April Fools’ Day is the dumbest day of the Murrikan calendar. YES, even worse than Greeting Card Day (ie, 14 Feb). Take that shit somewhere else.
City host the Redshite early (Peacock, 7:30), but down a Foden and likely Haaland, too. They should still be better (especially at home) but there’s enough uncertainty to unnerve Hippo.
Champions-elect King’s Afrikan Water Pistols welcome Leeds in the 10:00 window (USA), looking to maintain their huge chasm (PHRASING) at the top. April gets kind of tough after this’un, so best not to fuck around and find out. I’d say Cherries/Mighty Whitey is the best of several streaming options, but YMMV.
Spotlight Dance (12:30, USA) ain’t particularly great – Chelski hosting Villa. Might I suggest the Bundesliga throwdown on ESPN+ instead? It’s a BEAR TEAM!! against Dortmund, for all the bratwurst. I’m posting the pic again, in any event. Me likey.
Sunday brings a decent USA double bill, with Rum Ham v. Sham Thown (9:00) followed by Men Untied away to the Bonesaws (11:30), with heavy bronze medal implications. Do turn in, won’t you be a good lad/lass?
But FIRST, we get an entropic Final Four for the ages. Without further ado…
Florida Atlantic (+3) at JV Hardwood BOLTMEN!! (6:09, CBS)
Classic offense v. defence, guard play v. bruisers in the post. I don’t think the winner here is drawing ded against UConn, at least not any more than Miami already is. Remember, 2023 is the year of Maximum Entropy.
Miami (FL) (+6) at Fightin’ Horatios (8:49, CBS)
I get the impression that Dan Hurley LOVES returning the Huskies to “wrestling heel” status. It’s a role he was born to play. He can really coach the fuck out of some hoopsball, too. This late tip is asking an awful lot out of Da U’s geriatric coach. Thus, the spread keeps on a-growin.’ Canes are somehow the most perplexing team to make the Final Four, at least to me. Fuck’s sake, they LOST TO NC STATE in the regular season.
THIS FINAL FOUR GAME, I CALL IT A CHACMOOL IN TENOCHTITLAN BECAUSE SOMEONE IS GETTING THEIR HEART TORN OUT BY THE END OF IT!
And in the end the real winners are a bunch of old white dudes who made all the money.
Man, you said it.
zing 👏🏻👏🏻
Need a massive sinew infusion at the half, JV BOLTMEN
Sideline Reporter: “What is your strategy for the rest of the first half?”
Redshirt the Head Coach: “Well, I’d think I rather tell my players that then you, to be honest.”
The ice REDBLACKS host the ice Argos tonight, and in honoUr of Ottawa’s German süperstar Tim Stützle and our upcoming European vacation, Lady Maestro and I are drinking copious amounts of German beer and making käsespätzle for dinner tonight. Fuck and yes.
But no war crimes. Except for y’all’s gas.
Goddamn, does it ever suck living in the sticks when the power goes out and you discover that your trusty generator isn’t all that trusty anymore.
Time to upgrade – and hey, perhaps a sawblade or two could turn the issues hampering the old one into an insurance claim…
See? 3rd world’s no big thang!
Ho hum. Another Final Four Game with perennial powerhouse schools.
I took a class at SDSU, so I’m obligated to root for them. I would anyways, though. Florida and everything in it can get fucked by rats.
/Ron DeSantis’ music begins blaring
If I Only Had a Heart – Karaoke – YouTube
I was rooting for Florida Atlantic, but I saw they have their nameplates under the numbers and now they are my mortal enemies.
Am also leery of non-stripper adults named “Dusty”
With one exception.
Dusty Rhodes Entrance Video – YouTube
Stomp stomp CLAP!!!
Keep that up and you’ll start feeling, then hearing, femur drums approaching…
Wife: “Don’t you dare leave! You promised the kids you would play board games with them!”
Husband (picking up an electric guitar; in a trance): “I know, but I am being summoned…”
ICE GREATRIOTS FAHKKED UP
This aged well.
You can tell ramen is fancy when it has not one, not two, but THREE flavor packets.
Hi!
Is it the liquid flavoring? I feel like those taste as if the cheap plastic wrapping is seeping into the sauce — both in terms of flavor and broth texture.
No, it had one of dehydrated vegetables, one of powder that you mix in (you save a little water when draining) and one of oil. It tasted so good that I burned my tongue because I didn’t wait for it to cool off enough.
True Renaissance man.
Hmmm….
Freeze dried corn eh?
I understood there was some earlier talk of an appropriate cocktail for Tuesday?
https://twitter.com/jgran66/status/1642241204916977664
At a 5 year olds bday party. Pray for litre
This is my personal hell. Thank Bleergh I am not hungover.
