Good morning! God’s in His heaven, MRSA Dreamboat is 3-5. Let’s do some Sabado-ing.
Leicester and City of Men kick our day off (7:30, USA), and it is worth a viewing. You can nap later. Hulk SMASH! the recent “Foxy Footy competence boomlet” – at least, humanity hopes. USA has the newly-minted “Scorned Lover” Derby (Chelsea away to Trashbirds) at 10:00, with a heaping helping of stream options. Cherries/Spurs could be mildly interesting to the neutral, more so to Clubhouse partisans (Peacock).
HIDE YO’ WIFE HIDE YO’ KIDS, because Litre and Hippo can has a Spotlight Derby (12:30, NBC). This iteration is at the Cottage, where I am told – repetedly, by my fellow Bitter Blues – that Everton NEVAR win. I picked “nil-2, Mitrovic” in Prediction League. I love being wrong, Toffees.
Don’t watch the Redshite hosting free-falling Leeds (2:45, USA), which is scheduled here because of a Jurgen Klopp bitch fit (or at least I presume). That leaves a Sunday USA double of King’s Afrikan Water Pistols hosting Robins Hood (10:00), followed by Rum Ham and Men Untied (12:15). Not great, but who cares when you have MANDATORY Jaguras v. Donks WOO!!!?
THEEEE Ohio State (-15.5) at Paedo State (Noon, Fox)
Ugh, I hate when the Tree Nutz wear the white hat. But hey, good on y’all for not aiding and abetting pre-teen shower rape. A low bar, sure. But at least you comfortably clear it.
Notre Dame (+2.5) at SillyCuse (Noon, ABC)
What fresh hell is this? The Irish playing an actual, honest-to-God ROAD FIXTURE? They’s not even a favoUrite! SPOILER ALERT – Son de Clem beats SillyCuse for the 2nd straight week, because we can’t have nice things.
TCU (-7.5) at West By God Virginia (Noon, ESPN)
Oh HAI THERE, trappiest of trap games. Bloodeyes GODS will sadly go unsated today.
Florida (+22.5) v. Georgia (3:30, CBS)
World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party! Gators will need all the booze just to numb the pain, though I could see them maybe keeping this close into Q3.
BDSM State (+1.5) at Kansas State (3:30, Fox)
Two Laws of Nature clash today. This is a difficult road trip for the Discipline Daddies, coming off last week’s emotional shootout win over Steerfuckers South. But you know the ironclad rule against backing the Unded Bill Snyders as a favoUrite. Especially in a home showcase matchup like this, where a win puts them on a glide path to the Big Twaaaaalve Championship game. Oy. Good thing we ain’t GOT to bet this’un.
Cincinnati (+1.5) at Central Florida (3:30, ESPN)
Only the Hitler Mice realistically stand between JV WKRP and the New Year’s Six slot reserved for the plebian conferences. Decent flipping option once the Cocktail Party gets out of hand. Then again, one might also nap.
Oh Damn! ND qb very close to ded.
“Get him in film practices.”
— Brian K., LA
Aside from not stopping the run or the pass and qb Schrader being a piece of shit, SillyCuse is doing ok.
Out of control crowds are pretty terrifying sounding, even without the massive death toll that tends to go along with them. Crazy that it could happen in a narrow city street in Seoul
Wouldn’t mind at all if the outro music to this Cuse/ND game featured some Scissor Sisters.
Ms. Garrison’s new band?
What is “the spider” en espanol? That might have to be Onana’s moniker.
Don’t let him in your ear.
I just had the best shower ever. SFO-JFK-FRA-AGP on three seperate tickets plus a walk from the train to my hotel and I was smelly and gross, but now I am treating myself to a €2.50 San Miguel from the minibar and drinking it on my balcony. Plus some sort of olive oil cake as a welcome gift. Buenos noches y’all!
Shad “Prepare Your Anus” Khan sighting! Along with Litre’s favoUrite failson!!
Hippo, Russ Wilson is a Liverpool supporter…..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????
Just showed him and Tiara?!? at Anfield in kits.
Ciara. BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Oh sure but when I take candid photo I get “detained” and “put on a registry”
You should keep your pants on when you take candid photos
But then he wouldn’t make any money on onlyfans.
[pictured]
Squeaky Giblets, head of the Blue Caps Men-Only Club, chews out the two members that ‘forgot’, oblivious to the fact that he did as well.
That popped collar. What fookin’ year does Lampard think it is??
Channeling his inner Scott Parker.
There is the injury I spoke of.
I am losing my damn mind already. Engage breakfast wine.
Pickford is really good. The other ten are the issue.
Toffees in their Ralph Wiggum “Go Banana!” kit. No likey.
Fightin’ Horatios up 10-0 on BC, and just killed their return man.
/looks like a head owie, but I’m sure he’ll be back after the “back spasms” calm down.
The lady providing commentary for Lecce tonight seems nice.
I’m very allegri watching her commentary
Today we are all SillyCuse and it’s not going very well.
We?
Ok, go ahead and cheer for Notre Dame. You can do it!
One of the Robbie’s saying “hungrier and more desire in the box” makes me think he’s reading a biography of Ballsofsteelandfury.
