Celebrating Afrikan-American Monday with the Bloodeyes Gang!

Tonight, we crown a JV NFL shempion.  Neither side is even evil, which makes for a nice change of paces.  All in on the Bloodeyes, of course.  Because HAIL ENTROPY (and the Hypnotoad).  But first, some items of note.

The Producers-ish 500s front office fired the first A-AM shot, firing Hobo Lovie Smith for having the temerity to win Week 18.  I absolutely loved how he clearly gave no fucks, and went out HIS WAY, middle fingers waving in the Texan air.

Next on the chopping block?  Noted White Devil Koach Kliff Kingsbury.  The Qards’ 4-13 skid mark was too much even for Qards’ management not to notice (Bill Bidwill’s sexuality aside, obvs).  Who knows what they do with the 4th overall pick, or with their next head coach.  I’m sure it will be hilarious, though.

Sean Payton is rumoUred to be playing footsie with the red-hot Donks.  I am not particularly interested, because (i) ZERO interest in forfeiting even MOAR draft capital for a plausibly-burnt out has been; (ii) Ejiro Evero is a much cooler dude (and name); and (iii) Jesus, just look at that disgusting, fat fuck.

Now, to the main event!

TCU (+13) v. Georgia (7:30, ESPN in many flavoUrs)

Blood.  FOAR.  The.  Bloodeyes GODS!!  Sonny Dykes and TCU are the quintessential American “underdog” story.  Dykes got run out of Cal-Berkley for fuck’s sake.  I can remember mentioning his name for my Wolven Sort, but so long ago and can’t remember which coaching search it was (and also maybe I am just imagining this).  Daywalker extraordinaire Max Duggan didn’t even win the QB1 role coming into the season.  I mean, you couldn’t make this shit up, even for a franchise as untethered in FITBAW reality as “Friday Night Lights.”

On the other sideline?  Welcome, my son.  To the machine.  Kirby Smart is like a less evil, but possibly even more competent, Nick Saban.  Stetson Bennett IV will no doubt be Grumblelord’s focus on Draft weekend, because The Legend of White Mac might just not be overseer-enough.

But I still have questions.  The blowout everyone expects COULD happen, but I think them thar Froggies got more than just a puncher’s chance.  For one, they are legitimately good (NFL talent at almost every level), and the most physical “Air Raid” team you will ever see.  They also run a 3-3-5 defense, a novelty in the B1G and SEC (completely so for B1G, just mostly in SEC play).  I read on The Athletic how Michigan was seemingly flummoxed by this.  Sure, I expect Kirby Smart to be better prepared than Lesser Harbs.  But it’s still an issue.

Secondly, UGA doesn’t have the scariest offensive skill position players on earth.  Especially if their mostrously large human TE is out or limited (ankle owie).  If just “power in the trenches” were enough, the Wolverines would be in SoCal to make the Dawgs.

I think we are getting a good one tonight.  Famous last words, I know.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We have turned off this game and turned on “Old Enough”.

Mr. Ayo

The Matt Gaetz documentary?

SonOfSpam

that would have a “not” in the title

BugEyedBoo

The Queen’s Gambit here; the third time for me.

SonOfSpam

Is Brock Bowers just a whiter version of Travis Kelce?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Senor Weaselo

If the second half is as completely oppressive throughout as the first, they might have to change their name to Texas Jewish University.

/Wasn’t sure how to go with it but it’s the best I gots

scotchnaut

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”

Me, taking a page out of Hippo’s book

Brick Meathook

That Mercedes “all electric” thing was terrible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did anyone else get a “Michels for governor” ad just now?

WCS

Every now and then we get a Bob’s Discount Furniture, an official sponsor of the Washington Commies. In Yinzburgh.

Gumbygirl

Bob is creepy.

SonOfSpam

Are Rod and Todd ready to celebrate Diamond of the Diamond and Silk duo?

SonOfSpam

(No cause of death yet, unless one can die from shamelessness)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She was hospitalized for COVID around Thanksgiving – not sure if it actually led to her death but Rod and Todd are at Defcon 3 right now.

Col. Duke LaCross

Woman who did everything she could to die of Covid-19, who was hospitalized in critical condition over a month ago with Covid-19, has unexpectedly died. Of what, we may never know. It’s a mystery.

The Maestro

Good evening, degenerates. I see I’ve stumbled into a boat race.

LemonJello

I haven’t seen dogs tear up their opponent like this since Mike Vick’s last “house party.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think when Eli Manning heard that song in the Taco Bell commercial (you know the “never gonna say it to my face…” one) he immediately ran out and bought that band’s album?

