TGIF! Happy Kraken playoff season! I will be wildly Releasing the Kraken for the foreseeable future. Oh, also, it’s Easter weekend if anyone cares. Chocolates and hard boiled eggs for all.
Survival – Personal Edition
The reason we all love Friday is because that means the work week is over. And apparently, the moratorium on going to the office is officially over judging by the amount of time I spend in traffic now. Which means, lots of us are spending more time in the office lavatory. Now, one that that’s different with the work loo, aside from getting paid to use it, is that there’s no damn plunger handy. So let’s learn how to handle this issue if you don’t want to leave it to co-workers or the under-paid and under-appreciated janitor.
- Ok, you’ve officially confirmed that turd rocket is not going anywhere. Your first tactic is just wait. Several minutes just might be enough for the issue to resolve itself. After that short wait, if the water level has receded flush again and you may be free.
- Let the water recede again. Now fill up a pitcher of water and head back to the crime scene. Hold the pitcher about 3 feet above the clog pond, then pour and flush at the same time. The extra water and pressure can sometimes be enough to get things moving.
- If you’re still in a pickle dealing with that unfleshed pickle, it’s fabrication time. Get a wire coat hanger. Don’t worry, no one is about to send you to prison or the chair, that’s not what we’re doing here! Untwist the hanger so it’s a nice straight wire. Create a loop on one end to use as a handle and on the other end to hold a hand towel. Now get that hand towel and tie it in a knot on the other end above the loop. The knot should be the same size as the bottom of the bowl opening.
- Now, use your improvised hand towel plunger as a plunger. Push as far as you can, then plunge up and down. Should be pretty obvious when the plunging has worked. Then flush to clean everything up and toss your prison plunger in the trash.
- If the plunging didn’t work, you can wait several minutes and repeat until successful. Or until you need to get back to work and not get fired and let someone else deal with it.
- Don’t forget to thoroughly wash your hands after any of this activity.
There you go. You’re now officially a plunger-optional office drone. Good job!
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Survival – Species Edition
Time to put the sexy in Friday!
Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!
I used to race sailboats against this guy.
I think that I saw him on To Catch a Predator…
I like that the woman is in exactly the same pose as she was in the first image but now the flannel shirt guy’s hat is on backwards.
Hey I am racing sailboats tomorrow– but I am in the SF Bay Area and so not hanging out in Playa del Rey after . . .
I’m not saying I just bought too much food at Sheetz, but when I tossed the bag on the passenger seat the seatbelt sensor thought it was a person. I am a fat.
Oooh, Sheetz. MTO, baby!
And because I’ve posted this for about 17 years…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CW1h33Sc2M
Playa del Rey CA, right now.
If you ever come visit me this is where you’ll buy me drinks and listen to my increasingly more charming stories:
Have I been there?
I know you’ve been to Mo’s, and the Harbor Room is right next to that. This is Prince O’Whales a block away, my favorite of the three.
Can’t tell if Marjorie Green Taylor’s sister is angry or not.
She was asking about you, WCS. Get your ass out here.
Flannel shirt guy and the girl are gonna start playing tonsil hockey and gross everyone the fuck out.
Are we supposed to say Happy Good Friday?
And was Christ really happy that day?
I’ve always thought that was odd. I don’t get the Happy Easter thing. Um, he died. Yeah, resurrection and all that but he died a terrible death. Are we really glossing over that?
It’s said that he died for our sins, but I choose not to believe that because Christianity considers masturbation to be a sin (among so many other things) and I refuse to believe that some poor schlub was nailed to a cross as a result of something that’s perfectly natural and normal to do five or six times a day.
And then he was resurrected and found a pastel hard boiled egg.
I’m with you.
That looks like every men’s room I’ve ever been to in Hollywood.
Except it isn’t.
Have we laughed at the Mavericks yet?
See Uranus’ Rings…
https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/07/world/uranus-rings-webb-telescope-scn/index.html
That’s private
Uranus is very famous. Hard to keep its rings a secret.
I know it’s all a giant coincidence, but I love that Uranus’ atmosphere is mostly methane.
If you could stand on the north pole of Uranus, you would see the Sun rise in the sky and circle around for 42 years. This is because of the axial tilt of Uranus.
See this is why I’m a staunch advocate of bidets.
I didn’t do this Wednesday night, but now it’s the time where you can actually hear this Miserere in the Sistene Chapel!
As opposed to Mozart writing it down note for note in two listens (one to write and one to verify) and giving it to the world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THU9zfWCUr0
Now Sean Connery is drunk on a rooftop with a handgun telling about the book by Thomas Jefferson he read as a kid about the Statue of Liberty. It makes perfect sence, people!
“Go on…” -Nic Cage in National Treasure
Watching a movie where Sean Connery, a Major in the US Army, has a daughter played by Meg Ryan. It makes perfect sense, people!
Really need to find an astronaut for DFO so someone can finally one-up all of Brick’s submarine stories
I mean, Balls has been to many moons.
One day I’ll tell you my SR-71 story
Here you go Ayo, Balls, let’s try and get this submarine dump technology thread back on topic shall we.
This looks exactly like the skipper of my sub, except he was a 40 year old guy from Iowa with gray hair. Otherwise identical.