Fun fact: I played sweeper. Hence the title of my biography: Scoring From The Back!
“Ass Libero” has unlimited #branding potential.
https://twitter.com/Wrexham_AFC/status/1586386505768935425
OK, new plan:
1. DFO puts it’s stock options together and we buy something called ‘Altrinhcham’. We get a show on Hulu where a bunch of us meet in The Clubhouse, (we will also need to buy Harry’s Bar in Baltimore so that we have a clubhouse) (make a note to call a plumber and HVAC guy), and make decisions based on mysteriously coded messages from a guy named ‘King Hippo’ who is never actually seen, and who is believed to use something called ‘Footy Manager’ for his strategies, and thereby get Altrincham eventually promoted to Premier League glory.
I’ll throw my $12 in
Oh hell yes! And let’s get Mint Mobile as a primary sponsor.
I’m reasonably sure we can get Fleshlight in front of the shirt.
I’ll work on Pornhub for the back…
Of course you’ll have them coming from the back. Of course you will.
I totally had a Harry’s Pub/Greendale Community College combo dream last night.
YES, I was Brita’s platonic best friend.
Does Maryland have legal weed? I’m not willing to catch any charges for a fucking plant. I guess that means I’m a grownup now? Bout time!
Based on the large number of stores we walked past advertising weed, and one that I went into, but only to pet their cat, I would say yes.
You might need a medical card.
Brighton! Hove! and Albion! combine for the 4th and decisive goal!
I see Newcastle is treating Aston Villa like it was a dissident journalist caught in an embassy.
Also for your betting purposes, The Fightin’ Horatios are -7.5 against BC.
UConn is 3-4 and probably should have beaten Ball State two weeks ago, and are coming off of a bye. BC is a terrible ACC team. All things considered I would likely take BC and the points, but it might not be the blow-out I would have expected even 3-4 weeks ago.
Then again it might.
Y’all probably would win the Coastal Division
2-2 Tottenham.
Fucking Cherries.
Oh goddamnit
It’s been an absolute blast watching Chelsea get their shit pushed in by Brighton in the Potter Bowl
Game on in Brighton! Who put that ball in, Gallagher? It was a peach (and NOT a watermelon).
CHERRIES up two. They just refuse the conventional wisdom that they’s doomed.
It’s really too much to ask that this result holds. I can see it now: Tottenham pulls one back on a decent play in the 63rd minute, then their offense stalls until That Diving Cunt Harry Kane lives up to his name in the 88th and falls over in the box to somehow get himself a PK.
A little early on the first one, but I’m still giving full credit thus far.
They’ve got the one.
All credit lost. That wasn’t dive or a cunt.
There’s time for the winner.
All credit restored.
Haven’t seen the highlights but doesn’t look like Kane got the PK.
Still, so predictable.
COME BACK TO US, rockingdog!! Your Chelski NEEDS YEW
Where is he? Has anyone checked the pound?
Keeper Change! HOW EXCITE
Woke up with a hangover this morning after having had exactly three beers this morning.
I have got to go back to drinking during the week.
You had 3 beers this morning? Nice hustle.
Well shit, with two of you noticing that I typed “this morning” twice in lieu of “last night” once I’m gonna have to leave that error alone.
That sounds like a recipe for another three beer breakfast.
Hangovers, in my experience, grow in intensity on a logarithmic scale, starting around 35. Getting old REALLY sucks.
No lie. After 50 they just ruin the entire next day, no matter what.
Even so, waking up feeling that bad after three was new. Fortunately I just went back to bed and it was gone when I woke up again.
That’s why I seldom drink anymore. Marijuana never hurts me!
I haven’t seen a Chelsea shit on like this since that evening with Ms. Handler.
‘ave a third, why don’t ya??
Kai Pond is still an empty vessel
In addition to being a charming, handsome gentleman, our own Brick is also a published author! Good on you, sport!
Relegate Pulisic! And Loftus-Cheek!
RLC was an absolute joke at Mighty WHitey, how does he get to consistently play at a bigger club?!?!?!?!?!?
Operation Smuggle Fronk Some Thumbtacks is in order!
I’m chipping in a couple of folding chairs.
For the head smashing so many deserve there.
I am impressed at your anal capacity, good man
What a fucking pair of saves by Thiago Silva! My god!
The trash birds will not be denied
This pleases me.
Couldn’t stop that one, though. Think Trashbirds want this one?
Guys, the death of Bayern Munchen may have been a bit premature.
Baron Munchausen is still dead however.
We’re cooking breakfast and chili at the same time. The smells I’m smelling are too good to describe.
Wish I was there. You could use some Pico de gallo (for both), and I could use some knife work. I’m not even allowed to have thumbtacks here.
If I may ask are you there full time or on weekends. If I may not you can say something nice about Chelsea.
