series. Which always seems to be a symbolism out, right? Austin Nola, Aaron Nola’s brother, makes the last out in the NLCS, Judge in the ALCS, Mickey Mantle in Damn Yankees, though that’s deliberate. Aaron, you know we love you, but you know we needed more than that from you. To whom much is about to be given, like the entire bag and it’s well deserved after fucking around and nearly getting a Triple Crown plus a home run record, much is required. Apparently some other people don’t realize that, including players, according to SNY’s Andy Martino. Would I have booed him? Probably not, though I do understand the sentiment.
Meanwhile, Aaron Boone made several terrible pitching choices this postseason, like Jameson Taillon in Game 2 of the ALDS. Or, knowing that Clay Holmes was unavailable (even if Holmes didn’t), going to Lou Trivino for one batter in Game 3. Or Clarke Schmidt in Game 1 of the ALCS, even when he got the double play in the bottom of the 5th instead of going to Trivino, the sinkerballer, when that was a stealable game that could have at least had given some slight moment of at least taking the series back to Houston and losing in 6. And then hey, if you still want to, Schmidt gets a clean inning, or if Trivino gets out of the 5th he pitches the 6th and Schmidt the 7th. Why are you using the lower man on the totem pole when right now is the higher leverage scenario?
And lastly, and certainly not leastly, the mental health coach was showing videos of the 2004 ALCS to try and motivate the team? You mean, the franchise’s worst moment, losing to their archrivals in historic fashion and spurring them to their first championship in 86 years, and you haven’t beaten them in the playoffs since then, and also since then they have 4 championships to your 1? Who in the FUCK signed off on that so they can be fired, out of a cannon, into Herald Square Station midday in August?
Here’s all you need to show the boys for next year. If it doesn’t make them want to smash skulls and rip out throats, trade ’em, cut ’em, get ’em out of here. That’s brooms they broke out, in your clubhouse, because all they need at this point is the ol’ hockey “You can’t beat us” chant. They’re not content to win, those sons of bitches like embarrassing you. So show some fucking backbone. Wait, never mind, Boone and Cashman will in all likelihood be back. This team will continue to get punked by anyone who wants to punk them, AND by anyone who they try to retaliate against. Fuck everything. New Yorkers (at least a large enough chunk) have to root for Philly now.
Fuck you and I’ll see you in February. You know how it’s bad? Tree hasn’t even put up a “congrats” video yet.
Okay, that’s out of my system, what’s in the news?
-In “Death Con 3” news, did you know that Aaron Donald was represented by Kanye West (sorry, Ye)’s agency? Did you know he even had a sports agency? Well, Aaron Donald isn’t represented by them anymore, along with others.
-Wait, hold up, did you know that the president of said sports agency, Donda Sports, is Antonio Brown? He’s not going anywhere, by the way.
-Broncos County, Russ is ready to roll. Whether Nathaniel Hackett’s job is actually on the line as reported, we may find out. Teh Hippo is now in a dilemma for MANDATORY FOOTBALL.
-Meanwhile, whichever Ford it is believes in Dan Campbell and the Fightin’ Knee-Biters.
-Zeke has a knee sprain, DNP on Wednesday, uncertain for Sunday.
-Bucs will have four starters out tomorrow night vs. Ravens, plus Julio Jones is questionable and Akiem Hicks is doubtful.
-Dolphins S Brandon Jones has an ACL injury, out for the year.
What’s for sportsin’?
Not baseball, World Series Game 1 will be Friday (PHI @ HOU)
Roundball Rock
Brooklyn’s Whine-est vs. Leicester Alliance (BKN vs. MIL) (7:30, ESPN)
LeBron’s Personal Hell vs. Denver Tysons (LAL vs. DEN) (10:00, ESPN)
Assorted local games
Iceball: Local listings
JV Roundball (pre-season)
Adelphi vs. St. John’s (7:00, ESPN3)
Please continue to laugh at my misfortune below! Especially because Team Momo crashed out in the qualifiers of Marble League ’22 (more details later, if I ever write the BattleBots Beaties).
I was off the computer last night, (apologies, I was living in the present, distracted by the moment), so I didn’t see this, but well done indeed, Señor. Couldn’t have expressed my displeasure with how and why this season ended any better.
Also it seems pretty clear that Boone and Cashman will be back, because when you have a chance to extend 5 years of underachievement and poor decision making to a 6th year, you sort of have to do it.
I will always respect guys like Reggie Jackson that turned it on in the playoffs. His nickname was Mr. October for fuck’s sake!!
