Your Very First Wild Card Playoff Game of Sunday Open Thread

Well, that was unexpected, actually expected last night. The Chargers are truly a cursed team that will squander any break they’ve been given. They need to bring Rivers in to talk to Herbert and say, “This is your life now, you need to accept that.”

To The Game!

Fins/Bills:

-Buffalo ended the season with 7 straight wins including a close W over Miami 32-29 a month ago.

-Meanwhile, the Fins limped to a 2-5 record over the same span which included an uninspiring 11-6 victory over the Jets to guarantee a postseason spot. For those reasons they’re a 13.5 dog on the sports books, the largest spread ever for a Wild Card game.

-A Trend?: James Cook was eased into the Bills game plan over the first nine weeks of the season, only averaging 4 carries and one catch over that time. Since then his workload has doubled and he ended the season out-touching Singletary for the first time. (might be because they were resting him though) He might be the safe outlet in the flat if the Fins take away the deep ball with a two high safety look.

-Poor Skylar Thompson-it’s one thing to be a rookie qb that wasn’t expected to play (may even have been drafted to be a camp arm) but it’s quite another to have to play and then be pitted against the defenses of the Pats and Jets (the only teams he’s played serious minutes against) and now the Bills. McDaniels has made it very simple for him and his 5.1 average pass completion stat reflects that.

-I’ve read out in the ether that Waddle and/or Hill may be put on punt/kickoff duty for this tilt and why not? Leveraging your speed guys/playmakers and giving them extra touches seems like good thinking to me.

Attack The Rook: The Fins have an undrafted young ‘un playing slot corner by the name of Kader Kohou. Though he’s generally played well (10 pass breakups and an INT) expect the Bills to rotate Diggs and Davis into that spot to take advantage of the 5’10” freshman.

See you down below.

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Redshirt

Uh, yeah. This isn’t Madden here. This is real life. Better to end the half with 9 unanswered points rather than a 4 and out.

Also, Allen is showing a bit erratic today. You may pick up another pick before half.

Last edited 1 year ago by Redshirt
Petronel

…aaand there it is (not really Allen’s fault, though)

Col. Duke LaCross

Somebody smeared the ball with the Pfizer vaccine.

Dunstan

Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

Mr. Ayo

Redshirt-damus over here

jjfozz

How to deal with a Fozz Family gathering:

  1. Don’t eat all day
  2. Pound down two stiff bourbons (Elijah Craig)
  3. Follow up with two Raging Bitch (8.3%)
  4. Several Miller Lites
  5. Continue to not eat
  6. Finish with bourbon, get on DFO and type nonsense.
  7. Finally eat leftovers, get hot sauce all over carpet, catch shit from the wife.
Doktor Zymm

I’ve heard that carpet hot sauce is a vaccine side effect. I think your MIL told me that.

The Maestro

OK, here’s another query for any medically or scientifically-minded folks out here.

Apparently Lady Maestro’s division president had to have a multi-hip replacement done in his late 20s to revascularize the area because he DRANK TOO MUCH.

Legitimately did not even know that was a thing that could even happen to you.

Based on this info, how much fucking alcohol would a person need to ingest before they might be needing such a procedure?

WCS

I have heard that excessive (note: EXCESSIVE) drinking can cause bone density loss and blood pressure problems, so that adds up.

The Maestro

Listen, I could qualify as an excessive drinker at many an occasion in my life, as I’m sure most of you similarly. But as you noted… what’s the difference here between excessive and EXCESSIVE?

Doktor Zymm

Apparently it’s this: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/avascular-necrosis/symptoms-causes/syc-20369859#:~:text=Avascular%20necrosis%20is%20the%20death,to%20a%20section%20of%20bone.

Seems like it’s pretty rare and you also need genetic factors and bad luck combined with drinking

ArmedandHammered

The boy had alcoholic neuropathy from drinking over a 5th a day of vodka, almost lost the use if his legs permanently if we did not get him dried out as soon as we did.

Gumbygirl

Is he doing ok?

ArmedandHammered

Yep, just moved to GA, living with friends and looking for a job, he sounds the happiest I have heard him in a long time. His moving had more of an effect on me than I anticipated, I still worry so much.