I’m here full time, although there’s NOTHING to do on weekends, and due to COVID restrictions, no visitation allowed. It’s a bummer. And my roommate, The Angriest Hobo, hates every other living thing in the world and hangs around our room like a fucking spider. He seldom washes, likes to keep the room temperature set at a balmy 77 degrees, and the windows are all nailed shut. Saturday mornings are bearable, as everyone sleeps in and I can set the day room TV on EPL and not be bothered. But even if some guys came out and overruled me to put on COPS or BET or some other fuckawful nonsense, I could always pack up my laptop & head down to the Internet cafe. Whoops! Hobo Joe just emerged from my room to join me. He’s grunting and sniffing. It’s his language, you see. False alarm, he’s already back in the room. Guess he was hoping for a re-run of “Madea Tries An Anal Bleaching”. 34 days to go…
Where are you?
Martinsburg, WV VA Hospital. CAT 5 rehabilitation program for alcohol addiction. I fucked up really bad. No DUI or other criminal charges. Just family damage. It’s a 45 day inpatient program.
I have had a couple of friends that used that asset. I hope it works for you. I have been sober nearly 30 years now. It is good friend, I have no regrets and just as much fun as I did during my drinking daze. You can do this. Be well.
You are awesome, Fronk.
You can do it! We all believe in you internet friend.
Most Canadians can sing this by heart. Not sure if it made it down there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lgGKSjiw0HQ
I wrote a hell of a lot for the first “Boots On The Ground” installment yesterday. Definitely enough for a post. Gonna snap some pics around the hospital campus & send it off to Balls or Rikki. Guess I can get contact info on Slack?
Sure can. I’ll give you some assistance too if you like.
The text is ready to go. There are a couple more photos I need to take pics of, but there’s a bit of a glare on them for a couple more hours.
Your family will take you back happily once you are well. That being the most important thing here are the other benefits that I know come with sobriety:
Your overall health and fitness will improve
You will better own your decisions and have fewer regrets
Less paranoia, you are clean and have nothing to hide
A TON of money saved for more important things
Pork Butt in the smoker, let’s do this.
I predict a draw between Everton and The Mighty Whites, but in speaking with the resident Bitter Blue he believes otherwise.
So I bet both teams to score, Mitro to bag one, and a Fulham win. You are welcome Hippo.
*Everton to win 1 nil at the death (Fulhamish), Mitro to get hurt, Decilitre to be a hellbeast, something goes wrong in the smoker and all we have are Hawaiian buns and coleslaw.
Are you standard smoker or electric? Curious on your cooking time. Plus I make a homemade BBQ rub that’s pretty fucking righteous.
I am electric due to laziness and having a 5 year old. They say and hour a pound, but I cook at 215 for an extra hour or two. I am using mesquite, a hand made rub and pineapples. I am making a variation of kalua pork.
Send me the recipe I would love it.
I find mesquite burns a little hot so I’m hickory for pork and oak for beef. If you’re using sugar in your rub don’t use brown or white sugar because they also burn, use turbinado sugar or sugar in the raw.
For the rub it’s 2 parts paprika to one part everything else.
Say we’re working in tablespoons.
2. Tbl paprika
1 tbl each of
Salt
Black pepper
Onion powder
Garlic powder
Raw sugar
Thyme
Cayenne
Cumin
Chili powder* to taste or optional
Dry mustard
Place everything in a bowl with a lid and shake the ever- loving shit out if it. This is good for all proteins. Will be enough rub for several sessions and will last in a cool dry place for months.
I apply the rub the night before smoking, let the meat rest in the fridge then give another quick dusting of rub right before going on the smoker.
You’ll need lots of beers
I’m on my way
Ignores that it’s a 33 hour drive and that any leftovers will be gone by then
Rooting for a team named The Hammers today is very unpatriotic smghthm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZ9myHhpS9s
Thanks Broomie!
Gotta stop including the 7:30 game in my funsie parlay. I always get it wrong and it pops my whole goddamn balloon.
A buttdailumentary for the ages.
I bet achewood has a relevant and totally hilarious comic strip about this subject.
Say what you will about Achewood, but I’ll be using that “half a soul and the balance owed to Judas” in the future.
Probably when that goddamn Ginger at the gym cuts me off at the machine I want to use.
You read all of that? JFC, sorry man.
😅
Holding steady in 4th, 6 points out. I’m having a good time following EPL. The ladies are nearly as sweet as the Series A gals.
and you KNOW they won’t give a blowie with teeth!
/is “toothless Geordie” joke
//hey I ain’t say GOOD joke
The Ohio State University: The Lesser of Two Evils.
Ooooooooooh, I want BUCKEYES! I don’t know why I never make them, they only have 3 ingredients.
BROOOOOOOOM
Kevin. The. MUTHAFUCKIN BROOM!
Lester with 10 behind the ball for all 90 minutes makes for an early stinker. And if anyone needed a final, last-straw reason to boycott the upcoming abortion of a world cup, may I present:https://www.reuters.com/lifestyle/sports/exclusive-thousands-workers-evicted-qatars-capital-ahead-world-cup-2022-10-28/
Spaaaaare Us the Qatar!
oh noes, did I miss The Rapture overnight?
Probs
Just Hippo and the Tribe then. Hey, that could be our Prog Rock band name!
Other Hippo already forgot he’s been raptured
gosh darnit!
City of Men look really good, but they need to break through this half (since Hulk SMASH! is on the mend)