How the fuck is this place not licensed to serve booze. At least a shooter bar.
Pills, my ninja. ALWAYS ON THE MENU
CBD gummies or candy.
You didn’t bring a flask? Poor planning
Agreed. This is really all Litre’s fault.
If only he didn’t spend so much brain capacity trying to get into BCD’s sister’s pants…
See? You think you’d have this problem is you owned part of a girls soccer team?
“You and I see the world differently.” – Brad Childress
+1
— Marc T., parts unknown
Pulisic is just so dreadfully average
Current weather conditions in the Yinzerburgh area:
She rode that door like a champ, didn’t she?
While holding a cellphone! Spiderkid.
Priorities.
The audio of this would be “WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! BANG!”
I think you’re confusing that with the audio of Ashli Babbitt’s last moments.
Holy shit.
Oh my God this was fantastic.
Inter chasing Napoli now. Only 20 points back with 10 to play.
Won’t lie, I am quite interested in Inter volleyball now.
Poor gurl is no Marika but I’d coach her. Milano dollies need luv too.
Some hard-hitting journalism here on the world of golf cart girls:
I’m a cart girl on a California golf course. The tips are great, but I sometimes have to just drive past the jerks. (msn.com)
Bay Area. Of course they’re jerks!
I like how she thinks she gets bigger tips than the other girls because she puts a fuzzy steering wheel cover on her cart. I would need a full-body picture to confirm, but I strongly suspect that ain’t the reason.
She said she wears ” cute skirts.” That must be it! I love the disclaimer at the end, that says she and her husband are no longer separated. Probably tired of the weirdos and pervs.
Here’s her most popular one:
You must claim those tips as part of your income or risk paying fines
-IRS
Can I write off as expenses hush payments to adult film stars?
Only if you payed the star and not your lawyer using your campaign funds
She’s a single mom. Of a baby. With a husband.
Your point being?
mom = baby
single ≠ husband
best tips ≥ best blow jobs
Wallace Beery. Wrestling picture. What do you need, a road map?
“I sell myself and I just can’t stand that everyone looks at me as a commodity to just be bought with money!”
They start drinking at 11 am? Must be one of those snooty joints that keep putting my picture in the pro shop.
She’s had to say that legally and now we know where the extra tips come from
Nailed it! – BVB keeper
A proper howler.
The kind that makes one suspect GAMBLOR involvement
Well, not really an issue anymore. BVB dropping a proper turd here.
Getting what I deserve, for paying attention to non-Prem footy
https://streamsc.co/Kd_GhxZQ1
https://youtu.be/xaV1_M2j200
I assume the Smithsonian Channel no longer shows nature docs but, instead, is one continuous tv marathon of single-moms-who–lost–their–kids–and–are–trying–to–get–them–back–but–also–won’t–stop–partying–drinking–and–whoring–while–the–kids–lose–a–little–more–of–their–ultimate–potential–each–week–and–they–are–literally–felons. Also all their commercials would then be direct to consumer pharmaceutical ads for side affects of being fat and lazy.
Let us not judge promiscuous women harshly. Many of us would still be virgins if not for these gentle heavenly creatures.
“Do we got any Connecticut peeps? I’m reading about this pyrrhotite in the concrete and there is like a public fund to to repair all these home foundations/basements. Curious to know more from not-the-deep-state.”
–
Buddy, that is right in my wheelhouse. It’s from a quarry in our area of the state and pretty much any house built in north central/east CT from ’78-2015 probably has a basement foundation destined to crumble. It is a huge problem up here.
My house, however, is closing in on 75, so fuck those other people.
Cuz you were built before them?
Man that’s wild. How did it get so bad that the state actually atepped in? Are there just repair trucks all over town?
Will Brendan Rodgers get sacked in the moooorrrrrning?
Let’s go boys!
Cherries jubilee!
Good comeback for much needed points.
Been staring up from the bottom of the ladder so damn long it’s nice to climb up a rung.
Don’t we play y’all on the last day? Imagine that is for all the marbles
Guess I better start drinking now to prepare.
Good advice for any occasion
I’m not used to hearing Xhaka’s name uttered after any play that doesn’t have me yelling a string of expletives, but I am willing to learn.
Indeed, his non-shittiness is the strangest aspect of y’all’s season
Trying and failing to come up with a good Ypres joke with Trossard going down. Life as a history major is hell.
Looks like someone couldn’t cut the mustard gas.
There it is.
It’s a really nice day. Palladio’s Rotonda, this was Jefferson’s inspiration for Monticello. I think of nickels every time I drive by it.
“Five? I’d be happy with two! Hey, do you happen to have two dollars to spare?”
