It’s that time of year again, where all that’s left in terms is baseball. The Euro footy’s over (and who cares about MLS, even with Messi), and we have the relief that Florida Man will not win championships this year. Or championship, thanks to the Nuggets and Golden Knights winning their first championships. So we have baseball and the impending Women’s World Cup coming up in July in Australia and New Zealand. Oh, and the CFL, and The Maestro’s continuous coverage. And the AFL, and our continuous coverage. And BattleBots: Champions, when it comes out. And Marbula One’s second half, because Marble League ’23 won’t be until the fall most likely.
Anyway, what’s the news?
–SELL THE TEAM. A’s fans turned up to reverse boycott, on the day the Nevada State Senate okayed money for the move. Oakland *checks notes* beat the league-leading Rays for a second straight night, 2-1, for their 7th consecutive win, and are no longer the worst team in MLB. (That would be the Royals.) Well, we know what happens next:
Also ties in well with Monday’s Mock Draft topic!
-S Chuck Clark may have torn his ACL, so the Jets signed S Adrian Amos.
–Recently released RB Dalvin Cook is in no hurry to sign. From Cook: “I want somebody who values Dalvin Cook. I want somebody that wants me to be there and give me the ball. I just want to go into the right situation so I can go help somebody win.”
-Texans will have an open QB competition in camp.
What’s on tonight?
Subway Series: 7 train leg: 161st St.-Yankee Stadium (B, D, 4) vs. Mets-Willets Point (7) (Cole vs. Verlander) (7:00, ESPN)
Not Subway Series: Chitown’s Second Finest (the Cubs have a better record) vs. Not of Anaheim (CWS vs. LAD) (Clevinger vs. Kershaw) (10:00, ESPN)
Yeah, not much. Check your local listings, I guess. In the meantime, catch up on stuff if you’re not interested in the baseball. What’s everyone watching?
They all look so happy.
I want to live here.
KITTY!
One of these years, I will name my FF team “Mrs. Slocombe’s Pussy”.
PUPPEH!
The Hamburglar has NAWT been indicted on federal charges because instead of military secrets he only has the meat shits in his bathroom
?w=1920
Mayor McCheese declined to comment on the possibility of a double standard for people who literally cannot return their burgers to the National Burger Archives because the burger is their head
/revision/latest?cb=20150521030414
Already wearing those prison stripes. I’ll allow it.
“Burden of Dreams” is on TCM. A documentary about the making of “Fitzcarraldo,” a Werner Herzog film in which a dude pays a bunch of Brazilian indigenous people to drag a steam ship over the top of mountain. Herzog re-creates this in film by paying a bunch of Brazilian indigenous people to drag a steam ship over the top of a mountain. He does all this while Klaus Kinski spends most of the filming trying to murder him.
Goddamn I love Werner Herzog.
Both movies (Fitzcarraldo and the documentary) are great!
I’m curious about the comparative rates of dragging sailing, steam, and diesel ships over mountains
For equivalent hull lengths the steam engine is heaviest (and also the most powerful).
Mick Jagger’s in that. I haven’t seen it in years.
Dragging a steamship over mountains?
I’m intrigued
I learned the other day that rat reddit is called rattit and that is glorious
We need to get back to the simpler politics of the 1990s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqjhHVUzl8o
Gumby had an appointment down the street from Sherman’s today. He got some cake, because he’s nobody’s fool. He made another stop after that.
Speaking in the third person isn’t a red flag at all….
https://youtu.be/ozGNfNsnX6g
That’s what SonOfSpam believes too.
As does Gumbygirl.
Bob Dole agrees.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3yUQE5MzMI
Eldest granddaughter made it!
Holy shit that was a big graduating class.
I need alcohol immediately.
Three glasses of wine ahead of you.
Drinking the first one now.
Mazel tov!
Kids growing up is difficult/wonderful
Gut wrenching works too.
Very cool family moment.
I stand by my decision to have a graduation cookie instead of going to my 600+ person high school graduation. It was a tasty cookie.
We only had 220 or so, but it took forever. Three way tie for valedictorian, and they all speeched interminably. Gumby banged the exchange student from the Netherlands at the party later, which pissed me off mightily, as I recall. Many of you weren’t born yet.
To be fair, when you get a chance to bang the Dutch exchange student, you kinda hafta.
