As Barry Manilow famously said, “Looks like we made it!” As with every season, t’was a tortuous route for all of us-we lost some some folks/fans but we gained some as well and learned something along the way. (I learned that I didn’t learn anything, which is a kind of learning)
Some Superb Owl Facts You May Not Know-
-The game was named by famous ornithologist John James Audubon who also named The Great Horned Owl on the very same day, the only man to name two species in a 24 hour period. The Germans were so impressed with this feat they named their highway system after him!
-Wacko Super Bowl truthers insist that Lamar Hunt named it after a kid’s toy. (thank heavens the Hunt kids weren’t playing with a Slinky) Actually, sports writers were calling it the Super Bowl back in 1966-Arthur Dailey, a columnist in New York called it ‘the superduper bowl’. It caught on quite easily, given that some of the competition out there at the time was The Bluebonnet Bowl, The Tangerine Bowl, The Sun Bowl and The Pasadena Bowl.
-The game has only been played in Canada-adjacent states three times-each time Michigan and Minnesota’s Labatt’s and Molson reservoirs came dangerously close to drying up. Lesson learned, America!
To The Game!
Chiefs/Eagles:
-Is there a betting line on Kadarius Toney getting hurt? Because he is going to get hurt. As far as other props go, I’d take a Justin Watson anytime TD at +700. You can take the Gatoraid prop and give yourself an enema with it.
-The only teams to record more than the Eagles 70 sacks are the ’89 Vikes (71) and the ’84 Bears (72).
-To offset that pressure look for K.C. to employ wr screens, jet sweeps and delayed screens to the running backs.
-Shoulder Responsibilities?: Hurts was an effective deep passer in the regular season but he is only 2 of 7 on passes of 20+ yards in the playoffs. (none of them for scores)
-Much like all at their position, Philly’s lb’s are overmatched vs Kelce. For that reason the team may turn to man fathered by a 19th century English manservant and birthed by an accountancy firm, one Chauncey Gardner-Johnson.
-The Chiefs run game on 1st down in the playoffs is a crapshoot. They’ve averaged 2.8 yards per carry so far.
-Hassan Reddick Feast Day: He’ll be lined up against Chiefs guard Andrew Wylie who has, bless his heart, very generously given up (9!) sacks so far this year.
-Philly nay-sayers have pointed out that the quality of teams they’ve played against isn’t exactly top-notch. Football Outsiders has their sked ranked as the easiest in the league by a good margin. And really, they’ve battled against the likes of Josh Johnson, One-Armed Purdy, Webb, Rush, Pickett, Mills, Heinicke and Dalton. Do those guys even qualify as ‘C’ level talent?
-“Tyreek, Who’s He?”: The Chiefs as a team had more yards after the catch than any squadoo in the last 15 years. Using the Expected Points Added metric, the offense became more efficient than it was last year.
-Mahomes’ EPA per pass play ranking vs zone? #1. Vs man? #1. Vs the blitz? #1. Vs no blitz? #1. Vs split safeties? #1. Vs single-high safeties? #2, like a sucker.
-No team has beaten the Chiefs by more than 4 points this year.
-K.C. likes to play press coverage and wr Brown ranks #1 there but he’s been quiet in the playoffs with 7 grabs (on 14 targets) for a mere 54 yards. He’s been open but Hurts has missed him.
-All things considered, I’m leaning towards them Chiefs. They appear to have huge advantages at qb and coach and Philly’s gaudy stats have come against questionable teams in questionable circumstances. But what do I know? Nothing.
Enjoy. Drop in and say hello if you haven’t recently, we’d love to hear from you.
I like the //FLAG\\ graphic in the chyron. Hard to miss.
THE NARRATOR
Wow. Horseshit
Don’t give them the ball. Just score as clock expires.
I.e. ya win some, ya lose to the Gints and Iggles
14 million for 2 Jesus spots?
I’m sure there couldn’t be better uses for that money.
Fuck Jesus.
Actung
A bit soon after Olivia there, guys.
Those summer niii-iiights!!!
So, I cook the green onion pancakes with butter instead of oil because delicious
TELL ME MORE
TELL ME MORE
WHAT IS SCIENTOLOGY FOR
Alas, I have but one upvote to give
…I can’t hate these guys
They’re inside SHANK’LOR’s range now.
Mahomes is hurting after that.
Just let them score
No worries. KC will score
The REALLY good stuff
Last football winz. Whatta game!
FUUUUUUCK those guys
I cannot wait to cancel cable
Okay, I just had a Hamlin flashback on that hit.
Hope Hamlin didn’t
He’s at the game and I’m legit worried he’s having one as well
*Good Times theme
Ow
We’re getting OT
Jalen Hurts’performance is giving me Vince Young vs USC flashbacks
Really impressive agreed
Okay, nawt opening a new bottle of wine, GIN-ger ale time!
This is the same as if we were watching Champions League final and it was 3-3 in the 80th minute.
Brandon graham: that’s a nice 4th quarter possession you got there…
Be a shame if someone did something to it
Apparently Poker Face is actually pretty good, but I still won’t end up watching it because I’m lazy and don’t pay for TV outside of the football season
So last possession wins this?
I know 5+ minutes left, but CAN HAZ OT?
PLZ
Football is the greatest fucking sport ever.
DAMN SKIPPY
The worm may not be done turning.
Asleep at the wheel there, Chefs.
“I wish.”
B. Reid, from his prison cell
THE WIND PUSHED HIM OUT OF BOUNDS
doesn’t matter
WOW
Please remind me of all the Non-racist reasons Eric Bienemy doesn’t qualify for a head coaching job?
“He Doesn’t Interview Well”.
He doesn’t have the connections that Ben roethlisberger does
They don’t like his Green Day-centric nickname? That’s Eric “Do You Know” Bienemy.
I just want you to know I hate myself for laughing at this
Colorado Sucks? I got nothing
I am very happy to never give money to that ded antisemitic fuck Walt Disney
He gets your money anyway.
True but fuck him anyhow
$125 for Spam if this score holds (as long as I’m jinxing things)
You fucking jink this, I swear on my daughter Imma give money to the Republicans.
$6.66, to be exact.
Womp womp
The worm it has turned
I love this game.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that the chiefs special teams coach is David toub is the same guy who coached Devin hester
[beso de chef]
Philly choking on it
Tony, Toni, Tone! making Giants fans smash their TVs
Where’s Kern? Fuck Philly 🤑
Where’s Gregg’s notebook?
Wife took it in the divorce, hopefully
Oh, that was glorious
“We replaced Hurts with Russell Wilson, let’s see if anyone notices”
It’s a good thing that driving down a football field doesn’t have the same requirements for sobriety as driving a car
Keep handing the ball off to Pachinko and Kate McKinnon.
Its the Chefs racist chant