TGIF! So long, work week and Happy Armistice Day to those that celebrate! And now the weekend is here, so is racing! Let’s learn how to survive spinning in a race car.
Survival – Personal Edition
So, you’ve made the decision to ruin your finances by going racing. Congrats, that is one of the most entertaining ways to drain your savings and retirement account. Unfortunately, when trying to actually win a race you can push the car too hard in a corner. That can lead to oversteer which means the rear of the car has lost traction and is trying to swap ends with the front of the car. Here’s what to do!
- Steer into the skid as soon as you feel the rear stepping out. That means if you’re in a left hand corner, the back end will be rotating to the right, so steer to the right. Right hand corner, you’ll be steering to the left. If you’re quick enough and you didn’t overcook the corner too much, this can be enough to get the car back under control.
- Make sure to stay on the throttle. This will keep weight on the rear wheels and help them to regain traction. Now, don’t go flooring it, that will overwhelm the rear tires’ grip.
- Do not touch the brake. (yet) Lifting or braking transfers weight to the front of the car, which means less weight on the rear tires, which means less ability for them to regain traction. Any lift of the throttle and/or application of the brake will increase the rate of your spin. Not what we want. (yet)
- One of the most important lessons anytime you’re on track, but very important at this critical moment: Your eyes. Look up and focus on where you want to go. This should be the track surface ahead unless you’re trying to wreck. The car magically goes where you’re looking. Ok, what’s actually happening is your hands and feet will try to get the car going that direction without consciously thinking about it.
- If you’ve done this right, the car will start to regain traction. As the grip improves, unwind the steering slowly, moving it closer to center. If not you’ll end up in a tank slapper where the rear end violating swings in the opposite direction. This happens because the rear end now has full grip and you’re turning the wrong way, causing the rear end to loose control again, but in the opposite direction. Not fun.
- Once you’ve got control, keep driving! Don’t slow down, don’t coast. Get back on that throttle and go. This is a race, dammit.
- Lastly, if none of the above worked the car is going to spin. The best thing to do is help it spin. Return the steering wheel to center and put both feet in. One on the clutch and the other on the brake. This will slow the car while letting it spin and not rotate the engine backwards. Hopefully the spin slows enough that you don’t hit a nearby wall. Of course you did remember to install that full roll cage, race seat, and 6 point harnesses, right? And you have an up to date helmet and HANS device, right? Because you’re going to want all those if you hit something. And if you’re going to hit something, let go of the wheel and get your feet off the pedals and hope to hell that safety equipment does its job.
Alright, now you can drive irresponsibly through a corner and know how to survive. To see all this in action, this was me 9 years ago right after I bought this car. Some say I was lucky, I say I was prepared!
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
My phone is dying. Goodnight everyone! Here’s a little rodent humor
Why are you making right turns?
In the driving video
For when rubbin is not racing!
Apparently, too much alcohol just makes you want to watch porn and pass out. So, I’m done. Have a great night, you lovely people.
[raises glass, flips over from incognito tab]
And to you, sir.
[sits up]
Ice cream!
And maybe just a little more bourbon. And some water, that’s probably a good idea.
Oh, and a multivitamin. Can’t be gettin’ scurvy, ya know.
You could make a bourbon float?
Scurvy? If that is from lack of vitamin C, my suggestion is to eat more candy. Lots of citric acid and ascorbic acid, which is basically your vitamin C for the day.
You scream! We all scream for ice cream!
Why yes I was just rocking out to the example song from today’s Request Line. Were you not?
That was a very nice unexpected Request Line. Kudos and whatnot!
It was actually a repeat – though I guess that is allowed since it’s a Special Edition and I treat rules the way that the Houston Asterisks treat them, which is to say that I am happy to ignore them completely and bask in the triumph that my cheating provides.
We have goldfish memory. Once around the bowl and everything’s brand new!
Can I tell you something? I am so fucking stoked that Ukraine took back Kherson. Fuck Putin. Fuck that smug-ass piece of shit, dogwalking our disgrace of an ex-President around by his fake hair in Helsinki, acting like he’s worth more than the sweat off my dirty asshole. Fuck him forever, I hope they bury him in the ground to his neck and hand a piece of PVC pipe to a line of 100 mothers of dead Russian conscripts and it takes them a full two weeks to saw off his head with it.
Yes!
And this one!
Because…
AND
The UC Irvine Anteaters have defeated the #21 Oregon Ducks AT THEIR NIKE PLACE.
There is still good in the world.
What liquor next? Bourbon, I suppose. Supposed to save the applejack for Thanksgiving.
A is for Apple
J is for Jack
Cinnamon toasted Applejacks!
I fucking love Applejacks. And I love me some Cap’n Crunch too. I am five.
also I am old and five cheers
We won’t tell the others (cereals).
WOO HOO NEW DOWNTON ABBEY MOVIE!
Dude
I can’t even claim tWBS would have loved it, he would not have.