She was in his homeroom, and he thought she didn’t speak any English. He talked about her tits the entire year. Apparently Dutch girls enjoy that.
Scribbles a note ref next trip to Amsterdam.
I didn’t want to attend mine but my parents insisted.
My second cousin once removed, who I’d never met before in my life, was in town that week and attended. She yelled when they announced my name. Like, WTF? Nobody should be that excited at a high school graduation.
Haven’t seen her again since.
My niece and nephew had Covid restrictions at their graduation a couple of years ago. We were able to cast it to our tv, but it sucked we couldn’t go in person.
Would have been much easier.
Did you notice that every single graduation speech ever is exactly the fucking same since time or high school began?
Webster’s Dictionary defines “commencement” as the ending of one thing, and the beginning of another…..
(The exciting return of) BRICK’S BOOKSHELF, PART XVIII
Can you . . . spot the drugs?
Obviously they must be in the Richard Nixon mug
wrong
Great minds think alike, and also don’t scroll down before commenting
Love the phone!
“Drugs” can be a subjective term; I’m guessing in this instance drugs are represented by the photography gear.
This concludes my TED Talk. My fee was $20,000.
Interesting theory, but in this case the drugs are represented by drugs.
$20,000Totally in the Nixon mug
Totally! (not)
Isn’t it fairly obvious they’re in the plastic baggie under the green lamp?
Oh, the LEGAL drugs! My mistake!
I got pot and hash in the freezer, but we live in California so those are legal too.
It’s a good thing I spend most of the summer outside because you are right. This season gets boring.
Plus I (and Yeah Right by proxy) have a Cheese Chick at least. Saves me from this.
“Cheese Chick” sounds like the Wisconsin verson of Peeps.
@SonOfSpam let’s trademark this immediately.
Already done. Make the prototype, we’ll head to fatland to sell.
She’s the best.
Flirty as the day is long.
And into lighter fabrics and lower cut blouses now too.
Makes reaching for the pecorino Sardo so much more enjoyable to watch.
Meus dios the pecorino Sardo!
Hitler was Austrian, so it’s possible his entire strategy in WW2 was to make the Germans the bad guys in movie and video game franchises for decades into the future, in which case he actually succeeded dammit.
IKF steals home. Now he just has to hit one to Kiner(-Falefa’s) Korner.
Last night I dreamt I was opening a package of thick-cut bacon, and as I broke the vacuum seal I noticed there was an already opened package of thick-cut bacon in the refrigerator drawer.
I swear this is a true story.
That’s better than my dream where I found a huge toilet and peed into it for a long time.
Sounds like it may have been more efficient to wake up and pee into a normal sized toilet for a brief time then go back to sleep and have better dreams
Artist’s rendition:
Now I want bacon.
Wow, over the chicken that quickly?
I’m old.
In my refrigerator drawer there is actually an unopened package of thick-cut bacon plus an already opened one, which is sealed in ziploc bag.
I’m thinking of ordering a pizza.
You were channeling your inner Homer. We all have one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tsdmqhn50uM&ab_channel=T
INSIDE BRICK’S MAJOR APPLIANCES, PART I
Everything visible here is unopened except for that package of thick-cut bacon.
WEIRD
Now let’s see the inside of the water heater!
You don’t have a dedicated film fridge? Shame.
I turned the film box sideways to show it off.
That’s like geek level twelve.
I am also a fan of the V-8 line of products, good man!
“What sort of imbecile says things like this?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxnAuzQ1-Vo
Isnt that the game that’s in some kind of copyright hell such taht it can never be re-released or remastered or sequeled or anything?
yeah, pretty much, which blows because it’s amazing, but I can still play it in a legally dubious version so while the world might be worse off I’m still ok
Shouldn’t we be getting a new Leisure Suit Larry for this Darkest Timeline?
My male menopause (seriously, I have a bag of ice on my head) is really acting up tonight, so apologies if I say anything bitchy.
And YES, I know these pants make my ass look fat. But it’s only because my ass IS FAT.
Nothing “#SixthPill can’t take care of…
The real question is, do those pants make your ass look fat ENOUGH?
“Could it be all the [scarfs down handful of Vicocodine] pills and lack of cheese? No. No, it must be the children’s fault”
-King H.