Gumbygirl

You always will worry, but good for him!

Col. Duke LaCross

NAWT A CATCH!

jjfozz

Do we all agree that “Stepbrothers” is the highest form of entertainment in the history of cinema?

Brick Meathook

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Dunstan

I think it’s ok, but a friend of mine quotes from it so often that I have grown to hate it.

jjfozz

Josh Allen is fiery, but dude you’re picking on the wrong guy. Lamar would have hurt hmiself.

Also, we’re on our third birthday part of the weekend for my son

King Hippo

Patrick Star should be announcing

Redshirt

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! KILL! KILL! KILL!

Redshirt

Brave move, Allen. Start the fight and walk away.

Petronel

Leaving his linemen to deal with the defense…perhaps it’s just instinct by now

(no, not really)

jjfozz

“one fights, we all fight”, that was my coach’s rule

Mr. Ayo

BRAWL!

King Hippo

HippoTHEORY – Brokeback has adult ADHD

King Hippo

LOLfins across midfield? I have volume off, did I miss a Bills Mafia surprise onside kick or sommet?

BugEyedBoo

Kickoff out of bounds put Miami at the 40.

Doktor Zymm

On one hand, we saw last night that teams can come back from what looks like a huge blowout. On the other hand, the Dolphins are a shell of a team in a way the Jaguras are not and the Bills are both competent and less cursed in a way the Chargers are not.

Gatoraids

Dolphins took note of yesterday and will make the halftime adjustment of getting Skylar a long blond wig

Spur

and he will now be named Vicky

Redshirt

“After reviewing the play, NFL HQ says the ratings are dropping. Third Down.”

Game Time Decision

-The Narrative

Doktor Zymm

I would have a lot more respect for anti-vaping and other anti-tobacco commercials if they weren’t even more manipulative and scammy than actual tobacco commercials from the 80s when they were still allowed to advertise. I’m amazed they aren’t using stock footage of clouds.

BugEyedBoo

You’d need a marketing/ad guy to confirm this, but I’ve read about anti-x commercials designed to subtly increase, not decrease usage.

WCS

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BugEyedBoo

How did that Geico gecko ring the doorbell?

King Hippo

with his PENIS obvs

Redshirt

Maybe lulling the opponent into a false sense of superiority is a Florida football strategy thingy.

WCS

I thought we tried the “gritty Jesus” approach during The Crusades…

Redshirt

“That defense is highly overrated and is never successful.”
-P. Pilate, Jerusalem, ca. AD 33

Doktor Zymm

Okay, I definitely have the wrong channel, unless all of the players have been turned into dogs and they’ve replaced football with a doggie longjump competition into a pool.

BugEyedBoo

That doggie longjump is pretty cool. Don’t let my wife know it’s on; she’s already bored with this game.

Mr. Ayo

Waddle ded.

Game Time Decision

But she’s sitting on all that cash, I’d have buttery muscles too

Spur

It’s tough catching the football when you have fins instead of hands.

Horatio Cornblower

The Arsenal flag continues to work its magic.

King Hippo

People tried to say it was a 3-team race after the Manc Derby.

Uh, no. Unless they meant “for 2nd position”

blaxabbath

Planned on lying around all day with the head-injured houseguest etc. The fireplace is really carrying the house right now — I’ve got that bitch roaring so much the Mrs is having to open doors and windows to release the heat.

But NO! Their third friend who didn’t come yesterday is coming today AND she’s got her kids AND they’re going to celebrate her (third friend) birthday AND I find out this morning when I thought we were done straightening up that, when they were roommates in college, she thought my wife was a slob. SO WE HIT LIKE A DEEP CLEAN. Which is actually fine by me because her brother is coming and I am trying to do some business with the guy so a good impression is best then.