Anteaters are winning by 25 in the 2nd half at #21 Oregon and I am fully (3ish) erect.
grumble grumble what is that team called again and when are they holding open tryouts grumble grumble
If there was a Momeaters they would be funded better than the Phil Knight track team.
Disconcerting signals? That’s a new one!
I sadly know that call and, before you ask, yes, the Bengals were involved. The general consensus between the local fans and sports media was “We’ve never heard of that call before and of course we’d be the ones to bring it into the 21st century.”
Figures. I heard it tonight in the USC game, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that the Bengals committed an absurd and obscure penalty. Of course they did!
They should re-name the penalty to “Heckling”
Ciao Tutti
…so, we’re not going to talk about the guy who just broke his neck on the last play, ESPN2?
Okay, off to SportsCenter, I guess.
I just watched that video. I did that once on Rt. 6 in CT after hitting a patch of black ice at about 60. For me the key was remembering not to slam on the brakes, making it worse, and like Ayo says, steering hard into the skid. Went off the road and into the snow, but a quick shove from a friendly passer-by and I was on my way without issue.
The key here is a sociopathic-level of not caring about getting to work on time, or ever.
The JV lineup tomorrow isn’t optimal.
Who wants to go to a DFO meet-up at the XL Center in Hartford? UConn is ranked Top-10 in men’s hockey, (which is insane), and they’re playing Providence tomorrow night.
Trying to get my brother and a bunch of my friends from college to go. I will wear one of my replica hockey jerseys, (leaning towards Colorado Rockies, mostly because I will not fuck up my Liut jersey), and give my brother one, and they do have fighting straps, and we will be drinking, so be prepared.
Wait, why do the clutch and brake prevent the engine from spinning backwards?
Just the clutch. But if the clutch is engaged while spinning the car will be going backwards at some point. The wheels will spin the engine backwards at that point. Btdt and it’s not good.
IIRC, pressing in the clutch disconnects the engine from the drivetrain. If you’re going backwards, the drivetrain will move backwards. If they’re connected, the engine will then go backwards which is no bueno.
Pressing the clutch in until the backward movement stops prevents damage to the engine.
DFO dot com: Come for the dick jokes, stay for the helpful safety tips!
You can see that principle on display here:
https://youtu.be/3AWLrWvCwsQ
Kyrie Irving does not do those.
Oh, and what is with this Wisconsin thing about no beer sales in stores or gas stations after 9:00 pm?
Connecticut is the same.
That’s why I hang out in bars.
“Amateurs.”
— anyone from Pennsyltucky
Yeah, I’m thinking beer in stores and gas stations? Not when I lived there., probably still not.
Decided on a road trip this weekend. Pray for Beerguy.
By coincidence, I almost bought some Appleton Estate rum tonight. Didn’t, though, because they had a really good sale on Gosling.
Fun fact – I went to university with one of the Appleton heirs. He also loved Bernese Mountain Dogs.
In that vein, here are Riga & Lambeau in the Fall leaves.
THATS GOOD PUPPIES HERES A STEAK
They are smiling doggoes! Give them a big scritch!
Me: She has a weird face.
Daughter Cornblower: “God didn’t build Sydney Sweeney for you to look at her face.”
a) she right
7) when did you become gay was it recent or like a long time ago but you’re just coming out now and everyone’s being supportive which is really nice and i hope your journey ends with you hatefucking lindsey graham
I like my women the way I like my Scotch, mixed up with Coke and old enough for me to not to be appalled I’m face down in the middle of ’em.
Also I’m pretty sure my opinion of Ms. Sweeney’s facial appeal isn’t exactly keeping her up at night. “Oh no, the balding guy old enough to be my Dad finds me less than a 10! Howeva will ah recovah!? Someone fetch mah faintin’ couch!”
“Apologies, the faintin’ couch is already occupied. Oh Horatio, I seem to have lost my balance, I certainly hope my honor is not violated.” – Lady G, facedown on the couch
Me, in the corner playing Solitaire, (the card game, you assholes): “Whatever, Lindsey.”
I would play with Solitaire
Daughter Cornblower is correct. You should be looking at her tits and ass.
…and the AP has called AZ for astronaut and uninsane person Mark Kelly.
And insane person Kari Lake has fallen a little further behind.
Gonna celebrate with a beer (which tbh was gonna happen unregardless)
Oh good!
Disirregardless, you have made the right choice.
Man, it’s rough being a Lakers fan this year. Will have to comfort myself with the 2020 championship and beer and jerkin it.
So that’s how the fleshlight became “slightly” used.
Enjoy your Disney ring.
IT FUCKING COUNTS
YEAH BUT IT DOESN’T READ
Sorry, I somehow got to thinking we were talking about Lea Michele for some reason.
“I get it, sometimes I think I’m thinking about monkeys then I realize half the waffles are playing pinochle with vegetarian tuxedos.”
-Trent Green
USC is losing to Colorado 3-2 in baseball.