T. Marinovich
Edit after 2Pack’s edit:
“Got any of those nickels to spare?”
-T. Marinovich
Yeah 2 dollar bills also but I heard those were part of a government conspiracy to defraud tavern owners.
Please tell me I heard that right and the announcers said that an Arsenal player running away from a foul ‘scotted away’
I’ve always been amused by North Carolina’s state motto of “First in Flight” because it implies that during the Civil War (or any other war) its soldiers were the first ones to throw down their weapons and flee the battlefield.
It’s on the license plates but the far superior “esse quam videri” is the motto.
Ah yes, seems wise. Seeing words in a foreign language printed on anything issued by the state would drive the residents into a xenophobic frenzy.
Oof. That’s a dynamite motto. Almost quaint in the social media age.
/measures oatmeal ahead of time for 3 PM dinner
The nickname Tar Heels is supposedly because they were so disinclined to retreat during the Revolution that it was like their heels were stuck in tar.
Personally I think it’s probably got something to do with racism.
That’s sort of where the “hornets” nickname comes from, for the basketball squadron.
I thought it had to do with education somehow. “Stuck in place since 1789” or some such.
/crosses Rikki off the DFO jug band invite list
They’re just jealous of S. Carolina’s motto, “First to Secede.”
So much better than the runner-up “We made Lindsey Graham a thing”
“Lindsey Graham is not gay!”
– Big Gay Lindsey Graham
That was beautiful. Trossard has been such a good addition.
He’s the title winning acquisition
I liked Jorghino as well, for insurance for Partey, although he’s had nowhere near the effect Trossard has. As I write this I’m being told he was a “smart signing”, proving that I have what it takes to be a Premier League GM.
Me in a nutshell – too lazy to pull up a stream of more competitive footy, even though I know will have to do it in an hour (Der Klassikar, uh oh! ) anyway
Hey, Other Hippo. ABC is showing the game.
Ben White had a lot of margin for error there, and used up every single bit of it.
He did come awfully close to kicking that right over the bar, didn’t he?
Ben White you sneaky bastard!
Pizza Boi set it up on a platter. As is fitting, I suppose.
His nickname should be “White Devil”.
Holy cats, just saw a vacuum ad featuring a feline named…Noodles. I can sue on my grandson’s behalf, yeah?
Yes. Why I haven’t seen such an obvious case of false advertising since my suit against the makers of ‘The Neverending Story’!
/RIP Lionel Hutz
Late for the Arsenal game, but in my defense I had a dream that I was snorkeling in something the resembled French Polynesia, woke up to a cold and rainy day in CT, so I went back to sleep for another hour to try to get back to the South Pacific.
Alas, I woke up in CT nonetheless.
Still better than waking up with CTE!
“That’s silly, you don’t get AIDS from sleeping!”
-Lea Michele
“Unless…” – Trent Green, confronting a bowl of Alpha-Bits cereal
I feel like that’s the stub of a joke that ended up on the cutting room floor during the filming of the movie Predator.
Dan Hurley’s wife went on a podcast of some sort and called Providence fans assholes and jerk-offs and is basically now the Queen of Storrs.
Full. Heel. Turn. Yet somehow still lovable
Old Man Hurley must have been running some kind of loveless, cutthroat household there in Jersey City, you know? Is he still running that factory at St. Anthony’s or he ded?
He’s retired but alive. He shows up at a lot of UConn games. He’s accompanied by his wife, who always has the expression of someone dealing with the kind of PTSD you’d expect from dealing with Bobby and Danny Hurley from ages 1-18.
Yep. Suspect they’ll carry him out of that job in a pine box.
Wait it’s Dan Hurley? I thought it was still Bobby.
Dat mofo in Tempe, with all them future baristas.
Bobby Hurley had always been big with the JUCO guys at ASU. You see his teams — they’re tough and physical and that hustle is what they’re trying to impose on opponents. Those are JUCO guys playing with a chip on their shoulders like, “if I hadn’t broken that girls jaw at graduation and had the ability to read, I’d be at DOOK right now!”
So like five years back, Hurley had a guy who’d been all over. Sounded like he was from the northeast and had babymama issues in the west plus, like the JUCO in CA he enrolled in the coach left right before the season so it was just a wasted 4th stop in 3 years for him. ANYWAYS, as part of all that nonsense, the PAC-12 broadcasts would love to talk about how this guy had come so far and worked so hard and was even living in his car at a friend’s house for a couple weeks between when his CA lease was up and his Tempe housing became available. So, you know, really profiling the human side of these student-athletes who are not getting paid but maybe could actually use the cash.