Mr. Ayo

Where’s the Sim to End button?

litre_cola

With the over please.

Redshirt

Mid-Level Teams: “Extend the playoffs!”

(Georgia destroys TCU from the DNA up)

Mid-Level Teams: “Nevermind. We’re good.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, that’s not what he wanted to cook.

ballsofsteelandfury

This game is over. Off to watch… Something.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Even my mother-in-law has turned her nose up at this game.

litre_cola

Puebla game is on no?

Dunstan

Was offered a “too good to pass up” deal on a whole halibut. So now I’ve got a three pound goofy-looking fish in my oven, along with some duck fat potatoes, and will be sauteeing some broccolini and making a tarragon sauce. Then I guess I’ll be experimenting with uses for leftover fish for the rest of the week. Halibut croquettes? Sure, why not. Halibut chowder? Sounds about right for these rainy nights.

LemonJello

Andy Reid likes the cut of your jib, sir.

SonOfSpam

Halibut tacos would be excellent

Gumbygirl

Fish pie. And chowdah!

Doktor Zymm

A Jets fan who hates Qaaron just sat down at the bar!

WCS

A Jets fan hates everything and everyone, especially themselves.

Doktor Zymm

He grew up in Florida and lives in Chicago now, so he might have built up some immunity. He wants Carr to go to the Jets

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would love to see Carr go to the Jets. It would be great to see him succeed there, but equally entertaining to see him fall into the “when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet for life” vortex.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE GUYS THE GEORGIA BULLDOGS I CALL THEM THE ROMAN EMPEROR DIOCLETIAN BECAUSE THEY ARE SLAUGHTERING THE CHRISTIANS.

scotchnaut

What booky book?

WCS

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WCS

Jawja ran the same play three out of four times. That’s Hypnotoad-esque.

LemonJello

Andy Reid keeps hearing Herbstreit talk about a “sugar huddle” and wants to implement one in KC. RIGHT. NOW.

Spur

DeMeco Ryans needs to take the Chargers job should it open up. Cards and Texans are hell holes. Donks are attached to a dead man for the next 2 years. Sean Payton is not taking any job until he knows Double J isnt firing McCarthy.

scotchnaut

Apropos to Brick’s rain comment below, when I was in Arizona all the weatherfolks were asking for rain and when it did finally come the first thing mentioned was ‘flash washouts’. Coming from a place where intense rain just gets absorbed into the ground (for the most part) this was weird to me.

Col. Duke LaCross

Aaaaaaand Ladd McConkey was just described as both “gritty” and a “lunchpail kid” in the same sentence. Just say Caucasian, guys. We can already do the math.

Bill Belichick has already submitted his draft card.

Last edited 1 year ago by Col. Duke LaCross
WCS

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There’s only one true Conkey.

Brick Meathook

SoFi has a roof but is an open-air stadium. Los Angeles is about to get walloped with rain.

Let’s see how good the drainage is at this brand new facility.

FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD

Doktor Zymm

I remember the construction being delayed by the rain over a significantly less wet winter than this one. Let’s see if they planned!

WCS
Redshirt

…and you thought Global Warming was all bad.

WCS

Even Texas’ mom is embarrassed by Texas’ arrogance.

Spur

Yes, even for Texans, TAMU people are very weird.

Spur

what time did this game start?

Spur

Guess, since they couldn’t tailgate the fans and teams decided to start the game early

LemonJello

Time is a meaningless construct.

litre_cola

As is the true meaning of sandwich.

scotchnaut

“And keeps ticking, ticking, ticking into the futurrrrrrrre…. But it also tends to repeat itself!”

-Steve Miller, after reading Nietzsche

Spur

Folks

scotchnaut

No one is supposed to be that wide open.

Doktor Zymm

At least outside a couple particular genres of porn

scotchnaut

I’ve tried six different angles (ha!) at a joke referencing a speculum and I just can’t do it.

Gumbygirl

There is nothing funny about a speculum, trust me.

Game Time Decision

Specky the speculum

Don T

Horny Toads clean up after a fumble. Sigh. If only that happened at orgies.

Doktor Zymm

Woo! $10 buffalo chicken wrap with sweet potato fries time!

Doktor Zymm

I’ve really missed living 425 ft from a good neighborhood bar that serves decent bar food. This was possibly the best part of living in Chicago full time

Gumbygirl

You appear to be talking yourself into moving back!