So that’s done. ALSO this morning my wife and I got up and went to the same workout class together (which we rarely do bc the kid/work) and decided to take a half a small serving of preworkout, which I have never had any interest in before. Why do we have it? Because she felt sluggish one day when she was like dieting and thought this would be good to get her through the wall. It’s called BAMF — which my brother told me is Bad Ass Mother Fucker; which I find pretty risque for a place that caters to yuppies but, hey, maybe that’s okay to my neighbors (just seems like there are other options available on the market that are as good at the price point) — and it’s definitely got me going a little wired on top of me being anxious because I know my wife like wants to host well and, while I’m not sneaking off to watch Functioning Brain vs Tua M-O-O-N That Spells Tagovailoa!, this is a thing where I used to hang out with the dogs and now I want to hang out with the little kids and supervise their games while you hang with the girls in the warm house!

So now I’m all roided and ready to rock!

I miss the NFL. Please let me know what chips we’re fans of these days. Good ad campaigns are so underrated….

Game Time Decision

All dressed

ballsofsteelandfury

We all agree this game is over, right?

King Hippo

Over like Silk and Diamond.

Spur

no we need more TDs

blaxabbath

Refs must keep MIA in this. No way Big Rog is gonna hear one peep about, “Tua’s still got effects of those hits, btw.”

WCS

Skyler Thompson’s first playoff game is going to go as well as Dan Marino’s last.

Mr. Ayo

Maybe he’s going for the “Prison Girlfriend” experience

WCS

Better square up on commissary day.

King Hippo

Sky deffo fucked Ted, and just might do it again.

The Maestro

Just found two pounds of cooked bacon in my freezer that I had absolutely no idea was there. Lady Maestro must have cooked it at some point on one of her rare mornings off. What an angel. I am the luckiest man on the planet.

WCS

Lots of delicious bacon for yinz now, lures for prey later!

Horatio Cornblower

Scotchnaut: “So that’s where I put that ‘bacon’!”

Game Time Decision

I’d say that I’m on my way but it will be long gone by the time I get there in about 4 hours

King Hippo

“Easy to drink, easy to enjoy”

Because it’s fookin’ water!

WCS

“Easy to drink, easy to enjoy”*

*not an accurate statement

Horatio Cornblower

Everyone say “congratulations” to Balls on his special day:

https://twitter.com/Enrico_Palazzo_/status/1614409132630482944

TheRevanchist

It’s all roses until someone decides to have Taco Bell.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what I’m having to celebrate!

Fronkenshteen

What the hell. GO NOO YAWK FOOTBAWL GIANTS!!!

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Game Time Decision

Boris betting advice in action

WCS

Is is too soon to declare insurmountable lead?

Game Time Decision

No immediate kick return TD, so better than the P*ts

Spur

Did you guys know a player for Buffalo was hurt pretty bad a few weeks ago?

Gatoraids

Decided to trim some branches before the game and had a nice sized oak branch hit my on the forehead so I’m more than ready for this game now as a Fins fan,

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry to hear about your back injury.

Gumbygirl

.

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Brocky

The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!

Senor Weaselo

I’d say “bring back Bil Dwyer,” but they did! He’s now the between fight entertainment!

Game Time Decision

Looks like I missed a good game last night. Really that’s all I want for the remainder of the playoffs

TheRevanchist

I want to see KC destroy every team in their path with a 40 point winning margin on average. But, I guess we all want something different in life.

Gatoraids

Liebot what is the saddest thing seeing the empty red zone introduction that will never come, whoever this guy on CBS that makes you long for the days of Frank Caliendo, or a 40 something Fins fan thinking someone named Skyler to take the dolphins to the super bowl win in his memory

The Maestro

Philippe: NO!

Redshirt

Jacksonville Jaguars Post-Game Celebration (Artistic Interpretation)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJ_7ELaZ7ak

Spur

took the over for this one over – 43.5. lets see those TDs!

Redshirt

Need two Rushing TDs from Singletary and a Bills win. I second your suggestion.

King Hippo

I like how you’ve jumped into GAMBLOR MANIA with both feet.

Redshirt

It’s actually cheaper than going to the casino.

TheRevanchist

So you think the final score will be 42-3 Buffalo? Sounds about right.

Spur

Morning. Little hazy this morning, celebrated last night with the finest toilet wine.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The prospect of the Raiders signing Brady has me salivating more than this mother sauce I’m cookin’ up. Either he balls out and gets them out of franchise hell (at least for a short time) or he flames out and his career ends on a lower note than anyone would have thought possible.