So it was a lot of fun at the game in Tempe that year because Arizona had made a run and with only like three minutes left, it looked like ASU was probably too far behind and they wouldn’t get their upset win. Then ASU like made a good score/steal/score flurry and, of course, some desperate ASU fan is like, “Oh yeah ! We’re as good as these guys! There’s still time!” And someone in the Arizona group was like, “You’ve literally got a homeless guy as your top scorer!” and I thought that was just very funny because it really ties together three classic ASU riffs that are very hard to place side by side humorously — namely, ASU basketball is not good; ASU students are not on pace to be successful; ASU admissions will accept anybody.
Like watching a triple play.
No Mitro, or Brazil Willy, up 1 nil. I will take it.
Whites always find a way. #Bootstraps
Free Brazil Willy!
/Orca leaping over a pile of garbage in the bay
The Brazilian Ronaldo almost got to experience some Brazil Willy that one time he went home with some “prostitutes” in Rio…
So much schoolwork to do today & all I want to do is watch sports ball. I’ve been so busy this post is the first time I saw who made the Final Four this year. Good lord! Does anyone have any of those teams left in their bracket?
West Ham have a desperate run of game’s starting tomorrow. If they want to stay up, they’re gonna have to score some goals. We’ll see.
You went back to school, Fronk Dangerfield? Whatcha larnin’ about?
Turns out there’s a New World
Next you’ll expect us to believe the earth revolves around the sun?
Finishing a bachelor’s in history so I can teach locally. There’s still a hell of a teacher shortage here since COVID. I’m finishing a Capstone course which culminates in a 25 page historiographical/research paper, and I’ve never written one of those. I have my sources spread all over the house like I’m tracking Pepe Silva, and today I finally have to quit fucking around and start writing the bastard. It’s on the after effects of the publication of the Pentagon Papers. 25-30 pages. Just breathe, right? In the nose and out the ears. 🤓
Killer, I bet you’d be great at that.
I’d read the hell out of a series here at DFO on the Pentagon Papers…maybe when you’re done it could be broken down for us knuckle-draggers?
Junior year of high school, everyone at our school had to take Writing Lab. Each week you wrote a paper. It kind of grew each week. First it was just get the five-paragraph layout locked it. Don’t get cute. Tell em what you’re gonna tell em, tell em what you said you’d tell em, and tell em what you just told em. Then expanded to adding in dissenting opinions. Then presenting your arguments in detail. It was college prep work. Got to college and couldn’t believe how many liberal arts majors could not write a structured paper.
So anyways, my advice is to structure everything right then just fill in the blanks.
That works very well. Outline and insert subtopics in a way that shows a general idea (i.e., the press keeps autocracy at bay, goddamn uppity librl media). I passed waaaay too many courses doing that.
“Oh they can do that in Spanish too? Wouldn’t all the maracas and Tenochtitlan tattoos break up the flow?”
–
Truth be told, an acceptable reply when defending a Masters’ thesis is the “Source this” crotch grab.
How about this opening line: “As the Nord Stream reporting proved, Seymour Hersh is a liar”. That’s an A+* right there!
* At Liberty University
After effects of the Pentagon Papers.
The Pentagon:
I have UConn winning it all in a non-DFO bracket.
“Blue Pill: Follow blueblood UConn as they punk some nobodies who snuck into the FF. Live life thinking the status quo is right/good.
Red Pill: Kidnap a New York district attorney, Patriot.”
-Arizona State University Sun Devil for Life, Kyle Rittenhouse
Last piece of advice (always save strongest argument for last),
“April Fools’ Day is the dumbest day of the Murrikan calendar.”
However, on the “Merkin Calendar” every day is designed to fool you.
https://www.amazon.com/Fashion-First-Aid-Reusable-Downstairs/dp/B006JFA8AM
Back to fingering 55-year old housewives for the Pool Boys
You say it like it’s a bad thing
“Right? Up top, Bro!” *high fives exchanged*
Daniel Jones and Zach Wilson in unison
Wait, did Daniel Jones join the cast for the second season of MILF Hunter?
Depends on how many pounds we talkin’ bout Willis
Cant wait to read a listicle about the 10 Most Epic April Fools Day Pranks You GOTTA See
Number 4 will BLOW UR MIND!
Spoiler alert: it’s a fake suicide gone very wrong.
That would be ATTEMPTED mind blowing tho smh
Drat! I had hoped that Jurgen Klopp’s band of miscreants might have been able to hold their opponents from Abu Dhabi to a point here. They have to bring on Charles Darwin Nuñez at this point. In fact, why isn’t he in the match already? Too busy circumnavigating the globe?
BROOM!!!!
Der Klassiker!
Okay, Old Man 3 AM poop complete. Back to regularly-scheduled sleep!
Talk about Germany, get the bowels moving.