/puts hand to earpiece
I’m being told it’s actually a football game. Gonna change the channel and assume it ends this way.
USC ruined the joke by putting a crooked number on the scoreboard this inning.
Nothing golden etc.
When you said “crooked” and “inning” I thought you were talking about the Houston Asterisks for some reason.
Oh, right, the reason would be that they are crooked – which is to say that they cheat.
Live look at the Cincinnati Bearcats Football Team:
Railroad tank car vacuum implosion – YouTube
Evening. Who wants to guess what show I’ve been watching?
Rocko’s Modern Life?
Queer As Folk?
To Catch A Predator?
He said “watching”, not “starring in”.
My daughter guessed Pinky & The Brain.
Porn?
Going to make some cocktails (recipe via @Dunstan).
EC-UC is getting a bit chippy.
I guess Belly-to-Back Suplexes are now legal in FBS.
…and UC’s RB got tackled by his own guy. And a Delay of Game. Am I watching a Mid-90s Bungles game?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKYGkdVDqh0
@blaxabbath you should make this into your Christmas card.
looks like the same look I’d make if I saw that painted whore* naked without the soft filter she insists on using for every TV interview.
*whores are awesome and deserving of our full respect. Denigrating Kari Lake calls for pulling out, (phrasing!), all the stops. No whores were harmed in the making of this comment.
Your consideration for whores is noted and appreciated.
I tip well, too.
I saw a commercial today with Pimp Mommy Kris Jenner. She had the gauzy filter too. Who do these old skanks think they’re fooling?
Other skanks, I assume.
Themselves
They think they look like the young ladies of Mr. Ayo’s post. What they actually look like
USC just scored a safety. Condom used!
East (North) Carolina’s WR just did a picture-perfect homage to the Fingerpoke of Doom. It didn’t draw the flag, but that’s some quality flopping.
“Oh that kind of Vet?”
-tWBS
WVU prison-bitches Pitt in JV hoopsball, and the Ice Stillers takedown the Ice..Argos(?).
USC football on TV and jaialai on my phone. Already started drinking. I think I’m doing well tonight!
White people like their lacrosse and craft beer, for sure.
Really? Since when?
Fucking love both.
Not so much the people involved in either, however.
what this white guy said
/Drinking Treehouse right now
“I don’t see how this comment applies to me!”
This reminds me that I need to teach youngest GTD to do this in the neige as its “when” not “if” one slides in the winter
We’re gonna do doughnuts in the car in the snow to show how to handle the car when it slides
mmmmm….snownuts…..
Yeah, that used to be necessary in CT. Now we get one good snowstorm a year and everyone stays home and watches Netflix.
But hey, BP’s profits are up 111% so fuck the planet, amirite?
Now it makes sense. Where do you find this snow? On the Grapevine?
Here, let me help. I speak fluent Yinz:
It’s slippy aht. Jagoffs can’t drive in ‘is shit, they’ll end up in a jaggerbush when they jam on the binders.
Gon aht ta git milk an bread for chipped ham and jumbo sammiches, eh.
Dahn street ta the store, it’s cattycorner from the haus.
I may have already told this story, but some of you drink a lot, and others employ herbal remedies, so chances are you’ve forgotten. When we were in high school, Gumby and I were out smoking it up on a snowy day we didn’t have school. We were in my sisters car and she was driving, doing donuts. All of a sudden, a state cop turned on the cherry top. Panic ensued, we were scrabbling around trying to hide the weed, and the car was full of smoke. The cop tapped on the window and my sister rolled it down about a quarter of an inch. He said, and I quote,” Nancy, what the hell are you doing?” We all screamed ” It’s Danny!” The only cop we knew was our neighbor we’d all known since we were little. His sister used to babysit us, and Gumby was a member with him in a private hunting club. Needless to say, no citations were issued, he just laughed and told us to go home. And here’s the best part, his last name? STONER!
Fightin’ Horatios, (netball edition), won by about 30 and I have cracked open my first beer since Sunday. Will it be the last?
No. No it will not.
Also, outstanding job Mr. Ayo, although I am concerned that the poor lass in the 6th picture has shattered several of her thoracic vertebrae. I think if I were with a woman who assumed that position I would call an exorcist. Right after I finished.
So, like, 2 full Pitinos later.
Arm/hand boob is an underappreciated muse.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/josh-allen-injury-former-pro-bowl-qb-explains-why-it-could-be-tough-for-bills-star-to-play-with-injured-ucl/
As a Bengals fan, my heart breaks for the Bills and their fans. Palmer wasn’t the same QB after this injury. If it’s the same thing, Allen may be done.
Well, he was my third draft pick this year, right after Jonathan Taylor and Javonte Williams, soooooooo….
Cigarette Smoking Man is still alive, so the Bills aren’t winning any Super Bowls.
Also, GOOD GOD!
Ha ha! I LOVE the whistling at the end!
Btw, great advice. I’m thinking next week you can talk about drifting….
1. Crank up the Eurobeat.