Best nickname in sports.
Harry Gant, Mr. September!
You win four consecutive races in the same month driving that automatically makes you metal.
When he won that fourth race, I knew it: Skoal was for me.
Also the only driver that was both in “Days of Thunder” and “Stroker Ace!”
Contemplating heading to Vegas for the Owl.
I’ve done that a couple of times. It’s ok. Downside is it’s very crowded and one of the more expensive weekends to stay there.
But the Super Bowl is *in* Vegas this year, isn’t it?
So if DangeRuss is ready to roll, do I start him and Danny Dimes in my two QB league or slot in one of Sam Ehlinger or Kenny Pickett State Teachers College?
How do you have 4 QBs and these are your only options?
Because it’s a keeper league where I’m tanking and traded away Justin Herbert for picks next year.
Charmslinger it is then.
I say Uncle Jack, but, this is the kind of game Tomlin teams seem to win.
Mandatory viewing if you’re correct.
It’s pretty much a must win
They’ll beat the Iggles 27-17, have the Bye, and then lose at home to DJ TAJ’s because that’s this team and season so far.
I walked unaided for the first time last night, ten weeks exactly since surgery.
I’ve been on crutches starting last weekend. When I drive I open the back window and toss them in. Last night I parked at home, and got out and went over to the wheelchair I park there when I drive (I use the wheelchair at home because its easier). I was turning the wheelchair around to grab the handles when I realized “I’ve never pushed this wheelchair before.” I had forgotten to get the crutches and I just walked on over, about ten feet. This is truly the power of Christ Our Lord, the One and Only Saviour. Also I was really high on Oxycodone (I like to drive really high) so I was feeling no pain. Also, once I realized I forgot my crutches, I crumpled to the ground, helpless. I walked like Andy Reid towards a big pile of food that he wants to eat all of. I can keep doing this all night, folks.
Drugs are the way. Amen.
Huzzah!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0N4twV28Mw
Let us know if you want any assholes illegally parking in handicapped spots beaten up
I can do that. But it doesn’t matter, because my handicapped placard allows me to park anywhere except a fire zone. Don’t have to pay for meters, no time limits, no neighborhood zone restrictions, no street cleaning moves, I can even park in commercial zones and valet, as far as I can tell.
I hope you take this as a compliment, because it is absolutely meant as one. In my mind you are basically the modern version of J Frank Parnell from Repo Man
I’ll take it as a compliment. Thank you.
Will Russ demonstrate good fire safety technique by stopping and dropping before rolling?
That’s a little spicy for him.
I can totally see him ten years from now as a big fat TV commentator, definitely on the B or C-team, lesser college football.
When he retires, watch him go full wrestling heel turn and become another screaming head on TWWL.
Super busy day, only managed a protein shake and a couple glasses of wine, so now baking a pizza in the toaster oven to be accompanied by more wine (I have loads of the good stuff right now since all the post-harvest club shipments just came out)
Tomorrow will be super busy as well, but it will be 95% at-home busy rather than out of the house busy like today. Why hasn’t anyone developed my laundry nanobots yet? I was promised better living through science!
Need a woosah/Moose signal?
https://twitter.com/NormOrnstein/status/1585359454937133056?t=evV9_x-bg_NSYgUBn1oaAA&s=19
I feel like if you were going to gamble with getting sent to prison for throwing a cup of something on Ted Cruz, it might as well be piss. I mean, beer costs money, and you would probably be able to get people to *pay* you for the privilege of knowing some of their urine got into Ted’s eyes.
He has all the charisma and likeability of diarrhea, and somehow keeps getting elected.
I feel like Texas voters have “dug in” on him the way that owners of dysfunctional pets have. (“Oh, he won’t bite you! Oops, he bit you? It must have been something you did.”)
/what I’m trying to say is that there are a ton of idiots that own small dogs in Texas
I’m being told I can’t keep up voting this but my Lord I’ll keep trying.
In New York? I’d ask for a jury trial and get acquitted.
But how would they find a “jury of your peers” when you have no peers?
Hang out at the Crutch and Cane store, duh.
All the judges have to recuse themselves too. That’s why the case gets dismissed on day one, and I get awarded damages for showing up.
I’d be careful typing something so close to “no beers” – if two or more people misread that things could get out of hand in a hurry.
There are a ton of breweries that would make a special edition beer named after you if you threw their beer on Ted Cruz though, and that would be pretty baller
Horatio Throws His Piss On Ted Cruz Bitter IPA, now in bottles!