Cecil Rhodes

All the washed up stars end up in Vegas, so a move to the Raiders makes perfect sense. I’m sure that Brady would be a perfect fit in one of Vegas’ many chippendales troupes if football doesn’t work out.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It would be wonderful if a player was 100% honest and said “my goals in Vegas are to win a Super Bowl and to fuck a different showgirl every single night of the year.”

Spur

Jimmy G would impregnate half the entertainment industry “dancers” in Vegas.

Game Time Decision

Tom Brady found dead on his toilet after his 3-14 season with the Raiders
/Elvis styles

Dunstan

Don’t rule out the late career Brett Favre arc: he plays just well enough to convince the organization to indulge his every whim, only to throw backbreaking interceptions at critical moments in the playoffs.

Cecil Rhodes

Outstanding first half from the King’s Finest! One never enjoys seeing the lads triumph over another White squadron (even if it’s Spurs!), but you have to do what you can to get the three points! Godspeed to Bulawayo Saka and his band of merry men in the second 45!

King Hippo

Jeebus, Arsenal are good. So, so good. This should be 4-nil already

Sharkbait

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King Hippo

God that’s so perfect.

Redshirt

I don’t care if the Admins say it would screw up the site design, this deserves to be the banner.

The Maestro

Hey – any of y’all have experience coaching basketball? I’m working a gym class for the next month and I’m building a 10-class plan. It’s one sport I just really never played a lot of growing up, so I’ve been trying to figure out some interesting ways to teach fundamentals again. Lemme know, pals.

Brick Meathook

Try this:
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The Maestro

I know a lot of people say this movie was shitty, but I still have a soft spot for it.

ballsofsteelandfury

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ballsofsteelandfury

In all seriousness, what age group are we talking?

The Maestro

Grade 10 girls. A couple can really ball, but most are pretty casual – though many are quite talented in other sports (several soccer players and gymnasts in the group).

ballsofsteelandfury

Soccer players will understand spacing, so work with them on positioning and movement to create spaces. You can work with the gymnasts on catching and passing/shooting while in motion or in the air.

Then finish each session with free throws and just general shooting drills.

The Maestro

Thanks pal!

Horatio Cornblower

Scream at them for every mistake and belittle their accomplishments. Suggest they need to lose weight, no matter what their weight is. Suggest you can “help” the attractive ones with college scholarships so long as they “know how to play ball.”

Note that I am not a coach, I’m just assuming this is what they do from what I see in the media.

Game Time Decision

Chair throwing and garbage can kicking optional

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The soccer girls can learn everything they need to know about basketball by watching this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rl3G34VLYw

Horatio Cornblower

Back from vacation. Went from mid-80’s to mid-30’s. Probably a post on this later with more details, but if a Delta plane loaded with Delta executives crashed into a mountain sooner rather than later I would feel pretty bad.

For the plane.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fellow passengers on Horatio’s flight (artist’s conception):

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Horatio Cornblower

The passengers were fine. Really surprised no one really lost their shit with all the shenanigans and obvious lying Delta was doing.

King Hippo

I swear to fuck, all the air travel stories I’ve heard over the past few weeks? Really going to insist that my mom, Wolven Sort spawn, and I drive up to Ontario this March (instead of flying into Detroit).

Fuck’s sake, we can rotate drivers quite a bit.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My attitude towards the Chargers has always been more “indifference” than anything else, especially recently, but having learned that Rush Limbaugh wrote the foreword to Spanos’ autobiography, I’m ready to start hatin’.

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King Hippo

Good Heavenly Christ, I really hope he rots in hell now. He and Rushbo can be roomies.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet the title is taken from the incident where he told a valet he could keep all the coins in the cupholder as a tip. Half of which were foreign.

King Hippo

I think there’s a typo, I know you meant “This is your life now, you need to accept that, cockwallet.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good thing Damar is recovering, those Buffalo residents prefer real wings to vegetables

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s another damp day in Los Angeles, so I’ll be watchin’ football and making the mother sauce.

https://doorfliesopen.com/2015/06/14/sunday-gravy-with-yeah-right-the-mother-sauce/

yeah right

Atta boy. If you’ve got the time try the bread too. It will keep the house warm.

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