That’s hippo genetics for you.
Here’s hoping he doesn’t start to mark his territory
https://youtu.be/XXKMOcVLyKA
cleaning lady nods vigorously in Spanish
[opens binder] “Have you thought about [flips through pages] Korean, Taiwanese, Indonesian, Haitian, Honduran or Guatemalan cleaning ladies?”
-Mitt Romney
Actually rooting for BFIB today (fantasy starting pitcher) and they lost agonizingly. I hold you responsible.
tuff butt FARE imo
(butt FARE) is what Lindsey Graham pays in Thailand
What is it with me and living places with the shittiest owners in sports? What is it like to live in a city with a normal team?
In important video game news, I downloaded a working version of No One Lives Forever, IMO the best spy parody FPS of the early 2000s. Such an amazingly good game, with fantastic humor, well balanced gameplay, and an amazing soundtrack. Also decent graphics for 20+ years ago. Where else do henchmen get such fantastic lines as “You look like you need a monkey”?
The full, excellent scene
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5z3JqONQLQ
Weird nun. WEIRD NUN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQcmyXCskFg
Some questionable camouflage on that assassin.
It’s Morocco in the video game version of the 1960’s, the best camo is a cheezy mustache and fez.
Fezzes are cool.
Shhh, don’t let the incels know, they’ve already ruined fedoras and trillbys
I know! I actually think fedoras and trillbys look sharp, but wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one because of those assholes.
Didn’t the Whovians already do it?
We didn’t ruin it, we just made it awesome
.
I was referring to the skin-tight dress in brilliant reds and oranges. It’s a nice dress mind you, but does seem likely to attract attention.
If you see her, you’re as good as dead so does NAWT matter what she wears. Also, crazy English people do weird shit.
You misspelled “outfit” and “awesome” and “anytime” and “anyplace”.
Aka Assassin Training
Oh, Hartford ties it up after saving a PK! And Brass Bonanza blares through the south end of Hartford.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgvfZPdrk4g
Grimace says 26+6=1
https://twitter.com/jesuisunhananas/status/1668935736442200065
touching the buttholes that the parish priest missed?
Hartford just gave up a terrible goal and the announcer, (is he British? Yes, for reasons I don’t understand), is absolutely killing them. This is great.
Horatio, cleaning up some work mail, flipping through channels: “Oh hey, the Hartford Athletic, (USL soccer), are on. I’ll see how they’re doi…”
Announcer: “I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that Hartford has left 10 or 11 points on the table this year through sheer stupidity.”
Horatio: “Ah. Yes. Well, nevertheless.”
Temptation Island season premiere tomorrow night!
Thought it was tonight? On E!
Or is tonite some kind of preview?
USA Network!
I want someone who values Dalvin Cook*
*I’m just waiting around until a lead back gets injured during training camp
A friend of mine and I are foaming at the mouth waiting for the Cowboys to pick him up. There’s no way he doesn’t help their backfield. Unless he’s asking for a long-term contract it seems pretty obvious.
So of course Ol’ Double J will never do it.
Double J is still crying through his massage/jerkoff appointments over Spilled Zeke.
I hear tell Donks (Woo?) and Fuck You, Dolphin! are the most likely suitors. But yeah, your Cowpersons are a strong 3rd in the race.
I mean, just IMAGINE if they can graft Cook’s lower body onto Pollard’s torso? You’d have the ultimate GODDAMNED STAR!
Iggles fan friend of mine pointed out that Philly had a pretty good 2022 sports year but didn’t actually win anything, much as Miami is doing now, so his theory is that the Miami EvilWaterMammals will make it to the Owl and lose. I’m nawt convinced, but will probably make it a $10 futures bet anyhoo
Maybe Tua will be great, then have a Full Trent Green at the Owl and they have to put that Skylar guy back in.
It seems Tua has put on 20 lbs and done some martial arts training to practice falling, but I feel like this all sort of misses the point and is NAWT GOING TO BE EFFECTIVE AT PREVENTING HIM FROM BEING THROWN ON HIS HEAD.
Reminds me of that summer when I did 100 pushups every day so that I didn’t get rabies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf-es_nNzwE&ab_channel=ParamountPlus
Beavis should have tried that.
Huh?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32BCJgFxqwk&ab_channel=JAYKOOL