Indeed!!
All this talk of poop… on Sexy Friday… should have called this the German edition.
Guten poopen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgII2oQIepo&ab_channel=TheMadJack
Guten U-booten poopen
Ben Gibbard explains toilets
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D07aJB0Blzw
Toddlerzilla is non-verbal autistic. Mrs. Zilla and I have decided to hire a specialist to be with him one day, 4 hours a week to help him, and ultimately us, out. So I went to his special needs day school and asked how I can go about hiring someone.
Wouldn’t you know who won the pony, his favorite teacher, who he adores, does this on the side. She also happens to be a gorgeous, 5’10, mid 20s brunette who is tight bodied, well endowed, and has a sleeve of tattoos on her right arm.
I have never been more proud of my son.
I think I might be coming down with a little autistic, what’s her number?
“coming down with a little autistic”
You can borrow the dwarf, but it’ll cost you.
Everyone should know the basics of how a toilet flushes. It’s an incredibly simple yet clever mechanism that makes use of gravity.
I spent an extended period of time living in a rental property with a toilet that refilled extremely slowly due to hard water mineral build-up. I felt that it was easier to flush with a bucket than get mantainance to replace the guts of the toilet (the water shutoff was also stuck from mineral buildup so it would be a big job). However, while the vast majority of my guests knew how to flush with a bucket, I was surprised to find that there was someone who did not, and moreover they didn’t ask what I meant but instead just left their poop there for me to deal with.
Should you find yourself in the situation of explaining toilet basics to someone, here is a handy diagram. When you flush with a bucket, you are doing the same thing as opening the valve with the toilet handle and should pour in the water at a comprable volume strong enough to push the water. Past the s-bend and create the suction that empties the bowl.
Even Funner Fact: toilets in other countries work completely* differently!
*: ok not that completely differetnly
I don’t know why we don’t have the little flush/big flush option in the US
Most use less water, if any, in the bowl. So the brush comes as essential standard equipment.
Just cheat and pour the water right into the bowl.
I’ve often wondered why our toilet technology isn’t much different than what Ancient India had a couple thousand years ago. This feels like a failure in human technology
The basics just work, the only bits that can be improved on are the secondary experiential things that are addressed by a quality bidet seat. It’s not a failure on our part but rather a triumph for our ancestors
Toilets on super-duper atomic submarines are even simpler, but take two hands. The toilet is stainless steel with a hand operated ball valve at the bottom. Open that and you have a 4” straight shot into the sanitary tank below. Another valve is hand opened and low pressure seawater flows into the bowl until you shut it. You can flush the biggest turd yet produced by man.
San tanks are emptied to sea once a week by pressurizing them. Signs are placed everywhere in the heads warning not to open that ball valve during this process because raw sewage will blow out of it into your face. This is called “blowing a shitter” and we had a guy do it once and the corpsman had to clean wet used toilet paper from under his eyelids.
Simultaneously the funniest and unfunniest moments of both of their lives.
“I think your toilet is broken, so I, uh, left, um, something.”
Like any drain the s bend is there by design to use small pool of water along the drain line as a cap. The cap keeps stinky sump gasses from coming up into the room.
I’m not sure that it didn’t work any better than waiting, but I read that a cup of dishwashing detergent will help that recalcitrant turd just slide through the pipes. I tried it one time, and it worked. To be honest, though, I’m not sure if it was the detergent that did the trick, or just time.
Do you take that as an enema or down the hatch?
¿Porque no los dos?
When I had hemorrhoids I used Preperation-H, but man that stuff tastes awful. I had to put it on a cracker.
Does anyone have a recommended preparation for a 5 lb rib roast? I’ll be cooking it tomorrow and I’ve got pretty much the whole day to work with.
I wouldn’t get too fancy with the roast itself. Low and slow in the oven. Salt and pepper, maybe some rosemary in the rub. One time I prepared a salt crust by making a slurry of salt, egg white, and water, but I’m not sure it really made a difference.
If you want to do something extra, I would say just do a pan sauce. Sear the roast in some very hot oil in a dutch oven, then remove the roast to your roasting pan and put in a low oven. Add some aromatics, then deglaze with red wine/stock/whatever. Simmer and reduce, maybe throw in some green peppercorns towards the end?
What he said, plus garlic.
Oh yeah, garlic makes everything better! I would lump that under the “aromatics” along with onion, and maybe some celery and carrot or leek or whatever you’ve got handy. A mushed up anchovy (or anchovy paste) would not go amiss either.
My father pretty much can’t eat garlic anymore. I’m trying to decide how I’ll cope if this happens to me in 30 years and I can’t see any situation where it goes well
Now a five pound roast is a good start for the side dishes, but what’s the main course?
-A Reid
Also, exquisite selection, good sir!!
I work in Facilities Management. My suggestion is this:
1) Leave the turd rocket
2) Call Maintenance and have them go take care of it.
3) Get your ass to the local donut place and buy a dozen donuts. Buy an extra Bear Claw.
4) Bring the donuts to the Maintenance Office. Find the guy that dealt with your turd and give him the Bear Claw.
5) Profit
Bear claws?
Bearclaws?
I’m not posting any bear claws gifs that may be Buddy related. You’re welcome.