Doktor Zymm

It’s a great place part-time. Not sure I could do it full time again, at least not if I need to leave the block regularly

scotchnaut

The thing I hate about buffalo chicken wraps is that the resto can’t be bothered to lean either way and make their protein wraps all buffalo or all chicken. Pick an animal and stick with it!

/I’d make a great restaurant critic

Last edited 1 year ago by scotchnaut
scotchnaut

Damn, it’s 14-0 already.

/waits for comment to be true

WCS

If yinz can’t trust a sentient, talking semi-aquatic mammal with an opioid addiction then who can yinz trust?

litre_cola

Yep, didn’t bet that, bet props instead.

WCS

Seven safeties in one half! Incredible!

SonOfSpam

They might get a couple safeties.

Mr. Ayo

Woah, two safety dances ahead?

This will be fun!

Redshirt

Damn, I won the billion dollar jackpot.

/waits for comment to be true

Mr. Ayo

*scribbles Game Over in notebook*

LemonJello

Oh, it’s going to be one of those* National Championships.

*reserves the right to change this opinion

Redshirt

Andy Dalton is from TCU. I’m rooting for them, but I can never fully trust a team that makes Andy Dalton their quarterback.

SonOfSpam

Quickest move by a Bennett since they told Tony they were almost outta coke.

scotchnaut

I’m going with the alphabet team-something that folks that have graduated from the University of Georgia are not familiar with.

Gumbygirl

Lissen here pup. I went to Georgia. I know all of the alphabet, especially the letters F and U!
(Just kidding Scotchy, please don’t murder me, you’re my favourite, mmmkay?)

Mr. Ayo

Ok, but do you know the correct order of the alphabet?

Gumbygirl

If I sing it!

Game Time Decision

I’m so screwed if I have do the alphabet backwardsas part of those roadside sobritey checks. Can barely do it forwards

LemonJello

BLEERGH makes her presence felt early tonight.

litre_cola

I like stetson 3+tds, McHonkey td, and the over 64.5.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, the national championship game is in LA???

I can tell y’all that there was no hype about this all week long. I had no idea and neither did most of LA.

Brick Meathook

I didn’t know it until yesterday and then only by chance – I even had to deduce it and look it up to confirm.

Are they mentioning that Los Angeles is about to get smacked with that Biblical rainstorm that is currently in Santa Barbara?

scotchnaut

So is Georgia benefiting from a fantastic recruiting cycle (or two, or three) like LSU a few years back?

WCS

They’re not going anywhere for a while.

LemonJello

Much like Lea Michelle with a map in her hands.

LemonJello

Hey! Those booster provided benefits aren’t going to pay for themselves! The ad revenue gods must be sated.

SonOfSpam

I like the Dawgs to cover so please bet the Horny Toads if you wanna make crypto bank.

litre_cola

Wait, there is still a Space Force?

SonOfSpam

Yeah but now it’s woke because of Biden so we’re not gonna colonize Mars unless they give consent smh

Doktor Zymm

Walk like a Pillgyptian!

Gumbygirl

He’s going to Liverpool to do nothing.

SonOfSpam

(cut to Hippo staring at an Eternal Flame while outside it’s a Hazy Shade of Winter)

Doktor Zymm

I really want to walk over to the bar for dinner while watching the game, but I’m stuck here waiting for Amazon to show up so I can tell them the security code for delivering my overpriced wellness monies watch. At least I got a bunch of painting done today! I’ll put the second coat on tomorrow then only the hall where I have to sand the stupid wall will remain

litre_cola

He should probably hang it up. It looks to be straining on him. Although with some people once they quit their gigs that they love, they die. So maybe he is one of those.

WCS

He should have quit 15 years ago after his third stroke, but he knows he’s worm food 15 minutes after that.

litre_cola

I watched the pregame while cooking. I think Saban wants Pat McAffey dead, McAffey knows this and tries to push Satan’s buttons.

scotchnaut

If you’re able to, check out the Montreal Canadiens special blue kits on display tonight. wtf…

Mr. Ayo

Wow, those are something.

scotchnaut

Just go pastel purple if you want to enrage your fanbase.

litre_cola

So we have a Stetson Bennett iV, and a Ladd McConkey on Georgia. Where the hell is Colt Cootchknuckle Jr?

/Did just bet On McHonkey to score though.

LemonJello

Cootchknuckle was my college band’s name!

WCS

90% of Canadian garage bands also have this name.

ballsofsteelandfury

And how many channels will this game be on?

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
scotchnaut

Up in The Canada? Just four.

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

In the bar I’m in, none.

litre_cola

Looks to me like 11 in your country.